I Love My Husband But....

Chapter 23

* "Let's go Xane,'' I say as I bend down to pick Luci up. "Bye guys," I say as I take one more look at everyone allowing my eyes to linger a little on Willis. So handsome and not my type. (I don't like pretty boys) "Bye you two," he says as he waves. 

I wave goodbye once more then I hook my arm with Xane's as we walk to the parking lot. "Let's get an ice cream," he says with a big smile on his face. (I hope he never changes) I want him to be in his 30's still wanting to go get an ice cream with me. Of course I know that he'll have his own family and I would never butt in, but I could tag along. "Okay, I'll call your dad and ask if he wants one," 

We stop by our favorite spot. "Ma it's our turn," he says when I'm caught up in a day dream. (I kind of did want him to pick me up) I also would have been happy with just a good strong hug. I blow out a small breath as I pull up to the intercom. I tell them my order then I remember that I forgot to ask my husband if he wanted something, but I, decide to get him something anyways.

Alex smiles when he sees his cold treat and he holds his hand out for it. "You're going to eat your dessert before dinner?" I ask surprised. He has never done this before because he hates sweet foods or eating sweet before savory. "I ate with some of the guys that I work with," "Okay cool" "Well we're going to eat right quick, then I'm going to take a quick shower" "Okay," he says before he takes a bite.

I decide at the last minute to take a shower first, before I eat so that I can eat as I work. When I get out I bathe Luci too, so that hopefully she will go to bed earlier. 

I'm still so nervous about seeing Willis tomorrow. Well it's not really him. It's just the thought of being at his house again. If this were different circumstances I would probably be running to see him, but alas, I'm a married woman and he's my friend.   

"Just go to bed," says my husband as I stare at my computer screen. I'm not sleepy, I just can't stop thinking about Willis. I want to call out so bad but he will definitely be offended, since he, wants me to trust him. Maybe I'll text him and tell him a different time. I'll still go just not tomorrow, I just need to work on my nerves. 

"Jessi, I'm talking to you!" "Sorry, I was just thinking," "You need to go to sleep, you're tired," "I'm fine, really I'm not tired," "If you want I'll go to bed early with you" I'm only saying this because I figure he wants me to sleep with him. I have no problem with laying in bed until he goes to sleep, if it will make him happy. (It's not like it'll take long) "I don't care, do what you want," ''I'm going to sleep regardless, if you sleep or not," "Good, because I need to work," I say a little hurt, but trying to match his energy. (It's not just what he said but also the way he said it)  

I take Luci to bed after she falls asleep and I go back to the couch to work, eventually, falling asleep myself. I wake up to the sound of my husband getting his lunch together. He is being noisy so he is clearly upset with me for sleeping on the couch. 

"I guess you were right," "I was tired, but I just had to finish the last couple of pages," I say as I help him. "Yet you still don't sleep," "I told you, I can't just lay down and fall asleep like you" "It takes time for me to get sleepy, but I always get everything done that needs to be done," (He should be happy that he has clean clothes and hot food to come home to, because some days I don't want to do anything)

"Whatever, I need to go" he says as he turns towards me, to peck my lips, then he walks to the door. "Bye'' I say as I feel like crying. I grab my trusty blanket and I head outside to the front porch. I'll do my breathing  exercises then I'll head over to Willis's house. I can't cry on him today, because, I'm supposed to be giving him my shoulder to cry on.   

I throw on a t- shirt and some leggings. I would never wear a skirt or dress and I'm tempted to wear jeans. (I learned my lesson from the last time) I'm not saying I'd be tempting to him, but just in case he didn't get his fix from some beautiful young lady last night, he won't be settling for me. 

I wake Xane up and remind him. He says he has everything under control and he shoos me out of his room. (What worries me is that I didn't tell him where I was going and he didn't ask) I text Willis that I'm on my way and I remind him not to answer back. 

I sit in my car just staring at his house until I hear a tap on my window. "Hi," he says with a bright eyed smile, when I turn to look at him. "Hey" I say with an awkward smile. He opens the door and holds his hand out to me. I grab his hand and he helps me out, then he leads me to his garage and into his house.

"Thank you so much for coming Jess, I thought you might back out," "I can't say I didn't think about it... a few times" he laughs as leads me over to his couch and we sit down. I see his piano and I quickly look away.

 "So what did you want to talk about?" He closes his eyes and breathes in and out, then he opens them and looks into my eyes. "I need you" he says as he holds my hands. "I know that's why I'm here Willis," (Does he think I came to chill?)

 "No Jessi, that's not what I mean," "I realized days ago that I need you and you need me," "I relieve your stress and you do the same for me," "I know, which is why I asked you to help me," (I thought we already had all of this worked out at the park) 

"Your hugs are like magic," I say with a smile then I blush from embarrassment. "So you agree that we need each other?" "Yes, just talking to you lightens my mood," I say as I nod.  "Good," he says before he slowly leans towards me.

 Before I know it he is laying on top of me. He, lifts my leg to grind against me. "Wait," I breathe out after he gives me a break to catch my breath. "What's wrong?" He asks before he pecks my lips and rubs my cheek. "I can't do this," "Yes you can Jess," "It's for us," "It's part of our healing," He says against my lips and I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling.

 "You're stressed and you don't have any other outlet" "But I just got over my guilt from the first time that I cheated on him," "Don't think of it as cheating, think of it as healing," I hold my hand up to stop him, when he tries to kiss me again. 

"Can I have a minute?" I ask as I rub my hands over my face, and, when I move them he kisses me again. This time slides his hand into my panties and lets his fingers dance. "Does he not finger you?" He asks after he pulls back probably not believing my reaction. (I can't help it, my body isn't used to feeling this way)

 He kisses my cheek, when I don't say anything.  "No wonder you're starving baby," he says before kissing me again. "Baby breath" he whispers after he gives me another break. "I'm trying... but it's so hard" I breathe out. "I know thanks to you'' he says as he nips at my neck with his lips. "You're... lame" I whisper causing him to chuckle, then he pecks my lips.