Reborn
1103 Words
Wanting to go to him I take a step forward but remember the first time we came to the pond after he was with her and I halt. He couldn’t stand to have me touch him so soon, and he pushed me away from him, which just made him feel guiltier because he was hurting me. It was then that he came up with the idea of waiting until he approaches me. Never taking my eyes off him, I wait for some type of sign that he’s ready. But it doesn’t come. Instead, he starts talking. “I couldn’t do it tonight. I couldn’t physically make myself do it.” He pauses shaking his head. “She’s not you…..I made myself so sick over the thought of having s*x with her that I threw up off the side of the bed.” He stops and shakes his hanging head. “Katie cleaned it up and said we didn’t have to do anything tonight. God, I wanted to listen to her and not do anything with her. I wanted to just come out here to you, but I knew I couldn’t, because if I did that, I would never be able to have s*x with her again, and then we would have bigger problems.” He turned around and looked at me with tears in his eyes and proceeded to wade through the water towards me. “What happened tonight?” I ask as a single tear falls from my eye. “I’m ashamed of myself.” He mumbles as he stops in front of me. Tilting my head to look into his muddy brown eyes I find not the loving, caring, and joyful eyes that I have come to know. Instead, they are the eyes of a broken man. Barely audible he whispers. “Katie asked what you do when I’m with you.” Swallowing hard I inhale but do not exhale. “I told her, and she told me to close my eyes and pretend that she was you” Turning his head to the side he breaks eye contact with me. “It was the only way I could make myself… that I could…” Sobbing and sinking down into the water he lies his head on my shoulder. “I’m not even a man anymore.” Lost for words, I simply caress his head and stroke my hand up and down his spine as he cries into my shoulder. Wrapping his arms tightly around my waist he pulls me as close to his body as physically possible and buries his face in my neck. “What we have is the most important thing to me in this world, and I’ve soiled it by using the image of you and your body while I was with another woman. I’m so sorry.” Aaron is sobbing harder now. Cradling him in my arms, we slowly rock in the water together. “Aaron I can’t imagine what you have to go through each time you are with Katie, but I know that if another man touched me, I wouldn’t be able to bear it, and like you, I may use thoughts of you to help me through it. I love you with all of my heart, and if my image can help make anything easier for you, then please continue using it. Whatever it takes to make it more bearable for yourself is okay. Please don’t hate yourself for this.” Caressing his face, I wipe the tears from the coarse stubble on his cheeks. Taking his hand, I lead him to shore and towel him off. Wrapping his shaking body in the towel, I quickly dress, grab his clothes, and walk hand in hand back to the house. Entering the house, Aaron stands against his bedroom wall silent as I promptly strip the bed of all the linens and replace them with fresh ones. Usually, he is the strong one on these nights, holding me through the night, rocking me, assuring me of how much he loves me but tonight I will be the strong one. Aaron slides into the freshly made bed not looking like his vibrant self but instead resembling a shattered man who has just been beaten close to death. Gently and cautiously I place light kisses on his cheek, neck, and earlobe. “Let’s make a new memory to replace the wicked one you made earlier tonight.” Slowly I run my hand down the outline of his jaw and over the beard that is just beginning to grow and down to his chest. Playing with the few hairs on his chest for just a moment and then venturing to his smooth stomach, where I move my fingers up and down his ribs. Following the path of my hand, I plant a trail of kisses down the line of his body. When my lips reach the hair on his stomach and I feel his hardness against my thigh, I continue down further and take him into my mouth. I fist him with one hand while I take as much of him in as possible until he hits the back of my throat. Moving my hand and mouth up and down his shaft I roll my tongue around his tip and am rewarded with the first small tastes of his seed. Moaning, and making eye contact with him, he grips my hair as I suck harder and take him further in almost gagging as he hits the back of my throat again and again. If this is the only way I can heal him, then I will heal him this way. I will take the painful s*x he had hours ago and replace it with lovemaking. Retracing my previous trail on his body my lips move back towards his mouth and cover his. Slowly his lips respond to mine as we are both coming back to life and our bodies respond to one another. Another rebirth has occurred on another soul-crushing Monday. For the rest of the night and into Tuesday morning I continue to do anything I can to replace his memories of Katie with sweet, affectionate memories of us making love. If this is what we have to do every Monday, then this is what we will do. If we both fall apart, we will slowly work to put each other back together again. Randomly the story of the egg falling off of the wall goes through my mind. But unlike Aaron, I don’t think they could put the egg back together again.
- Writer
