Forever, With Love

Chapter Ten

Art

This woman drives me nuts in every shape, way and form possible but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also hate finding things out about her from other people, especially people that I hate with a passion.

One name: Brandon Grant.

He is a thorn in my side and has been since day one. And I know for a fact he will be until Ava comes to her senses and she actually lets me get a word out. f**k. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I put myself through this torture?

Oh, that's right, because I love her.

And she's fuckin' worth it.

When Ava and I were just starting out, he tried getting together with her. I didn’t know at the time, but the person he was talking to on the phone the day I went to make amends with Ava, he was talking about her. Who would have thought she asked him out after her and I got into an argument? I was elated when she picked me over him, over the moon, bouncing with joy even though we fought over stupid things, I still cared about her and wanted to be with her. She is absolutely perfect for me in every way. And then I fell in love and never told her until it was too late. Then there was the one conversation that was supposed to start our forever but it actually tore us apart. But he was there to pick up the pieces of her heart after her and I got into an argument about said future which broke me even more. Seeing them together at worked sucked more than I would like to admit. I wasn’t a resident there at the time as I was working in a small clinic, but I would go there for more practice since I needed a certain amount of hours in surgery.

Seeing the way she smiled at him almost killed me. Imagining him touching her the way I used to almost made me go into a fit of violence.

The first time I saw them nearly gave me a heart attack as I stood there, pale as a fuckin' ghost not believing what was in front of me. The way he cupped her neck with his hands and looked at her like she was his first and last meal made me sick. But then I saw it, I saw the true intention in his gaze. He didn’t want her because he loved her, he wanted her because she was off limits for a bit and he couldn’t have her. He wanted her because she was smart and beautiful, not because of her heart. He wanted her because of the chase, not the end game.

I only know this because he was never around anyone she really cared about. He never spent time with the children in her life. He never spent time with her friends and hell, even Sara saw right through his fake ass smiles. He might have cared about her at one point, but I can tell, he never loved her.

After my shift that day, I drove to Finn’s house and beat the s**t out of his punching bag to the point the chain was popping because I was hitting it so hard. Okay, so I did go into a fit of violence, at least the thing on the receiving end was a punching bag that I might have imagined his face on it instead.

But right now, I was sitting on the balcony of my apartment feeling the warm, early May breeze surround me as I had a beer and a sweet tea next to me on the small table, unsure of which one I wanted. I was off tomorrow so I could ultimately drink all I want, but I wanted to do something fun with Lucas and I wanted to be in the right mind when it happened, not hung over. I had something planned for after dinner, just him and I. He didn't know but I wanted to take him to the stadium before summer camp started so we can skate, just him and I.

My phone rang in the eerie silence, snapping me out of my thoughts. I reached for it, hoping it to be Ava. When I spoke to her earlier, my stomach was in knots. It sounded like a strip club with the loud music and the screaming in the background. It made my stomach turn, thinking about her working somewhere like that. Was she that desperate for money? Why didn’t she just talk to us? I don’t make much more than she does, but I could have helped her. Hell, I would do anything for her.

Imagine my surprise when the phone call wasn't from the girl that drives me up a fuckin' wall.

“Hey Finn.” I groaned as I leaned back in my chair and propped my feet on the railing.

“Hey. Did you find her? Sawyer mentioned that you were looking for her.” he whispered.

“I got a hold of her but she said she was working. And then some girl said that ladies night starts in ten minutes and the doors open. So I kind of freaked out.”

“Kind of? Dude, it's you. You probably flipped a s**t. Is she working at a club or bar?”

“I think so, but I drove the the three bars in the area and the strip club.”

“Did you get a dance at least?” He laughed and I just rolled my eyes.

“f**k no. The only person I want dancing for me is Ava even if she is absolutely uncoordinated.” I sighed, “But she was at none of those.”

“Did you check Silverlake? They have a bunch there. I mean, there’s one that Dylan, Jordan and I are quite fond of.” I can sense his grin forming on his face making me roll my eyes, “I know there are a few more that opened up.”

“I didn’t drive out there. I couldn’t tonight, not with Lucas.” I looked out into the night lights above just wondering how we got to this point.

I have grown to love this area. It's quiet and safe for the most part and it just made my stomach turn even more thinking that Ava is moving to Trinity Center, “Why are you even calling me? It’s almost two and don’t you have work like a normal person tomorrow?”

“Eh, sleep is overrated.”

“Harper’s up, isn’t she.” I asked with a smile.

“Wide awake and Sawyer keeps staying up with her instead of waking me. I love her but I wish she would just let me help her.”

“She knows you need sleep my man. Be happy you have a woman by your side like that.”

“You have one too.”

“I do. Well, used to.”

“You still do. You just need to stop playing this stupid game.” And before I could say anything to defend myself, to tell him I don't give a rats ass the reason why, I just need her, he stopped me before I could open my mouth, “You know she loves you. I don’t get why you need to hear the reasons. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.”

“There’s stuff in my past that no one knows.” I said softly as I leaned forward, grabbing the glass of sweet tea, forgoing the beer. It's warm anyways. “Part of it started when I was in college, there was this girl who kept telling me she loved me.I went to college at eighteen as a freaken junior on top of their football coach convicing me to play for them as a running back so girls were all over me. But this one girl, I thought she was everything.

She convinced me to do things I thought I would never do, like put my all into football and talk to coach about the possibility to go pro even if that's not what I wanted. I would get her anything she wanted and needed and took care of her because I thought I was in love but I found out she was cheating on me, used me to help with her grades and take my money as well. Basically use me as arm candy since I was on the team.

When I caught her cheating in our freaken bed, she laughed and said WHY would I ever love some young wanna be doctor who has no future, a man too much of an i***t to make the right decision and who ever the poor woman I have in my future, she was going to feel sorry for. WHY would I put myself through all that? WHY would a girl like that fall for a guy like me? She’s not the first girl to say that s**t. When I was in my first year of med school, same s**t happened. After that…I had one night stands to relieve the s****l need I had. I said f**k it to relationships until I met Toya…”

“Her name brings shivers down my spine.”

“Mine too man, mine too, but after she left me with a fuckin’ note after everything happened with my brother, I lost it. How could someone who looked at Lucas like her own, and looked at me like I was her world tell me that it wasn’t working, that I wasn't worth it and walked away with her sister back to the man that originally sent her away? The one sentence that hurt me the most though Finn, was when she said why would she subject herself to this life of misery being attached to me.”

“So, because you’ve had your heart broken, you need to hear the why?”

“My heart wasn't broken, it was obliterated. That stupid fuckin' word was in everything every one of the girls in my past said. It always came down to the 'Why'. It’s my own insecurities creeping up on me. It started with my home life. I didn’t grow up in the happy family that you guys did. I didn't grow up with a supportive dad, great siblings, and everything I could ever want. My dad verbally and mentally abused me when I was younger and it got worse after my mom died, especially with my brother, he was a thousand times worse than my dad.”

“When did she die? I’m sorry I’m asking so many questions man but this is s**t we never really talked about.”

“It’s because I don’t talk about my past because it’s just that, my past. I’m not proud of what I did or where I came from, but everything led me here to you guys so I can’t be too upset. But she died of cancer when I was eight. The abuse got worse after that because dad said looking at me made him think of mom.”

“Man…I had no idea…”

“I was told over and over about how he wished I was never born. He asked why god would give him a child like this when he didn't want me. Why would he have to put up with me now especially after mom died. How he wished I disappeared, so I did. When I was sixteen, I packed my s**t and moved in with your boyfriend.” I laughed.

“Dude…that was so wrong…I never felt so…violated.”

“He meant nothing by it, I promise. But his family saved my life, literally so I owe him everything. They helped me by renting out their apartment above the garage, getting emancipated and escape my dad and brother until he moved to England to be with his golden child.”

“And this is more of a reason for you to talk to Ava.” He sighed out, “I think you two need to have that heart to heart and…”

And before he could finish, my phone beeped, so me, telling him to hold on and looked at the phone, “Dude, let me take this. It’s Brandon.”

“Why the hell is he calling you?”

“I don’t know. He probably needs me to come down to the hospital. I’ll talk to you later.” I switched to call to Brandon, aggravated, “What can I do for you this fine evening?”

“You’re a real piece of work, aren’t ya.” He laughed, “Convincing Ava to lie to me about her relationship with you so you have her to yourself? We both know what you two have is long over so you need to move the hell on. And the fact you would let her work in a place like this is ridiculous. If you really are her boyfriend, then what kind of boyfriend are you?”

“Dude, whatever is going on between Ava and I is just that, between her and I and what she does when she’s not at work doesn’t concern you and frankly, doesn’t concern me. She is her own person and do whatever it is she wants.”

“So letting her bartend at a club where they host a ladies night full of lesbians hitting on her is okay with you?” he laughed, “And on top of the single guys who come here thinking it’s something completely different hitting on her as she pours us damn drinks.”

“Yeah, pathetic guys such as you.” I laughed, “And lesbians hitting on her doesn't bother me. I am comfortable with what's happening between us to where I don't have to worry about that kind of stuff. I'm secure. I let her live her life. If it’s something she want’s to do then I let her. I have no restrictions on what she can and cannot do.”

“In that case, I can take her in the bathroom since she has no restrictions huh?”

“Touch her Grant and I swear, I’ll break that hand of yours and every finger you touch her with you overally drunk bastard.”

“You wouldn’t dare but no worries, I gotta go. She’s giving me those ‘f**k me’ eyes. You know the ones Masters. The ones when she looks at you, they shine in the light and bore into your soul. Oh, I cannot imagine the look on her face as I take her and make her scream my name.” And laughed he hung up. I was so pissed, angry, I was about the chuck my phone off the damn balcony until it rang again. I know she would never do anything with him, not right now at least. She admitted she still loved me so I'm trusting her, even though we have no obligation to not be with other people, I'm hoping she respects our feelings because I sure as hell am.

Fuck, I haven't even been with anyone else besides her since I moved here the first time. My hand has been keeping me at bay but it's no where near what she can do.

I ignored the phone call, not wanting to get into another fight with the bastard. There was no way I was going to listen to his bullshit anymore. After a moment or two, the ping sound chimed, telling me I had a voicemail and my eyes went wide listening to the spoken words.

“Stuart? What are you doing here?” Sara asked as she heard me shut the front door with a sleeping Lucas in my arms. The only reason why she was up was because Snoop was barking up a storm because we walked in.

“Hey, I'm sorry Sara. Ava called and asked if I could come over. Is it alright if…”

“Of course. Put him in the spare. Snoop will most likely sleep with him.”

After doing just that and tucking him back into bed, I made sure Sara was in her bed as well before going back outside and wait for my girl. So I stood there, leaning against my car, waiting for her until I saw her pull up in the driveway. Seeing her in the car as the light turned on when she put it in park was something else. She looked beautiful but I could tell something was wrong. She didn’t move and didn’t tear her gaze from me, so I made the first move, going to her door and holding my hand out to her.

I walked her around to the back of the house so we didn’t disturb anyone inside, especially Snoop and the noises he would make once we open the door. She was quiet but so was I until we got to the very same back porch that Sara and I sat at the other night.

“Sit, please.” I asked quietly. She listened and didn’t put up a fight, so I knew something was bothering her “What happened tonight?” I asked as I knelt down in front of her, my hands on her bare thighs, rubbing up and down, feeling the goosebumps form under my touch.

“How did you know?”

“You called me silly.” I chuckled, “I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I just got off the phone with Brandon and I thought it was him calling me back.” I played the voicemail for her and her eyes went wide.

“Oh, that was supposed to be for Aiden…”

Ouch, that stung a bit. I knew they were close. I knew they grew up together but sometimes I wondered just how close they were. Did they ever date? Did anything ever happened? Would they have told me if they had a past? “Do you want me to get him? I can go…” I stood up, about ready to go and call him when she grabbed my hand.

“No. Can you please…stay? Hold me?” she asked softly. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight and she looked like an angel.

My Angel.

Damn, I have it bad.

“I will hold you whenever you want Bella, you know this.” I smiled down and sat on the swing, pulling her to my side as I kissed the top of her head, “Now, tell me, why did Brandon call me?”

“He was at the bar tonight.” She said softly.

“And why were you at the bar?”

“I…I took up a second job to help pay for mom’s bills.”

“Ava…you didn’t have to…”

“I did though. I needed to help my mom and my efforts were futile anyways.” She sniffled but didn’t look at me. I held her tighter, kissing the top of her head again, “I still got evicted.”

“I know.” She looked up at me, “Did you forget I saw the notice on your door? So what are you going to do now?”

She froze for a bit and I just had a feeling that I wasn't going to like the answer, "I have a place I'm going to, you don't have to worry."

"I'm always going to worry because I know where you're moving to. I still don't like it."

"Don't worry about me, I will be okay I promise. Anyways, Brandon was there and he wanted to talk. He said things along the lines of us getting back together and that he’s not done fighting for me…ever.”

“Whatever happened between the two of you?” I asked, “After we broke up, well, you seemed so happy with him…I mean…it seemed like….” I couldn’t even speak the words, “Just…what happened?”

“He cheated.” She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. I started to see red. How could someone cheat on this beautiful, amazing woman and throw her away? What a fuckin' i***t, “I was the other woman in his life. He had a long time girlfriend, Beth, and didn’t tell me about her. I met her when she came into the hospital and asked for him and when I asked for their relationship just because my stomach was in knots, she told me she's his girlfriend. I froze and brought her to him. He looked confused. Later that night, he came over and told me she was crazy and he broke up with her a long time ago. I believed him because I was stupid. I thought I liked him. And then, on top of all this, he had a habit of making single mothers feel good when their children were sick, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s sick on it’s own.” I stated and she nodded her head in agreement.

“It is. Imagine my surprise when I went to do a pre op for one of the kids to find him in a deep personal conversation with one. She wanted one more fun time but he told her he couldn’t he had a girlfriend. I was proud and then he said f**k it, one more time won’t kill him and he brought her in the joining bathroom and I heard them…I don't think they had s*x but she definetly blew him.”

“Ava…”

“I was in shock. It brought back…it brought back more memories that I never wanted to relive.”

“Are these the memories that stopped you from letting us being us?” I asked. She sighed and sat up a bit as she pulled away from me, “You can talk to me Ava. I need to know what happened in your past. Because what ever happened, I am not your past…I am your future. And then I can tell you about mine.”

“You don’t want me.” She whispered, “You don’t want someone who’s damaged, broken and unworthy.”

She stood up and tried to walk away from me, but I couldn’t. Those words she’s saying about herself were not true. I walked up after her, grabbing her hand and pulling her to me, flushing her body to mine. She gasped as I gripped her hip with one hand and cupped her face with another.

“No, you listen to me and you listen good because everything you just said, damaged, broken and unworthy, those are the most wrong things I have ever heard about you. You are not damaged, you are the glue that holds people together. You are the spirit within us, the sunshine, my sunshine on the darkest of days. You are not broken. You are more put together than most people I know, you’re just going through a rough time and need help and there is no shame in needing a little bit of help sometimes and unworthy? You are the worthiest person I know. You deserve everything good in this world. All the stuff you’re going through, you don’t deserve but I will be right here, walking with you every step of the way. I will hold your hand through the hardest times. I will be there to hold you when you cry. I am here Ava, and I am not going anywhere.”

“You don’t understand.” She cried as she leaned her cheek into my hand as I caressed her face with my thumb, “No one understands what I’m going through. Sawyer may know, but she doesn't understand.”

“Then talk to me please. I may know more about what you’re going through than you know.”

"I can't talk about what I told Sawyer, not yet at least, but I can talk about my mom..."

"Then let's talk about mom." I smiled down at her.

Her hand reached up to mind and she linked our fingers and brought us over to the stairs so we could sit. With our hands clasped firmly together, she told me the story of her mom.

“We moved here when I was seventeen after dad died. It killed mom to leave Sawyer and Aiden. She asked about them coming but they wanted to stay up north, but she needed to do what was best for her and she’s my mom, I followed.”

I gently grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me. I gave her the softest look I could before I bent down just the few inches pressing my lips on her forhead, just for a moment. I placed my forehead on hers and closed me eyes as I knew hers were closed, “Keep going Bella.”

“Mom has been sick on and off for a while, but we were told it was bronchitis, pneumonia, anything stupid but I knew something else was wrong. It wasn’t until two years ago when I started to notice the bruising, shortness of breath, the excessive weakness. It took forever to convince her to get to the hospital but when they finally did, she had stage three pancreatic cancer. We started treatment right away. Don’t get me wrong, the insurance she had through work that Austin, Eli and Tristian provided is great, but the treatments were aggressive and extreme. We even tried experimental treatments hoping that it would help. The insurance didn’t cover everything so I started to pay a lot of it out of pocket.”

“Why not tell them what was going on?”

She shook her head, “Mom doesn’t want anyone to know. Not just yet and I have to respect her wishes. Trust me when I say I want to tell the others. I want them to know because maybe, just maybe that would be less stressed and maybe she would let the others help but it's her choice. But the cancer progressed and the treatments stopped working six months ago and there's nothing that can be done as of right now. I'm always look for new experimental treatmens but so far, there are none.”

“Oh Bella, why didn’t you tell me before? All this was happening when I was being stupid.” She chuckled a bit and wiped her tears, “I’m so sorry.” I held her closer to me. She let out a small sniffle and pulled away.

“I’ve been paying mom’s bills since she hasn’t been working. Between her mortgage, utilities, medication co pays, and everything in between, I ended up neglecting myself and my own home.”

“Then move in with me.” I whispered and she froze, “Move in with me and Lucas, Ava. I can help you and help Sara…because I know more than you believe.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I was seven, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and it progressed so fast, she died when I was eight.” I said softly.

“Oh my gosh, Art.” She gasped, “Why...”

“Because I don’t talk about my past love. I grew up in a not so happy household. My mom, she was everything to me. My dad resented me from the moment I was born and he would find any excuse to hurt me, physically, mentally, emotionally. Mom tried to stop him but she could only do so much, but I didn't know she knew the extent of it until I was sixteen. There would be nights when dad would tell me he never wished I was born. Do you know how it feels to be told that when your six years old? It sucks. It fuckin’ sucks.” I felt the tears well in my eyes, “I sat there holding her hand while she took her final breathes and dad just walked away from her like she was nothing, all at the age of eight. What kind of man does that to his child and wife? So yes Ava, I know more than you believe…”

I looked down at her and saw the sadness and sorry in her eyes, “Art…”

“Let me be there for you please. Let me be there for you like they were not there for me because going through this alone is harder than you can imagine. Even if it’s just as a friend…let me hold your hand…”

She looked back at me as I cupped her face and nodded. I gave her a soft smile and placed a soft, chaste kiss on her lips and held her while she cried. I held her while she cried for her mom and I cried for mine and hers. And I knew, together, we would help each other through this tough time because everyone deserves someone by their side, even if it’s just friends.