Forever, With Love

Chapter Five

Art

I tried so hard to stop myself, to will myself to stay in bed with her just for tonight, to hold her and be with her. To feel her soft, silky skin again me like we used to but I’m too much of a damn gentleman. f**k, I didn't even care if we had s*x or not, that's not my goal. I just want her in my arms where she fuckin' belongs. I just wish she wouldn’t have kicked me out of the room. We always slept better together, at least I did. She grounded me and calmed my racing mind and silence the demons that invaded the darkest parts.

The nightmares stopped when we spent time together and came rushing back as soon as she was gone. It’s hard to explain, it was like she was the light to my darkness, a light that I thought would never go out, until it did.

And that night, all because she wasn't in my arms, one of my nightmares came rushing back.

“Get in there.” Dean said, pushing me into some random room in some house in the middle of California, “We have things to…discuss…TOYA!” he screamed out. She came running in, out of breathe, not looking at anyone but him.

“Yes.” She whispered. I took her in. She was pretty but she also looked scared.

“Take care of Lucas and get this one here something to drink. Simmons will be here in twenty.” He said sternly making her shake.

“Yessir…” she mumbled as she held her hand out for Lucas, “Come with me.” She said to me, holding her hand out for mine.

“No. He stays here. I have some business with my brother.” Dean said and I just rolled my eyes and she left the room with Lucas. What the hell did I get myself into? “Good. Now that she’s gone…” he turned around and picked me up by the throat. He may still be a little bit taller and bigger than me, but I know I could put up a good fight. But the asshole caught me off guard and slammed my body onto the floor, creating a loud thump. “Listen and listen to me little brother. I need your help and you’re going to help me. You remember Simmons?”

I nodded my head as he held my throat a bit tighter so I couldn’t speak and could hardly breathe. Simmons was this guy that came around all the time when we were younger and talked to dad. I didn’t know much about him but I knew he was bad news. It wasn't until I was about fifteen, sixteen when I found out the truth to everything going on.

“I work for him, for now. But you are going to help me get everything I deserve in this damn world. My wife died giving birth to Lucas. If you noticed, he looked a bit familiar right? Did you know Summer had a twin sister? Katherine. So identical but completely different personalities and you are going to help me get her back.”

“How…” I groaned out. If she’s dead…

He took his fist and punched me in the face, making me snap my head to the side and spit out blood. I can feel the side of my lip starting to swell a bit, “Don’t ask questions and when you speak to me, it’s boss.” He said as he slammed me down, “You are going to help me get Summer.”

I grabbed his arm and yanked it off my throat to push him off me. He went without a fight and as I stood up to regain my balance, I didn’t hear the door behind me open and footsteps coming towards us.

“You’re crazy! You don’t even know where she is and why not just leave her alone. You already cheated on your ex with her when we were was sixteen and you were nineteen and she disappeared. Because of you, I lost one of my closest friends! Just let it go and move the hell on.” I said with a strained voice. I was bitter about it. I heard about him sleeping with her from Gage. He went to sneak over that day to get Summer so we can hang out and he saw what happened with her mom, my dad and everything. He stayed there waiting for Summer to come home, but she never did, just her mom.

I felt strong arms grab my arms and pull them behind me as someone kicked me behind the knees, making them buckle as I let out a small scream. “Ashleigh is the least of my worries. She’s my wonderful fiancé and she’s going to lead me to my real future wife because once I see Summer and get her back, nothing will stop me from having her be mine.” He snapped his fingers and the guys held me down tighter as someone else came in and started to beat the s**t out of me while my brother stood there and watched until I gave in and helped him destroy so many lives.

My eyes shot open, remember the first time Dean brought me into his world. I hated him for what he did to me. The beatings. Hell, the beatings were just that. He’s the reason why I worked out more than I ever had. I was strong then but not strong enough to hold my own and I regret it. I regret everything he made me do and the things he tried to make me due that I refused. It will forever haunt me. The only good thing to come out of this was Lucas. These nightmares are making me go crazy and I knew I had to get a hold of Celeste. I went to reach for my phone realizing it’s on Lucas’s side of the bed so I reached over, grabbed it, and tucked him back in.

It was still on the bed open to Netflix. There wasn’t a television in the room anymore so I put on the minions movie for him so he could fall asleep. As I reached for my phone I took in the blonde child laying in the bed, the five, almost six year old, my nephew, but also my adopted son. I would do anything for him. He slipped the other day and called me dad and then covered his mouth like he was going to get in trouble.

He slapped his hand over his mouth and looked right at me, eyes watering, scared I was going to get mad, “I’m sorry.” He whispered. My heart broke looking at him. I just gave him dinner while I put on a movie and he accidently said ‘thank you. I love you daddy’.

He was terrified. Dean did a number on him. I remember walking into the room one day and he smacked Lucas. I went to Dean and punched him in the face only to get another beating from his goons.

“Please don’t be mad at me Uncle Artie.” He whispered, taking his hand away, “Please…”

I dropped down to my knees and cupped my large hands over his chubby chipmunk cheeks, having him look me in the eyes. They glazed over, trying to hold back the tears I wanted to let fall. I promised I wouldn’t cry in front of him and I intend to keep that promise, “Hey. If you want to call me dad or daddy, I am okay with that. You and I, Luke, we’re family and no one is going to change that.”

“Do…do you think my daddy would be mad if I called you that?” he asked, his eyes shifting back and forth.

“I’m not going to lie to you bud. I promised you I wouldn’t, but if your dad ever got out of jail and he heard you call me that, he would be very upset.”

“Then…he’ll try to hurt you.” He gasped.

“But I’m stronger now. I can protect you and myself from him. You do what you feel is best. Call me Uncle Artie, call me daddy, but I will never force you to call me either. You can even call me just Art if you want. It’s up to you. Just not Stuart.” I laughed making him smile.

“And you won’t be mad?” he whispered.

“Never.” I kissed his forehead, but then he let out another sigh.

“Do…do you think Auntie Ava would get mad…if….”

“You call her mom?” he nodded his head and my heart broke. Ava and I weren’t together at this point and it was after Jordan and Summer’s wedding when I found out she went on that date with Dr. Grant. God it made me want to strangle him, “I don’t think it’s the right time bud.”

“But…you love her, right? I heard you say it.”

I c****d my head to the side, confused, “When?”

“You were drinking the stuff that looks like apple juice, but it really gross and tastes like pee, with Uncle Finn, Uncle Dylan, Uncle Jordan and Archer…”

“When did you try beer young man?”

“It’s a secret. Uncle Austin and Uncle Eli told me to keep it a secret so they wouldn’t get in trouble but it was gross.”

“Why did they let you try it?”

“They didn’t know.” He shrugged, “I took a sip and spit it out. They saw me.” I rolled my eyes. Those men will be the death of me one day, “But you were drinking it and you said you loved her.”

“I do…”

“Then why can’t I call her mommy? I love her too. She acts like my mommy. She tucks me in. Reads me stories. Takes care of me when I'm sick. She...she is my mommy. I miss her a lot and I know she misses me too.”

“Because buddy…” I sighed out and brought him into me arms, “Even if all that is true, which it is, don’t know if she loves me back…but I know she loves you so much. She tells us all the time. You’re her favorite guy so for right now, let’s call her Auntie Ava or just Ava, okay? Just until she says it's okay because I'm going to do everything I can to show her she belongs with us.” he nodded his head and turned back to the tv like nothing ever happened

I grabbed my phone from the bed and went into the living room and took a seat on her couch. Looking around one more time, I felt that sense of emptiness. If she was serious about moving I could try to convince her to move in with me. It would be better than Trinity center but I know she would fight it every way she could.

Me: Hey. You up?

I leaned back on the couch and looked at the time, it showing it was five in the damn morning. I only slept for like three hours and I was exhausted. I don’t know how I was going to survive my shift today at the hospital.

Celeste: It’s five in the morning. Why are you up?

Me: Couldn’t sleep.

Celeste: Do you need to talk?

Me: Yeah. Can I come over today after my shift? I don’t get out until about three if everything goes as planned.

Celeste: What about Lucas?

Me: I can have Jordan watch him.

Celeste: You can bring him if you want. It’s no problem at all you know that. I'll bring color books for him. The cafe okay?

Me: Okay. Sounds like a plan. Thanks for this. I appreciate it.

Celeste: Thanks for what?

Me: Always being there when I need you.

Celeste: It’s what I’m here for. I’m going back to bed. I’ll see you later today Art.

Me: See ya later Celeste.

I tried to lay on the couch but I couldn’t fall back asleep. My body was on a time clock and usually I would be out the door running by now if Lucas wasn’t home. I could go for that run…Lucas is sleeping and Ava is in the house. She’s knows he’s here, so I decided to do just that. I head back into the room, grab my clothes and change back into the ones I wore yesterday to go for that run.

I’m not taking my normal path. I had a mission in mind and I needed to have that conversation with her to figure out everything that’s going on. Ava won’t talk to me about it so I’ll go to the source.

The run to Sara’s house was only five minutes, a wonderful perk of Ava living close to her mother. The house was dark which wasn’t unexpected at all, but I went for it anyways. I knew Sara kept a spare key behind the loose board in the porch, so when I got to the spot, I lifted it up and took out the spare key, only to find the door was unlocked. Damn it Sara, I thought, This is not safe.

I shook my head and headed inside, only to pause my step when I heard the echo of loud growl from down the hall. I flipped on the light to see Snoop standing there, growing, showing teeth, hackles up ready to pounce until he saw it was me. In an instant he went back into puppy form, running up and jumping like a deer, excited to see me.

“Hey buddy. Good job at protecting the house.” I whispered, scratching behind his ear.

“He’s good like that.” Sara said as she stood there, wrapped in a thick fuzzy robe.

“is that why you don’t feel the need to lock your door?” I questioned, “I told you I would feel much better if you locked it at night.”

“Always so protective and I do. It’s morning.” She chuckled, making me shake my head, “I figured you would be over sooner rather than later. Come and have some coffee with me. We need to talk.”

We headed into the kitchen where I helped make coffee in complete silence. I looked over at Sara and all she was doing was smiling. I don’t know how she could smile like that with everything going on. It’s amazing. Her strength. Her positivity. Everything.

We grabbed our cups and brought them with us to the back porch so Snoop could go out and run for a bit. The porch was nothing like anyone else’s. While Finn has three grills, a fire pit and a hot tub, Dylan had a smoker and a huge lounge area and Jordan’s was filled with stuff for the kids, Sara’s was just a simple porch with an awning and a porch swing, facing the back yard.

“He really is the best dog in the world. When Ava brought me to the shelter when she moved down here after college and showed me him, we instantly knew he was the one for us.” She smiled, “He keeps her moving and I love it. She needs him like she needs you, even if every stubborn bone in her body refuses to admit it.” She said without looking at me.

“How long?” I asked, just holding the cup.

“Almost two years ago.” She sighed out, “It’s a long story.”

“I have time.”

“I don’t really want to get into it right now. I will when the time is right but now, I just want to enjoy this time with my future son in law and have a cup of coffee with him while we watch the sunrise.”

“Sounds perfect.” I smiled and took a sip. She loved calling me her son in law, hoping that Ava and I would pull our heads out of our asses and settle down. Now, it's more me than anything. If only I could get past my own insecurities.

“How’s my grandson?” she asked. I just turned to look at her, surprised, “If I call you my future son in law, don’t you think I would call him my grandson?”

“Well, your daughter and I aren’t exactly together anymore…”

“That’s because you both are beyond stubborn.” She sighed out, “What happened? She won’t tell me much because she doesn’t want me to worry but not knowing is making me worry more.”

“Maybe she’s right…I don't want to give you any extra stress. You don't need it right now.”

“Stuart…don’t. Please, just tell me. I’m worried about her. I know she’s worried about me and there’s more going on than what she wants to talk to me about…and the longer I'm left in the dark, the more stressed I'm going to be. Now, you don't want to be responsible for causing me unneccessary stress now, do you?”

"Touche." I let out a sigh and leaned my head back with a bit of frustration. I can see her point “Before Summer and Jordan’s wedding last year, her and I were laying in the bed of my truck after…well...yeah. We were talking about what we wanted in our future. After I told her what I saw as my future, she got a call from work and went in. I thought things were great and then, a couple of days later, she ended things with me out of nowhere after I cornered her. She wouldn’t give me a reason or anything, she just ended it. I tried to talk to her but she avoided me as much as possible. A month later, I find out she’s dating that asshole of a doctor.”

“Ah…Brandon. What a sweet boy.” She said as she took a sip of coffee, “Of course, it was fake to my face.” I gave her a surprise look, “A mother always knows my dear. Keep going please.” She said as she patted my knee.

“I told her I loved her but she kept pushing me away. I decided to give her space and just continue my residency at a small clinic I was at. One day when I was with the boys and we were walking into the back at Finn and Sawyer’s, Ava was there telling Sawyer that falling in love sucks. That…that broke me because I told her how I felt and I thought she felt it too but she was falling in love with Brandon. So, I moved to the other end of the state with Lucas and talked to the chief at Austin Med and transferred. I called Finn and Sawyer, explained I couldn’t come back and then the whole thing happened in Buffalo so they called me. I was with them, to support them and I came back here with them to make sure they were okay. The day before I left, Ava had to go to work and I knew this was my chance to say goodbye.”

“What did you say to her?”

“I caught her before she went to her car. She was crying and when I turned her around I just pulled her into a hug, kissed her head and told her I would always love her no matter what and I am always here but for us to be anything in the future, even as friends, I need to know what her heart is telling her once and for all. I can’t keep going on like this. I just…my heart can’t take it.”

“You got hurt a lot when you were younger.” She said as a statement, not as a question.

“More than you know. More than you know Sara. So, I was about to leave and honestly not come back. I had everything planned to move on. And then the accident…the accid…” and that’s when I broke. I know they said they didn’t blame me but I did. How am I not supposed to?

“You saved them.”

“I just did my job and I didn’t save everyone.” I looked down at the ground, not wanting to look up at her. I knew if I did I would start to cry and I refused to.

“You did more than that, you know it. You saved family. You’re a hero, you, Finn, Aiden, Jordan, Archer, Dylan, all of you. If it weren’t for you guys, who knows what would have happened. Yes, it was sad they lost the baby, but they are still here. Ivory is taking care of the little one, I know it.” She said as she patted my hand, “Please…go on. I haven’t heard any of this so I’m well invested.”

I chuckled at her words, “When they came home, I left and went back to Austin and I was absolutely miserable. The only thing that kept me going was Lucas and honestly, the hope that Ava would pull her head out of her butt. I was going through the everyday motions but I felt empty and I knew that was not a life worth living. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to Lucas.”

“Yeah, she has a terrible habit of doing that, especially after what happened.” She sighed out.

“What happened?” I needed to know.

“That is her story to tell you dear and trust me when I say this, it will open your eyes as to why she is the way she is. Now, please keep going.”

“Um, okay? Well, one night when Lucas was asleep, I was about to break open a bottle of Jamison when Sawyer called and we had a long talk and she begged me to come back. She gave me the number to the hospital where Ava worked and told me if I really loved her the way I say I do, I would come back and claim what’s mine. So, I called the chief the next morning, applied for transfer, got in and came home. I surprised her at the fire they had and kissed her and told her that the ball was in her court and I would see her at work. Then Brandon freaken shows up.”

“Of course he does. He has wonderful timing.” She laughed.

“I don’t know what was going on at work but things were weird. Brandon was giving me weird vibes and Ava was avoiding me. It wasn’t until the wedding when she came to me, after her and Brandon apparently broke up, and told me she loved me. When I asked why…she couldn’t say why.”

“Do you need to know why?” Sara asked.

I pursed my lips and nodded my head, “Honestly, a part of me says I do and the other part says who cares. I know it’s dumb but I’ve had people in my life use me, hurt me and take advantage of me. After my ex's…my family...I just…I need to know why. A part of me needs the sense of security and to guard my heart in case something happens. I know it's a cowards way of thinking...”

“Say no more Stuart and it's not. You've been hurt too. Sometimes, people need that extra reassurance and there is no shame in that.” She smiled and looked out into the distance as the sun started to slow rise, “I do think once you two have that talk, things will be better than you believe. You both just need to get over those hurdles first. But whatever you do, if she pushes you away, hold on to her but not too tight otherwise she will fight with everything just to get away and you both will end up miserable. She’s going to need you more than you know but at the same time, she will need space. But she also needs to figure out how to be herself again. She needs to love herself before she can love another and that's the same with you." I linked my fingers together as I leaned on my thighs, thinking about the words that she said. Love myself? I do...so I wonder if she's talking about something more. "Oh, and one last thing. Don't tell Ava I'm home. I told her I wasn't going to be here but I just needed night to myself. She's been a bit sufficating.” I nodded my head, silently agreeing with her wish.

Why are two broken people in the world so attracted to one another? I had my demons, she had her past and together, we can either make them all disappear or it can blow up in my face. What am I supposed to do?

First…I need to go see Celeste, she always knew what to do to help me.