HE WAS COLD LIKE WINTER

CHAPTER 2: HEAD OVER HEELS

(Andi’s POV)

July of Fourteen

First love… First crush… Someone that makes our heart flutters merely for their presence. Someone that makes our heart beats faster. Someone that gives us the excitement to go to school. Someone that never fails to put a smile on our faces. Someone that makes us want to be a better person. Everyone has gone through these swoon-worthy feelings.

I’m Andrea Dianne Cruz, fourteen but you can call me Andi for short. The bubbly and soon-to-be fashion designer of St. John High. And this is my story. Ever since I entered high school, my ultimate crush has always been Zac. The no. 1 achiever of St. John High. He’s at the top in every subject. I even wonder how he could manage to store all those lessons on his tiny head. Standing 5’9 in height who wears that cute smile. He might be a snob, cold, and loner type of person. But I saw a side of him, he didn't see. He knows how to put on that cute smile. And anyone wouldn’t fall for that.

“Ouch!” I disgustedly shouted as my head hits the floor after falling from my bed. “Oh?” I wondered. “It was just a dream.” “Hey!” I flirted as I punch my pillow with Zac’s face printed on it.

“Andi!” Dad shouted with some urgency. “Get your senses. It’s your first day at school. Why are you daydreaming so early” Dad added while fixing my things. “Hurry!”

“Yes.” I yawned as I went to the bathroom.

“Andi! Andi!” Nanny Fely called as I could hear her footsteps going upstairs.

And when she opened the door, she was shocked to see how crummy I was in preparing for school. My school uniform is not properly button. My socks are not the same in color. And my hair is so messy. It’s not like I don’t know how to fix myself. It’s just that I’m really tired from today. Why schools would normally start on Monday? I mean, are they dumb to realize that kids were too busy during weekends? We’re too tired to go to school the next day.

“Why is this button like this?” Nanny Felly commented as she unbuttoned my uniform and fixed it properly. “And what about your socks?”

“I’m sorry but can I just sleep for a bit.” I pleaded. “Just for a moment,” I added while I rolled into my bed.

But she was so quick in pulling me up. “Nope.” She strongly barked. “You have to hurry for school, okay? Wake up! Wake up!” She keeps on nagging me until everything is set.

That’s just how she is. That’s her expertise. Even if she’s the no. 1 nagger in the house, I couldn’t imagine life without her especially now that mom is dead. Nanny Fely has been with us even before I was born into this world. She was with my mom first. She took care of my mom when she was still a child. She has been my mom’s best friend. Because of giving extra care to her work, she became more than a family to us. And she passed on that care to me. Even if because of her undying loyalty, commitment, and passion that she wasn’t able to have her own family, she doesn’t make us feel we’re the reason behind it. The more she devoted herself to us. Much more when mom died, Nanny has been my rock. She stayed by my side just like how Zac stood by me. Losing someone dear to you has been so hard and painful at a young age, but I guess what helped me moved on is having a great support system.

While eating breakfast, I composed myself and tried not to fall asleep especially that Dad is joining me at breakfast. It’s quite unusual because ever since mom died, we haven’t seated and eaten together on this table. At first, I thought, maybe he was just too busy with work—too busy running our family-own business after mom died. But as days passed by, I realized dad wasn’t busy at work because he has to. He just busied himself in order not to be reminded of my mom especially that every corner of the house is a minefield of memories.

I understand dad’s resentment because I also blame myself for what happened to mom. I thought, what if I didn’t call mom to come over and pick me up that night? What if I didn’t take dad’s scolding into my heart and run away? What if I didn’t hesitate to go to my friend’s birthday party? What if I just listen to mom? Will she be alive today? It’s all my fault.

We had a happy life before my mom died. I could remember mom would wake up early in the morning just to prepare breakfast. She’s not a great cook but she consistently wanted to learn how to become one. She inserted cooking class on her busy schedule just to cook delicious food for us especially that I’m a picker eater. I could remember she would usually wake me every morning no matter how busy she was just to greet good morning and bid goodbye. It’s still fresh in my memory how she would pick me at school even if she has a meeting an hour after. I could even remember how she always has something for me—food, toys, art supplies, or books. I could remember how she slowly opens the door of my room every time she went home late and how she would kiss my forehead with a good night. I could remember how she reads my favorite fairy tale story even if sometimes she falls asleep due to tiredness from work. I could remember how my mom would always come running to school whenever something happened to me and with just a hug and comforting words telling me, “It’s okay.” I could remember how my mom would clear up her schedule just to attend every school activities even if most of the time it’s last-minute cancellation. I could remember how she would teach me baking even if most of my cookies got burnt, she ate all of it. I could remember how she makes time to go shopping together whenever she had free time. And now that she’s gone, I don’t know how to enjoy all those activities I had with her. Everything was colorful back then. But now it suddenly turns monotone.

I know if mom was here she doesn’t want me to feel down but instead to live life to the fullest—to live happily even if she’s not here anymore. Well, I tried to laugh again. I tried to smile again. I tried to do all the things I did with my mom together with my dad. But he’s not around. It’s either he’s busy at work or he’s out of the country. I even celebrated my birthday without him. Although we had a small gathering together with my friends, I still feel sad because mom’s not here anymore and now even my dad is nowhere to be found.

I thought it was just a normal stage of coping up with the pain of losing your loved one. But when I heard my dad’s resentment when he came home late and was so drunk, I realized it wasn’t normal at all. That’s when I told myself to do well at school. I have to make my dad proud. I have to be a model student. So, he could come home. So, he could love me again just like before. Although it’s too impossible to be at the top of the school and beating Zac, at least I have to be at that top 10 or even top 20 and not at the bottom.

Although now, dad has been home for more than a month and we could eat breakfast together, still there is some kind of awkwardness between us. Although we tend to talk more this time and ask each other’s day, still there is a wall from the past that keeps the both of us from reaching out and act like a father and daughter. I know it’s going to be a long road for us. But I know mom is helping dad and me heal together.

***

The first day of school is indeed the best day to start a romance. I know I have promised to do well at school—to be a top 20 at least, but it doesn’t mean I have to forget my one-sided crush for Zac. I can manage both—studies and love life. I’m Andi and once I set myself unto something, I normally get what I want.

Zac has been my ultimate crush since grade school. I don’t know what I like about him. Well, besides his undying charisma, he’s a loner, snob, and cold guy. He doesn’t even have friends except me of course. He isn’t the friendly type. He ignores people. He wanted to study alone in the library even if some girls wanted to sit beside him or in front of him, he blocks them in every way. In short, he was as cold as winter. But that’s very okay with me though because that would mean no other girls can go near him. I have no other rivals. Even sometimes, I’m not exempted from his coldness.

But it’s okay. Even if I have to make an extra effort for him that sometimes caused me a lot of embarrassment. Even if I have to walk a step behind him because I feel like he’s running away from me. Even I always stared at him from afar which leads me to a lot of trouble. Even if I always follow him secretly that sometimes ended me with a lot of stumbles and careless accidents. I’m fine with all of those. I’m okay going all through those hardships because I believe that patience is a virtue and that Zac is just waiting for me and the perfect time for us to be together.

“Andi!” Cloe greeted as we exchanged our BFF's chant and handshake. “Good morning.”

“Good morning!” I happily responded.

“How was your summer vacation?” She gushed as her eyes rolled into excitement and curiosity.

“Well, it was good.” I giggled with a proud face.

“Hey! Did something good happen between you and Zac?” She asserted.

“Well…” I was trying to beat around the bush and give some suspense to my story when I saw Zac going out from the teacher’s office bringing some papers. From afar, he looks cool with his uniform. Well, anything looks good on him whether a school uniform, a casual look, or a tux. He knows how to carry every clothes he’s wearing. He’s a model type. As he draws closer, everything around him turns into darkness. Then, he’s the only one that shines brightly. He’s like a star that sparkles in the night sky. I feel like I was bewitched by his presence.

I fixed myself before approaching him and clears my throat. “Zac?” I sweetly called.

But he just walked swiftly. So, I pinched him. “Zac?”

“What?” He annoyingly asked.

But when he looked at me, I momentarily freeze that I lose all the words I wanted to tell him. My mind went blank again.

He grunted while giving me a look of how crazy. When I get back to my senses, I shouted from embarrassment.

I went inside my classroom with a downcast face. I can’t believe I messed up in front of him. I punch my head for being so stupid. Now, I don’t want to go to school. I just want to go home. But it’s too impossible since by this time the school gate is officially closed and no one can get out without a teacher’s permission. I’m doomed.

“Andi!” Cloe called and raising her hands telling me to seat beside her. “Hurry!”

“Yes.” I sleepily answered.

As soon as I was seated, I sulked my face into my desk table feeling so gloomy. But when I saw who was seating on my left, I smiled and giggled as imagination runs widely. It was Zac. He was just a reach away. I couldn’t stop myself from gazing at him and giggles as smiles filled all over my face. I keep laughing all by myself.

“Hey!” Zac yelled. “Do you have no respect for yourself at all? Do you have no shame?”

“No. Because I give it all to you.” I expressed while giving him a cute pose and a finger heart.

But the more he’s annoyed and turns he’s back on me.

“Hey! Hey! Listen, everyone.” The teacher announced. “I’m Mr. Lim and I’ll be your homeroom teacher for this semester and your Math teacher.”

Everyone chorused a tone of disappointment because we all know how strict and terror Mr. Lim especially in Math. He is known to be strict especially on stubborn students and he hated those who casually sleep in his class. He won’t easily take a no whenever he calls you to answer a problem on the board.

I can’t afford to be on his bad side. I can’t afford a failing grade. I know how hard it understanding all those Math principles and formulas in my small head. But I have to try. I have to understand everything. I have to master all those formulas. I have to ace our first weekly chapter exam. I have to do well this time. I have to be on the list of the school’s top students. No matter how tough the road is. No matter how impossible, I have to try at least.

But the struggle is real as I was analyzing all the simple formulas of finding an x. I was listening attentively to Mr. Lim’s discussion but my mind won’t absorb everything. I stared at my book for a couple of minutes. I tried to understand the examples presented. It was easy though upon looking at how it is done. But when I tried to answer the sample problems, I scratched my head as I don’t know how to start solving the problem. I feel like my head is about to burst from the difficulty I am facing right now. I can’t believe how hard it was. I mean we’re just on our first subject for this whole school year and yet these are the hardships I have to overcome. I can’t believe how hard it is to be a top student. I’m more distressed.  

“Hey!” Cloe whispered. “Is it hard?” She added as if she’s happy with the torment I’m feeling right now.

“What?” I groggily asked. “Why? Are you making fun of me now?”

“If it’s hard, you can ask him how it is done.” She pointed out Zac while giving me a flirtatious look.

Cloe’s right. I can ask Zac about how it is done. Besides we can even be closer to each other just like how it goes in dramas. It’s the best strategy. It’s like hitting two birds with one stone. I get to understand Math formulas and get closer to Zac even more. Those wide imaginations make me swooned a bit.

I was preparing myself to ask for his help. I fix my hair and practiced the words I’ll be telling him when the no. 3 students and the no. 1 flirt at school, Amanda Perez approached Zac casually as if they’re close. I feel disgusted seeing how she ask and talk to him calmly. She’s a flirt. I mean why would she ask him about a Math problem wherein fact she’s Top 3 at school. She’s good at Math, too.

“How selfish?” I murmured as I turn my back on them.

It was snack break at that time. Cloe and I were eating in the school ball field. I was releasing my disgust from what I saw earlier. And the food is my no. 1 stress reliever and mood changer. Of course, with the comfort of my best friend, Cloe. But as I was freeing my frustration, some of our schoolmates came and give some flowers to Cloe. Seeing how many boys have shown interest in her, the more I feel disgusted. How come Cloe’s so tall, fair skin and attractive? How lucky she is? She could choose any guy she would want. They would surely line up for her. But, me—the unattractive, unintelligent, and unlovable girl. Even one guy, even Zac himself won’t fall for someone like me. I got no beauty and much more no brains. I feel so down thinking that I don’t have anything I’m good at. 

We’re back inside the classroom for our next subject. We went to the science lab to do some experiments. We were task to group ourselves into four. I wanted to be with Zac’s group but I was too late. Amanda is on his team. I lost again. We were having our experiment. But I can’t seem to focus as I was looking attentively at Zac and Amanda. They’re seating beside each other and just an inch was their distance.

“Andi!” Cloe called. “Can you heat this first and observed closely the changes it will occur. Takedown all the changes, okay?” She addressed.

Being out-of-focus as I was, I followed Cloe’s instruction carelessly as if my body is physically present but my mind is somewhere down the road. I heated the mixture as she said. But as I was about to observe closely to take down some notes on its changes, it slips on my hands and landed on my feet. I screamed after feeling some burns on my skin. I cried relentlessly.

Everyone stopped their experiments and gathered around me.

“What happened?” Cloe asked with fear on her face after seeing my tears fall endlessly. “Are you okay?”

“What’s wrong?” The teacher asked. “Andi, you’re going to be fine, okay? Relax.”

At that very moment, I know I only had a small burnt on my feet since I was wearing thick shoes. But everything turns blurry. I’m in panic mode. I always have this same scenario every time an accident will happen no matter how small it is. Maybe it was just my emotions. But I was scared. The same fear that I felt when my mom died. The trauma that I’ve been buried in the past somehow taunts me like a nightmare. Then, suddenly someone picks me up with his shoulders. It was Zac. He brought me into the infirmary to get initial treatment. He holds my hand and seated me until the school doctor finished giving first aid treatment to my burn. Just like he held my hand when my mom died right before my very eyes, Zac stayed by my side.

“It’s done.” The school doctor commented. “Don’t worry Andi, it’s just a small burn. Luckily, your thick shoes protected you from this accident.” The doctor comforted me.

“Thank you, Doc.” I smiled.

“Thank you so much, Doctor Lee.” Zac stood up and formally thank him.

Because of the embarrassment, I turn my back from Zac and covered myself with a blanket. I couldn’t stand any more of this shameful situation. Zac saw my damaged nails.  I worked so hard to cover it up with my socks and shoes. Now, I’m doomed. I don’t he’s a reaction but I could feel he’s disappointed in me.

It was afternoon then. The sun was setting its full light before taking a break. Despite that dark is coming, anyone can feel its hotness set overload. But it didn’t bother me at all. While walking, I couldn’t stop smiling. From a distance, I could see his broad shoulders. I never expected that this embarrassing moment could be to my advantage. Every time I would ask Zac if I could walk with him after school or going to school every morning, all I got was a big, “NO!” it’s either he would ride his bike faster or he would come up with lame excuses just to avoid me.

“Hey!” He shouted. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Yes!” I happily answered and run towards him.

***

 The following day.

I woke up early. Earlier than usual. I wanted to go with Zac in going to school. I should not miss this opportunity. We’ve been much closer thanks to yesterday’s incident. But before anything else, I practiced my lines. I should not mess up this time.

I cleared my throat. “Good morning Zac! Are you going to school” I uttered while putting a happy smile on my face?

Trying to re-enact a scene. “Yes! Why? Would you like to go with me?”

“Yes!” I giggled. “Have you eaten your breakfast? Here! I made some for you. It’s your favorite tuna sandwich.” Trying to sound casual.

“Thank you!”

I couldn’t stop imagining things. “Get a grip, Andi! This is your chance to get closer to Zac. This is the beginning of your long-time crush to finally be realized.” I strongly uttered.

I waited for more than an hour until Zac’s mom went out of their house.

I stood up immediately and greeted her with my utmost smile. “Good morning, Ms. Cabrera!”

“Good morning, Andi!” She responded. “Why are you still here? Aren’t you going to school? It’s already 7:30 in the morning.”

“What?” My eyes rolled into shock. But, I never saw Zac went out. I waited for him an hour earlier than his usual time to go to school. But I never saw even a glimpse of him.

“Um! Ms. Cabrera?” I asked. “What about Zac? Is he not going to school? Was he sick or something?”

“He’s already at school by this time.” She answered.

“What?” I uttered. “How come I haven’t seen him? I was waiting for him and yet…” I told myself.

It was already 10 minutes before the gate of the school will close. And I’m still running with all my might just to get inside the school. I was about to lose my breath but I didn’t take a pause. I could hear the countdown from afar. But, I only have one goal—to get inside the school. I can’t take a day missing school because that would mean not seeing Zac for a day. And that would also mean that Fiona would try her flirt schemes on him. And I won’t let her do her thing. I run faster than I could. “3…2…1…” Luckily, I get in right on time.

I can’t believe that an early marathon could easily dry out all my energy. I was grasping my breath while taking my steps up into my classroom. But I was too tired to take a step. Unfortunately, I slip my foot and was about to fall when someone catches me right on time. I was imagining this heart-throbbing scene I used to watch from my favorite drama on TV. But I didn’t imagine it with someone else—with a stranger. Our eyes were locked for a moment as if time freeze. I don’t see him before. Well, he has looked. And he’s quite strong to catch me in his arms. And I could sense, he’s a gentleman.

“But, get a grip of yourself, Andi. This is not the time to take a detour in love. You already have Zac. You shouldn’t fall for someone else.” I told myself as I went away from his arms.

“Thank you.” I thank him.

“No worries, dude!” He smiled.

“Dude?” I told myself in utter surprise. I was flustered for a moment. “Why would he address me casually? I mean we just met and he’s acting like we're very close. He’s a weirdo.”

I was about to go inside of our classroom when I saw Amanda flirting with Zac again. The more my day gets ruin. I feel disgusted and annoyed as I took my seat.

“Are you okay?” Cloe asked after seeing how crumpled my uniform is and how messy my hair was. “Where have you been? You’re like someone coming from a battlefield.”

“Listen!” Our teacher commanded. “Take your seat. Everyone I’d like you to meet your new classmate. Come in. Introduce yourself.”

“Oh!” I was surprised. “He was the guy from earlier. He was a transferee student?”

“I’m Ethan Manansala. Nice to meet you. Hope we can get along.” He uttered.

“You can take the empty seat over there.” Ms. Lee instructed.

“He’s going to seat at my back? No way! It can’t be. I’m doomed.” I told myself as I hide my head from the book I was holding. I tried to look too busy so he won’t notice me.

“Hi! Dude.” He suddenly greeted.

It’s game over. I’m caught right before I could hide. I’m doomed.