Trying to be normal.
1306 Words
My husband was so gentle. This must be the way of abusers. They make empty promises after hurting their women.
I watched him as he got up and took a handful of grapes and began to feed them to me.
He placed them between his teeth and made me take them with my tongue.
I still wanted him.
" I want to take you out for dinner. Are you hungry?" He asked.
" I am, but not for food." I looked down, embarrased.
He lay me back and was on top of me.
" Can you feel me against you, I want you Jo. I want to make love all night until the break of dawn. I feel nervous now. I'm anticipating your every desire."
" You nervous? Tell me Manuel why do you love me?" I said.
" Ah, you are so very beautiful. You are smart and kind and my mother adored you.
I don't trust easily, but I think that you are the most trustworthy girl in the world. You don't let me get away with much.
You make my heart beat faster. I want to be a better person around you. I love everything about you."
" So this is the honeymoon. Manuel, when a man hurts a woman, it's likely he will do it again and again.
Did your father have this pattern? Hurt your mother, then be very good to her? Promise to change for her?"
" Yes, yes Jo that is true. You think I will hurt you again? Why do you think I couldn't be the one to whip you?"
" You love me too much to whip me? I guess you are changing. I am changing too. I think...I think you should meet my parents and tell them we fell in love and I became your wife."
" Someday, maybe."
"Manuel, I don't need much. Would you ever move to the states with me?"
" Leave my life? My homes and children?" He sounded uncertain.
" No, I cannot leave my children Jo, nor my empire, I have worked too hard to let this all go."
" I understand my place in your life. I see." I observed.
" Come here." He pulled me to his chest.
" Let me love on you. I don't want to fight any more."
I closed my eyes.
"More tequila please." I said feeling brave.
Manuel took a sip then kissed me placing it into my mouth.
It was so very erotic.
I lay on him, letting him kiss me. I rode him then, holding on to his neck.
He moaned. "You are so very beautiful."
I placed my hands in my hair and arched back while he was deep inside.
Now we were making love.
I never felt desire like this. I took his soft lips and tasted him. I had agreed to try and forgive him.
I never looked back, only forward. I owed it to his mother to try.
" I love you."He said as he felt my desire burn for him.
"Take me like you want only me, to pleasure only me, no others." I said, nipping his shoulder.
I was taking my woman's pleasure with him.
It was a dangerous thing to give yourself to your captor.
It was for two weeks, as promised. Only two weeks.
When we finished making love, he cradled me and touched me.
"I never knew a woman such as you my love." His hands felt so hot on my skin.
I was betraying all my own rules by giving myself to this man.
"Josephine, I am well pleased with your ability to give yourself to me, despite all you've been through. I promise you that if you can get past all of your past hurts, I will make you very, very happy."
" Manny, I am not a woman of financial or social aspirations, I value honesty and loyalty.
I can be a good wife to you if you let me. You know how much I value family.
I cannot pretend that I don't miss those I love, but since you cannot give me my hearts desire, just be kind to me then.
My heart will forever be grateful to you if you are kind to me."
" I would give you the moon, if I could. I'm sorry about your family. I know you will choose them over me, maybe in time...you will choose only me."
" I choose you now Manny. I will forgive you the past. I will behave."
He pulled out a velvet jewelry box and handed it to me.
Inside was a key.
" This is the key to your handcuffs. I won't ever chain you up again in my home. I will give you this freedom my love."
I nodded. " That's nice."
" That's nice? This is huge. I am giving you freedom in my home. You are the lady of the house now. I trust you to lay with me without stabbing me to death."
I was very angry at his words.
" I see, so I might stab you in your sleep? Have I ever tried to lay a hand on you in violence, not provoked?"I asked.
" I know that you hated me for a while, I saw it on your pretty face."He kissed my knuckles.
I nodded. " I won't deny this."
We went out to the local villa and had a nice dinner.
I ate a bowl of fresh fruit and some sparkling wine.
Manny had a huge steak.
We were like a true couple. I let him pretend that I wasn't his slave.
When we returned to the beach, we sat out on the sand as the moon rose.
" Oh, a shooting star wife, make a wish." He squeezed my hand.
I thought of Charles then.
I had betrayed him by letting Manuel love me and enjoying love making with him.
I stood up and yawned.
I tried to hide my tears.
" Well, I'm beat so, goodnight."
I hurried to the bathroom and turned on the hot shower.
I slid down the wall and onto the floor, hugging my knees as the shower poured down.
My husband entered the bathroom and found me this way.
" What is it Jo?" He knelt next to me.
" You can't ask me about my past if it's not going to ever be a part of my life ever again.
I just have memories, good and bad and heartbreaking to me.
Please, don't try to stop my tears, I'm mourning my lost loves, that's all. When I love, I love deeply."
He just held me.
" Can you ever think of a life without your mother when she was alive?" I asked.
"I see, no that would be difficult. I wish it were easier for you though. I don't like your tears." He kissed my wet lashes.
_____________
The next morning I went out and walked along the shoreline. I wasn't thinking of running away, just processing my emotions.
Manuel came running up to me and tackled me in the hot sand.
" You promised you wouldn't run from me!" He grabbed my arms angrily.
" I woke up and you were gone damn you!" He yelled in my face.
I looked away, turning my head.
" Manny please." I said as he bruised my arms with his strong hands.
" Do not call me Manny, I am your master. I own you. You will be punished!"
I nodded.
He lifted me up and took me back to our room.
I didn't cry, but I was very sad by his neanderthal reactions.
I covered my head as he raised his fist to me.
"Do not lie to me, you were trying to run from me as I slept!"
- Writer
