Hammer

10 - I cannot lose her!

Hammer

I didn’t mean to be so harsh with Willow the other night, but the fact she lied to me and kept things from me sent me into a maddening rage. All this time, I believed Cindy had left the house alone when I’d told her not to. I had no fuckin’ clue Willow was the one who talked her into it.

How could I not have known?

I haven’t been able to think straight for days. No matter what I do, it’s always on my mind.

All through Church this morning, I’ve done nothing but think about what Willow did. She convinced my Cindy to go shopping with her, to defy me, and it got her killed! I don’t want to feel this anger inside of me, but it won’t quit.

Twice, the Prez yelled at me because my mind was elsewhere. I can’t afford to have my mind on anything other than the club right now. There is too much shi.t about to go down with an outside MC who thinks it’s okay to try taking over our turf. The Razor Hogs are a small MC in the south of Texas. What business they have here is beyond any of us.

What is it with the smaller motorcycle clubs thinking they can move in on huge charter territory?

Do they not realize we’ll rip them to shreds?

This kind of thing isn’t unusual, though; we’ve seen it all before. The only difference this time is the little fucker.s have Mafia ties. Something to do with their Prez and his family. I personally don’t give a shi.t; I’ll protect this club and its members with my life. I’ve done it many times before, and I’ll do it again and again until my last breath.

“I want the women and kids protected at all costs.”

The first thing Shepard thinks of each time we have a battle is putting the Old Ladies and the kids of this big family of ours in the safe house we own. A vast mansion-style home that belonged to Horn, our founding President, Shepard’s great-grandfather. He left it to the club in his will. He stated in his will that the place was to be used to protect the family because that’s what we all are, family. No matter what, we have to protect our women and kids.

The trouble is, we find a couple of the women fight us on having to go into hiding. They don’t want to leave their Old Men. They take some convincing, but they go in the end. It’s not that they really have a choice; they do as their Old Men tell them.

The house is a secure compound where no one can get in without voice and thumbprint recognition. The place is completely surrounded and armed to the back fuckin’ teeth. The fence that surrounds the grounds is electric. Touch it, get fried, simple. Our family is safe there.

But I’m not sure Shepard isn't being a little paranoid with this. We’re talking about a small MC that can't do shi.t. We’ll deal with them within days. I’m hoping they’re not stupid enough to go after our women.

However, not one of us will disagree with Shepard on this. Ever since Willow was kidnapped, he’s been paranoid about our women’s safety. Never underestimate the underdog. Apollo taught us that. Shepard’s father, the Prez before him, was a wise man.

So, if Shepard wants the women and kids put on lockdown at the safe house, the safe house they shall go. Whether they want to or not.

“Nova will fight me on it.” My brother says grimly.

She’s headstrong, and then some is Nova. The girl is a trained assassin; she’ll more than likely want to end those fucker.s herself. But since giving up The Exorcist, she swore only to get involved if Shepard asked it of her. He’s not going to do that right now. We’re men; we can handle this.

Not that I’d ever take away the fact she’s a smart and strong woman, but come on, what man wants his ass saved by a woman? Especially one who knows how to handle a gun and herself better than most men I’ve ever met.

“Nova, Lynette, and Willow have already been informed.”

“I bet Nova loved that.” My little brother folds his arms across his massive chest while chuckling.

“She agreed to go.”

I think even my eyes are bugged out at that news. I never expected to hear that Nova would go to the safe house so easily. I thought she would have had something to say about how this is overkill. No need for everyone to be on lockdown. The woman’s gone soft.

“Nova agreed to go because she doesn’t want Ember in danger. She’ll talk to you, Tank, when you get home. I’ve made it clear to her that she is not to get involved this time. We don’t need anyone else's help. She gave up The Exorcist, and I won’t have her go back to it. We’ve always managed to put an end to each threat ourselves in the past, and now is no different. I want my wife and kids safe as of now. I know the rest of y’all’s girls will go, right?”

There’s a chorus of Yeah and nods of agreement.

“I don’t want any of you taking no for an answer. I will not risk any of our women or kids being hurt. I think we’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.”

“Damn right,” Ghost slams his hand on the table for emphasis.

“I don’t care what y’all think of me for this. I know I’m a paranoid fuc.k. But I almost lost my daughter to cunts we believed weren’t as much of a threat as they were. I will never risk another woman’s life if I can help. No matter how small the risk.”

“You’re doing the right thing, Prez.”

Shepard tips his head at Gunner, big bastard of a guy. Loyal as fuc.k to every member of this club.

“Right, just one woman left to convince.”

“And who’s that, Jett?” Ghost asks.

Whoever it is, we have to convince her to go. But short of kidnapping her – which we’d never do after the hell Willow went through – there’s not much else we can do. We can’t force anyone to do anything they really don’t want to do. Although I know Jett will if he feels it’s what’s best for them.

“Willow.”

My eyes dart to Jett.

Did he just say Willow?

“When we spoke to Willow this mornin’ about this, she told us in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t be going anywhere. She doesn’t give a damn about anyone hurting her. The girl’s crazy.”

“Why would she refuse to go? She has to know this is for the best, that she’ll be safer at the compound than here, where anything can happen to her? She, of all people, should know what could happen.”

“I don’t know, Tank, but I can’t have her...” I tune them out.

Shi.t, this is all my fault. Willow won’t go because of what I said to her. I made her think I regretted saving her.

Fuc.k!

I was angry, but I didn’t fuckin’ mean it. Willow thinks I blame her for Cindy’s death. I don’t blame anybody but me.

Yeah, I’m pissed that she kept from me that she was with Cindy the day she was taken. I still don’t understand that at all. But she has to know that if she’d died that day, the day Crack slit her throat, it would have killed me all over again. Willow is the only bit of light left in my life. The only thing that keeps me from losing myself to the darkness completely.

Then why be such a cruel bastard to her, asshole?!

“Hammer!”

“What?” Shi.t, I wasn’t paying attention again. I wouldn’t be surprised if Shepard kicked my ass right now.

“You’re no good to me like this. I need your mind on what’s going on. Whatever the fuc.k is on your mind, let it go. Let it go before you get yourself or one of us killed!”

“You’re right, Prez. I’m sorry. I’m one hundred percent focused, I swear it.”

He gives me a concerned look before finally nodding.

“Get the women packed up and ready to leave for the safe house by nightfall. I want them all on lockdown as of now. Drive your ladies and kids down in the trucks. The rest of you will follow on your bikes. I will not lose another woman to fucker.s who think they can threaten this club.

“As for those cunts? As soon as I have all the info gathered, we’ll attack. I want those bastards wiped off the face of the fuckin.g earth. We are the Mother Charter, and I want them to know exactly who the fuc.k they’re dealing with!”

The cheers are deafening. I’d join in if I could find the enthusiasm. But all I can think about is getting to Willow and making her understand that she must go with the other women. I cannot lose her. I won’t!