Hammer

11 - I have to protect her

Hammer

Hours I’ve been searching for Willow. Fuckin’ hours, and she’s nowhere to be found. I told Shepard I’d talk to Willow about going to the safe house. He agreed because the man wanted his daughter to be safe. Plus, he knows we’re friends and thinks I can convince the girl to use her brain and go with the others.

I will not fuckin’ leave Willow behind. I will not lose her! I said some mean shi.t to her, and I shouldn’t have. I will forever regret those words, and there is nothing I won’t do to protect her.

I tried to call Willow, but she wouldn’t answer me. I’ve called the few friends Willow still talks to, but none of them have seen her. She's not with her parents or brother, so the last place to look is Nova and Tank's.

My brother opens the door and leads me into the modern kitchen with all the mod cons that Nova insisted on and hands me a bottled beer from the huge ass fridge.

Willow is here, I can hear her talking with Nova in the next room. That alone eases my weary mind and helps me breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thanks for callin' and letting me know she was here,” I state sarcastically.

“She’s been here five minutes. I was about to let you know when you knocked on the door.”

“She goin’ with the others?” My brother shakes his head. “Why the fuc.k is she being so damn stubborn?”

“I don’t know, Brother. Something must have happened. I haven’t seen Willow this deflated in weeks. I thought she was getting on with things. Moving forward, ya know?”

I nod my head, even though I have a damn good idea what’s bugging her right now.

Yeah, you, you cunt!

“She has to go, Hammer. We can’t have her left behind while we’re fightin’ these motherfucker.s. I thought Willow, of all people, would have been the first one to agree to go.”

Yeah, unless she’s hoping to be taken again, hoping so that they can kill her this time and she can finally be free of the guilt she carries.

This isn’t the way, dammit!

Maybe the only way for either of us to move forward and finally let go of the guilt is to be together. I’ve denied what I feel for Willow long enough. And no matter how angry I am with Willow for not telling me the truth about Cindy long ago, I do not blame her for anything. We need to talk things through properly so we can put this behind us once and for all.

I won’t let Willow fuc.k with her own life like this. I don’t give a shi.t what I have to do; she’s going into hiding with the rest of the women, or so help me!

“I’ll make her go.”

“You can’t make her do anythin’, Hammer.”

“Wanna bet?” I lean forward, dropping my beer on the oak table in front of me. “She’s my Old Lady. I can make Willow do exactly what I want her to.”

“Your Old Lady?” Tank looks at me skeptically. “Are you kiddin’? Since when?”

“Since right now.” I’m out of the room before he can say anything else.

I know what my brother is thinking. I’m doing this only to get Willow to go to the safe house. But it’s more than that.

I rip open the living room door, and both girls jump a mile at the sudden invasion. My eyes lock with Willow’s, and she looks fuckin’ terrified of me. I never wanted to see that look in her eyes. I don’t want Willow to be scared of me. Not of me.

I rake my eyes over her body, tight jeans, a tank top, a choker around her neck, and her hair in a scruffy bun. Sex.y as fuc.k!

“Hammer, is there a problem?”

I don’t even look at Nova; I’m not interested in her at all. She’s a good friend, but she’s my brother’s soon-to-be wife, and I don’t need her interfering right now. Even if Willow is her sister.

I grab Willow’s arm, physically lifting her off the couch and dragging her from the room, whimpering in fear. I don’t want to scare her, but I need her to listen to me and listen good. I cannot and will not allow her to fuc.k with her life like this.

Nove is yelling for me to get my filthy hands off her sister, and I vaguely hear Tank telling Nova not to get involved, that it’s between Willow and me. But I’m not bothered in the slightest about either of them right now.

Willow yanks on my hand, trying to get me to let go. This little slip of a woman has no chance against a man my size.

“Stop fighting me, Will, it won’t help you right now.”

“What are you going to do to me?” She all but whispers, stopping me in my tracks.

I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. She really thinks I’m going to hurt her. I would fuckin’ cut my own hands off first!

“Get on the bike.”

She shakes her head, fear swimming in her eyes. I relax my stance a little, letting the tension fall from me. I will not have Willow scared of me. Not her.

I smile softly at her. “I just want to talk to you.” I tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “There’s a lot for us to talk about, don’t you think?” She bites her lower lip nervously and nods her head in agreement. “Put this on.” I hand her the spare helmet from the back of my bike. I buckle it up for her as soon as it’s on.

Her little hands clutch my waist tightly as we travel along the open road.

Where the hell am I taking her?

I don’t even know right now. I just need to ride as fast as I can for a while.

Willow’s fingers flexing on my abs has me hard as nails. Dammit, they don’t call me Hammer for nothing.

Okay, the size of my dic.k is not why they call me Hammer. But the fact I fuc.k with the force of a jackhammer and kill with the power of one twice as hard.

I love this woman; I can't even deny it any longer. I’m in love with her – yeah, I said it. Go ahead and gloat – and only guilt kept me from claiming her. I want Willow safe. I want to be the man who puts a smile on her face every day. I want to be the man who dries her tears when she’s sad and joins in with her laughter. If I could take her hand in mine right now, I would.

Cindy wouldn’t thank me for punishing Willow for what happened. She wouldn’t want Willow hurt either. That girl loved Willow like a sister. Hell, they were as close as. They would have done anything for each other. She’d be ashamed of me right now if she knew how I’d treated Willow and what I’d said to her.

Somewhere inside me, I have always thought Cindy helped me keep Willow alive that day. I felt her strength, her hand on mine around Willow’s throat. I heard her voice in my ear telling me not to let go, that she wouldn’t leave me or Willow. She’d keep us both safe. I had no idea then if I was just going crazy, but I fully believe it helped me cope that day.

But after that day, I felt even more guilt inside of me. I realized that I was in love with Willow – yeah, I’m admitting it again, go ahead and gloat some more – and I hated myself for it because I felt like a traitor to Cindy.

But loving Willow doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget Cindy or how we loved each other. And I did love her; she was everything to me. The love we shared was rare. Well, it was rare in my eyes. I’d never known anything like it. She was my soul mate. When I lost her, I lost half of me.

I never thought I’d start to heal. I never thought my heart would mend. I never thought Willow would be the one to mend it.

I never thought I’d ever feel anything for anyone again after Cindy, but I do. God, I feel so much for Willow. I have to make her see that she belongs with me. And I have to keep her safe, even if it kills me in the process.