The Alpha's Stubborn Supreme

4 - Slowly dying

Lilly

Okay, I’ll be honest; I thought I could see this through with ease. I felt that I could torture Bastian and teach him a lesson not to mess with me. That was stupid of me because I am in the worst kind of pain.

I’ve heard plenty about the pain of rejection. I’ve also heard how it’s worse for Alpha’s, but I never expected this. Goddess, it feels as though I’m being burned at the stake! The flames then extinguished and relit

again and again. I also feel as though my gut and heart are being ripped out repeatedly. Add all of that together and multiply it by ten million, and it’s still not close to what it’s actually like.

I haven’t eaten since I got here. The guard brings food to my cell, but I don’t touch it because I’m not hungry. I sipped water for the first couple of hours, but I hadn’t drunk anything in days, either. Not eating or drinking is dangerous for Wolves; if we dehydrate, we die. Right now, dying doesn’t seem such a bad idea.

I haven’t slept in two days, and I’ve clawed chunks out of my stomach and chest. Sure, it heals within seconds - the joy of having both Werewolf and Vampiric blood. However, I can’t take the burning need inside of me to be with Bastian. My body and mind ache with wanting him; no matter how much I wish I didn’t, I can’t help it. The mate bond is so strong, and because I didn’t accept his rejection, it’s only growing stronger by the hour. I need Bastian to make this pain stop because no one else will ever be able to. I need to mate with him thoroughly to make the pain go away.

But the stubborn Alpha in me also doesn’t want to give in to my desire. I know it’s stupid; if I give in, all of this will end. However, I won’t give in because I don’t want to look weak in front of these animals.

‘Please, Lilly, please. We need our mate; he’s the only one who can free us from this pain.’

‘No,’ I tell my Wolf before groaning in pain. I can’t even sit up; all I can do is lay on the bed, curled up in a ball.

My mind drifts to my little boy. Harry wasn’t born from my body, but he is mine, nonetheless. His parents were killed when Harry was just a few days old. He’s three now, and since the moment I met him when he was a few months old, the bond between us has been unbreakable. That little boy imprinted on my soul.

Harry calls me Mommy and has since he could say the word. I used to correct him but stopped when I realized I was his Mommy. I live for that little boy; he owns my heart, and nothing else in the world will ever come close to what he means to me.

I never gave any thought to what it would mean once I found my mate. I took it for granted that if I ever did find the man for me, he’d accept Harry without question. If my mate couldn’t accept Harry, then I’d reject them; I would because my little boy comes first.

But I didn’t put him first, did I?

Why didn’t I accept Bastian’s rejection?

I could have found a way out of here, somehow, eventually. I could be home right now with my son, holding him and ensuring he knows that no one will ever come before him.

‘Well, you didn’t accept Bastian’s rejection because all you could think about was hurting him. Now our pup is at home wondering where the hell you are! I hope you’re happy, Lillian Dalgaard!’

‘I’m not happy, Vasara. I want nothing more than to go home to Harry, but I can’t.’

I hate myself right now because Harry will be wondering where I am. My poor baby will think that I’ve left him, and I can’t bear it; he needs me. If I die here, it will cause my son pain because we’re imprinted on one another. I know my mother will take care of Harry for me when I’m gone, but it shouldn’t have come to this. I should have thought about my son and not given a damn about Bastian Ashworth.

When I brought Harry to live in the mansion with my family and me, things weren’t easy to start with. Harry was nine months old, and I believed I’d waited long enough to have him home with me. I’d only met him three months previous, but three months of having to leave him in a group home killed me. A few wanted to adopt Harry, but I ensured his caregivers knew I wouldn’t allow it. I would make sure my father didn’t approve of any adoption for that little boy. I guess I always knew that he’d be mine in the end.

My father wasn’t happy that I’d brought this little boy into our home. Dad didn’t think the people of Scarlet Nightwalkers would understand why their future Alpha would adopt an abandoned rogue child.

I fought tooth and nail for my son. No one on earth could have stopped me from being that boy’s mother. I explained to my parents that I wanted to raise Harry as my own and how much I loved him. I cried because I couldn’t help it, thinking they’d take my son from me hurt so much.

There have been very few times in my life that I’ve cried. Once my mother saw my tears, she knew what Harry meant to be with me. With a little convincing, Dad finally agreed to the adoption. A ceremony was held just three days later, something simple just for the pack. Everyone welcomed Harry into the family, and we’ve been happy ever since.

I miss my baby boy right now, and all I want to do is go home and hold him in my arms. I never want Harry to think that I’ve left him. He doesn’t remember his birth parents; all he knows is me, but I sometimes wonder if he feels their loss. He looks at me now and again, worried that I’ll be gone if I so much as leave him in the next room.

I promised Harry that I would be gone for only an hour. All Mommy needed was a little time alone. But it’s been days, and he must be so scared. I left my son with my parents while I went for a walk, and look where I ended up.

What the hell must my family be going through right now?

‘Bastian is in pain too, you selfish bit.ch! Don’t you care what this is doing to all of us?’

‘No, I don’t care, Vasara.’ I say with little effort.

‘Why are you doing this? I know he rejected us, but I don’t think he meant it, Lilly. Something made him think that he had to do it,’

‘He did it because he’s a discriminatory piece of shi.t! I bet once he realized who I was, then he wanted to take it back. No matter what, I will not be used for my power and status.’

‘He needs us, and you’re hurting him because of your stubborn pride. What about our pup? Are you even bothered what it would do to him to lose you?’

‘Of course I do, Vasara.’

‘You could have fooled me! What kind of mother are you? You’re selfish and thought of no one but yourself. So, if Harry means nothing to you, and you want to die that badly, I’ll help you.’