Dear Diary, I'm Completely Lost

Family Weekend Or "How To Convince Perrie To Come To Yale"

Stavros isn’t there, when we get back to the dorms. Is he eating this long or …? “He’s attending a fraternity party,” Hunter explains as he notices that I’m confused. I can’t help but smirk in response.

“So, does that mean that we’re alone for the night?” I wonder, making him chuckle immediately. Not even ten minutes later, we’re going for round two in the shower, using the time that we have together as best as we can.

As we go to sleep, I realize Hunter’s bed is tiny. I mean, we’re both able to fit on it, but it would be much easier if it were a little bigger. I don’t care, though. As long as he’s with me.

He wraps me in his arms, trying to ensure that I’d be more comfortable. But all he manages to do is make me feel hot. I uncover myself, sighing. It’s okay. I can handle a little heat. It’s better to be hot than cold anyway.

I don’t even know when, but after a lot of fiddling and turning, I finally manage to fall asleep, both of us positioned in a way that is comfortable enough to doze off.

I hear Hunter’s roommate come in during the night. I know it must be either really late or really early in the morning, because I feel all groggy as he wakes me up. I can’t even open my eyes that’s how exhausted I feel.

He takes his sweet time in the bathroom, making me hang on the edge of sleep all the time. Whenever I feel like I’m already falling back asleep, he makes a noise that brings me back to consciousness. I can’t wait for this night to be over.

Soon enough, Stavros leaves the shower and comes back to the room. As he lies down, my thoughts are all over the place. I don’t even know if I’m thinking or dreaming. It’s a strange feeling.

Once I’m met with a really strange scene, I just know that it’s a dream. I’m sitting in a lecture hall with Hunter beside me. We’re listening to a professor, who’s talking while crouching on top of the desk and impersonating a chicken. And no one questions his mental health! Not even me!

When I wake up, I feel like I got ran over by a train, chewed by a mountain lion and spit out like a rotten fruit. Hunter runs his hand through my hair, but I’m unable to open my eyes. I just grunt in response as he kisses the top of my forehead.

He chuckles and keeps trying to get me to open my eyes. After a whole lot of persuasion in the form of gentle caresses and kisses, he eventually succeeds. But I probably look like a zombie. Great. Just how I wanted our morning together to go.

He lets me go to the bathroom first to pull myself together, then leads me to the campus café for breakfast. And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t delicious. Especially their coffee smoothie. I have no idea what exactly was in it, apart from bananas, but it was amazing. I could have three of those. But by then, I’d probably be the one crouching on the table, impersonating a chicken.

A laugh escapes my mouth at the reminder of my crazy dream. Hunter looks at me in wonder, probably thinking that I’m starting to lose my mind. “What? Am I making a face?” he asks, seeming like I disturbed a thought process under those gorgeous curls.

His bright green eyes search my gaze in such a way that I can barely get the words out of my mouth. “Oh, no. I just remembered what I was dreaming about tonight,” I explain, chuckling again as I reveal the dream.

He almost spits out his own smoothie (one without coffee), before laughing and shaking his head in disbelief. “I really can’t imagine how that must’ve looked like,” he remarks next, a smile still playing around his lips.

I stare at him as he starts pulling his wallet out of the pocket, waving the waitress over that he’s ready to pay. My eyes travel over every line of his face, the way he pinches his nose whenever he’s waiting for something. How a smile lights up his face as he looks at me. His intense gaze feels like a punch to the gut. But in a good way. Oh, Perrie. You’ve let yourself fall so hard.

We meet my parents at the Visitor Center. They’re sitting on the bench outside, waiting for us to come. Hunter then leads us inside, straight to one of the desks that are set up for visitors. He states his name and tells who’s with him, then hands us the keepsakes. They’re neatly put away in small bags, and I can’t help but peek inside. They’re quite heavy, I’m curious. Ah. Coffee mugs. Just what we all need. I’ve lost count of how many I alone have already broken this year.

As we get asked, if we want to join any campus tours, Hunter jumps in, saying: “Actually, we’re signed up for brunch at eleven, so I’ll be giving them a tour for now. But we’ll stop by, if we change our mind.” I look at him in surprise, and so do my parents. We’re having brunch?

Hunter takes us on an inside tour of his campus. We see the lecture halls that he goes to, he takes us to Yale Peabody Museum, with so much natural history that I don’t know where to look first. It’s actually pretty cool, and I can tell my parents thinks so, too.

He then leads us out, full of impressions and walks with us to the Commons, where we’re having brunch, I guess. I’m not particularly hungry, since we had breakfast about two and a half hours ago, but the moment my gaze falls on the buffet, I change my mind.

There’s literally everything you can wish for, all kinds of meat, roasted veggies, eggs, fruit, I feast my eyes before I even get to pick up a plate.

We eat in a comfortable silence, my parents occasionally asking Hunter how he’s liking his classes and all that. You know, making polite small talk. Neither of them touches on any sensitive subjects, like, if he wants his girlfriend to join him here next year. Okay, what is up with me and next year? It’s literally months away.

But there’s a tiny voice at the back of my mind, reminding me that I’ll actually have to start making decisions pretty soon. Applications will be opening soon. And closing even sooner. I’ll have to consider where I’ll be applying. Yale, duh. I need second options, though. Just in case. You know. This is an Ivy League. I might have great marks, but other than that … Meh.

Okay, I need to start working on that competition, really. Mrs. Ramirez will probably be jumping down my throat on Monday, if I have nothing to show her. Which I don’t.

“You good?” Hunter suddenly brings me out of my thoughts, making me look up with wide eyes.

“Huh?” I say in response, a little too loudly, might I add. I can feel my cheeks heating up with embarrassment as I notice that a few nearby heads turned my way. I pull my head between my shoulders, nodding. “Uh-huh,” I then add much more quietly.

His gaze is full of disbelief, but he doesn’t push it. Not in front of my parents, at least. I love him for that. From the bottom of my heart. So, why am I considering Yale as a second option, if I only want to be with him?

I don’t hold the answer to that question. At least not yet. Maybe I will someday, but I don’t think it will happen very soon. Not if I judge by how long my process of denial lasts. Especially regarding Hunter. Funny thing, life, isn’t it?

We spend the rest of the afternoon together. Hunter takes us to the Sterling Memorial Library, which reminds me more of a church than anything else. I mean, it looks nice, I like it, but it’s not my style. I’m not sure I’d be able to study in there. I can already see how many weird thoughts would be going through my head.

I smile at Hunter, because I know that this is his ace. You know, for trying to convince me to come to Yale. He hasn’t mentioned it yet, but I know it’s coming. I can feel it. He’s just waiting for the right opportunity. Preferably, when my parents aren’t around.

Like I said, he’s waiting patiently. Until my parents return to the hotel to freshen up for the Gala Concert. Yeah, Yale has its own Big Band. And the Glee Club. I mean, it’s kind of iconic. They’re cool. I’ll give them that. There are so many possible activities to do in this college that I can understand why Hunter is completely won over.

Okay, straying away from the point. As we all head our separate ways before the big concert, our last joined activity before Hunter drives us to the airport the next morning, he finally gets me alone. We’re walking through the campus, and he’s holding my hand in a causal way.

He’s nervous, I can tell by the way his palm is getting slightly sweaty. But there’s no way I’m telling him that. It will only make him feel even worse. “So, Pez … Is Yale to your liking?” he wonders. I look up at him. This is it. This is the moment. Just say it, Perrie, he won’t judge you for your opinion.

I open my mouth, about to tell him that it’s okay, but not really my style. Anyways, what actually comes out is: “Yeah, I think it’s really cool.” His face lights up and I feel the need to slap myself. Really, girl? I already mean to add that, you know, it’s still not my style, like I intended to. But before I’m able to continue, his excitement already takes over.

“I knew you’d like it!” he exclaims, looking so happy that I don’t have the heart to break his spirit. It’s okay. It’s just a little white lie. He doesn’t have to know that his dream college isn’t my type of school. “I can’t wait for us to be together every day again. Don’t worry about applications, I’ll help you out. You just do you, rock those competitions and you should be fine,” he continues, unable to stop himself.

And what can I do in that situation? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I screwed up, now it’s time to play along. I can’t break his heart. Not like that. Not when all I want is for us to be together as well. I’ll apply for Yale. He doesn’t have to know that it’s my second choice, does he?

I put a smile on my face. “Yeah, I’ll try my best,” I tell him, leaning into him as he pulls me into a side-hug mid walking. I feel bad, though. Really bad. What the hell has gotten into me?

Okay, I know what. I didn’t want to hurt him. Because the moment he asked the question, I knew that I’d ruin everything, if I said I didn’t like Yale. I mean, come on, what’s not to like, Perrie? You can major in English literally anywhere, why not do it at one of the best universities in the world?