The undercover wolf (#4 of the Spike pack)

tonight

Tyler’s P.O.V.

I felt Bec’s eyes burning on me. After hearing that Alpha Ash knew about the blue diamond, she had looked at me for an answer next. I had known the story too, but it seemed so unreal at the time when the Beta had told me during my training, that I hadn’t even taken the time or effort to talk to Bec about it. But now, she looked at me as if I had deliberately lied to her. Which wasn’t true at all. But I got so f*****g angry about all of this, knowing that this all wasn’t over for me, just yet. I had been a fool, thinking that Tim’s death would just magically solve everything, and that I was finally able to be happy and live my life here. Hell, I had wanted to tell my own Alpha that I was moving out of the Spike pack, to come and live here with my mate. With Amber.

I was such a fool!

I should have known better…

There was no happy ending, not for me.

There would never be a happy ending for me.

“Stand down.” I heard my own Alpha growl at me. That’s when I realized that not only Bec, but everyone else inside the room was staring at me, while I was losing my s**t. So I did. I forced myself to be submissive to my own Alpha, being the f*****g good wolf that I always was.

“Tyler, what aren’t you telling me?” Bec asked me in wonder, but I couldn’t say anything. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I couldn’t even speak. This was it, this was the part where I wouldn’t only break my own heart, but that of my sweet girl as well. I had made a promise to Tamara and to myself, that I would make sure that the people who had hurt her, the people who had hurt me, would pay. That I would shut it all down and I would spend my entire life fighting them, if need be. And me being the stubborn fool that I was, I knew I wouldn’t be able to step away from this now. Not when I was this close to being able to find out the truth and stop it all. Which meant, for a fact, that I would not be telling my own Alpha that I was moving out. I couldn’t leave the Spike pack, knowing that the fucker who had hurt Tamara, might still be doing the same s**t as he used to. Who knew how many other girls he was hurting right this second? I owed it to their families, their mates, to make sure that these fuckers would pay for their crimes with their lives. No matter the personal price I would have to pay for it.

I heard Alpha Ash speak, but his words didn’t reach me. He was probably telling Archer and Bec the same story that my Beta Jamie had told me. Only adding one small detail at the end, a small detail that gutted me.

“Are you telling me now, that this story is actually true, and that this girl is your sister?” Alpha Ash asked Bec, seeing how she frowned as if she couldn’t believe a single word that he had just said. I felt my Alpha’s eyes on me, but all I could do was be angry and shake my head in disgust, knowing that my whole life was starting to fall apart, while I was leaning against this f*****g wall.

I wasn’t free

This isn’t over.

I can’t stay here and be with Amber…

I can’t be with her…

I need to go back

I need to end this.

“I want in.” I told my own Alpha, seeing how he looked up at me.

“This is a talk for another day.” My own Alpha answered me, and I could read in between the lines. He didn’t want to have this conversation in front of another Alpha or Luna, but I didn’t care. I needed to know that he would not shut me out from this.

“I want a part in this!” I growled, hearing how my wolf mingled in to the conversation. I wasn’t the only one that was pissed about all of this. My wolf wanted justice, just as much as I did.

“And you will. Now stand down!” My Alpha nodded at me, shutting down the conversation as he looked back at Archer.

“Thank you for telling us about this. Now, we know where to start. We will handle this matter and take care of it, and you will never be bothered by this, ever again.” My Alpha told Archer, who nodded back at him in thanks.

“Now, you and I will have our own talk in privacy.” Alpha Ash sighed, as he looked at me. He clearly had wanted today to go otherwise. Hell… that made two of us. I was about to explode in this f*****g office. I was fisting my hands so badly I knew I was drawing blood just with my fingernails that were digging into my palms. But this needed to happen, I knew that. So I didn’t take time to look at Bec or Archer or even the wizard or the Beta, who probably still wanted to kill me because I had the Beta's sister’s scent all over me. Right now, I only had eyes for my own Alpha, as I followed him outside, through the hallway and into what I believed to be his guest bedroom. Because he closed the door and turned around to face me.

“What do you know?” He asked me, to which I shrugged.

“What you just said inside the office, I only heard it from Beta Jamie during my training.” I answered my Alpha. He just sighed and ran a hand over his face, as if the subject made him feel exhausted to even speak about it.

“He told me you showed interest in becoming an enforcer, back then.” Ash told me, looking at me as if he was examining me.

“But you have a family in our pack.” He added, making me sigh deeply because he was pissing me off. I hadn’t chosen this. As if it was bad that I had a mother and a father who had chosen to raise me right and who were both still very much alive.

“As I said back then, they don’t need me. And I want in.” I growled, losing my s**t. The Alpha tilted his head to the side as he kept looking at me, as if he thought that it was funny that I was being angry with him right now.

“You will have to shut down all contact with them. You can only communicate with me through mind link. If anyone finds out that you are on my side, they will kill you on the spot, and the ones you love.” He warned me, to which I nodded.

“Fine.” I nodded, knowing bloody well what I was signing up for. And surely, my parents would understand if anything would go wrong and I would end up dead. Hopefully one day, they would even be proud of me for making this choice, to put my own life on the line because I had given my word to Amber.

Fuck…

Not Amber

I had promised Tamara.

Not Amber.

My f*****g mind was starting to play tricks on me. My fantasies had shifted, I wasn’t even thinking about Tamara anymore, my entire mind was clouded by Amber now. Her soft dark hair, her eyes, her soft lips… f**k!

“You also have to shut down all contact with your mate.” My Alpha told me, and I growled without even knowing that I was doing it. But this time, his words did fuel my anger. And he smiled, knowing that he had just caught me.

“I am not a fool Tyler, I can smell her all over you.” My Alpha told me, as I tried to temper my wolf.

“She will be your weakness in this. Can you truly say that you can step away from her? Leave her behind? For what? Revenge?” Alpha Ash asked me, he wasn’t a fool, he knew what had happened inside his own pack, he knew about Tamara. He just looked at me as if I was the fool in the room here.

“Let me tell you something, because I have been there and I have done it. Revenge will not make you feel better. It will not close up old wounds or make you forget about the past. You are bitter about what has happened to you and, believe me, I understand. But be a wise man now and stop this s**t, go and be with your mate and forget about this.” My Alpha told me, but I couldn’t. How could I ever just forget?

“No.” I sighed, shaking my head.

“I want in. You are not changing my mind.” I added, seeing how my own Alpha sighed and shook his head in disbelief. He wasn’t changing my mind and he knew it. He hadn’t seen the way Tamara had suffered that night, how each day, the life got sucked out of her more and more, how she ended up being an empty shell of the bubbly person who she once used to be. All because of me, because I hadn’t been able to protect her that awful night.

“Fine.” The Alpha sighed, lifting his hands as if he was giving up on trying to change my mind.

“We are leaving home tonight. Say your goodbyes but at 6 o’clock, I want you here and we are gone. We need to go home and come up with a plan.” My Alpha told me, to which I nodded.

“Yes, Alpha.” I nodded, before I walked out of the room and closed the door, knowing that the worst was yet to come. And it sure as hell wasn’t going to be pretty.

******

“Leaving?” She asked me, her eyes big as she looked up at me. I had gone back to my room, waiting for Amber to come back from her parents. I had taken her outside for a walk, hoping that the fresh mountain air would give me the extra courage that was needed to tell her this. We were walking hand in hand as she had told me how happy her parents were, once they had heard the news. How thrilled they were to meet me in person. And I had just broken her dreams and hopes, telling her that tonight, I was heading back home.

“But this morning, you told me you were staying here, with me.” She told me, her voice shaky from emotions she was trying to hold back. And my heart broke, as I saw her eyes become foggy.

“My Alpha needs my help on something. I need to do this.” I told her, hoping she would understand, but I knew she would never be able to. In her eyes, I would be the f**k up, and she would be absolutely right about that as well.

“ Then I need to go home and pack my bags.” She answered me. She didn’t look happy about it but also seemed determined to do so. She would leave her entire life behind, her home, her family, just for me. The gesture made my heart swell, my mate was freaking amazing, so selfless, she would sacrifice everything for the ones that she loved, including me. While I would just end up breaking her heart here, today.

“No.” I told her, stopping her and lying my hand on her shoulder so she would face me.

“I’m sorry, you can’t come to the Spike pack with me.” I sighed, and there, in one second, I saw it click in her eyes, the rejection, her understanding that I didn’t want her there with me. Even though it was a lie, I just wanted her to see it that way. s**t, I wanted nothing more than to take her with me, to be with her forever. But I couldn’t. She wouldn’t be safe with me and I would never put her in danger, not ever. She might hate me for it, but I would rather have her hating me from afar being safe, than to love me from up close being in constant danger. If anything happened to her, I would never be able to forgive myself. Hell, I would probably not even be able to survive myself. She was all that mattered to me. If she survived, I would be fine, whatever the endgame would be for me.

“Why?” She asked me, tears building up behind her eyes, fast.

“Because what is asked of me, will be dangerous.” I told her, not being able to lie to her. She deserved to know this. She deserved to know that there would be a chance that I would not make it out of this, alive.

“Then tell your Alpha you won’t do it. Talk to Archer, he will help you!” She yelled at me, clearly, my words had upset her.

“I don’t want him to help me, Amber.” I yelled back at her, she needed to understand that I had not been forced into this. I wanted to have a part in this. I needed to have a part in this. But she just eyed me, as if I was the biggest disappointment in her life, which I probably was.

“When are you leaving?” She asked me, her voice sounding hollow.

“Tonight.” I sighed, seeing how she swallowed at my response. Swallowing the tears down.

“When are you coming back?” She asked me then, looking right into my eyes.

“I don’t know.” I answered with the truth. Seeing how she nodded at me, as if she had given up on me, on us. I wanted to pull her into my body, kiss her, love her, tell her that everything would be just fine and that she had nothing to fear. But I couldn’t, because maybe I was lying to her by telling her so, and because, honestly, I didn’t feel like I deserved to hold her in that moment as well.

Tyler

You are one massive screw-up.

FUCK.