Shifting Glances

KABANATA 33

Hindi kami sa isang restaurant tumuloy ni Dominic. Dinala niya ako sa isang cafe restaurant na may live-band at pond sa gitna, then the tables are placed on the sides on the rectangular pond. There are also swans swimming around the pond. May kayak din if someone wants to try it.

I like the concept of the place, it’s soothing and relaxing.

“Seems you like it here.” Kumento ni Dominic habang kumakain kami. I smiled and nodded.

“The place is great, pati ang pagkain.” Tugon ko.

He was smiling until he put down his utensils. Mukhang tapos na siyang kumain.

Dominic is already 29 years old, and he has no girlfriend, but he’s not a womanizer. There’s something mysterious about him that he avoids talking about. I heard that he was a classmate of Porcia, and his family owns a line of businesses.

“So, Icely, I will go straight to the point.” Sabi nito, and I expected him to do this because of the way he spoke to me earlier. Having a blind date even if he’s very capable of finding someone is just suspicious, kagaya ni Leon.

Tiningnan ko siya at tinanguan. Pinunasan ko ang bibig ko at uminom sa wine.

“I’m all ears.” I said and showed him a faint smile.

He suddenly put a box in the center of our table. Natuon ang atensyon ko doon at napatitig. My heart skipped a beat, wait, is he proposing to me? So soon? But he didn’t open it, nor did he extend it to me. He just put it there.

Tiningnan ko siya at may nahihinuha na ako sa susunod nitong sasabihin.

“I will give you a promising future. There will never be another woman. If you accept my marriage proposal, you don’t have to sign any prenuptial agreements, what’s mine will be yours.”

Napalunok ako at napatulala sa mukha ni Dominic. Such a handsome face. He’s a lawyer, a bachelor! He’s rich, and he seems kind and romantic. This is so weird.

Kumurap-kurap ako at naglilipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa singsing at sa mukha ni Dominic at mukhang hindi siya nagbibiro at seryosong seryoso talaga siya.

“Uhm… marriage…” Mahinang umpisa ko hanggang sa mapabuga ako ng hangin at nginitian siya.

It’s true that I want to date with the purpose of marrying, but not in this way.

“Your proposal is tempting, but that’s not what I’m looking for.” I said honestly. Dominic’s just staring at me.

“If it’s marital duties, you don’t have to worry about that. I can satisfy your needs.”

Napalunok ako sa tinuran niyang diretsahan. Bahagyang nag-init ang likod ng tenga ko sa hiya pero hindi ko iyon ipinakita.

Ngumiti pa rin ako at tinitigan rin siya.

“But you wouldn’t be able to give me the most thing required for marriage, right?”

Mukhang hindi niya inasahan ang sinabi ko dahil nakita ko ang pagkibot ng noo niya.

“You will never love me.” I blurted out.

It’s not that I want him to love me. I’m just stating the thing he can’t voice out.

Bigla siyang nagbaba ng tingin.

“It’s just how Miles said it. You know how to read people, and you’re not naïve. A straightforward person.” He commented and smiled.

This time, when he stared at me again, it was with a hint of admiration and calmness.

“So, what’s your take in it? Do you want to get married to me or not? This kind of settlement don’t need courtships and such, right?”

I nodded.

“I wanted to know why? You’re handsome, you’re capable, stable, and rich. What’s wrong with marrying the person you’d love?” Nagtatakhang turan ko.

Nang bigla akong may maisip, “Wait… don’t tell me you’re gay?”

Nangunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ko at ang akala ko ay na-offen siya nang ilang minute itong natahimik at biglang tumawa.

“Gay, huh?” Sambit nito pagkatapos tumawa.

Ako ay natahimik at nakatingin lang sakaniya. Sayang naman siya, pero it’s fine, but he should be brave enough and still marry the person he wants, regardless of gender.

“Goodness! It’s been a while since someone made me laugh like this.” he said, still chuckling.

“Then what?” Kunot-noong tanong ko.

Umiling-iling siya, “I’m not gay. I’m in an arranged marriage, and I want to run away from it. Not at least from the girl I’ve hated for all my life. I’ll do everything to not marry her.”

Napataas ang kilay ko.

He’s kind of the same as Leon. Ganitong klaseng problema pala meron ang mga mayayaman.

“You’ll do everything not to marry your fiancé, but you’d still go to blind date choosing a suitable woman for you? Do you think a capable woman would settle with your matters?”

He shrugged, “Well, maybe?”

Ngumiti ako at umiling.

“Well, you’d got to have more time finding someone else, because it wouldn’t be me. It was nice meeting you, but I plan to marry out of love.” Matamis ko itong nginitian.

Ilang saglit itong tumitig saakin hanggang sa sumeryoso ang mukha nito.

“Remember earlier? Why I’m not speaking of love?”

Tumango ako.

“It’s because even I don’t know what awaits me. I declared all my proposals and conditions, and it was you who said what I can’t say, the thing that I can never love you, pero hindi ko sinasabi ang bagay na iyon dahil maging ako ay hindi sigurado… what if in the long run, I may fall in love with you, how’s that?”

Hindi ako nakaimik sa tinuran ni Dominic. Tinitigan ko ang magagandang pares ng kaniyang mga mata. But while staring at him, I suddenly thought of someone else’s pair of eyes… someone’s fiery eyes.

Umiling ako.

“Only a woman who’s madly in love with you could do that, and that’s not me.”

I saw Dominic’s disappointed look.

“You’re saying you do not like me?” Sabi nito pero hindi ako tumugon.

Hinanda ko na ang mga gamit ko at inayos ang sarili ko para umalis. I don’t like where this conversation is going, it’s pointless.

Seems like Dominic saw that I’m no longer interested in talking it out with him. Balak ko na sana siyang iwan pero nag-bill out na ito bigla at inalok ako na ihahatid na ako. He pleaded on it and that’s why I agreed.

Pagkatapos no’n ay hinatid ako ni Dominic sa bahay. He told me that he’ll pick me up tomorrow morning to ask me again, but if I shall refuse his proposal, then he’ll gladly accept my decision and we shall be nothing but friends, which I agreed.

Bumuntong-hininga ako nang matagpuan ko ang sarili ko sa kama habang nakahiga at nakatitig sa kisame.

Bakit ganiyan ang mga nakaka-date ko? They have attachment issues. They only want immediate marriage. Marriage for convenience. Argh.

This makes me feel proud that I didn’t focus on men instead of my studies.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan. Even if Dominic asks me to think over his proposal again, I am not even considering it. I just don’t want to be rude. He will understand it and I appreciate him being honest with me.

It was just 7am and I’m still dollying myself up when I heard someone’s car horns. Napatigil ako sa pagpahid ng foundation sa mukha ko dahil doon at mabilis na napalingon sa pintuan.

Wala ang sasakyan ko dahil naiwan sa company at hinatid lang ako ni Dominic kagabi at susunduin niya ako ngayon pero mukhang napaaga siya.

Binuksan ko na ang pintuan at lumabas. Linagpasan ko na ang patio at binuksan ang gate pero halos mapanganga ako nang hindi ang kotse ni Dominic kahapon ang bumungad saakin! It’s the black sedan of Regan!

Kunot na kunot ang noo ko at hawak ko pa ang nakabukas na foundation powder sa kamay ko habang gulat na nakatingin sa kotse ni Regan. Lumabas na ito mula sa driver’s seat at hinuli ang tingin ko.

“Regan?! What are you doing here?” In the morning! Early in the morning! Wala naman siyang sinabi saakin through text or call.

He suddenly smiled at me, a sly smile!

He’s wearing a square fit dark blue blazer and underneath is a white long-sleeve button-down shirt. His bottom is black semi fit pants. He’s wearing Ray-Ban gold rim sunglasses that complimented his clean fade haircut.

He took his sunglasses and met my gaze. He’s becoming weird to me. He wasn’t mad when I slapped him and now here…

“We’re going somewhere.”

Muling napaawang ang labi ko. Though I’m already wearing my outfit for the day, I have yet to style my hair and my make-up isn’t done yet, wala pa akong lipstick!

“Huh? What are you talking about? I though I made it clear to you to keep some distance from me?” Naguguluhang tanong ko.

“I thought I said I didn’t.” I was left in silence, just staring at him in awe.

I heaved a sigh and made a serious face. “Regan, are we talking about work or other things?”

He smirked, “I’m talking about both.”

I stared at him bewildered.

“Clearly, I won’t let you play with my feelings. Whatever you’re thinking of, quit it.” Sabi ko at tumalikod na. I left the gate open, letting him know if he wants to wait for me regarding the ‘work’ matter part, he could wait, but if doesn’t then he’s better going.

“Why? Nahulog na ba ang loob mo sa Dominic na ‘yon?”

Natigilan ako at mabilis na humarap kay Regan bago pa ako makapasok ng pintuan. I saw him cross the gate and I eyed his footsteps, telling him that he shall not make any more of them, and he stopped.

“Whoever I’ll like is none of your business! Don’t come any closer to my door. You can wait in the patio if you want.” Masungit kong tugon bago tumalikod at humakbang papasok ng pintuan.

“Okay fine. Just do your things faster!” Medyo nilakas nito ang boses dahil may distansya ito saakin. Ikinatigil kong muling ang sinabi nito.

“You can wait if you want—

“That Dominic might appear anytime soon. Do you think I don’t know that you left your car at the company? We’ll leave before he gets here.”

Mabilis akong napalingon kay Regan nang sabihin iyon. He’s now in the patio while gazing at the door… at me.

Once again, I stared at him with all confusion, but then I couldn’t deny my heart racing. I swallowed as we stared at each other with that distance.

He’s acting unreasonably but my heart’s beating for it! I’m not naïve to not realize what his actions are for. Pero bakit ba ako nasisiyahan sa isipang iniisip niya rin pala ako? That he knows that I left my car at the company and Dominic brought me home last night, and now, he came so early in the morning just to pick me up and not to let Dominic do it.

But he has a girlfriend…

Mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin at napahalumbaba nang sumagi iyon sa isipan ko. Being straightforward no longer works for him. He’s got his own internal conflict that I can’t fathom. If I let my feelings get the best of me, I’ll lose. I’ll lose myself. Not with his magnetic presence, and how mysterious of a person he is. The way he brings confusion into me, and the way he acts as if he wants to pull me, but he’s got no plan of holding unto me.

I don’t know him, I don’t know what he wants, I don’t know his purpose, I don’t know what’s running into his mind, but that’s what made me like him… drowning into emptiness where butterflies are alive and flying. It feels like a total darkness, but magical butterflies are alive and flying around bringing light with their pixie dusts.

And I don’t know if I should seek light or stay in the darkness adoring the magical butterflies flying around on it.