The Cure to My Scar

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After that night, my life goes to drain, and lose everything. My passion, my dream, my career, my motivation, my drive to move forward...everything. I feel like I don't wanna live my life anymore. I don't have any reason or purpose to live each day the way I did. And this is all happening because of that Margarette Lane!

The person you love the most can hurt the most. And the person who gave reason for me to live a better life turned my life upside down. The person who pushed me to be a better man brought the worst nightmare I would never want.

Since then, I begin wandering anywhere and getting myself drunk day and night just to make sure that I wouldn't spend any second thinking about her and feeling this unbearable pain. I cut ties with everyone as I decided to live somewhere else without their knowledge. My mom, Brent, and Jeff kept calling me each day, worried about what's going on with me but I never tell anyone about it. Because at the very least, I don't want to scratch her reputation in front of everyone fond of her. For the sake of seven years of being together, I want to keep her dignity in the eyes of my family and friends. At least in their eyes, she will still be the Margarette I used to love.

I became a regular to a lot of bars because I barely go home with my right mind. Or else I might end up thinking about her and all the things we used to ream together. Then eventually I'll just see myself crying over and over again. It's been months since it happened but it feels like it was just yesterday. I don't know why but I feel like the wound will never heal.

A lot of girls were coming after me like the way it does when I haven't met Margarette before. They will do every trick they can just to get my attention. But unlike the old version of Jace, I don't ignore them anymore. Instead, I'll play with their tricks and flirt with the best that they can. There are even some girls who would invite me to one over to their place just to be with me alone.

But after what happened, I can't pass more than kissing. They taught me that I was just playing hard to get but I know to myself that there's another reason why I can't do more than that. At first, I thought that she resembles Margarette, and the next time, her bed looks the same as the bedroom I used to share with Margarette. I can feel the sensation and the drive of doing that but I just couldn't do anything more than make out.

I've been living a trash-like life for almost a year until one time, I received a call from my little sister, Hana.

"When will you be coming home?" She queried with a c***k voice, trying her best not to cry because she knew that it will never be good for her condition.

Her heart condition improves a little bit better after her operation but still, she's been staying at the hospital for regular checks up and observations.

"Soon." It's all I could say. I don't want her to be disappointed by making false promises.

"I don't know whatever be the reason why did you suddenly disappear but I want you to know that I'm always on your side, okay?" She mumbled. And hearing those words made my eyes well up. But I tried my best to hold it or else, she will start crying as well.

"Hmm. I know."

It was a short conversation but it consoles me a lot for some reason. It made me think about what I've been doing to myself and how I ruined my life just because of somebody else's committed sin. Why would I regret something I didn't ruin? Why would I let myself get destructed by somebody else's fault?

And in just one snap, after that conversation with my little sister, I suddenly wake up from this nightmare just like a miracle.

I looked at the face in the mirror. As I was looking in my reflection, I can see that I am a total wreck beyond repair but hearing Hana that she will always be by my side, I was instantly recharged. It feels like an angel whisper to my ear saying that there are still reasons to live. A lot of things may have been ruined but I can still rebuild them one by one. And I can only make it possible if I'll start by removing the bug that causes the problem.

I started with fixing myself. I took my razor and starts shaving my well-grown beard and mustache. I somewhat look like in the age of forty's when I'm barely in my late twenties. Then I took a bath properly. I almost forgot when was the last time I did that.

I pulled out a plain black shirt and ripped jeans from my closet, then covered my head with a closed-cap baseball cap. I walked towards the nearest barbershop as I realized that I badly needed a haircut.

As soon as I'm done with the haircut, I finally look like my old self. And when I say my old self, I pertain to the Jace who doesn't care about anyone but himself. The Jace who's impenetrable. The old self before I let her be my world. The old self before she ruins me big time.

Now, it's time to stop hiding like I'm the sinner. It's time to go back to the rightful place I truly belong.

I started packing my stuff and cleaning up my car. It smells so gross that I couldn't imagine how I manage to use this each day. It might have been the stinks from alcohol and puke of different girls I've been with. Serves you right, Jace!!

Time flies so fast that I didn't notice that the sunset was about to come. I suddenly feel hungry and ordered some food.

After a few minutes, I heard the doorbell rings so I immediately run towards the door but I was surprised to see who's waiting behind that door... it was Brent and Jeff.

I don't know what happened and how did they manage to find me after hiding for almost a year but I couldn't deny that I feel so delighted to see them after a long time. It's a good thing, I decided to tidy up inside and out before they arrived.

"Just gonna stand there and won't even let us come in?" Jeff asked and snapped me back to reality.

"Oh, sorry." Then I opened the door wide open.

Jeff never changed at all. He will always be the dorkiest person I knew. But Brent looked at me seriously from head to toe as if observing me and my behavior. I looked at him intently and he looked back at me without even blinking. He looked so serious. Then comes in after scanning all of me.

"I didn't know you were coming so I only ordered a small portion of the meal," I explained as my food arrived.

"Don't worry, we saw a convenience store from the next corner. We can buy some afterward." Jeff exclaimed while looking around within the house I've been living in.

"You should have answered our call if you want us to inform you that we are coming over," Brent uttered.

"Sorry. I changed my phone number. I ruined the old one when I accidentally dropped it in the toilet." I excused. Though I know that it was a lame one.

I couldn't bring myself telling them that I threw it and crushed it into pieces when Margarette kept pestering me with calls and text messages after I suddenly disappear.

"Still, you should have told us and didn't cut ties just like that. You even deactivated all your social media accounts. That is so not you, Jace." Brent asserted.

"I'm... sorry." It's all I could say.

I don't know where to start and how would I open up because I've never done that before. I'm used to dealing with everything on my own and lean with no one. I know they are friends and they are good ones but it's just that some simple things for others are way too difficult for me.

Brent noticed that I am contemplating something. He looked at me intently with his poker face. I can't read what's on his mind.

"Are you playing some sort of mind game or something? Why do you keep looking at each other that way?" Jeff blurted.

"If it's hard, then don't. Just say whichever you are comfortable sharing with us. What's important is we found you and you seem to be okay." Brent asserted which confuses Jeff. But he knew that I clearly understand what he meant by that.

"I'm coming back home. Let's go together tomorrow morning. Just give me enough time to finish packing my things up." I uttered, trying my best to change the topic.

"Won't you gonna tell us what happened?" Jeff queried.

Brent tapped on his shoulder and shook his head slowly to stop asking anything. I guess that's the advantage of having a psychology major friend. He understands you as an individual and as a friend.

"So what are you planning to do once we're back?" Brent asked.

"I'm not even sure. Maybe look for a job and have a fresh new start." I replied.

"But you'll let us know wherever you wanna have that fresh new start, right?" I giggled at Jeff's comment.

"I will, this time," I told him.

"So you are planning to go somewhere again?!" He exclaimed.

"I'm just kidding, you moron." And we all laugh.

I didn't know because they are always there for me but I realized how I missed being surrounded by them. The way I can laugh with small things and lame jokes. Something I deprived myself of since that night.

This time, there will be no self-blaming and self-destructing. This time, I'll focus on myself and bring back everything I lost while losing myself.

It's about time for a reset.