She Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 2)

Chapter 30: Ronnie

Sunday with Jason was both incredible and terrifying, wonderful and uncomfortable all at the same time. A big part of me wanted to keep him there. It was the same part that was tip toeing around my room as I got ready for bed so that I wouldn’t wake him. I could tell he was tired and needed the sleep, but I wanted the excuse to let him stay there. And then when he woke up, it got awkward for me. I still wanted him to stay, but I couldn’t figure out how to reconcile it with everything else in my head.

When he felt the need to remind me that he gets busy while he’s working and warn me not to freak out when he doesn’t answer right away, everything from that horrible day two years ago came flooding back into my head. That’s a day I still have a lot of feelings about, feelings that took up a big chunk of my time spent in therapy after he left. It gave me a lot to think about and work on, but it was so hard to talk about how I really feel without being able to mention werewolves or mate bonds.

Which is why Aly pulled some strings and got me an appointment with a werewolf therapist not far from her pack. It’s in a town that I’ve never been to before that werewolves and other supernaturals share with the humans who live there, unbeknownst to the humans. This particular therapist is trained and licensed to see both humans and supernaturals, which is why Aly recommended her. In a way, I guess I’m a little of both.

And I could really use someone to talk to about it again. Jason is busy for a couple days and we mostly communicate through brief texts back and forth in the meantime. I’m simultaneously disappointed and relieved about that. My appointment with the therapist isn't until Wednesday morning, and I don’t know that I’m ready to see him before then, or to bring up the things that have been on my mind.

Things between us are getting intense, and fast. It’s progressing way more quickly than it was before, almost like we’re making up for lost time. I can just sense that soon we’re going to have to talk about what this thing between us even is, and maybe even put a name to it, and somehow make it more official. I want to push myself to let him be more affectionate with me, and I’ve come to realize that I even enjoy it. It’s not just for him, it’s good for both of us.

But I’ve never been here before. This is completely uncharted territory for me, and I still have lingering concerns and anxiety about what it all means. Where it leads. What will happen if it all falls apart. Whether it’s a good idea to let myself get this attached to someone. Whether I can survive losing him if it isn’t me who decides when it happens.

And whether I’m even worthy of a relationship with someone like him. He’s had to sacrifice so much, and suffer so long, and all he will get for it is me. Am I enough, or will he be disappointed? And in there with all that other noise is the big one: am I ready to abandon my life plan and get on board with his, or would that make me a quitter?

Needless to say, I’m eager to have a professional to talk to about it all again. And though I have mixed feelings about it, it is a relief to have the burden of paying for it removed from my shoulders. I actually don’t even know the financial details about it all, and Aly won’t share them with me. She just keeps assuring me that it’s taken care of.

So, Wednesday morning I wake up and jump right into the “somewhere to go” routine – shower, clothes, hair, makeup, back to the closet to find a better outfit, and then hair again since changing messed it up. Once I’m finally satisfied that this is as good as it’s going to get, I join Aly’s clan downstairs for breakfast.

Garrett has turned into what Tyler and Matt are calling a “stage-five clinger,” so it’s a bit of a struggle to keep him off me so I don’t end up with his breakfast smeared across my shirt or something. I was loving the special little moments he and I would have together for the first few days, but I’ll admit that it’s becoming a problem. My arms and back are starting to ache from how often I’ve been holding him, and I miss my personal space.

On the other hand, he seems to be desensitizing me to my touch aversion. It’s still there, but I’m getting quite practiced at pushing through and shoving it aside. If I can handle a toddler on me all day, every day, there’s a good chance that I’ll be able to handle some affection from my mate the next time I see him. And honestly, that might be primarily what’s been motivating me to let Garrett be so clingy with me. We created this problem together.

I'll just conveniently not think about the part where more often than not, there's a touch aversion threshold, and having Garrett on me so much is more likely to backfire than help once my brain gets too overwhelmed and just can't stand anyone touching me anymore.

“I find it interesting because it was Stirling who was so demanding of our attention as a baby, but now she’s little miss independent, and it’s Garrett who’s taken her place,” Aly comments after about the fifth time she has to pull him away from me and put him back in his seat. “He’s always been pretty aloof, so I didn’t see this coming.”

“It’s my fault. I think I’ve been using him as a comfort object while I’ve been adapting to my new environment,” I explain sheepishly.

“It was his turn to be spoiled anyway,” Tyler tries to reassure me. “We don’t mind, but it just seems like you’d be getting sick of him by now.”

“It’s probably a good time to try to break the habit before it escalates any further, but I don’t mind either.”

I do mind a little, but I’m not about to complain to them. I’m almost completely certain I brought it on myself, and in a way, it makes me feel special that the “aloof” child is the one who’s developed an attachment to me. That means he’s picky about who he gets close to, and he picked me. It kind of feels a bit like those rare times when I’ve somehow managed to charm a cranky, unsociable cat into letting me cuddle with it.

After breakfast, I head all the way downstairs and through the pack kitchen, out the side door that leads to the garage. It’s the first time I’m seeing that car Aly got for me since Clarice drove it here, and it will be my first time driving it. My first time driving a completely unfamiliar vehicle into a completely unfamiliar town to see a complete stranger. Ronnie of two years ago wouldn’t even be attempting this. Me now is anxious and doing a lot of self-coaching, but I can do it. I think.

I’m surprised to find Jason out in the garage waiting for me right next to my car. Unexpected, but not a stranger at all.

“Morning,” he greets me with a big smile. “I know you said you had an appointment today, and though I wish I could go with you and show you around a bit, unfortunately, I have to work. But I wanted to at least see you off.”

“That’s … you didn’t have to do that,” I tell him, forgetting my greeting. “Oh, good morning,” I add, even though I know it’s weird and awkward to tack it on after the fact. I’m happy to see him, but he caught me completely off-guard.

He chuckles, and as I come around to where he waits by my driver’s side door, I notice the coffee cup he’s holding. Jealous. I wish I had thought to grab a coffee.

But he holds it out to give it to me.

“Thought you could use this. Don’t spill it in your fancy new car, though,” he teases. And then he turns and opens the door to said car, stepping back and holding it open for me.

I’m left standing there stunned and speechless, probably looking quite comical. But it’s too early in the morning for my brain to have caught up to him and all these surprises yet.

“You … you’re … thank you,” I manage to say.

It occurs to me part of the way through that there’s no point in standing here pointing out how unbelievably thoughtful and charming he’s being, when the more important part is to make sure he knows how grateful I am for that thoughtfulness.

“Of course, Ronnie. You’re so welcome. Good luck,” he says, and then pauses, blushing sheepishly. “Is that what you say about an appointment? ‘Have fun’ felt wrong, but I don’t know what to replace it with.” He laughs, probably mostly at himself.

“It’s okay,” I laugh. “I can always use more luck.”

Honestly, I don’t know what’s to be said about a therapist appointment either. Hope you don’t cry too hard?

I shift my coffee to my right hand to free up my left, wanting to touch him since he’s right here in front of me and could probably use the reassurance. But with how he’s standing so that there’s a door between us, it’s a little trickier than just reaching for his hand. He does have a hand holding the top of the door, though, so I place my hand over his fingers and give him a smile.

“Thanks again.”

He grins back at me, watching as I get in, stowing the coffee in the cup holder and trying to position myself in the seat. Clarice is much taller than me, so it needs some adjusting. But of course, this car is too fancy to have just simple little levers to get the job done.

“Here, I got you,” he says, maneuvering his way around the open door so he can crouch down and help me with adjusting all the little buttons and switches. “Start her up and we’ll get you set here.”

He seems to know exactly what he’s doing, and then he shows me how to program my seat so that next time someone else sits there, all I have to do is push one button to reset it. Honestly, that’s pretty nice, and this seat is insanely comfortable. I’ll admit that I might already be enjoying this ridiculous car.

“Thanks,” I say, laughing when I realize that’s the third or fourth time. “I guess you’re kind of my hero this morning.”

I can tell how much that pleases him by the smile he gives me in response, which I have a close view of since he’s still crouching next to me. The smile, and those gorgeous hazel eyes that make my breath catch when he turns them on me.

“I’m just glad you’re finally letting me help you,” he replies. “And I hope you have a good day, Ronnie.”

He gives my thigh a little squeeze as he stands up, watching me intently for a reaction. It surprises me, but not in an unpleasant way.

“Oh, that’s what I should have said,” he laughs. “Not good luck, but have a good day.”

This little moment he’s having is so endearing and relatable, and I’m kind of glad to be witnessing it. I’ve always found him to be impressively skilled at coming up with the right thing to say, so I appreciate seeing him like this. It’s weirdly comforting.

“I’ll take both, and back at you, Jason.”

He closes the door for me, stepping back and watching as I pull out of the garage and head off to the great unknown.