Shifting Glances

KABANATA 19

Mabilis na lumipas ang araw kinabukasan at hindi na ako pinatawag ni Regan. I just spent the day studying the EVA Project, the condominiums and other things that must be considered according to the client’s taste, the comfortability, the placing of the condominium itself. I made the most of the day. At totoong binigyan ako ng additional overtime ni Ms. Pauline kahit na 5 niya ako pinapa-out. How grateful I am to my boss.

Palabas na ako ng office dahil tapos na ang office hour nang bigla akong unahan ni Emerald sa pintuan at halos hawiin pa ako nito. She just grinned at me and walked away with her hips swaying and the sound of her stiletto echoing all throughout the floor.

Nakasunod ang tingin ko sa likod niya habang naglalakad ako sa hallway, at nakita kong bigla siyang tumigil sa Engineering Offices. Hanggang sa malagpasan ko siya ay binagalan ko ang lakad ko.

“Is Engineer Lozano’s still here? Sabay kasi kaming uuwi.” Dinig kong tanong niya sa may bungad palang ng pintuan.

Inalis ko na ang atensyon roon kahit na hindi ko alam kung bakit tila nabagabag yata ako. I should get it out of my mind. It’s not my business! Pakialam ko kung sabay silang uuwi o magdinner sila gabi-gabi?

Pagsakay ko sa elevator ay pinindot ko na ang basement parking. Pasarado palang ang elevator nang makita ko sa malayo si Regan na lumabas ng pintuan at binati si Emerald ng may ngiti sakaniyang labi.

Hindi ko siya nakita sa buong araw ni ang makarinig ng kung ano mula sakaniya. Hanggang sa sumara ang elevator at umugong na ito ay nanatili akong nakatitig sa pintuan ng elevator.

Umiling ako at pumikit at mabilis na nagmulat.

I received a text message from Porcia that she can manage to have a dinner meeting tomorrow night. I am contemplating whether I’ll text Regan first to confirm it. Baka akala niya ay hindi ako makadaan sa buong araw ngayon ng hindi ko siya tini-text.

I’ll just tell him tomorrow first thing in the morning. I’ll just let the day pass by without hearing or interacting with Regan Lozano.

Pagdating ko sa basement parking ay nagtungo na ako sa sasakyan ko. Mabilis lang naman akong nakauwi at natagpuan muli ang sarili ko sa drafting room na mag-isa.

I tried to make myself busy. Sinusubukan ko na ring gawan ng outline ang mga condominiums. I’ve already researched about the most arrivals of tourist and migration here in the Philippines. Yes, of course, mostly are filipino and I think they won’t mind about the theme, but the target markets are those above middle-class. Mamahalin ang mga units na gagawin at ibebenta kaya mayayaman lang din ang mga titira.

I am putting spice and thrill on their future spaces. But I think that this idea of mine of putting themes will be put on the premium level. Like those considered VVIP, so I will also need to make it extravagant but minimalist as much as I can.

Regan was right. This consumes a lot of effort and time, not on his part, but in my part. Ngayon ko lang natanggap ng buo ang sinabi niya at tama naman siya. But my point now is, he should have told me in a much nicer way.

Nicer way?

Regan is nice, but he isn’t either. I just can’t tell.

Sa kalagitnaan ng pagtatrabaho ko kahit na gabi na ay muli nanaman pumasok sa isipan ko si Regan.

Nabitawan ko ang lapis na hawak ko at napasandal sa sandalan ng dynamic chair.

It’s already late. Magkasama pa kaya sila ni Emerald? Ano kayang ginagawa nila?

Napalunok ako at parang baliw nanaman na napailing. Wala kang pakialam Icely kahit na naglalaplapan man sila ngayon.

Muli akong umupo ng maayos at dinampot ang lapis ko. Tinuon ko ang atensyon sa ginagawa ko.

What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t like this! I have sworn that I don’t like the kind of person Regan is!

This is so frustrating!

Hanggang sa humiga na ako ay pawang binabagabag pa rin ang isipan ko ni Regan. Until I started to think of a way on how to avoid these despicable thoughts in my head. Baka kasi nangungulilala lang ako ng atensyon o dahil nag-iisa lang ako kaya nagkakaganito ako at si Regan at palagi kong nakakasama lately.

Should I try dating someone?

My mind became at ease with that thought. Ganito kasi akong klase ng tao na kapag nararamdaman kong porpoblemahin ko ang isang bagay o maaapektuhan ako ay hahanap na kaagad ako ng solusyon o plano sa maaaring mangyari.

“Yeah, I should start entertaining and dating.”

I thought of Miles. Pumasok na rin ito kanina at sabay pa kaming naglunch sa opisina ko. Ayos na rin ang kapatid niya.

I’ll talk to her tomorrow to help me with this plan of mine. Marami kasi source at malawak rin ang network ni Miles sa ganitong bagay.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, my phone rang!

Nangunot ang noo ko at inabot ito kaagad. I wasn’t really expecting to see Regan’s nickname flashing on the screen!

My eyes widened. Muling nabuhay ang diwa ko kahit na patulog na ako kanina.

Sinagot ko ito kaagad.

“Hello?” Bungad ko.

“Natutulog kana?” He asked, and then it reminded me of last night. This is the exact intro we had.

“Hindi pa. Bakit ka napatawag?” Seryosong tugon ko.

Ilang segundong namayani ang katahimikan at akala ko ay hindi na siya sasagot nang magsalita siya.

“Sabi mo ay ia-update mo ako tungkol sa meeting bukas. Hind mo ako sinabihan o wala kang balak na sabihan ako?”

I was stunned.

For a moment, I did really hope that he called for other reason, may it be work or something like… missing me— oh shut it, Icely!

It’s about the mansion again. This is how desperate he is.

“Naging busy ako. But yeah, I’ll bring my lawyer with me, she agreed.” Sagot ko.

There was a moment of silence again.

“Alright. Saan mo gustong magkita?”

Ako naman ang napatahimik ngayon. He sounds like he’s asking me out. My heart raced.

“I mean, the most convenient place for you that you can suggest.” He added.

I sighed.

“Ikaw na ang magdecide. Text me the chosen place, kami na ang bahalang pupunta ng lawyer ko.” Sagot ko.

“Okay.” Sagot niya.

Muling namayani ang katahimikan.

“Is there anything else?”

“How was your… day with the project? How is it going? Gagawin mo pa rin ba iyong ideyang sinabi mo noon sa meeting?” Paputol-putol at mabagal na sabi niya.

I suddenly felt tired. Saka ko lang naramdaman ang pagod at antok at na-realized kong hindi na ito ang oras para pag-usapan pa ang tungkol sa trabaho.

“I will.” Simpleng sagot ko.

“Sinabi ko na—

“Please Regan, I’m already tired and it’s late to talk about work matters. Let me rest. Matutulog na ako.” I sounded tired with a low voice.

“Okay, goodnight.”

“Bye.” I answered and hung up.

I heaved a sigh before putting back the phone on the bedside table and slid myself to lay down again.

I stared at the ceiling.

I just knew that Regan’s just involving himself with me because of two different matters. The first is about the mansion, and second is about work, and other than that, he will have no reason to call me late at night, to talk to me, or to interact with me. I should keep that in mind.

Kinabukasan at umagang hindi kay ganda. Si Emerald pa talaga ang kasabay ko sa elevator! Tahimik akong nakatayo hanggang sa nag-umpisang umugong ito. Hindi naman nakaligtas sa mata ko ang maaliwalas nitong mukha at malapad na ngiti kahit na wala naman nakakatuwa.

“Goodluck to the presentation regarding the EVA Project, Icely.” Ipit ang boses na sabi niya bigla kaya napabaling ako sakaniya. Looks like Regan and she already talked about it.

“Yeah, thanks.” Tipid na sagot ko pero mas lalo lang siyang ngumiti.

“Hindi ko na aasahan na magfi-fail ka sa presentation, o kaya ay pangit ang kalalabasan nito.” Salaysay pa niya. Nanatili akong naaktingin sakaniya.

“After all, kasama mo si Engineer Lozano. He makes everything perfect and precise. Walang flaws pagdating sa trabaho. He will make sure that everything will be clean and perfect.”

Nangunot ang noo ko.

“Sinasabi mo bang magpapabuhat lang ako sakaniya?” Maalat na tugon ko. Tumaas ang kilay niya.

“Hindi ba? To put it simply, yes—

“Excuse me? Regan’s work and my work is entirely different thing. You can’t invalidate my effort and hard work on this because of your personal issues, Emerald.” Seryosong sagot ko.

“Why not?! You even let him get hurt yesterday! He was badly injured! May pasa siya sa balikat at likod! I heard from Ms. Pauline that he saved you form whatsoever incident it was!”

Natahimik ako sa binulalas ni Emerald. Hindi ako nakasagot.

Regan was hurt. Sabi ko na ‘e.

“Hindi ko iyon ginusto.” Iyon lamang ang naisagot ko at bumukas na ang elevator.

Emerald rolled her eyes on me.

“Psh. I was worried for nothing. You’re not even a threat, malabong magustuhan ka ni Regan. He hates clumsy and handful girls. Lalo na, he’s way out of your league.” Bulong nito at umungos bago naunang lumabas ng elevator.

I didn’t speak anymore. I just let things be. I feel like I am in the wrong this time.

Wala na ako sa mood sa pag-uumpisa ng araw. Wala tuloy akong ganang magtrabaho, pero pinilit ko pa rin.

It was past 10 am when Regan’s secretary suddenly asked for me. Pinapapunta nanaman ako sa opisina nito.

I don’t know if I am glad that I can see him, or I just don’t feel like seeing him. However, I will still need to go and see him just because he asked for me.

For whatever reason that is.

Tumayo na ako at bitbit ang cellphone ko ay nagtungo na ako sa Engineering Department.

Nginitian lang ako ng mga tao at mukhang may pinagkakabahalan ang mga ito kaya dire-diretso na ako. Tinanguan lang rin ako ng secretary ni Regan na tumuloy lang ako sa pagpasok.

Pagpasok ko ay natutok agad ang tingin ko sa table ni Regan. He is frowning and he looks so serious while staring at the blueprint in his hands.

He glanced at me when I started walking toward his direction. Nawala ang pagkakakunot ng noo nito, but my eyes were pinned on his body. He’s wearing a suit, but his blazer’s already hanging in the coat rack. It’s just his long white sleeves and necktie. He looks alright, but according to Emerald, he has bruises on his body.

So, Emerald saw his body and the rest will be common sense, Regan’s a man, and Emerald’s a woman.

I should stay away from him, because I am just too ashamed to be around him anymore. He was hurt but he didn’t tell me. Nakokosensiya ako. Also, those things that Emerald told me. As if I’m really trying to meet Regan within his league.

I met his gaze with an indifferent stare. Ilang segundo ay tila napansin niya iyon at binitawan ang blueprint na hawak niya.

“Not in… the mood?” Dahan-dahang salita niya.

I just simply shook my head.

“Why did you ask for me?” Tanong ko.

Nanatili siyang nakatitig saakin.

“About the project—

“Please set a particular time of the day from now on if we need to meet and talk about the Project. I think an hour will do every day. So, your secretary won’t need to come and ask for me. Saka hindi lang naman ito ang proyektong hinahawakan ko, at mas lalo pa hindi naman talaga ikaw ang boss ko para utus-utusan akong pumupunta sa opisina mo palagi.”

He just stared at me.

“May problema ba, Icely?” Mababa ang boses na tanong niya.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sakaniya at umiling.

“Also, it won’t need to be every day. Maybe, two to three times a week?” Dagdag ko pa.

Bigla itong tumayo sa kinauupuan.

Umiwas naman ako ng tingin at huminga ng malalim.

“Say it.” Dinig kong sabi niya kaya muli ko siyang tiningnan.

Nakatayo na ito ngayon at diretso ang titig saakin.

“Sinabi ko na—

“Say it. Your problem. Alam ko, kung tungkol ito sa mansyon, hindi ganyan ang asta mo, because I prefer you nagging at me, rolling your eyes at me, frowning at me, and bursting out at me, rather than looking at me so indifferently like this. I just know this isn’t your normal self, Icely.” Kunot ang noong salaysay niya.

I swallowed and gazed at his shoulders which I let him see my eyes’ movements on purpose.

“You’ve got bruises, hindi ba? From yesterday’s incident.” Mahinang sabi ko.

Nawala ang kunot niyang noo at mukhang hindi inasahan ang sinabi ko.

Ilang segundo ang lumipas nang makapagsalita ito.

“Emerald told you.” He said, and it confirmed that he knew Emerald saw them, or that he let Emerald see them.

Hindi ako umimik, but it was a ‘silence means yes’.

“You may get the wrong idea, and it’s not what you think it is,” He paused,

“Hindi naman din ito mahalaga at hindi mo rin naman kailangang malaman. It’s not a big deal, just some bruises which isn’t your fault—

“It was my fault! Kasalanan ko Regan, at kailangan ko iyong malaman para naman makabawi ako, because that’s what strangers do for each other hindi ba? To keep the score between us. Now, I am feeling indebted to you.” Mabilis na sagot ko.

Regan’s stares deepen.

“Strangers?” Bulalas niya.

I nodded, “If not strangers, we’re not friends either to do anything for each other. I don’t want the feeling of being indebted to someone, or I just don’t like someone doing anything for me.” Dagdag ko pa.

“Talaga ba, Icely? Pero kung si Rios tuwang-tuwa ka?”

That caught me off guard. My frown became visible. Paano nasali si Rios sa usapang ito?

Umirap ito sa hangin at umiwas ng tingin. I stared at him unbelievably.

I heaved a sighed to keep my mind straight.

“I decided to keep our meetings minimal and organized. I admit, I am a handful type of person, which I heard that you hate and do not prefer, so I decided to keep the distance between us as much as possible, so I wouldn’t have to bother you too much. Salamt ulit Regan, sa pagligtas saakin kahapon. I hope you get well soon.” Mahinahon at pormal na pagsasaita ko, pinapakitang seryoso ako sa mga sinasabi ko.

He then gazed at me again, but with a deeper frown.

“Where do you even get those things from—

“Hindi na mahalaga kung saan ako nanggagaling, Regan. Please take this seriously. I will do my part in the project, so you do not have to worry if that’s what concerns you the most. I will go now, and it’s better if we talk some other time. Marami pa naman ang oras ng preparation and regarding the dinner meeting tonight, just text me the location.” Seryosong salaysay ko at tipid na ngumiti.

Regan remained silent and kept staring at me.

“I’m heading back to my office.” Paalam ko saka na tumalikod at tuluyang umalis sa opisina niya.