HE WAS COLD LIKE WINTER

CHAPTER 3: I LIKE YOU BUT SOMETIMES IT CAN BE MORE HURTFUL TOO

(Andi’s POV)

September of Cold breeze.

I woke up feeling the chills on my bones. Not because I got a new AC is on my room. But because Christmas breeze has finally arrived. It’s still the first month of the long “Ber-month” season (September to December). It’s a four-month-long celebration of Christmas here in the Philippines. And I couldn’t stop my excitement for the Holiday break.

I barely got the excitement for this holiday season after my mom died and dad seems so distant. But thanks to Zac, I got a memorable Christmas break. Even if he was so cold and indifferent towards me at school and I don’t know exactly why he always makes sure to give me an unforgettable yearly experience of what Christmas is all about. Well, that is why I fall for him every year. He tried to make every day extra special.

“Good morning, Zac!” I greeted with a smile all over my face.

But just like any other day, he ignores me. But, it’s okay. This won’t stop me from liking him even more. This won’t make me falter.

“Hey!” I called him. “Wait for me.”

I hurried my steps towards him but because he was so tall, I was always left behind. His one step is like two steps of me or even more. But, it’s okay. I won’t get tired from following him around. And I loved watching his back.

After the accident at the school, dad has instructed me not to use my bike in the meantime. Instead, he insisted that our family driver will be the one to take me to school. But having this wild thought of mine. I decline dad’s offer. I realize this would be the perfect time for me and Zac to get closer. I’m planning to go with him to school since he’s riding his bike as a mode of transportation.

“Aren’t you taking your bike to school for today?” I bluntly asked him as I hurried out of the house after seeing Zac standing outside.

But he just ignored me again. Just like any other day. He just walked away with a smirk on his face. His usual reaction every time I would ask him or to talk to him. Sometimes, I thought where did the friendly-childhood-best friend of mine go. How come he easily changes overnight to being a cold, snob, and an indifferent teenage boy? Well, it’s understandable after what happened to his parents especially that he was close with his dad. Anyone who would undergo such drastic change would also react that way. That is why I promised myself not to change. I’ll be there for him forever. I’ll stay on his side until the end.

“Hey!” I punched him tenderly. “Are you doing this on purpose because you want to go to school with me?” acting so cute. “Hey! How sweet?” I couldn’t stop pinching his shoulder when he suddenly called me out.

“Hey! What are you still doing there? Are you going to stand there until we reached school? You’re something, huh!” Zac uttered.

My eyes rolled into shock. The guy I’m talking with is not Zac. It’s a stranger. How stupid! I tried to fake a smile and apologized as I exit smoothly and get on the bus. I took the seat Zac reserved for me with a down face. I curled my body away from him. This is embarrassing. 

While riding the bus, it was plain embarrassing that is killing me. But as time passes by, I suddenly feel uneasy. I couldn’t stop gazing at him secretly. And what’s worse, imagining kissing him as I stared at his lips. Thankfully, I wasn’t caught by him. I immediately gathered myself up. 

But, awkwardness has started to boil into my veins when we offered our seats for the two elderly couples and we were standing next to each other. It wasn’t a plain standing position because we were standing closely next to each other as if no amount of distance was separating us. So, I distance myself from him because I don’t want any shameful moments this time around. But it’s like fate is trying to make us get closer to each other. When someone out-of-nowhere presses the stop button, the bus suddenly stops and everyone was in shock and drag from our stable position. Luckily, Zac held my hand and catch me right on time. Our eyes were locked from each other for a moment as if we’re the only ones on that bus. And my heart beats faster. I breathe in and out just to calm myself down. But someone frantically run outside the bus dragging me down when Zac suddenly hug me preventing me from falling. The more my heart beats faster. My face blushes. My body freeze for a moment. Thankfully, my phone beeps. The perfect moment breaker. It was from Cloe asking me not to be late for school. I felt relieved. I don’t want him to know my true feelings for him. Not now. Because I always believed that confessions should be done at perfect timing, in a perfect place, and at a perfect moment.

At school.

“Andi!” Cloe greeted with a wide smile on her face. But her mood suddenly shifted when she heard about what happened to me and Zac earlier.

“Are you okay?” She worriedly asked.

Cloe has been my girl best friend. Even though we just meet during our first year in middle school, we easily click. In that short period, we shared our secrets. Even our secret crushes. We shared our happy moments up to downtimes. Since then, we ate lunch and snacks together. We help each other with our assignments and projects. But honestly, I’m the only one receiving much help from her since I was struggling with my studies. No matter how much I poured out myself into it, my brain is just too small to grasp every piece of information. But thankfully, I have a best friend who’s willing and patient enough to tutor me and help me get through every struggle. We were each other’s buddies.

“I’m okay,” I said while staring at Zac happily.

I wanted to share badly with Cloe exactly what happened between me and Zac on the bus. But the bell rang suggesting for the first subject to start.

During break time, I drag Cloe into the football field. I was too excited to tell her what happen earlier. Even my face couldn’t hide the excitement that I’m feeling right now.

“Really?” her eyes widen after hearing my story. “Hey! Andi, I’m happy for you.” She added while patting me on my head. “But, I’m really curious. What do you like about Zac? I mean, he’s not a gentleman. Well, he’s cute and intelligent. But he’s not a nice guy. He’s so cold and a snob. He’s egotistic most of the time. He’s kind of weird. He’s like living on his world.”

“You only said that because you don’t know him personally.” I contested. “He’s a nice guy. I don’t know what I like about him. But all I know is that I’m just happy seeing him around. I love watching him smiling and happy. I love staring at him secretly. And when he’s around, I feel safe and secured. He’s like a prince always ready to save his damsel in distress.” I giggled.

“Hey!” Cloe happily swooned.

“But, did you tell him how you feel?” She added.

“No,” I answered. 

“Hey!” She angrily added. “You should tell him right away. Amanda is such a sly fox. She might take away Zac from you. And speaking of the witch.” She pointed out her hands into the field.

I was disgusted after I saw Zac and Amanda together. “That damn witch! Huh!” I told myself.

“Hey!” Cloe said. “I think you should confess to him now. Before it’s too late.”

Cloe was right. I should tell Zac about how I feel before it’s too late. Amanda is on the move now of flirting with him. I cannot let her take Zac away from me. I will not let her be.

After school, I decided to go to the mall to buy some party stuff. I asked Cloe for some help but she was too busy for her after-school tutorial. So, I don’t have any choice but to go alone. But out-of-nowhere Ethan showed up. I didn’t expect to see him in the mall.

“Dude!” He happily called.

“Yes!” I awkwardly responded.

I don’t want to get associated with him. Cloe has warned me before about Ethan’s past. She said that the reason why he transferred because he got trouble from his previous school. He’s a total gangster. Well, anyone would say, he is. The first time I saw him, his face is full of plaster as if he came from a gang war. I know nanny has been telling me not to judge people easily especially if I don’t know their real story. But, I got a bad vibe about him.

“Nice seeing you. But I have urgent things to do. I have to go.” I smoothly uttered.

“Okay. Bye!” He said.

I walked swiftly as I could. I don’t why but whenever I saw him I feel like I’m always in trouble. I got chills in my body. I went directly to the store to buy the stuff that I’ll be needed for my confession surprise for Zac. Plus, I need to be quick since I never ask permission from dad. I need to be home before he does.

After buying the stuff I’m going to use, I called our driver to pick me up. But, he’s out of coverage area. I was in panic mode. Because of being too busy choosing what things perfect for the surprise, I forgot the time. And now, I’m in a huge predicament. I need to be home before 8 pm. And right now, I only have 10 minutes before 8 which means I’m dead once dad will catch me. Just the thought of being grounded makes me so scared. I called Cloe but she’s not answering her phone. My last option was Zac. But I hesitated. This surprise is for him and I don’t want him to know beforehand. I was about to call him when I heard someone calling me.

“Dude!”

It was Ethan. He was waving his hands and was smiling. He runs towards me.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you home.” He offered.

“No. It's okay.” I insisted. “My driver is coming to pick me up. But thank you anyway.”

“But it’s already late.” He reasons out.

“Yes, dear. You can come with us.” Someone pops out from the right door of the car.

I don’t know who she was but I was stunned by her beauty. Her skin was fair as milk. It was so smooth. The way she talked and walked makes her a woman of elegance. And I could feel she was a nice person.

“Are you from St. John High?” She softly asked.

“Yes.” I happily responded.

“Nice meeting you.” She offered her hands. “I’m Ethan’s mom. I’m so happy to meet his classmates. He barely introduced them to me. So, I’m worried if he’s doing well at school or not.”

“Mom?” Ethan protested. “You’re making me shy with your words.”

“Nice meeting you too, Mrs. Manansala?” I excitedly added.

“Just call me Tita Joe, okay?” She added.

I don’t know what words did make that moment so awkward. Nor do I know Ethan’s whole story. But his smile at that time was so genuine. It was different from what I saw on the internet. Ethan came from a prestigious family. That I know for sure. Manansala Corp. was all over the headlines for being at the top of construction and architectural company in the country. I saw shocked at first after hearing he called that woman his mom. It was different from what I saw on the print media. But I didn’t bother to ask him. I immediately erased all my whys and hows. I know I don’t have any right to do so. But at that moment, all I know is that he’s a good son. He might be labeled as the rebellious-gangster youngest son of the Manansala but he has a heart. That night changes all my first impressions of him. They say first impression last. But I guess, it depends. It’s situational. Just like how it is with Ethan. That also pave way for me to reach out to him. And since that day, we became friends. Since that day, we became each other’s buddies.

The next day.

“Hi! Dude.” Ethan greeted.

“Hi!” I said while doing our friendship handshake and pose.

Everyone was shocked especially Cloe.

“Hey!” She grabbed me on the corner. “Since when did you became close, huh?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later, okay?” I suggested. “What’s more important right now is the surprise confession?” I whispered.

“Ah? Yes. That’s our main goal for today. Don’t worry, I’ll help you with that. You can count on me.” Cloe said with excitement on her face.

“Thank you.” I happily added.

After class.

“Hey!” Cloe uttered. “You should ask him if he’s busy later. It will not be perfect if he’s not there.”

“Ah! Yes.” I exclaimed. “Um… Zac…” I couldn’t continue my words because Amanda was so quick in interrupting my moment with Zac.

“Zac?” She called. “Here. I made these chocolate cookies for you. I heard it’s your favorite.”

I was extremely disgusted. I wanted to grab those cookies and throw them to the floor. But, I can’t. That will make me so stupid. I was even more disgusted with Zac. He just accepted those cookies casually. He was acting so cold towards other people especially to girls who will flirt with him but with Amanda, he’s so different. He was acting nice and kind. I annoyingly walked out while walking my feet heavily making a sound.

I was sitting on the chair on the rooftop trying to ease my disgust. I know I don’t have any right to feel this way. Zac has a right to like anyone he would want. But I cannot take it if it would be Amanda. She’s way out of Zac’s league.

“And who’s perfect for him? You?” Liam laughed his heart out.

He’s always the best at ruining my mood. I can’t believe I made friends with him. He’s a jerk. He always knows how to tease and bully me. That’s probably, they’re good friends with Zac because they’re both a jerk.

“Why? Why can’t I? Huh?” I complained.

“Hey! Stop teasing her.” Cloe rescued me. “So, what can we do?”

“You can place that here and the light over there.” I smiled.

“Okay,” Cloe added.

“Perfect.” I chuckled.

The plain rooftop magically turns into a romantic place. Thanks to my ever-supportive friends. I was able to finish right on time. I was a bit scared. I don’t know if I’ll be able to say what I wanted to say to him. But I’m also excited. I’ve been preparing and waiting for this day to come. The day I’ll be confessing my feelings for him. No more stalling and hesitating. Because the more you don, the more you will lose. If there’s one thing that I learn from reading a lot of books and watching dramas, that is when it comes to love, those who win are those who are brave enough to confess their feelings. Love begins from a true confession. You just have to move forward. 

The class ended earlier today because of the upcoming English week celebration of our school. The teachers were very busy preparing series of activities to hone our skills in English. Students as well were busy preparing for such an event especially for the top students since winning in every competition will give them additional points for their grade. Extra-curricular activities not only give every student a chance to hone their abilities and skills but also give them a push to be at the top of the ladder. Well, I also one of them. But only during the art festival since I’m good at arts. But for other events, I’m a total loser unless I worked my butt off hardly. But it’s okay. I’m not too hard to myself in getting at the top because I only have one goal in life and that is to marry him—my ultimate crush, Zac.

Just a minute after the bell rang—as a signed that classes officially ended for this day, I immediately run upstairs towards the rooftop. Before Zac would come, I’m trying to make the final touches. I waited for him and feeling all the excitement. I can’t believe that this day would come. I’ll be telling him about my true feelings after all these years.

“No more turning back, Andi. This is it.” I told myself.

I was trying to calm myself when my phone beeps. It was Cloe. She said that I should not worry. Zac might take a while to come on the rooftop because the drama practice for the English week celebration got extended. Zac got the role although he’s not interested to play the leading role. But since our homeroom teacher was also our English teacher and was so persistent in casting him, he got no choice to back off. At first, I also don’t want him to join that damn drama presentation because his leading lady was Amanda. But I got no right to tell him what to do and not. And, he needed that points too. Although he’s good in academics because he’s not so sociable and indifferent at times that he barely got higher points in extra-curricular activities. 

I waited for him patiently until the rain poured out. I tried to fix the banner from getting wet but it was me who got soaked in the rain. I should have thought about these possibilities. I should have come up with a plan B. I should have look for another venue. I should have considered the weather. I should have…

I keep on sighing. Everything that I prepared was all ruined. Wherever I look, it was a mess. A terrible mess. I waited for this special day to come. I even couldn’t sleep for nights because of the excitement. I prepared my lines. I plan out every single detail. But I can’t believe that the rain just easily tumbledown my efforts just like a blink of an eye.

I was as downcast as I walked downstairs. My mind feels so empty. I don’t know what to do. But I told myself. “This should not stop me from confessing my feelings for him. That’s what matters more.” So, I hurried down to the auditorium where Zac was practicing for their English drama presentation. I run as fast as I could. I don’t mind if I feel cold because of getting soaked in the rain. I won’t let this day passed without telling him how I feel. I open the door. I walked calmly as I breathe in and out. But what kills my momentum is when I saw Zac and Amanda was about to kiss. I know it was just part of the play. But I’m not prepared to see it with my own eyes. I couldn’t stop my emotions that day.

“Stop!” I shouted with all my might.

Everyone looked at me utterly shocked. I could hear rumors from everyone. They stared at me with those glaring eyes. They’re probably laughing and mocking me for shouting out of the blue.

“Yes? Andi.” Ms. Sanchez called.

I couldn’t think of any excuses for this stupid humiliation right now. “I want to join the play. I’ll be Amanda’s substitute.”

I know this is not part of the plan. But I suddenly thought that it’s more dangerous to let Zac be with Amanda. I cannot let my guard down. As the saying goes, make your friends close but let your enemies be closer. I have to be close to her so that I will know what better move to take. I won’t give her an easy win. I’m Andi. And I’m a fighter.

“Hey!” Cloe called. “Why are you doing here? What about your surprise for Zac?”

“The rain ruined everything,” I explained.

“Huh?” Cloe said.

“But it’s okay. I’m changing my tactics this time.” I bragged. “No more careless offense. I have to be wise on my moves. Forward steps should be wiser this time. I should not take Amanda easily. After all, she’s a sly fox.”

On the day of the presentation.

Everyone is so excited about this event especially me because, after this day, I’ll be confessing my feelings for Zac. I don’t need to prepare anything. I don’t need a luxurious set-up. I don’t need fancy design. I only needed myself and my sincere honesty in telling him how I feel. But for now, I have to do my best. Although, I don’t have any major role on the stage I have to play my part for our class to win. Just like what Ms. Sanchez told us yesterday after our final practice, everyone must play their role and work as a team. There’s no small role to play because everyone is as valuable as those on the stage. To win, we should work hand in hand. I was assigned the props and the costumes since I was good at sewing and making dresses.

But some things are just beyond your control. No matter how you prepared yourself and make sure not to mess up for important situations, trouble always follows you around. And me being the queen of trouble as others say, I’m not an excuse to a dilemma.

The drama went smoothly. What we planned and what we prepared for a couple of days went the way we wanted. But towards the end, something unexpected happened. I don’t know if I was just so unlucky or careless. Because when it was my time to throw out the pail of blood into the scene, I accidentally slip my foot and the pail of blood throws directly into Amanda. She was full of blood. Being cunning as she was, she walked out of the scene and throw some tantrums before leaving. Then the play was all ruin. The melodrama play suddenly turns into a comedy.

Everyone stared at me. I could hear laughs and ridicules. I couldn’t stop myself from crying because of the embarrassment. We don’t win because of what happen and most of my classmates were blaming me for what happened. Because of the humiliation, I run and hide on the rooftop. My safest ground. While walking upstairs, I couldn’t stop my tears. But as soon as I reached the top, my tears slowly went away.

“It’s okay.” Ethan consoled me. “Everyone has their most embarrassing moment. We all undergo that stage especially, the young ones. We’ll always bound to make mistakes. Because that’s the only way we can grow. We can be a better person in the future.”

“Hey!” I appealed. “How come you talk like an adult now?”

And we both laughed. Then just like magic, I felt relieved with Ethan’s words. He’s right. This should not depress me and stop me from doing what I want—going to school and marrying Zac in the future.

“Thank you.” I conversed.

“It’s okay. It’s just a small thing.” Ethan implied. “I can drop you home if you want to.”

“No. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Thank you for comforting me earlier.” I explained. “Bye!”

“Yes! Bye!” He waved. “Cheer up, dude!”

I’m so glad I’ve found a friend on him. I never expected him to comfort me in my most downhearted moment. Nanny was right. What’s the best about schooling aside from learning is having friends you can count on. Friends who are like treasures—worth for keeps.

I couldn’t stop my smile. But when I saw Zac standing outside my house with an unexplainable look, I took that smile away. I slowly walked towards him.

“You have the guts to play around.” He strongly uttered. You’re a loser.”

I don’t know if that hurts me more. If it was the scorns of my classmates or the laughs of the people or Zac’s anger. I understand him. I know he prepared so much for this day and I just simply ruin it with my carelessness. I also know that no excuses can justify what I did. Zac was right. I was a total loser. But hearing it from him clearly from his mouth makes it more hurtful than ever.

Now, I don’t know how to face him. The more I don’t know how to confess my feelings to him. I don’t even have the guts to go to school. But I have no choice. It’s not like I can easily tell my dad about it.

“It’s okay.” Cloe comforted me. “Don’t make it a big deal. It’s just a play. Heads up, Andi.”

“What?” Amanda complained. “It’s not okay. She ruined everything because of her carelessness.”

“Hey!” Cloe defended me.

And now, the whole place was in commotion. I tried to stop them but they are all so strong. Luckily, Zac but in, and they stop fighting.

“Hey!” He pointed at me. “You’re troublesome,” Zac smirked with those glaring eyes.

I couldn’t stop his act of mocking me. Yes, I like him but he has no right to judge me just because I made a mistake once. So, I grabbed Zac onto the rooftop and confronted him.

“Why? What is it to you if I cause trouble? Why does it bother you?” I bickered. “Yes, I like you and I know you don’t like me back. But that doesn’t give you any right to ridiculed me just because I made mistakes. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you anymore. I won’t follow you. And my feelings, I’ll keep it for myself.”