Hammer

12 - Is this a dream?

Willow

We’ve been riding for almost an hour. I have no idea where Hammer is taking me, but I’m getting a numb butt. I’m holding onto his waist so tightly I’m scared I’m going to leave bruises on his abs.

I’m not scared to be on the back of his bike; I’ve been on plenty in my life. It’s just that I’m so nervous right now. I have no idea what he wants to talk about. Although I’m more than willing to talk about Cindy and my part in her death if that’s what Hammer wants. I’ve beaten myself up so much over it that I’m exhausted. I am seriously mentally exhausted, and I just need some peace.

No matter what happens tonight, whether Hammer tells me he wants nothing more to do with me or that – and I hope – he wants to forgive me so we can both move on, I’m willing to listen to whatever he has to say. The last couple of days have been awful. Thinking he hated me hurt so much. I hope more than anything he'll forgive me.

We finally pull up outside the clubhouse. Not that I want to be here right now. Hammer could have taken me to a bar or his place rather than here.

And why the hell ride around for an hour before coming here?

Maybe he needed to clear his head and get his thoughts straight first.

He leads me inside, my hand in his. A couple of the guys at the bar yell hello and wink at me. I smile and roll my eyes playfully.

“Sit down.” I’m not even through Hammer’s bedroom door, and he’s ordering me to sit down.

Why couldn’t we have gone to the main room and sat by the fire to talk?

I love this place. I’ve always loved it. It’s like a huge house with many rooms. It’s homey and clean. That probably sounds weird for a biker’s clubhouse. But my grandfather made this place a home for the Brothers, a place that was theirs. Sure, they drink here, fuc.k here, even fight sometimes, but it’s incredible. There’s a huge gym and a massive kitchen. The main room is like a vast den, all comfy and cozy, even with the bar at the back of the room. Then there’s the bar room where we hold most of the club’s parties. The guys play pool and darts in there. They laugh and mess around with the club whore.s.

The place literally has eighteen bedrooms. Yeah, it’s that big here. The place has expanded over the years to accommodate the ever-growing club. The higher-ranking members of the club who don’t have girlfriends and wives have rooms here. Lower members share. My parents have the master bedroom here, as is expected of the President and his First Lady, even though they have their own house.

The same applies to BlackJack and Taylor; a big room, I mean. BlackJack is my dad’s best friend and has been with this club for almost as long.

There’s a bunkhouse out back for the prospects of the club. They’re only eligible to stay in the main house once they’re fully patched members.

Hammer has his own room in the clubhouse, and it’s a nice size. He doesn’t have much in here, just his queen bed, a dresser with a lamp that sits on top, and a chair. Hammer has always been minimalistic. He always said that things were just things and didn't mean anything.

I guess he's right. It’s not like material things really matter. All a person needs in this life is the little things. A roof over their heads, something warm to sleep on, clothes to wear. But according to Hammer, a person doesn’t need too many of them, either.

“Can I get you a drink?”

I shake my head while sitting on the only chair in the room.

This has been Hammer’s room for as long as I can remember. Yes, he has an apartment a few miles from here, but that’s where he lived with Cindy. They’d only been living together a month before she was killed. He doesn’t stay there very often. I guess it feels odd without her. But then, I hate staying at my house now Trace is gone.

Okay, I sound stupid, as he’s only been gone a short while. But the place doesn’t feel like home to me anymore. I guess I should look for somewhere else, somewhere I don’t see his stupid face everywhere I look. It may be time for me to leave this town and find my perfect home.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

I swallow hard while wringing my hands together nervously. I’m not scared of Hammer; I’m just not in the mood to argue with him. Although, I am nervous about what’s going to happen. He was so angry with me the other night; I’m worried he will tell me he never wants to see me again. If that’s the case, he could have just told me back at Nova’s. He didn’t need to drag me here to do this.

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said to you, I didn’t mean it, Will.”

Okay, so he’s obviously not angry anymore. He doesn’t sound it anyway.

“It’s okay,” My voice is too quiet. I cough to clear the frog in my throat.

“No, it’s not okay. Look at me, baby girl. Please.”

I bite my lip and look at him, leaning against the dresser. He’s such a huge, powerful man, and he’s so beautiful. In my eyes, there is no one who could hold a candle to him.

Trace is a handsome man, a very handsome man, but Hammer is rugged and gorgeous. Everything I ever wanted but knew I’d never have.

“What you told me shocked me, Will. It shouldn’t have when the two of you were like sisters. Closer than sometimes.” He’s right, we were. “I never should have said what I said to you.”

“I deserved it.”

“No, baby girl,”

I swallow as he approaches me, his hand held out to me. I look at it for a moment before taking it. He pulls me from my seat.

I’m trying not to jump into his arms. I’m trying to be strong, but I don’t know how long I can hold on to my strength.

“You didn’t deserve it, Willow, and I didn’t mean what I said. I could never regret saving you.” Hammer cups my face in both hands. “I’m sorry, baby girl.” He kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry.” His voice gets quieter with each kiss and each sorry, and his kisses are creeping toward my mouth.

I want him to kiss me, but not like this. I feel guilty. I don’t want to feel guilty. I want to be able to kiss him without feeling like I’m hurting Cindy by doing so.

Yes, I know she’s gone from this world, but is she watching us from the next?

Hammer kisses the corner of my mouth, and I whimper. I press my hands against his big chest and push as hard as I can until he lets go of me.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Kissing you? Because,” He grabs my upper arms, pulling me against him again, and I can feel his heartbeat against my chest. God, help me to be strong. Because I don’t know if I can resist him as much as I try. “I am done fighting this, Will.”

“What?”

“I need you, Willow. I want you to be mine. My girl.”

“What are you talking about, Hammer? You’re not making any sense.” Nothing is making sense to me at all. “Hammer?”

His lips hit mine, and I want to fight, but I can’t. I have wanted this for so long. He slides a hand behind my head, holding me in place as his tongue dances erotically with mine. Every part of me tingles, and my legs feel weak. I moan so deeply into his mouth that a deep rumble from his chest rips through me and all the way to my clit.

I grab at his shirt, pulling him closer, this giant bear of a man, and he deepens the kiss until we’re almost tearing at each other. I melt into him. It’s like we were meant to be. Something inside me is telling me that’s exactly what we are - meant to be.

Hammer pulls away gently, resting his forehead against mine. “We can hash this out till the cows come home, baby girl, but the fact is, you’re mine, Will. My girl and I won’t let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let go.”

“This feels right, Will. You and me. I know in my heart Cindy would want us to be together.”

He lifts his head and smiles while stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. I see a twinkle in his eye for the first time in a long time.

“We both loved Cindy, but it’s time to let her go. It’s time for us to move on. Together. You believe that too, don’t you?” I do believe that, and that’s why I nod my head. He smiles a little wider. It’s so good to see him smile like this. “Is that a yes? You’ll be my girl?”

I nod my head while giggling, “Yes. Yes!” I wrap my arms around his neck, and he lifts me slightly off the floor with his arms around my waist.

This feels right. It really does.

His girl. His Old Lady.

Old lady, I’m twenty-five.

I never, ever thought this would happen.

But Hammer is finally my Old Man, and I feel so at home.

“As my girl, I need you to do as I ask you.” He says while setting me on my feet. I narrow my eyes a little. “Tomorrow morning, I’m taking you to get my brand on this beautiful body.”

I giggle again.

I’ve never had a tattoo, but I’m really excited about getting the one I have longed for since I was a teenager. The one I didn’t get when I was with Trace. I told him I would as soon as he was a fully patched-in member. I guess I knew deep down I would never get that tattoo. I did wear his leather, though. Which I burned as soon as he left.

“Then I’m taking you to the safe house. I need to know you’re safe, baby girl. Tell me you’ll go.”

My mind starts playing tricks on me.

What if none of this is real?

What if he just said he wanted to be with me to get me to go to the safe house?

Hammer wouldn’t do that to me, right?

I drop my eyes. I suddenly have a sinking feeling. This was all a trick to get me to agree.

How could Hammer play on my emotions like that?

That was so cruel.

“You didn’t have to do this to get me to go to the safe house, Hammer. You didn’t need to play on my feelings for you. You could have just spoken to me, and I would have listened.”

With his hand under my chin, Hammer lifts my head. He’s smiling at me, his eyes looking deep into mine. “Baby girl, I didn’t do this to get you to go. Well, it was part of it,” I frown. He laughs. “Darlin’, this has been a long time coming. You know it has. Everything that happened with Trace and you finally ending things with him, how I reacted, made me realize how much you mean to me. I have fought what I felt for you for far too long. I can’t do it anymore. We belong together, Willow. There is no doubt about that in my mind.”

“There isn’t?”

He really means what he’s saying?

He really wants to be with me?

“No,” He smiles and strokes my cheek with the back of his hand. “It may have taken me a while to realize it, but you are everything, Willow.” I bite my lower lip and smile. My heart is beating a little harder in my chest. “I want you safe, baby girl. I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you again, Will.”

His eyes close, and I see his pain. It still hurts and haunts him what happened to me, what he had to do to save me.

I wish I could take that particular memory away from him.

I wish I could erase his mind of all the pain he’s been through these past few years.

But I can’t do that. For a person to move forward, they have to live through all the pain. Hiding from it will never make it easier. Facing up to it is the only thing that will do that.

I take his hand from my face and kiss his palm. “I’ll go. I promise I will. You’ll be there too, though, right?”

“Every evening after I’m done with club business.” Hammer tucks my hair behind my ear. “I promise you, I will not leave you alone again.”

“Okay, I’ll go. As long as you’ll be there, so will I.”

He pulls me into his arms and holds me so damn tight. I cling to him and breathe him in. He smells of aftershave, sweat, and man. God, it makes my head dizzy.

I can do this for him. I can go to the safe house with the others.

I don’t know what’s going on with the club, but I know it must be bad if the guys are worried enough to send their women and kids to the safe house.

Who am I to argue with my Old Man when he just wants me safe?

I could squeal with happiness right now! Hammer is finally mine, and I could cry with relief. I wasn’t imagining it; it’s not just me; he feels something for me, too.

You’re a lucky girl, Willow.

I know that I am.