The Cure to My Scar

You Over Us

D*mn it!

Why do I have to bump with her after all these years? I thought she's all gone for real. She should have just hidden in the deepest side of the world where the possibility of us meeting again would be near to zero.

How dare she utters my name as f everything's just because a few years of living out of sight have passed. And how dare she even smiles at me as if everything can heal through time. She shouldn't smile at me that way after ruining everything I treasure in just a snap.

If she truly feels bad for me, if she truly feels sorry for what she did, she should have done everything she can to make sure that we won't have to meet nor bump into each other even in a drop of coincidence.

We shouldn't even breathe the same air. Every inch of her disgusts me.

She should have remained the same shameless Margarette so I can hate her wholeheartedly. What made her think that greeting me that way would bring any good?

Such a hypocrite shameless b*tch.

I walked towards the bathroom washed up my face with tap water to freshen up myself. I feel like I'm burning from this rage I'm feeling within. Seeing her that way reminds me of that night.

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March 2020...

Margarette run towards me and begged for us to talk but I just ignored her. She pulled my wrist and kneeled, begging even more just so we can talk. So I turn around and looked at her.

"Jace... please..." She sobbed.

I pulled away from my hand from her forcibly and looked at her with a fuming stare.

"I... disgust you!"

It pains me that our anniversary has to end this way. It pains me that I let her kneel for my forgiveness. It pained me that we are arguing instead of celebrating. But it pains me the most that she cheated on me and do something disgusting in my own house, in my bedroom. The bedroom that I've been dreaming of is ours until we grow old together. The house that I plan to remodel into our dream house. The house that I thought would be our home full of warmth and love.

But everything goes down the drain in just one snap.

My heart rips into pieces seeing him wanting for somebody else rather than me. But it pains me the most that she has to apologize for something like this. I wanna know where things go wrong. I wanna know why things have to happen this way. I want to but I just can't.

It's too unbearable that it's hard to ask all of these questions. And it will be harder if I won't able to accept her explanation.

"Jace, please... let's talk this out." She whimpered as she remains on her knees and rubbed her hands together as she begged for a chance.

I rubbed my tears abruptly and pulled her forcibly to sit on the couch but I didn't move a bit. I was standing beside her and let her talk that way or else, I won't able to listen to her throughout as her eyes would remind me of how she looks when I caught her using our bed with another guy.

"Say it," I exclaimed and she starts rubbing her face with her palms as she tries to gather herself.

"I knew this will never mend what happened but I still wanna say sorry. But I want you to know that I did it not because I don't want you anymore or I fell out of love. It will never be the reason." She explains.

I don't why but I feel that this conversation will never lead to a good ending. I feel something off about this.

"We've been together for so long and I can see how you truly change for the better. And it proves enough how much you love me so. But in the process of loving you and protecting this relationship, I end up losing myself." She added.

And that somewhat pinches my heart. I am somewhat guilty about it because when we start living together, we rarely go out with our friends since I thought spending more time together would be the best thing to do. I forgot to ask and just continue insisting on what I thought and feel is better for us. I forgot that in every relationship, your individuality has to be there as well.

Being in a relationship shouldn't stop you from having privacy and alone time from time to time.

"We have been together for more than half a decade and spend those years with each other without even exploring what's for us outside this relationship. At first, it excites me to be with someone I truly love and share with you every second I have. But at the end of the day, it made me ask myself if this was all worth it?" She starts bawling out as she expresses herself.

I didn't know she has been going through this even if we were spending under the same roof and shared the same bed. I didn't know you will distant to someone even though you are just a few centimeters away from each other.

"So that's the time I tried something new. Something I deprive myself of in exchange for protecting this cell that confines me is called a relationship. That's the time I met him. A workmate who understands every little thing I couldn't share with you. In fear that it might ruin us, I let these things ruin me instead."

Listening to her explanations made me feel guilty and at fault but cheating will never be the answer. It will never be the right answer for all the unanswered questions just because you were afraid to ask.

"He gave me the excitement, thrill, spice that I miss the most. I've been living the best of my life but I fell in love with you. And to cherish that love, I sacrifice what I want just to get what I thought I need the most, and that's you, Jace. Believe me. But it's just that... it's... it's something within me that I lose along the process. It's something I truly want to give a try before I fully lose myself. But I didn't think... I didn't know that... this..."

Margarette couldn't finish her sentence as her tears flows down her cheeks and rivers of tears expresses how hard everything was for her.

If she only becomes a little bit braver to tell me the truth, if she only becomes a little honest with her difficulties, and if she only puts a little bit more trust in our relationship, things might not end up this way. We could have saved ourselves. Then I wouldn't need to witness that disgusting scene. Whatever it may be...

The end doesn't justify her means.

"Why didn't you tell me?" It's all I can ask. Everything was too unbearable that I couldn't utter what's on my mind.

"Because I know you would do everything you can to make things work for us. But the US is not the problem. It's just me, Jace. That's why I have to deal with it on my own." She exclaimed as she continued sobbing.

"And dealing with it all alone ruin us instead, ruined beyond repair. You ruined it in a way that even I couldn't do anything to mend things out. I'm sorry that I forgot to value you as an individual but I think what you did to me just now is incomparable." My tears escaped from my eyes no matter how much I held them in. The wound from that traumatic scenario was too deep to just let this pass.

It hurts that I have to give up everything I've been treasuring and the dreams I have for us... the house, the home, the family... everything. But I guess this has to end right now because eventually, everything we're meant to crush.

I was about to leave to get my stuff since this concludes our conversation but she stops me once again.

"Please... Jace. Please give me a chance to make it up to you. I know it sounds absurd and impossible but I'll find a way to make things work for us again." Margarette kept begging as she was on her knees, crying like there's no tomorrow.

Chance?! Does the think have another chance could mend everything as if it never happened? She's right. It's absurd and impossible. Giving us another chance won't make any change because the problem begins in herself.

I clenched my hand into a fist as I listen to her begging.

"Get your filthy hands away from me. What you've done will never change! If you have a little bit of respect for me, you should have done it somewhere else. How dare you give away yourself on your bed." She held on to me and she was dragged on her knees as she doesn't want to let go of her grip.

I pulled away from my arm forcibly and looked at her with a bloodshot gaze from the fuming rage I feel within me.

"You ruined us in exchange for feeding your individuality. Then live the best that you can to meet the freedom of being an individual. But you can never get the forgiveness you've been wanting."

I loved you so much, Margarette but receiving pain from someone you love the most can hurt you the most. It will pain you to the extent that you feel like dying.

I love you but what you did is worth the loathe.