Who To Love (Completed)

Chapter 6

Five weeks later…

“Ashin!”

I looked at the direction where the voice came from. I am on my way to the entrance of the office when someone called me.

I smiled at Harold Lee who was waving enthusiastically at me. I walked to him and greeted him. “Hey! What are you doing here?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “Kieran is going for a job interview here.” He told me.

I raised my brow. “Here?” I asked in disbelief.

He nodded. “Yes.” He removed his sunglasses. “His mother asked me to come and check up on him.” He replied making me chuckle. Check up on him? What does his mother think Kieran is? A kindergarten?

Harold narrowed his eyes on me. “Don’t laugh. He’s still under my therapy so I still need to check up on him from time to time.” He explained and I raised my both hands in surrender.

“Fine! Fine. You win, Dr. Lee.” I playfully beamed. “So, what is he applying for?” I asked.

It didn’t change. I didn’t change one bit since I bid goodbye. I still think about him every night before I go to sleep. I still think of him first thing in the morning. I still cry whenever a memory of us flashes unexpectedly. I’m still irrevocably in love with him.

I hate it but how can I un-love a person I was used to loving forever? He’s my first in everything and I was extremely happy with him.

Moving on isn’t an option because there was no other choice. He doesn’t remember me and seeing me would only make it worse for him so I had to let go. I had to distance myself from him.

Crying was the only thing I could do. And maybe writing.

For the past five weeks I have been drowning myself with work and I had finished two books. Two sad, tragic books. My boss was even shocked at how fast I was to submit him my projects. Of course I could finish more with almost only three hours of sleep every day.

“Cartoonist.” Dr. Lee replied. “Perhaps, his life is starting to get normal again.” He added.

I smiled weakly and wondered what normal life is for Kieran. “That’s good.” I replied weakly. Dr. Lee has been contacting me and updating me about Kieran but most of the time, I prefer to not listen to his words or read his messages.

It would just hurt me more that Kieran is living well without me while here I am, living like a zombie without him. How unfair can life be?

“Oh!” Dr. Lee beamed as a familiar car stopped in front of us. “Here comes the Prince.” He chuckled, and I know he was just trying to lighten the mood up.

But then again, why would he apply here when there are a lot of publishing companies in Korea? There are a lot bigger ones around Seoul so why would he apply here?

I bit my lip as I watched Kieran walk out of his car. So he can drive now? The last time I heard, he couldn’t drive his own car because his mother wouldn’t let him.

He looks perfectly fine and I was stoned in my post. I shouldn’t have talked to Dr. Lee this long. I am not yet ready to see Kieran again. Seeing him in front of me right now makes me want to hug him so tight and tell him how much I miss him so much. Because I do. I miss him, a little bit too much.

“Hey, Doc.” Kieran nodded at Dr. Lee with his signature bright smile then he looked at me. “You’re Ashin, right?” He smiled.

For once I felt like the world had stopped revolving. It was as if the world has stopped when Kieran’s smile shone bright on me. He’s still as adorable as he was before and it’s bad because it makes me miss him more. How was it possible to miss someone who’s right in front of you?

I nodded, maybe after three seconds of getting flustered.

He extended his hand to me. “I’m Kieran Wu.” He introduced himself to me as if this is the first time I saw him.

Of course I know him. Kieran Wu. Twenty four years old. Born in Guangzhou, Guangdong, China. Grew up in Canada. Went to Korea for college studies. Studied college at Sungkyungkwan University School of Arts Major in Design. Worked as a Cartoonist for a year at VN Comics. Hates chicken. Loves noodles. Loves caps and jackets. Loves to play basket-

“Ashin, are you okay?” Harold broke through me.

I looked at Kieran with his hand is still hanging in the air. “Oh, Ashin Kim,” I shook his hand and was shocked to still feel the electricity and the spark between us.

Everything has changed. But it feels the same. It’s very ironic and it’s making me tear up again. I’m on a different level of crying like a baby to the point that Gina is starting to scold me for every tear drop I shed.

Kieran smiled at me and I tried my best to smile back at him. How do I escape this situation?

It’s going down. I’m yelling timber. You better move. You better dance.

I felt a huge relief when my phone rang with my boss’ name on the screen. I accepted the call. “Hello, Mr. Kim?” I bowed at Kieran and Harold and turned my back at them.

“Please submit your official manuscript on your second book today.” He started. “Are you in the office yet?”

“I’m right outside, Sir.” I replied. “Yes. I’ll just print the manuscript and I’m submitting it before noon.”

“Okay. See you later. Don’t be late.” He reminded me. I was about to hang up when he said, “And come to the office sober.”

I shut my eyes and sighed. “Yes, Sir. I don’t drink anymore!” I whined and I heard him chuckle from the other line. This is the thing that I like with this company. Everyone is a family and there are no pressures from anyone. Everything and everyone is humane.

I finally hung up and turned back to Kieran and Harold. “I better go. I have to finish my manuscript before noon.” They looked at me and nodded. “Bye. See you around.” I bowed and rushed inside the office.

See you around. Why does it sound so sad?

I sighed as I entered the elevator. “Ashin Kim, if he gets in, you’d be seeing him every day. You have to control yourself.” I told myself as I pressed the floor button.

The door was about to close when someone’s hand got in the way. “Wait! Ow!”

I immediately pressed the open button and looked at the person worriedly. “Kier?” I asked in disbelief as this tall guy came inside the elevator.

He gave me a weird look. “Kier?” He asked me.

For the second time around, I am slapped of my stupidity. He is Kieran Wu now. He’s not Kier anymore. He doesn’t remember it.

“I mean, Kieran.” I beamed. “Are you alright?” I asked as I looked at him massaging his hand.

“I was calling you a while back but you didn’t look back.” He spoke. “It seems like you’re thinking of something important.”

I’m thinking about you, stupid. Who else would make me space out like that?

“Are you okay?” He asked me.

I smiled and nodded. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay? I went inside the elevator with the doors opened. Unlike you.” I beamed.

He chuckled. “Is that your humor?” He asked as he laughed. “I like your humor, huh.” He commented and my heart suddenly started beating very fast to the point that I feel like it’s going to explode right now.

He didn’t even say he likes me but my heart is beating crazy. I must be crazy.

I smiled shyly and didn’t know what to respond. I can’t really tell him I like him back, right? That would be very awkward. In his eyes, I am just a stranger. It would probably scare him off if I told him I like him, too.

He cleared his throat. “So you work here?” He asked me as he pressed the same floor I was going. I wonder if Mr. Kim is going to interview him and not the HR Officer.

I nodded. “For almost three years.” I replied. I wanted to tell him everything but why is my tongue nowhere to be found right now?

“Wow. You’re amazing because you’ve had the patience to stay.” He commented but why do I think that we’re not talking about my job. Why does it feel like he’s talking about something else?

I smiled. “I will stay if there’s a reason to stay.” I replied and I mean every word I said – for work or for him. I’d stay if he gives me all the reason to stay.

I regretted everything I said because he didn’t reply. Suddenly, the elevator is a ride of two strangers. Oh hell, we’re back to being strangers.

The elevator door opened and we’re now on our designated floors. I didn’t want to part with him. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted more moments with him. Even if he doesn’t see me as his girl anymore, I’d still want to spend time with him.

I know it’s wrong but I love him. Since when has it been a crime to want to be with someone you love?

“Do you know where Mr. Paolo Kim is?” He asked just when I was about to tell him goodbye. Lord, what are these signs? Why can’t I tell him goodbye?

I pointed at the Boss’ office. “You can ask the secretary for more instructions.” I instructed him and he nodded as he faced the direction of the office.

He looked at me before walking away. “Thanks.” He smiled. “And…can we eat lunch together if I get in?” He asked.

What? I wanted to scream at his question. Why wouldn’t I want to eat with him? Of course! But aren’t I one big obstacle to his already almost normal life? Won’t I be a big hindrance to him becoming like he used to be again?

He cleared his throat. “I mean, if no one gets mad.” He tried to explain. “You’re the only one I know from this company and I’m a bit reserved.”

Reserved? What does that supposed to mean? He was never reserved.

I managed to smile. “Sure.” I beamed. “If you get in.” I told him and he chuckled.

“Believe in me, Ashin.”

I was stoned to my post for the third time since minutes ago for what he said. Believe in him? Then can I trust that he could remember me again? Can I believe that he could do it and we can be like how we used to be again?