She Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 2)

“Finn, you’re letting yourself get distracted. There are two, but you’re stronger than both put together,” Beta Christopher coaches me. Finn is the name of my wolf, but what Beta Christopher doesn’t know is that it’s still me in here. I’ve been too scared to let Finn take over completely, not since my first shift when he bolted and went on an unauthorized hunt and wouldn’t listen until the Alpha forced him. What a bloody mess that turned out to be. Literally. “Or is it Jason? Is that the problem?” Beta Christopher questions once he catches on. He knows me too well. I’m not going to be getting away with this charade much longer. “You have to let your wolf take over. He knows what to do here better than you do. You won’t be much good to us in a fight if you don’t let him out so he can train sometimes,” Beta Christopher chides me gently. With a mental sigh, I relent and let Finn forward. Instant regret. He goes crazy, spinning in happy circles and jumping like a maniac. He’s going to get hurt if he doesn’t knock it off. I try to get him under control, but he’s too strong. Whenever I let him out, he blocks me, and I can’t fight past it. “Finn!” I hear the Alpha’s commanding tone call out from across the training grounds. Finn gives a yelp and instantly sits back on his haunches, his head lowered in shame and submission. “You are no longer a pup. You’re a warrior. You could be the best if you learned to behave. You know better, so be better,” Alpha Kane scolds him lowly. I can feel how eagerly Finn soaks in the compliment, though at least he’s smart enough to know that it doesn’t mean much considering that it’s wrapped in so much disgust and disappointment. It gives him something to strive toward, though. Hopefully, that will be enough to encourage him to get his act together. “Now, Finn. Try it again. And since you seem to have so much pent-up energy, let’s try you against three others,” Beta Christopher instructs. It was bad enough taking on two other more experienced warriors. But three? That’s insane. Where all I feel is worry and dread, Finn seems to take it as a compliment that the Beta thinks he can handle it. Sure, it’s meant as a punishment to knock Finn’s ego down a notch, but he seems to perceive it as a challenge, and he’s hungry for it. “Don’t worry, kid. I’ve been up against four before, and I’m just a human,” I hear a playful comment from behind me. The voice sounds familiar. Finn turns to look at the guy who said it, and I realize it was one of the humans who've been hanging around with the Alpha’s daughter, Aly. Tyler is his name. Supposedly, he’s one of her friends from college, though pretty much everyone suspects that he's more than that to her. Finn takes his comment as another challenge. Now, he not only has to show that he can best three other wolves, but he needs to win against four. He can’t let a human seem stronger than him. But I just admire the guy. He’s cool, friendly, down-to-earth, and I think my favorite thing about him is that he says stuff like that without a trace of ego. I know he’s not bragging. He’s just trying to make it seem less daunting to me. Even so, I’d love to spar with him sometime. I bet there's a lot he could teach me. But for now, I have to get through this. Finn is practically frothing at the mouth, and I think Beta Christopher knows that. With an amused smirk, he guides us all back into our starting positions and gives the signal for the others to attack. Once the action starts, it quickly becomes too much for me to try to keep up with, but Finn has stellar reflexes and does seem to know what he is doing. Then he goes into some sort of blood rage or something, acting purely on instinct. Since he’s not really thinking, I can’t track what happens next. In what feels like only seconds, he is standing over the last of his attackers, forcing him into submission. When I realize he is worked up enough that he might seriously hurt the guy, I freak out and give one last big push to try to force him back. To my surprise, it works. I regain control and immediately shift back so I can look around and make sure the others are okay. “You’re going to want to get yourself to the infirmary to get that looked at,” Beta Christopher advises me. I just stand there, not comprehending what he means. He must notice my blank look of confusion because he chuckles and nods at my forearm. “Where Devon’s wolf landed his bite. Get it looked at,” he repeats. Then he slaps me on the side of my shoulder, shaking his head as though I’m amusing him. “You didn’t even know, did you. Didn’t even feel it. That wolf of yours is something. If we can get him to rein in his wildness, he’s going to be quite an asset. Berserkers always are.” Berserker? That doesn’t sound good. I really hope he’s wrong about that. My dad and my older brother are defenders – strong, stocky, and stubborn – but their wolves are compliant. They’re basically brown-nosers to the Alpha, eager to please and lap up whatever attention they can from him. But a berserker sounds like a nightmare to try to control. After Beta Christopher dismisses me, I head to the coolers for some water and then start making my way to the infirmary. I can still feel Finn pacing restlessly in my mind, threatening to force his way out. He wasn’t done showing off, and he resents that I stopped him. We can’t just beat on our packmates mindlessly, Finn, I scold him. He doesn’t respond. Guess he’s giving me the silent treatment now. I don’t understand why my wolf is like this. I’m not. I was actually hoping that I’d end up not being a warrior at all. I’d rather do pretty much anything else. Despite the fact that I’d rather just chill and relax right now, I can still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. My heart is racing. I’m on edge, and I don’t know what to do about it. I figure I’ll try stopping at the library after the infirmary to try to find something good to read and maybe calm me down. The medic makes quick work of patching me up and sends me on my way, advising me to rest my arm for the day. With that in mind, I head into the packhouse intending to hit the library and then go back to my room to flop on my bed and spend the rest of the day relaxing and reading. When I turned 16 a few months back, I had the option to stay with my family or move into the packhouse dorms with all the other single, unmated adults who get to enjoy the convenience and luxury of the Alpha’s home while they wait to find their mates. I chose the latter, hoping not living directly under my father’s overbearing thumb would be a welcome reprieve. It has been, though since he’s the Gamma here and has the Alpha’s ear, he’s still a lot more involved in my daily life than I’d like. Still worth it, though. If I had to return to my parents' house right now, I'd never hear the end of how I can't seem to figure out how to control my wolf, and my dad would rant and lecture about how I'm failing to live up to the Levitt legacy with every day that goes by and every breath I take that doesn't put me any closer to getting a handle on Finn and meeting my potential. But since I have my own private room to retreat to, I can skip all that. The only thing I have to worry about right now is choosing my next read. Except I’ve been smelling a scent ever since last night that I can’t quite put my finger on, and I notice as I near the library that it’s only getting stronger. Finn is more agitated in my mind than ever, and I know I’m seconds from losing control. I attempt to bail and just head straight to my room, but he takes over before I make it even two steps in the other direction. No! Mine! He screams at me in my mind. Oh. Now it clicks. He must realize that the scent belongs to our mate. No wonder it’s been driving me crazy. I can’t believe I didn’t make that connection, but I guess I didn’t expect to find her here. To my horror, he charges right into the library with his nose in the air, tracking her scent. He doesn’t seem to notice or care about anyone or anything in his path, just pushing through and knocking things over as he goes. He tracks her to the second row over, about halfway down. I’ve never seen her around here before. I would have remembered if I had. I can’t even see her whole face yet and I can already tell she’s beautiful. She’s petite and what a lot of people might describe as average in terms of her figure, but I like it. Her hair is dark brown and pin straight, just barely brushing the tops of her shoulders. I just want to reach out and touch it. I bet it feels like silk. Perhaps the most striking thing about her is that she’s standing there reading a book, but she looks as comfortable and content doing it as anyone else would be all curled up in a comfy chair. Whatever she is reading has her smiling. I can see the little dimple in her cheek. I want her, that much is clear, but the problem is Finn wants her just as much, and he’s the one in control. I try, but I can’t stop him. I know we’re headed for trouble, especially since I can smell that she is human. My heart falls when I realize that because I know it means she is probably going to reject me, especially since it’s Finn she’s meeting first. He wastes no time charging over to her, knocking into a cart of books on the way there. “MINE!” he shouts at her from a few paces away. She flinches but doesn’t look up yet. My mind races, wondering what she's thinking. “Mine!” he yells gleefully, bringing himself right into her space to make it just that much more terrifying for her. I'm horrified, especially when I see the petrified look on her face and notice the way she tenses and freezes in place. I also notice when she looks up that she wears glasses that accentuate the blueness of her eyes. I love that, but my heart hurts at how badly this is going. I dread what might happen next. I’m still fighting him, but he is so focused on our mate that nothing seems to be able to reach him. I can sense him getting agitated about her lack of acknowledgement. He doesn’t seem to understand that you can’t just declare someone is yours, even if she is destined to be your mate, and especially if she is human. A she-wolf might get it and know that she needs to reassure him to calm him down, but this poor girl probably just fears for her life and wants him to back off. Then she starts backing away, and I know this is only going to get worse. Finn doesn’t like that. He starts panicking and growling at her. I don’t understand why he thinks that will help get him the result he wants. I can’t help wondering why he won’t use more words to try to talk to her. When Beta Christopher said he thinks Finn is a berserker, did he mean he’s feral and needs to be tamed? It would make sense. He barely talks to me, and now I’m wondering if it’s because he doesn’t know how. I try to quickly think of something to help fix this. She’s here at our pack, which means she knows about werewolves. She must know about mates. Calm down. Tell her she’s our mate. Be gentle with her, I try to guide him. Maybe if I provide the words and instructions, he’ll use them. He slowly reaches out to try to touch her face, and I have to give him credit for how gentle it is. “Mine,” he says again, softer and more pleadingly. He must understand me because he responded to what I said, though he doesn’t seem to want to say anything else. But damn it, that’s not working! Please let me take over. I can fix this, I assure him. No response. Nothing changes. Well, other than our mate trying to back away again. I feel horrible that she’s so scared. She’s going to think this is just how I am. Finn doesn’t like her moving away from him again. He freaks out, reflexively reaching out to try to hold her in place. He grasps her wrist, and I worry that he might be hurting her even though I know he doesn’t mean to. He wants to be gentle and loving with her. I can feel it. Instead, he crouches slightly, reaching around to grasp her firmly and lift her up and over his shoulder. Damn it, Finn. No! This is barbaric. Even a she-wolf wouldn’t be okay with this. My heart sinks because I know it’s already over, and our mate will never want us. When he turns and begins to make his way back toward the exit, Luna Andrea steps in his way. “Put her down, Jason,” she demands lowly. There’s a threat in her voice. If he doesn’t obey, she’s going to force him. That would make twice today that he had to be reprimanded by the Alpha couple, and nothing good ever comes of a wolf proving himself to be a chronic behavioral problem. Worse yet, our mate starts to cry. The sound rips through my heart, and I start beating and pounding against the mental block holding me prisoner in my own body. I can’t let him keep doing this. There’s too much at stake. “Jason Levitt, I said PUT HER DOWN!” Luna Andrea booms out in her Alpha tone, forcefully demanding Finn’s compliance. I know it’s bad that it came to that, but I’m also glad for it. I’m so much more worried about my mate than whatever punishment or restrictions are about to be slapped on me. Finn whimpers against the power in her command. Even he can’t disobey her, not even for our mate. He gently lowers her to the floor, but then he stubbornly keeps his arm around her and holds her against him. Now I can feel how much she is trembling. “She’s human, Jason. I know she’s your mate, but you can’t just come in here and take her like that,” the Luna says soothingly, as if she is trying to comfort a child. She grasps my arm, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze and continues trying to reason with Finn. “I think you need to leave and go cool down,” she suggests. “You’re not thinking clearly.” I know, Luna. But it’s not me, it’s Finn! Can’t you see that? I’m sure the Alpha had to have mentioned to her at some point that I’m pretty much the only werewolf ever who can’t figure out how to control his wolf. Unlike everyone else, I can’t let him partially take over. There’s no such thing with Finn. It’s him, or it’s me. And this definitely isn’t me. But I can feel, smell, and almost even taste the fear that my own wolf has instilled in my mate. This needs to end. I give a desperate push against his hold on me, until finally, he relents. I burst through his resistance and take my body back, immediately releasing my hold on my mate and letting her go to Luna Andrea for comfort and reassurance. My heart is broken because I’m certain that I’ve already lost her. Devastated, humiliated, I rush out of the library and drop to the floor just outside the door. I can’t believe that just happened. My heart is still racing, but now it’s not just adrenaline pumping through it. It’s heartbreak. I have to figure out how to fix this somehow before it is too late. Eventually, Beta Christopher’s son Ryan comes to check on me. That Tyler guy and his friend Matt are with him. I hate having to admit to them what just happened, but there’s no point in denying it. I’m sure it was a public scene that everyone will be gossiping about soon enough, so I might as well get my side of the story on the record while I can. “Ronnie is a tough kid. She’ll come around once she finds out what was going on,” Tyler tries to reassure me after I’ve finished telling them my horrific tale. “Is that her name? Ronnie? Do you know her?” I ask him, excited to be tossed this scrap of information about my mate and potentially be able to talk to someone who knows more about her. I know I’m not likely to learn these things any other way. “I do, and yes that’s her name. Veronica, I think. She’s Aly’s roommate at school,” he tells me. He and Matt tell me a bit more about her. She’s 16, like me, and they describe her as shy, smart, sweet, and endearingly awkward. I love her already. “Let’s get you up and back to the infirmary to get that arm looked at again,” Ryan cuts in, holding out a hand to help me up. “You’re bleeding all over, man. That can’t be good.” I look back down at my arm and see that he is right. Blood is seeping through the bandage the medic put on there just a little while ago. I wonder why it isn’t healing yet. Once I'm back on her exam table, the medic explains, “It is healing. It was just a nasty wound to begin with, and I think I remember telling you to take it easy for the rest of the day. I’m going to guess you haven’t.” I just sigh, not bothering to fill her in. Once she has me wrapped up in fresh bandages again, I walk back to my room and close myself in for the remainder of the day. At least Finn has retreated to somewhere in the back of my mind and is leaving me alone. And at least I didn’t get more than a scolding from the Alpha about his behavior. It’s late at night when I reach the point where I can’t take it anymore. I can still smell my mate and know she must be sleeping somewhere in this house, probably on the Alpha’s floor. Quietly, I creep out of my room and down the hall of the dormitory wing, making my way to the stairs that will take me there. Surprisingly, I can sense Finn on high alert in my mind, but he doesn’t try to fight me for control. Maybe he realizes how badly he messed up earlier and wants to see if I can fix it. Ronnie’s scent is strongest outside the door to the room on the left of Aly's room, so that’s the room I decide to investigate. Inside that room, her scent is intoxicating, so I know I’m in the right place. I quietly make my way to the bed and lie down next to her. I can tell she’s awake, but the way she is controlling her breathing and trying to be quiet and still while her heart is pounding right out of her chest tells me she’s still terrified of me. I softly, gently try to assure her that I’m not here to hurt her and she doesn’t need to be afraid of me, but she remains tense and still, not even giving me a single peep in response. “I just came to apologize for earlier, and because I couldn’t bear sleeping in the same house without seeing you,” I tell her. “I had to see you, to make things right before you leave me. I can’t leave it like this.” Still nothing from her. “I need you to say something,” I plead with her. “It’s killing me that you’re so afraid of me. I know that’s my fault, but I don’t know what to do to fix it.” It’s probably a bad idea, but I can’t resist the urge to try to touch her. I gently reach out to brush her cheek with the back of my fingers, but she gasps and pulls away from me. “N-no, not that. I d-don’t like being touched,” she stutters. Neither of Aly’s other friends said anything about her having a stutter, so I can only conclude that it’s because I scare her that much. Then she hurriedly clarifies, “It’s not just you. I’m just not comfortable with touching.” It does make me feel better to know that it’s just a general thing about her. I find it interesting, and I worry what could have happened to make her like that, but at least it’s not just me she doesn’t want touching her. I promise not to touch her, even knowing it’s going to be a difficult promise to keep. I owe her that at least. Please, Finn, don’t screw this up. Once I back off, she relaxes ever so slightly and we manage to talk a little more. I find out that she’s leaving in the morning to go back to school with Aly, which stings. It feels like we’re just now having a breakthrough. I was hoping to have the whole next day to get to know her. We talk some about her love of reading and books, and I find myself telling her that it’s a passion of mine as well. She seems surprised by that, and a little shy about having a personal conversation with me. So, I decide to give her even more. “My dad is always telling me that school is a waste of my time because we already know that I’m going to be one of the top warriors just like him, and just like my older brother, but to tell you the truth, I’d rather be doing what you’re doing,” I confess. I find myself falling hopelessly in love with her in the next instant, when she blurts out, “Pulling off the skin from around my thumbnail?” That seems just like her to first of all be nervously destroying her beautiful hands, and also to respond to me literally like that. I don’t think she meant it as a joke, but I can’t help but chuckle a little anyway. She’s adorable. I explain that I wish I could go to college, but I know my dad is against it. I find myself professing both my desire to be near her and my urge to throw caution to the wind and follow her to her school. I don’t know where it’s all coming from, but it feels right. I know it’s what I do want. My heart sinks when she shoots it down, though. “To be honest, I don’t want any distractions at school," she tells me. "I have a plan to finish in three years, and I need to stay focused." Impressive. I admire that. Then she finishes with, "Plus, aren’t you only sixteen?” Weird argument for her to make. “Aren’t you?” I challenge her. What she doesn’t know is how badly I want to be doing what she is doing, and how hard I’ve been trying to make it happen. So, I tell her about my own plan to finish high school early, racing against my dad’s insistence that I drop out and focus on my warrior training. It’s just what people tend to do here when they come of age. Only a rare few finish and go to college. I know it’s a lot for her to take in, but it’s frustrating when her only response is a sigh and silence. Before I can think not to, I reach out for her hand because I need that reassurance. I can’t tell how she really feels or how close I am to getting rejected. I immediately realize and regret my error, though. I’m supposed to be building trust with her, but I failed at doing the one thing she asked. She pulls away, of course. “Look, I’m sorry I’m human, okay?” she says defensively, her tone sharp and cutting. “I know you’re used to certain things and expect certain things because of the whole mate thing, but that’s not me. I’m not there yet. I don’t know if I ever will be, if I’m being honest." That cuts deep. I appreciate her drive and focus, and somehow I have to make her see that I want to support her, not thwart her. Now it’s my turn to sigh and figure out how to respond to that. I know I need to tread very carefully. “I get it, I really do," I assure her. "I have no idea what it’s like to be a human on the other side of this, but I get that it’s harder for you. You can’t feel what I can, and you don’t have a wolf driving you crazy and trying to force you to speed things along. I’m just glad you’re a human who already knows about us, and about mates, but even so, I know I’m doing a terrible job of easing you into things.” “Yes you are,” she doesn't hesitate to agree with me, and I laugh. I love talking to her, even if it is difficult and strained. I love her quirky, no nonsense personality. I need that in my life. “Do you think we can start over?" I request softly. That’s what I want. I need to be able to reset all this and completely undo the damage Finn caused. I offer to go slow and just be friends with her for now, knowing that anything is better than her shutting me out completely. It feels like it takes her forever to think it over and respond, but finally she says, “I guess we can try the friends thing, but I think you should focus on finishing high school for now. I need more time to think about stuff.” I can hear and feel her reluctance to agree to even just being friends. I know there is a very real chance that once she leaves here tomorrow, I’ll never see or hear from her again unless I do something about it. So, I ask for her number, hoping that we can keep in touch and work on getting to know each other that way. To my relief, she agrees, and that seemingly insignificant series of numbers that she types into my phone's contact list quickly becomes my most prized and cherished possession. After a few weeks of texting back and forth, it starts to feel like there might actually be a chance for us after all, despite our rocky beginning. But just as I'm contemplating my next move, her texts start to come in fewer and farther between until the point that she stops responding entirely. Before I know it, and without any warning or explanation, she's blocked me from using the only means I have to communicate with her, and her message is clear: she's made her decision, and I'm no longer welcome in her life. Fated mates are thought to be two pieces of a puzzle that just naturally and easily fit together. It's said that they were cut from the same canvas, and finding each other as adults is really just coming back together to become whole again. It shouldn't be this difficult to connect with the other half of my soul, but she's stubborn and lives halfway across the country, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to gain her trust when she doesn't even seem to want to talk to me anymore. I refuse to let that be the end of us, though. I know it won't be easy, but I won't be giving up on her anytime soon, or ever, even if I have no idea how I'm supposed to convince her to come back to me and give us another chance. She's my mate, chosen for me and only me by the Moon Goddess herself, and that makes her my perfect match and something worth fighting for. That's why no matter what it takes, and however long I have to wait, I'm going to figure out what she needs from me, and I'm going to keep trying to win her over until she's mine.