Worthless
1434 Words
When I woke up the next morning it was early so I decided to take a shower while everyone slept. I had to keep my dark mark hidden. I pulled up my black skirt that showed some of my tattoo and my grey T-shirt, I had to wear a jacket so I chose my leather side zip up one. I pulled on my knee socks which were black and put on my black shoes. I decided to skip breakfast and go outside. My lightly curled hair blew in the wind. I kept walking down to the black lake. It was so beautiful I wonder what was underneath its beautiful surface. I kept walking around I found the quidditch patch. Someone was walking near it. I climbed up the bleachers and starting walking along the lines. The figure came in sight behind the fog.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" The boy asked. He was a Gryffindor.
"You have a girl trying to take a quiet walk". I stopped walking.
"You're a Slytherin, weren't you a Ravenclaw once? I remember that red hair, you caused quite some drama, you don't belong in Ravenclaw that's why you're a Slytherin now, all you are is nothing. Just worthless"
Before I could do anything I came flying off the bleachers he pushed me down like a rag doll. I knew I was nothing but the way he said it pissed me off.
I found him walking back to the great hall laughing with his friends. I walked up to him right in front of the staff table. "Listen here punk, you don't know me, you know nothing, take your stuck up ass and bother somebody else I'm not one to be bullied." I gritted through my teeth.
He pulled his wand out trying to be brave in front of his classmates and friends but he was very stupid. "Come on little girl, if your so good do something about it." By this time we had everyone's attentions and Dumbledore asked us to stop.
I pulled my wand out pointing it at him. "Your move". I smiled.
He tried to use a wand disarming spell on me but I blocked it. Instead I pointed my wand forward using the Carpe Retractum a light red whip came from the end on my wand and snatched the boy by his feet and dragged him towards me. He looked scared.
"Do not push me, or ever touch me again". He nodded but I didn't feel good enough yet so I punched him in the nose. Blood trickled Down as I was pulled away by someone.
"This is not how we act". Minerva screeched.
I defended myself. "You saw him he drew on me first."
"Yes that's true. You deal with your punishment for your house and I'll deal with mine." Professor Snape still had a grip on me as he lead me out the room and into his office.
Snape slammed the door shut and trudged towards me his black robe flying behind him.
"What were you thinking using a spell as such in Hogwarts." He didn't let me speak. I could expel you for that."
I cut in moving closer. "Then go ahead, I'm not gonna let some punk ass kid walk on me". I was so close to him only inches away. I felt the need to kiss him, to push him against the wall. I blocked out my own thoughts and focused on his. He was all blocked off.
"You ran up to him Mercy, he pulled his wand first but you approached him." He wanted an answer.
"Yes because I skipped breakfast and went for a walk around the black lake and the quidditch pitch. I was minding my own business emersed in my own thoughts when he approached me saying Slytherins are all the sane and I'm worthless. s**t I know I'm worthless but I don't want other people to know that then he pushed my off the bleachers and I hit my back which still really hurts by the way." After I got finished rumbling on the story of what really happened he looked amused and disappointed.
"I'll talk to Minerva". He finally said.
"So am I expelled?"
"No, where did you hit your back at?" He gestured to my back.
I looked shocked. "I hit my tail bone on the ground and my spine hit the bottom of the bleachers."
"Let me take a look see if you need to go to Madam Pomfrey." He insisted.
"I think I'm fine, if it gets worse I'll go to the nurses wing." I didn't want him to see my dark mark, or the tiny white lines on my wrist.
"Very well, you can miss the first few classes to lay down in the dorm see if it gets better".
"Does that mean I can skip detention as well?" I smiled knowing the answer was gonna be no.
"I'll be watching over lecture hall so meet me in there for detention you can work on the assignments you will be missing." I sighed and headed for the door. We were so close, so, so close. Why was I getting feelings like this? I only got this feeling when I cut.
I was walking around my dorm room bored out of my mind just thinking. This is where my father stayed when he became evil. I won't be like him. I can't be. I'm not brave. I'm worthless. The words stung. I've had enough I decided to head to the bathroom connected to my dorm. I shut the door locking it and grabbed my blade from behind my makeup bag. I leaned against the wall, pushing my sleeve up just enough so I could see my wrist and not the darkness inside me. I pressed the blade to my wrist gliding over opening the new scars. Blood spilled freely as I opened and opened more. I slid down the wall all my old scars were open again so I carved new ones. I was relived. I took the small end of the blade and cut the word worthless on my thigh high enough for no one could see it; even if I wore really short shorts. I passed out because of the blood lost to the floor.
I heard my name being called but I fell unconscious again. The door opened and Snape stood there looking shocked, my eyes blurred over and my throat burned. He healed some of the cuts but others wouldn't heal. He looked frustrated when he saw that I carved worthless in to my thigh. After using a cleaning spell and cleaning all the blood off of the floor he carried me to my bed. He was so warm.
"Are there any more wounds". He demanded.
I shook my head but tried to speak only to fail and it be hard to understand. "M, my life is, is, wounded." I sat on the bed ashamed that he had to find me there. "Sorry".
He shook his head. "You are not worthless, you're very smart and skillful". He looked at me.
"How did you find me"?
"Dumbledore asked if I would bring you lunch so I did and you weren't in the common room so I came your room, I heard a tink in the bathroom so I unlocked the door and saw, you in a puddle of blood." He looked down not knowing what else to say.
"Don't worry its not the first time I've cut". I finally broke the silence after my throat didn't burn.
"Don't do it again". His eyes seemed dark. They were drawing me to him. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel and see if his lips were really as soft as they appeared. I leaned in closer. I could smell him, he smelled of mint and parchment paper.
I scolded myself and moved back away from him. This was a BAD idea. He was my professor.
"Thank you Severus". His eyes shifted when I said his name. I reprimanded myself. "Sorry I, I mean Sir."
He stood up. "Don't be late for detention". Was the only thing he said before he left.
"Oh no". I whispered to myself. I wanted Severus. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to explain what I felt about him but I couldn't to his face. I'll write a letter to him not deciding whether it to be anonymous or say its from me. I'll decide later.
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