Forever, With Love

Forever, With Love Art & Ave Ava I pulled up in my car, reaching over to get the pizza from the front seat. The smell honestly made my stomach churn, reminding me I need to eat but I can't. The thought of food is nauseating. Summer and Ray blew my phone up to come over and bring food because there was a lot of heavy lifting going on in the pool house behind Dylan's house. I think it was their way to get me over here sinec I've started to become a bit distant. I don't know what was going on but the last thing I wanted to do was move s**t but I wanted to see my girls. I stood up straight and faced the sun, feeling the warmth beating on my face, calming me down. The sun always did that and lately, it's been the only thing keeping me at bay, telling me it's a new day, another day, one more day and the cherish it. I needed it to be honest. There was so much going on and I didn’t know who to talk to about it. I know I could confide in them and they would be there for me in every way possible but how could I do that to them? After everything they’ve been through the craziness that surrounded Dylan and Ray as well as the crap that happened with Summer and Jordan, I couldn’t and wouldn’t put this burden on them. It’s not fair. They had enough going on. So I decided to do this, all of it on my own even if it kills me. It’s my burden to handle, not theirs. And kill me it might. The bad news just kept piling on top of each other and I know in time, I would explode but I would make sure I would do it by myself in the comfort of my own apartment, face screaming into the pillow and a bottle of wine in my hand. So, instead of showing how the world around me was slowly crashing down, I slapped on a fake smile that I’ve learned to perfect and headed out to see my family and friends. The laughter from everyone was coming from the backyard echoed and did put a real smile on my lips as I made my way back to see my besties, well most my besties. They made me smile and I’m happy that everything worked out for them in the end. They deserve their happiness. “Hey guys!” I said coming down the small hill. Dylan and Jordan rushed over to me to help grab the pizza I brought and so they can get first dibs, “Make sure you save me a slice.” I lied as I yelled out out. I won't eat it. “What’s up Ava.” Finn nodded to me, carrying a box into the little pool house at the back of Ray’s house. I c****d my eyebrow at him in confusion. “Hey. What’s going on?” I asked looking at everyone. Out of nowhere before anyone can answer me, a mini stampede of little feet ran by me almost knocking me over, “Woah. Did someone pop out a five year old?” I asked as they ran around the back yard. It was Ellie playing with this little boy that had dark blonde hair, both of them laughing and smiling like there was nothing terrible going on in the world. Maybe in their world. “That is Lucas.” Summer smiled lovingly at him, “LUCAS! COME HERE!” he turned his head and he had the prettiest piercing green eyes I have ever seen. He smiled, him missing one of his front lower teeth and came running over to Summer hugging her legs, “Lucas, this is one of our best friends, Ava. Ava this little guy is my nephew, Lucas.” “I didn’t know you had siblings.” I said stunned. “Neither did I.” She laughed which led me to give her a strange look, “But anyways, Lucas, Ava is really cool, do you know why?” He tilted his head and looked at me, “Why?” “She’s like a superhero.” And his eyes went wide with excitement and I couldn’t help myself but smile and laugh, “She’s a doctor and helps little people like you get better when they’re sick.” “That’s so cool.” He smiled, “My old doctor would give me stickers when I went.” I bent down and grabbed his hand, “Well lil man, I will give you stickers, a lollipop and a small toy when you come to my office, how does that sound?” “But…pokey things…” he looked scared and looked up at me with wide eyes, terrified. “Yeah, there are pokey things, but I promise I can make them not hurt.” I winked at him, “Like Summer said, I’m a superhero.” “I like dogs. Do you have a dog?” he asked tilting his head. That was random but kids are random. It’s why I love them so much. My heart started to hurt for a moment but I shook it off. “Kind of? My dog is at my mom’s house.” “How come?” he asked as he tilted his head to the other side. Damn, he's adorable and it makes my ovaries hurt. All the kids do. “Because my mom loved my dog so much she wanted to keep him. She stole him from me but it's okay.” “Ah, Snoop. I love that dog.” Ray smiled as she walked over. “What kind of dog?” Lucas asked, all interested. “He’s more like a small horse. He’s a Great Dane. Want to see a picture?” I asked and his eyes went wide, “See, he’s huge! You could probably ride him.” he jumped up and down with such excitement, it was contagious. I wanted that...all of it. “Snoop really is the sweetest dog.” Summer smiled, “I love how he’s all black with a white stripe down the center of his face. But the drool, I don’t know how you do it.” “Eh, it’s better than getting peed on by children.” We all laughed while Lucas looked at the other pictures I have of Snoop. “Dyl!” I heard being yelled from the pool house, “Where is the box that has the pots and pans in it?” I looked at everyone who was standing outside, “Who’s that?” I asked. “Art.” Summer smiled, “He was my neighbor growing up. He was involved in everything but he’s innocent and well, we’re helping him and his nephew. We were going to build something behind our place but since Ray and Dyl already have their pool house, so he's here for now.” She looked down at Lucas smiling, “They’ve been through a lot.” Before I could say anything the guy they called Art came out of the pool house with his shirt off. I love men. I love men with muscles. I love men with muscles and a slight beard that’s well trimmed. But my downfall is all that plus tattoos and that is who I was gawking at. Out came one of the Greek freaken gods, walking towards me. His brown hair was long on top, long enough to run my fingers through and grab it and the sides were shaved. His chest tattoo looked like it was ripped out of a book with a giant compass and an old school world map in the background and on his forearm was one of a dragon wrapping around it. He was handsome and dripping in sweat from working in the Texas sun and those muscles...don't get me started on those abs, the pecs, the biceps, everything. If I had a p***s, it would be full on hard right now. On another note, my panties are soaked. But do you know what the biggest turn off? When they know they’re hot and us that to try to get what they want. I was expecting it. The smirk, the wink, the flexing of the muscles but nope. Surprisingly for once, that didn’t happen. He looked over at me and scrambled back to get a shirt that was hanging the back pocket of his pants and pull it on. Shame. I liked the view. “Hi.” He smiled over at me after getting dressed as I stood up from Lucas, “I’m Art.” He said holding out his hand. “Ava…” I blushed, taking his hand in mine and instant sparks shot through my entire body as our eyes never left one anothers. This man, right here, is going to be my downfall. My eyes slowly opened remembering the first time Art and I met and it had my chest pounding like crazy. That happened every time I dreamt of him and it’s been happening almost every damn night since I officially broke things off with Art, even before dating Brandon. The dreams just kept getting worse, and when I mean worse, I mean more consistent and detailed, like I was living in the moment again. It would be simple dreams like this, small moments in time that didn’t mean much before but now mean everything. Other dreams left me hot and bothered, thinking of the times we were together and there were a lot. My body craved his touch, my eyes craved his gaze and my heart craved his soul. All I could think about was maybe one day we can have that again but not until I get through everything I have going on now. Turning to look at the phone, it read six am. My chest still hurts and everything around me was a fog. I was going with the motions of everyday life and I was neglecting those around me but most of all, I was neglecting myself. But what sucked the most was it seemed like no one noticed. And if they did notice, no one said anything. It’s been the same thing almost every day. Up at six because of a damn dream about him. Walk the dog. Run into him. Appointments. Work. Home. Wine. Repeat. I’m at the point in my life where I’ve started to slowly shut people out and surprisingly, it’s been easy. With all the girls having their babies, their cute, adorable, beautiful babies, they have been so focused on their family it’s been easy to slip away into my own terrible reality. But Sawyer…my best friend…my sister, she knew better and even though she just had her baby a week ago, she knew something was up with me the entire time and her brother Aiden knew better as well. I was more worried about him than her because he had the time to try to figure out what was going on. They both could see right through me and Aiden has been trying to get a hold of me almost every day. Annoying really but it's whatever, it's what brothers do. I usually come up with some excuse but I knew it was going to end soon. I can’t run from them forever but I can sure try. Things were going to get worse once all the secrets come out. I am mentally prepared for it but I'm just going to hold it in just a bit longer. I slipped on some yoga pants and changed into a sports bra, pulling my long blonde hair into a high pony tail to get ready for my morning run. I gave Sawyer grief when she moved here about running but she’s right…it’s an escape from this shitty world called life and I’ve learned to enjoy it. I snuck into my mom’s room across the hall and slowly opened the door to call Snoop, making sure I don't wake her. I’ve been staying with her more often because her house is closer to the hospital and well, with working days and nights, the obnoxious hours and how exhausted I am, it works out. I cringed thinking about the shift I had tonight. I didn't want to go but I needed to. “Snoop.” I whispered, making him slowly lift his head with his blood shot droopy eyes and slowly started to pat his tail in a quiet wag against his bed, “Come on boy. Let’s go.” He slowly lifted his big ole butt into the air and stretched with a big yawn before coming over and giving me my morning kiss, drool and everything. Hooking him up to his leash, we headed outside and started our run, trying to take a different path to avoid him. It’s how we started to talk and get to know each other after the whole situation at the doctor’s office. I don't know how it happened exactly but ever since we ran together the first time, it's been almost consistent, four to five times a week as long as our schedules allow it. I nudged Snoop over to go right towards the school instead of left. He is such a good puppy, I mean, he is four years old but he will forever be my puppy. As we were jogging I was jerked back because Snoop decided to try to go a different way. The original way. The way where he usually stretches before and after his run. “Snoop. This way. Come on.” I tried to pull him back but he wouldn’t listen and insisted we go the other way. I know why and I tried with all my might but it was no use. There is no use trying to pull back a 160 pound dog when you only weight 130 pounds yourself. You will lose everytime and no amount of training will make him not go to him. So I went with him to appease him. Not like I had a choice. This dog loved Art more than anyone else and it was annoying but it is what it is. I needed to learn to be civil with him anyways for the sake of our friends. But as I saw him coming close in my vision, my chest started to hurt and my palms started to get clammy. He does this to me but I’ve tried everything to hold myself together. I seem to be doing a good job of it so far but sooner or later, I’m going to break but I'll make sure I break when I'm alone. With a final tug, Snoop pushed his head in the back of Art’s knee making him fall in the middle of his stretches, “Hey buddy.” He smiled and gave head pats and scratches to him, “You missed me huh?” You can see the thin layer of sweat on his shoulders, arms and face, telling me he just finished with his jog and he never looked more delectible. Shut up I said to myself. “He always misses you.” I spoke because hell, I missed him too but I didn’t have time for that now, not with everything going on. I would have Snoop on my days off and conveniently, Art would be with me on the same days. If my dog could pick owners, he would pick him. The traitor that he is. “Ava. Hey.” He did a small side smile while his brown eyes bored into me. His hands clenched at his sides before he put them in his pockets. Maybe he was fighting himself to reach out or something? No. It was my imagination. “Hey. How have you…uh…” I stuttered. “Been?” he questioned. “Yeah. That.” I whispered, taking a loose strand of hair and tucking it behind my ear, looking away from him. We haven't really talked much since the wedding, so to say this was awkward was an understatement. “Busy. It’s been crazy especially with everything going on. With Lucas and trying to finish up residency before boards, ya know how it is. How about you? I feel like I haven't seen you a lot since the wedding...” “Very busy. Spending a lot of time with mom and working a lot.” I said ignoring his last statement about the wedding. To be honest, no one had really seen me much since the wedding. I bent over to grab Snoop by his collar, “Come on boy. It’s time to get you home.” But he would budge. I tried and tried to pull him away but it was no use. Damn dog. I need to remind myself to get a dog under fifty pounds next time. But damn, don't I love big dogs like him. “How about I come with you two. It'll be easier.” He held his hand out so I could hand him the leash. Might as well, not like I could get Snoop to move right now, “Your place or your moms?” He’s been at my mom’s more times than I could count. It was actually her that convinced me to give him a shot. She knew me better than anyone and she said that maybe he is the one guy in my life that could help change things. So, how could I tell her no? With her, you can’t. It’s impossible, especially when she's right. He is great for me, we were great together but I couldn't...we couldn't achieve the dream we wanted for our future no matter how hard I tried, even though he doens't know I wanted the same dream. “Um…moms.” I said softly, scared of what might happen when we go over there. Because that was a whole other secret too that no one knew about and it wasn’t my choice to say what it was. I wanted to tell them. A part of me felt like I had to, I needed to but mom insisted and I had to respect her wishes. We walked in complete silence for what felt like hours but it was only five minutes. I looked up at him from my peripheral and took him in. He looked more rugged and more handsome than the first time I met him. He still kept the side of his head shaved and the top longer, but his beard was a bit longer than he usually kept it. I wanted to touch it. Gosh I loved touching his beard and I loved the feeling of it on my neck. He looked like he was deep in though, his brow furrowed a bit and his shoulders were tense. “So, I haven’t seen you at work lately. Everything okay?” he asked as he turned his head. The concern this man had for me was everything I dreamt of and wanted and I desperatly wanted him in my life, but I couldn't do that to him. He deserved better than what I could give him. People say Sawyer and I are so much alike and they are right, more than they knew. It's probably why we got along so well. We both put other’s first and it's our downfall and always will be. It's partly why we are best friends, we were just drawn to each other on top of our moms being best friends. “Yeah I guess. I’ve been...working nights and spending a lot of time in the west wing.” I sighed out, rubbing my eyes trying to seem less tired. It totally wasn’t working, "Sorry, working nights a lot just gets to me. I'm so tired." “All nights and the west wing? Why? I've worked some night shifts and still haven't seen you.” he paused his step and turned to me, “That’s gotta be killing your body. From the lack of sleep and taking care of what you need to do during the day. You need to be careful before you make yourself sick.” “It’s just easier this way and I'm spending time there to figure out my speciality.” I shrugged and started to walk ahead of him but he grabbed my arm to stop me. I closed my eyes and froze at his touch, remembering the feeling of his skin on mine and everything that came alone with it, including me if you get what I mean. The sparks were still there as he linked his fingers with mine. “Ava…baby, talk to me. Please.” He begged. I slowly opened my eyes as they looked at him. I felt a bit of irritation from his pet name he gave me, well one of them. “I told you before I’m not your baby.” I snapped and then took a pause, “I’m sorry…it’s just…” “I’m sorry. Old habits die hard.” He smiled and he gently squeezed my hand. I let him because I’m just that tired and who am I kidding, I like holding his hand, “Can we talk, please? I've been doing a lot of thinking...” “There’s nothing to talk about Stuart.” I smirked a bit, knowing he hated his full name. “You love doing that to me.” He chuckled, “There’s a café around the corner. Let’s get a table outside. We can have Snoop lay by us and we can talk. We talked last time we were with the others and we were civil, maybe we can do it again.” I licked my lower lip and bit it subconsciously, doing it out of nervousness and let out a deep breath. I was going to do this. I was really going to do this, was I? Could I handle spending time with him alone? With a group I can but I don’t know. I pulled my hand away from his and rubbed my legs trying to get rid of the sweat that was forming, ready to tell him not today. No. Not gonna happen. Not in this lifetime. “Okay.” Stupid mouth. With one final squeeze, he gave me a soft smile. I looked back down at it and noticed he had a new tattoo on the back of his hand that wrapped around his wrist. Black birds and it was beautiful. “Come on Bella.” He winked and I just had to close my eyes to stop myself from going over to him, wrapping my arms around him and kissing the living hell out of him because he knows what it does to my ladybits when he speaks Italian to me. Oh he found out alright and he loved using it to get what he wants. Not that I complained. With hesitation, we walked about five minutes to the local café that had outdoor seating. While I got Snoop situated next to me, Art went inside and ordered breakfast and coffee for us. He acts like he knows me so well. “Snoop…I’m upset with you.” I mumbled as I tied his leash to the hooks they have cemented into the ground for dogs, “You did this on purpose.” He just lifted his head and looked at me. “I sure did because you’re in denial.” I know that’s what he said and I just glared. He turned his head slightly and let out a small bark as he saw Art walking with two coffees in a tray in one hand and a tray of food in another. His tail started wagging so hard I thought it might start an earthquake. “Sorry it took so long. I made sure they got some eggs for Snoop.” He smiled, setting down a bowl of freshly scrambled eggs for the number one man in my life. He gave me a blueberry muffin with some butter packets as he had a cheese Danish, “Speaking of Snoop, Lucas has been asking to see him.” “Thank you.” I smiled up at him, “I’ll have to bring him by Sawyer's the kids are there. Maybe they can tire him out.” “That sounds like a plan, Bella.” He smiled and I rolled my eyes. “It’s better than baby is guess.” I chuckled. “It is, isn’t? Italian is one of the languages of love. The softness. The sound. The sensations is causes.” he whispered with a wink, taking a sip of his coffee. I held my composure because I wouldn’t let him know I just melted on the inside and with a sigh of defeat he said, “What’s going on Ava.” “I don’t know what you mean.” “You’re working a lot I guess and only nights. You’re exhausted all the time and don’t deny it I can see it right now in your eyes. You’ve been pulling away from everyone and it’s concerning.” He sighed out and reached his hand out and grabbed mine. I let him. The comfort felt nice. “I’m worried about you.” “There’s nothing to worry about and I work some days too, you just don't see me.” I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, “I just have a lot going on right now.” “You know I can tell when you’re lying right?” I gave him a strange look. There’s no way he knows. “Your eyes shift a bit and your ears turn red when you’re lying.” I immediately covered my ears and glared at him, “I know a lot about you Ava, more than you know so please…as a…friend…” it sounded painful coming from his mouth and I could see the pain he was in saying it, “Talk to me.” Do I tell him? Do I tell him before I tell anyone else that’s going on? No one knows what I’m going through right now. I know it would be amazing to tell someone but I couldn’t, not yet. “We’re not friends Art.” I sighed out, “We can’t be friends not after what happened.” “You know that’s a bunch of crap right?” he crossed his arms over his chest and glared, “We can be friends after everything. I don’t know what went wrong between us and if you have no desire to fix that and actually be something then I can respect your decision but don’t give me the speech of how we can’t be friends because it’s what’s best. I told you my feelings months ago and you told me yours so why can’t we move on?” “I just…” I shook my head, “How can I move on when you’re the one that told me to come back to you and tell you why? You know how I feel. But you still walked away from me!” I started to slightly raise my voice before reeling it back in. “Then tell me why? Why do you love me? Are you still in love with me?” He asked those same questions again. “I don’t have time for this.” I mumbled as I stood up and his eyes never left mine, "If you can't believe me without hearing why then I don't know why we are even here right now." “Sit down Ava. It’s time we talk.” He demanded. I pursed my lips and glared. I’ve been doing that a lot lately and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of a lot of stuff and at this point I just want a clean slate. “You’re not the boss of me” “You’re right. I’m not. So you have one of two choices. You can sit your beautiful ass down and talk to me and get everything out in the open or you can walk away from me and I will find out what’s going on and there’s nothing you can do to stop me” “What are you going to do, stalk me?” I questioned with a c****d eyebrow, arms crossed looking down at him. “If that’s what it takes then I will. You know I will.” He looked me dead in the eye, no smile, nothing, just all seriousness. “You’re a creeper.” “You are only saying that because you keep pushing me away when we both know that’s not what you want.” With a roll of my eyes and huff, I sat back down in the chair, “What did you want to talk about?” “Everything.” I looked over at him and sigh, playing with the ends of my hair, “Fine. Let’s go to my place and we can talk there please. But first…I need to go do something.” I looked away from him towards where Snoop was almost asleep, “This is such a bad idea.” I mumbled quiet enough where he couldn’t hear me. “I can go with you if you want.” He asked but his face looked more like pleading, “I’m off today and I’m not on call…” “There’s no avoiding this, is there?” I sighed as I laid my head in my hands, slightly rubbing my temples. “Nope. And I know for sure you’re off today too.” he grinned. “See? I told you. Freaken stalker.” he chuckled as I rolled my eyes. Little did he know I still had to work... Here goes nothing.