Who To Love (Completed)

Chapter 7

“Here’s the manuscript, Mr. Kim.” I told my boss as I placed the newly pressed manuscript on the table. It was the manuscript of my upcoming book.

Mr. Kim looked at me and smiled brightly. “It’s nice to see you doing well, Ashin.” He told me.

I smiled back and nodded. Mr. Kim isn’t the kind of boss that’s terror and bossy. He blends in with the employees. When I was on the stage of giving up, he was blessing me with those friendly advices. He’s a good man. I’m even a godmother of one of his kids.

“You look so good today, as well, Mr. Kim.” I beamed.

He chuckled. “I just interviewed an intelligent cartoonist.” He replied. “I’m really impressed.” He’s nodding.

I gulped and figured out that he was talking about Kieran. Of course Kieran is a good cartoonist. He was one of the heads of their department before his incident. He has the experience and the knowledge.

“So, did he get in?” I asked as I sat on the chair in front of his desk.

“Of course! How am I supposed to turn down such a talent?” He exasperated. I can feel it. Kieran is his new favorite. “He’ll be starting tomorrow.” He smiled widely.

I shook my head. “You found your new favorite.” I told him.

He chuckled. “Because I have high standards when it comes to favoritism,” he beamed. “Look at you! You’re one of my favorites because you write so well.” He winked at me.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I already know what he meant. “I haven’t gotten my royalties yet, Mr. Kim.” I laughed. I know he’s asking for a lunch treat or whatnot. “Publish my second book first!” I stood from my seat.

He’s laughing heartily. “I know, girl. I will, I will!” He raised his hands his surrender.

I chuckled. “I’ll be going then. I need to sleep.” I bowed.

“You take care. Don’t drive your car!” He yelled at me as I walked to the door but then I raised my car keys at hand and I heard him scold me.

Mr. Kim knew I can’t drive so well since months ago. He didn’t know the reason why because I didn’t want to tell anyone about Kieran forgetting about me. I was very private in the office. No one knew how Kieran looked like.

Maybe it’s a good thing. Because now that Kieran would be working with me, I don’t have to entertain a lot of questions. Kieran is not mine now. He has Bianca. He has a girlfriend.

I was just a hell of a fiancée who doesn’t deserve a man like him. I know. And I’ve started to accept that fact.

“You going home?” I looked at Harold as he was waiting in front of his car.

What’s he still doing here? Where is Kieran?

I looked around to check if Kieran is still around and Harold pointed at the café where Kieran is. He’s buying coffee. Probably for him and Harold.

Harold laughed at me as I walked to my car. “You just got to the office and now you’re going home?” He asked.

I smiled and nodded. “I need to sleep.” I replied. “I finished editing my book last night. My eyes need some time to rest.” I chuckled.

He smiled and nodded. “But can you drive well when you’re sleepy?” He asked me.

I looked at the car and nodded. “Of course. I can even drive drunk, Harold Lee.” I laughed.

He raised his brow. “No, you can’t drive drunk.” He shook his head.

I shrugged. “Tried that for several times now,” I spoke. “I’m glad I reached home in one piece.”

He chuckled at my remark. He was about to say something but then Kieran called him, waving the coffees in his hand. He stopped when he saw me before smiling widely at me.

No, Love. Don’t smile at me like that.

I smiled back at him even though my lips are trembling. The feelings are still there. I’ve been trying to suppress everything but then again, what force is enough to shut down the love that I’m feeling for him? I needed more than gravity to stop loving him.

“Hey, Ashin,” Kieran greeted me. “Are you going home now?” He asked. “You want to come with us?” He asked brightly.

I looked at Harold who was waiting for my reply. Come on, Ashin. You will see him every day at work, so you need to keep your s**t together.

“I’m gonna sleep.” I replied smiling. It was so hard turning his offer down. I’ve always wanted to spend more time with him but damn.

Damn. How hard was it to smile at him. So hard. Literally so hard.

I used to smile just by seeing his face but it’s all different now. I only feel all the pain when I look into his face. I can only remember crying all night, drinking myself to sleep and losing myself to whatever bar it is. It’s not healthy to look at him now. I could only feel bad about everything. I feel bad about him that it’s very hard for me to be alright spending time with him.

Kieran looked disappointed when he heard my reply. Come on, Kieran. Make up your mind. If you remember me, I can come back to you. I can come, running back to you. I know I will. Although I know it would be the hardest decision in my life after feeling all those pain.

“Oh,” his voice was down. “We’ll go next time then.” He managed to smile.

What the hell, Love? Don’t you show your face like that to me, Kieran. Don’t give me a reason to start believing again. Stop giving me false signals.

I smiled and nodded at Harold. “Just message me,” I told him and he nodded.

I saw Kieran look at him in confusion. Stop it. Just stop it, Kieran. If you like me, tell me now. If you don’t, stop these faces. They’re bothering me.

They’re firing up my desire for him. They’re lighting up that fire that I’ve worked so damn hard to put out. I’ve tried so hard to move on. And I’m almost there. I can’t go back to square one.

“Take care, Shin!” Harold waved at me as I hopped inside my car.

I nodded as I shot the door and placed my things down. You can do this, Ashin Kim. You can do this!

I placed my key and revved the car. I know that they are still watching. He is still watching. I need to do well.

I didn’t even start driving when I heard my phone beep.

From: Love ♥

Take care. I’ll see you tomorrow.

My heart started beating fast when I read the message. I looked at Kieran who’s standing outside with his eyes on my car. Thank God, it’s tinted! Thank God!

I took a deep breath and gripped on the steering wheel tightly. I shut my eyes and leaned my head on the head rest. Everything still just takes effect. Everything about him will always take effect. I’m a hopeless case of Kieran hangover.

“Relax. Ashin Kim, relax.” I tried to calm myself down. “It was just a text message. He didn’t even tell you the words you’ve been longing to hear.

“Calm the f**k down, Ashin.” I’m getting impatient. My car’s still not moving. This is even worse than driving sleepy or drunk. This feeling doesn’t compare.

I took a very deep breath and looked at the road. I have to go. I’m sleepy, right?

I looked at the side and they’re still watching. They might be wondering why I still am not moving. I should get going. I should be leaving. That’s right. I must be leaving.

I reached home in no time. Contrary to my slow start, I rushed my way to my house.

I was holding my phone as I threw my bed on my bed. My heart is still beating incredibly fast. My breathing still couldn’t keep up in its original pace.

I’m down. Hell, I’m down.

I opened my thread with Kieran. Should I reply? Should I tell him that I got home?

I dropped my phone on my face when it suddenly beeped.

Ouch. That hurts.

I laid on my stomach and read the new message. I was rather surprised that it was from Kieran.

From: Love ♥

Did you arrive home safe?

My heart started to beat faster than ever. I feel like this is the first time again. It’s the first time for my heart to beat this fast again.

Still, because of the same person.

I can’t deny that no matter how I am trying to move on, he still gets me. Just one word and I’d be on bended knees. I can’t not love him. I will always love him…even after all the pain that he caused me. I may try to get him out of my system once in a while but he will remain. He’s a part of me.

To: Love ♥

Yes. Take care and have fun.

I sighed and took the courage to change his name on my phone. I shouldn’t be calling him Love. I am not his Love anymore.

From: Kieran Wu

I went straight home. I didn’t feel like going out anymore. But thanks for wishing me well. :)

I almost choked when I read his message.

“Come on, Kieran. Don’t be silly.” I spoke as I felt my tears forming in the side of my eyes. “I will always wish you well because I can’t see you hurting.” I swallowed the big lump in my throat and wiped my tears.

I should be stronger than this. I should be doing better than this. I have to stop crying and start accepting the fact that he’s not mine anymore. You’re not mine anymore, Kieran. You’re not mine anymore.