My Only Light (Severus Snape Fanfic)

The Secret & Feelings

September 2,

My first day of Hogwarts is over thankfully. It was strange. I have detentions already for saying "The Dark Lord" and having an attitude. I can't help I have attitude I take medicine for my bipolar depression but I've been forgetting to. Its been so long since I've written in my journal. There's so much I want to say and talk about but I'm scared. I almost told my potions professor about my secret. I just mumbled on not caring. There's something so inviting about Severus Tobias Snape but yet he's closed off and hidden. Headmaster Albus is my guardian he knows of my secret. Hell this secret is eating at me from my inside out. Severus knew Lily and James. As soon as he finds out I'm related to the man who killed them he's gonna hate me worse than he already does, he's gonna tell everyone and my new start here is gonna end. Why did my mother have to fall for a man like Voldemort. Why did I have to be the darkest of wizards daughter? I never really knew my mother as well and he never talked about her. I refuse to take Riddle as a last name. I live a life of lies, and hopelessness. I carry the dark mark with me everywhere I go unable to get rid of it. My so called father marked me when I was 13, it burned and hurt so much. I didn't chose this. I didn't want this. I've done horrible things, but I don't want to be a death eater anymore.

I finished writing in my journal and snapped it shut. Looking around the great hall kids were leaving. I pulled out my wand and studied it. The beautiful black handle with green snakes withering around it. It never failed me. I looked up to the staff table looking for Severus. He was talking to Dumbledore. I was gonna talk to him but my arm began to hurt, a burning sensation ran through me. I gripped it trying to make it stop. I walked out of the great hall in a hurry.

"What the f**k"! I rolled up my sleeve making sure no one was around. The faded dark mark wasn't so faded anymore. It wasn't back to full color but it was darker. I pulled my sleeve down after hearing footsteps.

"How are you Mercy?" Dumbledore looked at me like I was in trouble.

"Good, just heading back to my dorm." I gave my fake smile.

"Severus told me you have detentions, may I ask why?"

"I said the dark lord and had a small attitude, he's over reacting!" I grunted.

"I know to you saying his name isn't as such a big deal given the circumstances. But others feel uncomfortable and therefore we don't use his name." He had such a calming voice.

I rolled my eyes and started to speak up. "So what I'm suppose to not say his name? I can't say "The Dark Lord", I can't say "Voldemort", and let me guess I can't say "Tom Riddle" either!"

Severus appeared behind me and Dumbledore nodded. "Hello Severus". Dumbledore gave a small smile.

"Hello headmaster, Miss Mercy did you forget our conversation earlier, shall I add another detention?" He smirked.

"But out I wasn't talking to you" I was mad Now.

"Mercy have you been taking your medicine?" He asked so softly.

I turned my back to him and walked to my dorm stomping as I went.

Why? Why? Ugh. I went to my bathroom and showered and brushed my teeth; I put my shorts on and my long sleeve. I was so exhausted between classes and fighting my urges to cut again. I headed for my bed and fell fast asleep, the warm blankets surrounding me.

The next morning I was awoken by Anna.

"Wake up Mercy we have school in an hour". She flipped me over.

I grabbed my wand and pointed it at her. "Touch me again I won't hesitate to use it". I groaned rolling on my side.

"Stop being bitter Mercy and get up!" She yelled.

"I'm a bitter person". I giggled.

"Miss Anna please give me a moment alone with Mercy". I heard the voice and knew who it was. Snape.

"Great". I buried my head in the pillow.

I heard Anna's retreating footsteps.

"What do you want". I asked half awake.

"Madam Pomfrey will see you every night for your medicine. I was asked to bring you these pills and watch you take them." After he finished talking I craned my neck to the side.

I flipped the blankets back clearly annoyed. I gave him a "I dislike you look" and walked towards him.

"Do not speak of this to anyone. I don't need the school to know I have to take medication." I threatened.

"Here". He stuck his hand out with a cup full of 3 little pills. I poured it in my mouth and grabbed the other cup drinking the water.

"I don't talk to students on a personal level Miss. Nox I could care less". He snuffed.

When I handed the cups back to him that strange feeling shot through me again when my hand touched his. I looked up at him feeling the electricity. I backed away looking down at my legs. The bottom of my hip/thigh tattoo was showing slightly. His eyes followed mine and saw the glimpse of rose tattoo. He looked away disgusted and left the room. I felt extremely uncomfortable. I pulled up my cloth shorts a bit and looked at my hip/thigh tattoo it was the first tattoo I gotten after I was marked. I had 2 others. In the center of my shoulder blades I had a dream catcher that was blue and white. Then on my ribcage I had a green snake in the shape of a heart.

I had 30 minutes to get dressed and ready for school. It was kinda hot out so I decided on my black and blue jean shorts, my black combat boots, and my normal long sleeve to hide the dark mark. I sat in the Slytherin commons before sliding on my robe and heading out to my first class. I skipped breakfast.

When I got to herbology professor Slughorn gave me a look. I waved and sat in the back by Anna.

"What did professor Snape want?" Anna whispered.

"He had to give me something from Dumbledore." I whispered back.

"What was it"?

"I've been forgetting to take my depression medication". I looked down.

"Oh, if you ever need anyone to keep secrets or talk to I'm here!" She nudged my shoulder.

"Thanks I'll keep that in mind". I gave a fake smile.

The rest of my classes went smoothly enough even though I was distracted by the feeling I got when Professor Snape touched my hand. When I got to potions I sat in the back just staring at him. I knew him. I just didn't know from where. I brewed my potion and turned it in without a word. Of course I did well.

"30 points to Slytherin".

At the end of the day I decided to do my work in the library. I walked around trying to find a small quiet place. There was something pulling me away from all the others to the back of the library. Something was off. I felt darkness trying to touch me.

I reached out into a wall and fell through it. The room was filled with books, parchment laid on the desk in the back of the room I looked at it.

"Harry Potter defeated who must not be named, both his parents died protecting him."

I threw the article down frustrated. I swiped the papers to the edge of the desk and started doing my homework.

It was a neat little nook that is now my hideaway. After I finished with my essay of mandrake roots I headed to another detention.

When I got outside the door I knocked.

"Enter". He yelled.

I walked through the door and sat my notebook down and my Slytherin robe. I searched for my backpack I left before he noticed me.

"Your bag is there". He pointed to the shelf where I saw the advanced potions book.

"Thanks, what will I be doing today for detention"? I stood in front of his desk.

"All those books that the insolent children threw on the shelf straightness them up. When your done with that you can mop all the spilled potion on the floor the first years bubbled over, no magic." He kept scratching at the parchment.

"Alright". Was the only thing I said before I started fixing the books on the shelf. They looked all brand new unlike the one Snape had behind his desk. I pulled a chair over so I could reach the top shelf. At first I thought I heard a chuckle from Snape but when I looked over he was looking down at his parchment. Probably failing another student.

When I was finished I moved the desk and started cleaning up the potion on the floor. "What were they brewing"? I didn't want to stay in silence.

"Suppose to be polyjuice but that would kill somebody".

"Oh". I went to put the mop back and I slipped and fell.

"Owe f**k" I grunted.

I felt someone grab underneath my arms and pull me up. I turned around and saw his face. He was beautiful. His eyes were such a deep deep black, his lips looked so soft. I couldn't stop staring, the electrity shot through me. "Tha-Thank you" I muttered out.

He let go of me and stepped back. I felt cold.

"Watch what your doing next time". I was confused one minute he looked like he cared then the next he was harsh.

He started walking away and I had to calm my breathing.

I finished cleaning up and walked towards him.

"Uh, sir, I'm don't cleaning up." Why was I stuttering?

"You can go now".

I got my bag and robe and left. I walked down the corridor to the great hall. I was the one of the few people in there for dinner. I looked at the great clock and I was only in detention for 30 minutes. He let me go earlier. I sat reading my book and more and more people showed up. When dinner was served I ate some grapes. I don't eat much. I peeked at the staff table looking for him. What is wrong with me? I'm getting weird feelings for my professor. I saw him drinking from his cup. I felt kinda stalkerish when I didn't look away. He was talking to some other professors. He seemed agitated when professor Lupin walked up to him. They talked for a few minutes and I was still staring at him. He started to scan the Slytherin table making sure there was no uncalled for action. I forced myself to look down not wanting him to see me staring but when I picked my head up his eyes were locked on mine. My heart began to beat fast.

I stood up ready to leave. "Mercy, hey are you done eating?" Anna came from behind me.

"Uhm yeah I already ate, I'll see you in the dorm later! Okay?" I gave her one of my best fake smiles.

"What's wrong with you". I heard Anna.

I looked at her. "Nothing is wrong with me"! I said a little too harsh.

"Did she just read my mind"? It was Anna's voice again but she didn't say anything. I, I am a legilimency. I frowned and came up with something.

"You're looking at me weird I just thought you were probably thinking something was wrong with me." I gave a giggle.

"Oh, I'm gonna go catch up with Ben I'll meet you later then"! She laughed and scurried away.

I let a sigh out. "Thank hell." I muttered.

I finally escaped the great hall. It was nearly nightfall so I decided to have some alone time with my bike. I went to the dorm grabbed my pocket sized crotch rocket and left to go outside.

I waved my wand and it grew to normal size. "Oh I missed you babe". I grinned. I fixed her up a bit I always called my bike "phantom". When I got done cleaning her I made her small and headed back to my dorm.

*What do you all think of the secret?*

*She's the dark lords daughter!*