Dear Diary, I'm Completely Lost

"I Told You So."

I rush over it, completely panicky as I start unzipping the bag. No, no, no, come on, please don’t be ruined. I can’t believe this happened, we were only gone for thirty minutes! Why would anyone be this despicable?

My eyes fall on Cassie, who’s sitting behind her vanity table, pretending to be clueless for the world around her. Of course, who else? I mean, I don’t even know the rest of the girls that are here. She’s the only familiar face here. And she’s pretending to be a little too innocent in my opinion.

I turn back towards the dress, checking the inside of the bag, hearing the blood flowing inside my ears. My chest feels like someone’s sitting on it.

But as I pull the bag apart, I realize something. The dress is also covered with a translucent foil, from top to bottom. There are drops of red liquid, lingering on the front. But they didn’t get to the dress.

Mom gets to my side just as I look up, relief probably written all over my face. She breathes out as she sees that the dress is intact. “Thank goodness, I panicked I forgot to put protective foil on it, before putting it in the bag. It’s a good thing I did,” she speaks up.

I wrap my arms tightly around her. “Mom, you are literally the best, brightest, smartest, most kind person in the world, thank you so much for existing,” I mumble into her hair, clearly taking her aback a little.

She doesn’t know how to react, so she lets out an awkward chuckle, before patting my back. “Uh … You’re welcome,” she finally says, relaxing in my embrace. As we pull apart, she smiles at me. “Now, let’s get you ready.”

“Just a second,” I tell her, lowering my head towards the stain on the protective bag and breathing in deeply. My face falls. “Wow. Blueberry juice. Someone must’ve been really desperate,” I remark as loudly as I can.

I know she heard me, even if she’s pretending that she didn’t. I can tell by the way her makeup brush comes to a slight stop before she continues applying foundation. Leslie breathes in sharply, but I take her hand, shaking my head.

“She’s not worth it. Trust me, being ignored hurts way more than being confronted,” I murmur, fully aware that my parents are listening. My mom gasps and turns her head towards Cassie.

“You don’t think she would …?” she trails off, exchanging a look with my dad, before turning to me. I scoff in response, continuing much more quietly.

“Just like she wouldn’t apply to the same competition as me, despite never showing an interest in writing?” I remark before I’m able to stop myself. My parents both look at me like I just slapped a kid.

“What are you talking about?” my dad asks, making me regret that I said anything. Anger got the best of me and I revealed a piece of information I otherwise wouldn’t have. Damn it, Perrie, you sure know how to pick a moment.

They’re both staring at me in expectation, which lets me know that I won’t get away with this so easily. I sigh and tell them everything. Quietly. Leslie once again takes interest in the ceiling, while my parents both turn to look at Cassie at the same time. I roll my eyes. So subtle.

My mom shakes her head in disappointment, turning back around with a frown on her face. “Okay, honey. Let’s get you ready, so you can kick that obnoxious ass off her nonexistent throne,” she remarks, making my jaw drop.

“Rose,” my dad calls her, shaken by her open competitiveness. She looks at him, shaking her head in clear disapproval for what Cassie is trying to do with me.

“She’s playing mind games with our daughter. And no one messes with our baby without consequences,” she tells him, putting an end to the discussion. Leslie stares at my mom with admiration, smiling as she earns herself a conspiratory wink from her.

My dad doesn’t comment on the matter furthermore, but he does start wiping the remaining drops of blueberry juice off the foil. Just to make sure it really doesn’t get to the dress. Then, he takes it out, spinning a little out in the open, like he’s trying to make sure the Wagners see that my dress is fine. I really have to love my parents.

Mom starts doing my hair, then lets Leslie take over, as she realizes we’re a little tight with time. So, my best friend is left curling my hair, while my mom starts working on my face. And I have to say, they really go out of their way.

I look like a true beauty pageant contestant, by the time they’re done with me. My hair is curly and voluminous, my eyes look like a doll’s and my lips look perfectly pouty. My nose and my cheeks are shining like my skin is made of glass. I look amazing.

Then, they help me get into the dress. I take a selfie with all of them, wanting to commemorate this moment. Then, Leslie takes a picture of me, winking at me as she tells me she’s sending this to the boys. We have a group chat, so I suppose that’s where it’s going to end up.

Sadly, my parents and my best friend have to leave me after we’re finished. The show is starting soon and they all have to be outside to watch it. No one but contestants are allowed backstage anymore. They can only reenter after the winner is announced.

Anyways, I sit in my place, smiling at the reactions my boyfriend and my brother are sending into the group chat. I knew they’d be over the moon when they saw me. Even I’m shaken as I look at my own reflection in the mirror. Like I’m not myself. If you know what I mean.

When it’s finally time, I can barely wait to walk out there and get this over with. This is taking way too long and that’s why it’s stressful. Otherwise it wouldn’t be.

I see Cassie frantically typing something on her phone, almost perking my interest. Almost. I really don’t care what she’s doing. For all I care she can be preparing a sabotage for me outside and I’d simply walk through it like I was born for it. That’s how powerful I feel right now.

“Okay, girls, line up in the order that we assigned! You’re out in five!” someone shouts out, making everyone get on their feet and carefully walk towards the exit to the stage. Luckily, I don’t have to stand next to Cassie, which is a big relief. This way she can’t light my dress on fire or anything.

Those five minutes seem to take forever, but they also pass by like nothing at the same time. When the line in front of me starts moving, I’m suddenly not ready anymore. I walk up the stairs, careful not to trip on my dress, then take a deep breath. Like an Angel, baby.

I squeeze my abs and start walking, just like I did at the rehearsal. It was a little easier back then, because I didn’t have a tight dress on me, that would limit my movements. But I get used to the length of the step that I can take pretty soon. And what’s most important, I don’t stumble now either.

I’m so proud of myself, when I get off stage, that I feel like collapsing and jumping up and down all at once. I did it. I went out there, had fun and stepped out of my comfort zone, despite being scared out of my mind. I’m thrilled that I didn’t chicken out.

After we all get down, we have to take another round walking. This time, one by one, parading around like peacocks. Before we exit the stage, we get stopped by the announcer, who asks us a few questions about the history of Hillsboro, what we like to do, what we aspire to become and what would victory mean to us.

I get the question about Hillsboro perfectly, thank you very much Hilhi High for educating me so well. Then, when I have to talk about myself, it gets a little harder. I mention writing. Of course, I do. I just don’t mention what kind of writing.

Then, I lie a little and say that I’d like to teach English someday. But when we get to the last question, I suddenly don’t know what to say. Until I look at where my parents and my best friend are sitting. They’re somewhere around that spot where I sat last year. When I was mad at them for supporting Aiden and Cassie.

I basically clung onto Hunter and Leslie, because I was so furious with everyone else. I smile and look at the announcer, because I suddenly know how to answer the question.

“Well … The reason I even applied, is because last year, a special someone told me that I’m a winner of this competition without even being on stage. He sadly can’t be here today, but he’s really proud of me for coming out of my comfort zone and taking the stage. So, if I win … I’ll win thanks to him,” I finally manage to get the words out of my mouth, trying not to get too emotional.

The announcer smiles at me in a friendly way, nodding at me in encouragement. “Thank you, Perrie, for letting us get to know you,” she says before finally letting me get off stage. The girls that wait in line behind me, are staring at me in a strange way. Like I intimidate them.

But Cassie’s expression is the best part of all this. She sure looks nice in that blush pink dress, like she could win this thing. But she didn’t count on me to come by and ruin her perfect contest. Which she’s been winning for the past four years, by the way. Last year’s crown wasn’t her first.

She doesn’t say anything and neither do I. I just smile proudly and walk past her without uttering a single word. I feel satisfied, because I showed her she’s not the only one who can play this game.

As I wait for the rest of the girls to get their turn, I sit behind my vanity table and text my boyfriend and my brother. We’re talking in the group chat, actually. After five minutes, Leslie tells us to stop blowing up her phone, because my parents probably think she has a s*x toy in her bag.

I have to cover my mouth with my hand in order not to burst out laughing. She’s unbelievable. But talking to them at least helps me pass the time.

Cassie is actually the last one to go back to the stage and when I listen to her answers, I almost feel the need to roll my eyes. She talks about how beauty pageants have been her dream since always and that she wants to write about them as a journalist when she finishes college. Wow. That’s where her sudden writing passion is coming from?

I ignore her voice, not wanting to listen to her answers anymore. After Cassie leaves the stage, the announcer keeps the audience animated, giving the judges the time to decide the winner. Then, we’re all finally called back on stage.

I stand there, somewhere in the middle of the line that we make, waiting to hear who the winner is. I don’t expect it to be me, to be honest. I’m surrounded by girls, who I think are prettier than me, taller, and gave better answers. In overall, I think I did amazing, but that’s according to my criteria. Not to the judges’.

So, when the announcer suddenly calls my name, my jaw drops. I cover my mouth with my hands, unable to believe that this is happening. Everything seems to go mute around me. I tremble as I’m invited to step forward, barely able to grasp that this is real. Someone pinch me. Perrie Hughes, Miss Fallen Leaves? No. Not even in my wildest dreams.

As a crown is being put on my head, I finally manage to remove my hands from my face and smile. Suddenly, a microphone is pushed in front of my face. Only as I notice the announcer staring at me in expectation, do I realize that I was probably asked something. “Huh?” I hear myself say, hearing laughter coming from the crowd.

I can feel myself blushing as I offer them a sheepish smile, having even the woman chuckle as she realizes I didn’t hear her question. “How do you feel as Hillsboro’s brand new Miss Fallen Leaves?”

“Oh, I … Well, not any different, really. But I’m happy. I’m really happy,” I answer, barely able to talk. The crowd is amused at my answer, but I’m too thrilled to acknowledge their laughter.

“What do you think your special someone will say, now that you’ve actually won the contest?” she continues questioning me. I don’t think about it forever, because I know exactly what Hunter will say to my victory.

“He’ll definitely say I told you so,” I remark, making everyone laugh again. Well, I guess people don’t find me that boring after all.

“Thank you, Perrie,” the announcer tells me, then turns towards the crowd. She greets everyone and wishes them a lovely festival week. “Until next year!”