Shifting Glances

KABANATA 28

Ang sinabi ko kay Denver ay hindi siya rito magpameeting. Pero nandito kami ngayon sa may V towers kasama ang dalawang CEO ng aking mga kumpanya. This is a secret only me and Denver knows. I own design and build companies, but it’s not under my name and no one knows that I own them.

These CEO are my trusted people, both are already in their mid-50’s. I own one architectural Firm, and one constructions company. Both are known as AZTECS Group.

“Dapat ay saatin nalang napunta ang proyekto ng EVA.” CEO of AZTECS designs commented.

Hindi ako nagsasalita at nakatingin lang sa wine na hawak ko. I’m not even in the mood to have a meeting with them, but they still insist. Denver also insisted saying that I should keep in touch with these people who handles my companies for me.

Nang maramdaman kong saakin sila nakatingin ay sinulyapan ko silang lahat. We’re four in the table. Sa tabi ko ay si Denver at ang dalawa ay magkatabi sa tapat ko.

“I’m handling the EVA as the head engineer for PrimeLine. It’s still the same, tayo naman ang direct supplier nila.” Kumento ko.

“Why do you insist on working as an employee in the PrimeLine when you can run both of your companies by yourself? Bata ka pa at may sapat na lakas para mas lalong palaguin ang mga kumpanya mo.” Kumento ni Alla, and CEO ng AZTECS Construction.

I shook my head and sipped a glass of wine.

“He doesn’t want to be known.” Salansan ni Samuel rito.

Pareho silang napailing.

“Well, wala tayo sa posisyon natin ngayon kung hindi dahil sakaniya at sa kagustuhan niyang ito, kaya huwag ka nang magkumento pa.” Dagdag pa ni Samuel.

Nagtanguan naman sila. These old people are so boring.

Napatuloy nalang sila sa pagkain nilang vegetarian. Si Denver ay tahimik sa tabi ko at tapos na sa kinakaing steak. He’s so busy on his phone and I’ll bet everything I have that he’s just messaging that friend of Icely.

Speaking of the devil…

I didn’t expect to see her enter the. We’re sitting in the corner part of the restaurant and Icely didn’t even bother to roam her eyes around, the reason why she didn’t notice me.

Nakasunod ang tingin ko sakaniya habang nakasunod rin siya sa isang receptionist na hinahatid siya sakaniyang pwesto.

Is she meeting with someone?

She completely got my attention, wondering what she’s doing in a place like this.

I got to commend her for that she really knows how to dress, and she carries them so well. But what’s that dazzling look she has tonight for? But none of her outfits can top her power puff girls’ pajamas that even I didn’t imagine seeing her wearing those while I’m around.

Bigla siyang nawala sa paningin ko pero nakita kong pumasok lang naman siya doon sa balkonaheng parte ng restaurant.

I frowned. Did she got a guy to meet? She was looking for someone in that dating app yesterday. Does she know what she’s doing?

Hindi na ako sumali sa pag-uusap ng dalawang matanda sa harapan ko at ang buong atensyon ko ay sa isipan na kung ano ang ginagawa ni Icely rito.

Minutes later, I found myself standing up.

“Where are you going?” I glanced at Denver and the two old man we’re meeting with.

“I’ll go ahead.” Iyon lang ang tipid kong sinabi bago tumalikod at umalis.

Hindi masyadong kita sa pwesto namin kanina ang balkonahe kung saan pumunta si Icely kaya’t hindi naman ako masyadong makikita ni Denver.

Marahan ang lakad ko patungo roon at nang makalapit ako ay pasimple akong sumulyap at hinanap ng mata ko si Icely.

Clumsy pa naman ang babaeng iyon. Parang magnet ng kapahamakan.

I didn’t know what this feeling I felt when I saw her happily chatting with someone and looks like they’re in some kind of romantic dinner date.

There’s this thing in my chest that irritates me. Isama pa itong pakiramdam na pawang gusto ko silang lapitan.

Who is that man? Icely looks so happy chatting with him. Kahit kailan ay hindi ko pa siya nakitang ngumiti ng ganiyan katagal saakin, except from that Saturday night where in she presented me her ideas and design, and she looks so passionate and dedicated to her craft.

I didn’t want to be seen like a creep or something. I decided to leave and not mind them, and I shouldn’t concern myself too much with Icely, but then when I recognized the man, she’s having a date with, my forehead furrowed and this strange feeling inside me took over me.

What the hell is this man doing here in Bulacan?

There’s no way that I wouldn’t know Leon Salvatore. Even if he’s known being a famous architect, he’s mostly known for his family name and his habit of having a lot of girlfriends. He also just dumps them whenever he wants.

As much as I don’t care about both his business and even on Icely, I found myself walking towards their table even if I know it’s extremely rude and unreasonable just to invade their privacy seeing how exclusive their place is. It’s obvious that they’re having a date and no matter how close I am with both, I know that I shouldn’t just show up just for a nonsense chitchat, but what the hell is wrong with me? Hindi ko napigilan ang sariling kong lumapit sakanila.

It irks me seeing her smile at Leon like that. Saakin nga ay sobrang tapang niya. I may know what Leon’s motives are, and she looks like enjoying it which I deem unacceptable when she just doesn’t want to surrender to me, not in any way.

Pagkalapit ko, ang binati ko ay si Leon pero ang tingin ko na kay Icely. I hate that she dresses so well and that any man who may see her she can catch their attention. She’s showing up so much but effortlessly.

Hindi ko na alam ang mga sinabi ko sakanila. It was my first time acting like that, and I was like a blockhead for a while, and the only goal I have is to get Icely away from Leon.

Para lang akong nagising nang dumapo na ang palad ni Icely sa pisngi ko.

Leon just left and Icely was fuming mad.

What is she madding about? Ruining her date with the well-known playboy of his town? She must be thankful that I saved her from being taken for advantage!

I followed her to make her apologize and wake her up from her senses. I followed her to explain the reason why I acted like that. Even if I ‘myself’ understand too well that what I did was unreasonable and unacceptable.

But when I had managed to catch her wrist and make her look at me, I saw how mad she was that she even cried!

Galit pa rin siyang nakatingin saakin. Once again, my mind felt so lost for a while, and as much as it irks me to see her being so kind and happy with Leon awhile ago, it even more upsets me to see her tearing up because of me.

And it irritates me more that I want to comfort her, and to console her, and to make her stop crying even if it means for me to give her the world, just to fcking make her tears stop from falling.

“I’m sorry, hindi ko alam na magagalit ka ng ganito.”

Parang hindi ko kontrolado ang katawan ko at maging ang bibig ko ay kusang humingi ng tawad sakaniya. She was so angry with me even after I apologized, all I heard was her concern for Leon!

Muli nanaman akong nakaramdam ng pagkairita. Nang muli siyang maglakad ay muli ko siyang sinundan. I want her to come back to her senses! Si Leon pa talaga ang napili niyang gustuhin!

“Do you like Leon that much?” I sounded so irritated.

“Ano bang pakialam mo?!”

Right! What the fck I care for whoever she’ll like? What’s wrong with you Regan!

Icely is a Bennet! You said that you won’t like her!

But now you’re losing your mind even more!

But maybe, at least… I’ll tell her to stop her business with Leon!

“Don’t you get my point? You can find someone else, just not Leon—he’s known for his womanizing habits. He will make you fall inlove, and everybody knows that in the place where he came from.” Pangungumbinsi ko sakaniya. Is that really what my reason is?

“A-And what do you think you’re doing?”

I was stunned when she said that she sounded so weak. She stared at me teary-eyed. She suddenly looks weak and frustrated and she looks like she’s pleading with me to ease the pain she’s feeling right now.

I’ve never seen myself so concerned like this before towards someone else! What the hell did she do to me? Have I failed to refrain myself from falling for her? Of all women out there… why her? A Bennet?

I nonchalantly whispered… “What…” even though I already have a theory inside my head of what she wants to say from the way she looks at me as if I hold a piece of er that she didn’t even hand to me.

I wanted to comfort her, but something is holding me back…

It feels like there’s a huge wall between us that I can’t cross.

It was then my heart suddenly raced… what did she really do to me to concern myself like this for her?

“What do you think you’re doing? Doing things for me… anong sa tingin mo ang ginagawa mo Regan? I know you’re aware…but don’t you think that I am also a woman and I have a heart that someone like you can move?”

I really didn’t see that coming. Not even a chance I’ve thought that everything will come out like this. Kahit ako, hindi ko alam…

The only thing I know is that one day, I woke up, and I started concerning myself with her unconsciously, using the project and the mansion as an excuse.

“I like you, Regan! And as much as it frustrates me, I wanted to go on dates, find someone just for me to divert these growing feelings to someone else! Do you think I am someone who just lets a guy carry me?!”

I swallowed. All I could do was to stare at her. I’ve never felt this strong urge so much that I wanted to hold a woman, and to capture her lips, to own her, and to tell her that she needn’t to worry.

“To tell me what to do? To spend time together on the same roof? Hindi ako ganoon sa iba pero hinayaan kita! Then I just realized that I was starting to like you! Tapos ito nanaman! Ikaw nanaman!”

Ganito. Kapag galit siya ng ganito saakin, parang nabubuhay ang dugo ko. I just found her even more attractive when she first did this to me back in the mansion despite our meeting for the first time.

But I just can’t…

I can’t let my goals, my efforts to go to waste, I can’t let my vision be interrupted and be ruined just by taking a glance at her.

I avoided her eyes.

My heart’s so tight. She doesn’t know…

I can’t and I have a reason.

“I have—”

I wanted to tell her that I have a life that she may not accept. That neither of us can accept. I wanted her to at least understand that the growing feelings she has right now for me can’t grow any further.

“—someone else, I know.” But when she interrupted me and concluded things on her own. I kept it all to myself and let her believe what she wants to believe.

I can’t lead her any further, that’s what I atleast can do for her.

Umiling ako kahit naman na labag sa kalooban ko.

“It’s… just not possible. Hindi tayo puwede.”

I can no longer let myself shift my glances towards her.