Dear Diary, I'm Completely Lost

To The Ball It Is

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I’m so slow when it comes to my private life. I literally have snails screaming at me by the time I finally start figuring out what’s going on. Yeah, I know, not my best metaphor, but I can’t come up with anything better at the moment.

At least Leslie is happy that I finally managed to open my eyes. And my brother. And my parents. They’re all thrilled, actually. Except my boyfriend. He has no idea that I was hanging out with a … Well, I can call him a stalker now, can’t I?

Anyway the events of the past week have led me to come up with a decision that my best friend won’t be as happy about. But I want to stay true to myself. And this is how I’ll manage to achieve that.

“I’m not going,” I repeat myself. It’s safe to say Leslie isn’t exactly thrilled about my sudden stubbornness, as she calls it. It’s Saturday afternoon and she came over so we’d get ready together. You know, for the Winter Ball. But I have no intention of showing my face there.

“Okay, let me see if I got this right. You were ready to come to the ball with me, because we’re both stood-up losers, no offense. Now you don’t want to go, because that slimy douchebag might be there?” she wonders.

I nod in response. Yeah, that’s exactly why I don’t want to go. “It’s going to suck anyway. Why don’t we just hang here and be losers in the safe haven of our house, instead of embarrassing ourselves by actually attending the ball,” I suggest hopefully.

I’m playing on the loser card, because I know it’s not the most pleasant feeling to hear that word. But Leslie knows exactly what I’m trying to accomplish. She crosses her arms against her chest, not impressed with the way I’m trying to affect her brain.

Yeah, it’s a shame we’re both sitting in the same classroom during psychology. I was hoping she might’ve overheard that lesson, but nope. “Losers, losers, losers. Loooooseeeers,” I insist, trying to get to the point where she starts believing that we’re actually losers and we shouldn’t show our faces to Hilhi High tonight.

She raises her eyebrows. Thank God she doesn’t know how to raise just one. It’s Aiden and mom’s thing, I don’t also need my best friend pulling that crap on me. “Not working, Perrie,” she informs me coldly, making me scoff disappointedly.

“God damn it,” I mumble, making a hint of a smile appear on her face. She relaxes her stern posture and leans forward, placing her hand over mine.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll be there the entire time. This is our night. We won’t let a boy ruin it, alright?” she tells me, then holds up her pinky finger. I send her a long look. What are we, twelve?

“Uh, no. Still a big pass. I’m not going,” I repeat again, making her groan in frustration. She lowers her hand and leans towards the open door, making me frown. What the hell is she going to do now?

“MRS. H!” she yells out for my mom, making me freeze. I shake my head pleadingly. Oh, no. No, just not my mom. She doesn’t know about Jackson. She has no idea that he’s been leading me on with his ‘friendship’. She just thinks I finally started listening to her.

Trust me, it’s better she has that picture painted in her head, than knowing what actually happened. She doesn’t know that he asked me to the Winter Ball. Only my best friend does. I didn’t even let her tell Aiden.

Okay, yeah, I made her give me a pinky promise. What? It’s how you make sure someone’s being trustworthy! “Les, please don’t,” I practically beg her. I have no idea why she’s calling my mom. I mean, I know she wants her to help persuade me into going to the ball, but I have no idea how she’s going to do that. Or what she’s going to tell her.

“You won’t listen to me, but you might listen to your mom,” she declares, turning towards the door again. “MRS. H!” she yells again, making me grab a pillow and groan into it. I can’t believe this.

In a couple of seconds, I already hear her footsteps coming upstairs. Somebody shoot me, please. “Coming!” she calls out, making me peek over the pillow just to come face to face with Leslie’s triumphant expression. I glare at her. “What is it, girls?” my mom asks, suddenly peeking through the doorframe before I’m able to scold my bestie.

“Perrie doesn’t want to go to the ball. I need your help. I already have to go without a proper date, now even my best friend wants to bail on me. I can’t go alone alone. It would be a disaster,” she tells her, using those big brown puppy-like eyes to stare up at her. Oh, come on, not fair!

My mom sighs in a sympathetic way, then turns towards me with a reprimanding gaze. “Perrie, you’re going,” she simply tells me, making me open my mouth to protest, but she lifts her hand to stop me. “Na-ah! I don’t want to hear it. I know your boyfriend is far away and can’t make it, but so is Leslie’s. And she still wants to make memories with you tonight. Now, be a good friend and go have fun with her. You look like you’re in desperate need of it,” she concludes.

I close my mouth, slumping my shoulders in defeat. Ugh. I can’t believe these two. “Fine, mom. I’m going,” I mumble, unable to believe that my own mom just forced me to go out. Most of my peers would probably kill to have parents like mine.

Mom winks at Leslie, before disappearing back downstairs. I let out a frustrated sigh, while my best friend squeals with excitement and claps her hands together.

“We’re going to have so much fun together, you’ll see!” she says, but I’m still bummed. It finally makes her realize how badly I want to leave this night out and just stay at home. “Hey, if it’s in any consolation, we’ll stick together the entire time, okay? And we’ll leave whenever you want us to leave. Even if it means after an hour. Okay, midnight is the magical hour, but we can be Cinderellas at any time of the evening, really,” she assures me.

Her effort finally pays off, making me c***k a smile. I nod, earning myself a bright smile in response. She gives me a quick squeeze, then lets go of me and goes to grab her makeup supplies.

We don’t go all out. I mean, we make ourselves look a little prettier, but we’re both wearing old dresses. We borrowed them from our moms. I didn’t feel like I had anything appropriate in my closet and neither did Leslie. It’s a good thing we can share clothes with them.

The dresses might be a little outdated, but neither of us really cares about it. It’s late nineties fashion. That’s popular at the moment, right?

Anyway, our mom acts like we’re complete stunners as we walk down the stairs. She makes us take a picture together, as each other’s date. I try to wear a sincere smile. After all, this will be put together with pictures from all the previous years, when we were each other’s date. Except in those years, Hunter and Aiden were in the picture with us.

I try not to think about them too much. Our mom drives us to the school and instructs us to call her, when we felt like going home. She then sends me a meaningful gaze as she tells us to have fun. Yeah. I know what that meant. Don’t look like you’re attending a funeral, Perrie.

We wave her goodbye, then finally get inside. It’s cold already. A little too cold for the thin fabric that is covering our bodies. We picked the wrong dresses. They must be meant for summer. How else would you explain how thin the fabric is?

Anyway, our gym is once again looking like a winter wonderland. Our decorating committee and the teachers always go all out for this one. I really like it, though. It’s a Winter Ball, it’s supposed to be magical.

Leslie drags me to the table with drinks, making us toast to each other. To … “Do you realize this is our last Winter Ball together? Ever?” I suddenly blurt out as she’s about to say something else. Our glasses freeze mid-air and her smile fades a little.

“Oh my God, don’t remind me of that!” she squeals, shaking her head, but not in a dramatic way. The thought of that causes actual distress for her. She can’t believe everything will be completely different next year. Yeah. Next year.

Nope, not going to think about that. “To our last Winter Ball together. May it be memorable,” I add my own toast, because I know she won’t be able to say it without howling in sadness. She already looks like she’s fighting back tears, when she finally clanks her glass against mine.

“To us,” she concludes, then takes a few quick sips of her mocktail. I do the same, looking around the crowd. Literally everyone has a date here. And those who don’t, find themselves one here. Fun, huh?

We mingle for a few minutes, then put the glasses away. And I grab my bestie, taking her to the dance floor. She goes along with it, and dances her way behind me, making me smile. We’ve danced alone many times before, so we’re natural at it already. We know how to have fun together without boys.

Honestly, this isn’t much different to other times we attended school dances. It’s just us, like usual. Our boyfriends are off, studying like the good boys they are. And we deserve to loosen up a little. Yeah. That’s right. We need this.

We dance until our feet start to hurt. And by then, we’re already thirsty. Again. We go get another round of drinks, watching the dance couples spinning nearby. I can see the longing look on my best friend’s face, no matter how quickly she tries to replace it with a neutral expression. She can’t fool me. I know her like the back of my hand.

She looks at me, and we smile at each other. Ah, well. I guess we can’t have everything. Leslie soon opens her mouth, saying: “Are you up for another dance round, or-”

“Aiden!” I call out in shock, interrupting her suggestion. My jaw drops in shock as I see him over her shoulder. She frowns in confusion.

“Yeah, I’m sure he’d love to dance with me, if he were here. I was asking you, if you’re up for-”

“No, look, it’s Aiden!” I interrupt her again, sighing as she still doesn’t get what I’m saying. I basically have to grab her shoulders and spin her around, so she finally understands what I’m talking about.

My brother has just come into the gym, looking kind of lost. He’s all dressed up, looking around the dance crowd, probably to spot the two of us. She squeals in excitement and runs towards him, jumping into his arms like they haven’t seen each other in months. And we’ve all been together just last week.

I smile at the reunion, before it suddenly hits me. Oh my God. If my brother’s, here, then it must surely mean that …