Soccer Camp

The Switch

He won't look at me. The entire day I've been trying to get his attention but he refused to look in my direction. Even as we placed the things away, he made no eye contact, he said nothing.

We went our separate way as we headed to lunch. I sat beside Matt and the rest of his friends as I ate in silence.

"What's wrong, babe?" He asked as he stared down at me.

"He hates me" I whispered as I looked over at Jesse at the table with the kids and Ellena as they ate lunch together.

"What happened?" Matt questioned.

"Nothing," That's exactly why he hates me. He probably woke up and came to his senses. He could have easily greeted me without touching me like he usually did, but he did none of that; just tried his very hardest to ignore me. "He came to his senses."

I can't help but to run Saturday through my mind again. How he had regret in his eyes, how his face was torn into a million pieces. My stomach turned and I lost my appetite. I dropped the sandwich from my hands and walked out of the dining hall.

I messed it up. He probably thought he was kissing a wall and regretted even saying three words to me.

I never faced rejection because I didn't put myself out there. I kept to myself because I knew what was to come of those who were willingly exposed. But I forgot all of this and now I was the one with the broken heart.

I sighed as I pulled my sweeter closer to my body. I headed to my Cabin and closed the door with the lock, not wanting to Matt to see me like this.

I had crawled into bed and curled into a ball, not realizing I fell asleep for the rest of the day. When someone knocked on my door, I groaned and rolled over, falling off the bed.

"Bambi, you need to get up. You have to supervise."

"Can you do it?" I asked the door as I rubbed my back. It wasn't a serious injury but I would prolong the nonexistent pain if I had to.

"What's wrong?" He sounded worried.

"I don't want to show my face" I admitted honestly.

"Shut up, Amber" My roommate moaned as she covered her head with her pillow.

"So what if he can't handle you, forget him!" Matt called from the door.

"Amber, get out!" Dina shouted from under the pillow.

"Why are you not getting up?" I asked her in curiosity.

"Because I have the afternoon shift in organizing the activities. I got in late last night so just shut up and get out" she combined.

Well, she was definitely not a morning person.

"Bambi, I have to get going. I'll be back to check on you later so this door better be unlocked then." Matt shouted, probably purposefully trying to piss Dina off more because I could hear him fine before.

"Dina, can you do me a favour?"

"If it would get you out of this room. What?" she sighed.

"Can you switch shifts with me? I'll do your afternoon shift if you take my morning."

"Did you not just hear me say I got in late and I'm tired?" she barked.

"It's with Jesse..."

There was silence in the room as no one said anything. "Alright, fine" she agreed. I clapped in excitement as I found a solution. Maybe we could permanently switch for the rest of the summer. I know she hasn't done it yet but the kids were great... and Jesse was gorgeous.

As long as someone showed up at the practices, I don't think anyone cares. Plus, I was probably doing Jesse a favour by having someone else take my place; he obviously didn't want to see my face.

I crawled back into bed as I watched Dina get ready in a hurry; she was already late.

I skipped lunch today again, my stomach still not feeling strong enough to eat anything. I headed to the lake to fill in for Dina, starting my new position.

"Hi, I'm here for Dina." I said to the closest person I saw other than the children.

"Alright" she said as she counted the children who were all wearing life jackets. Should I be wearing one too, I thought to myself. "We are all going fishing today" she announced and all the children began to cheer.

Fishing...? wonderful. Thought this was a damn soccer camp... where the hell did fishing come from.

"Okay, just make sure no one falls into the water or injure themselves with the poles. Begin by distributing the worms" Worms...? I was on the brink of crying when I saw the bucket of worms.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the bucket, not looking down at the contents. Good thing I didn't have anything to eat. Maybe tomorrow's activity will be better, I prayed.

--

I got into the cabin and immediately stripped my clothes. I felt so disgusting after touching those worms all day, I wanted to cry. I took a warm shower and headed back to my room, my body and hair wrapped in towels.

Instead of putting on clothes, I crawled into bed. That night I dreamt about blue eyes filled with regret.

--

"Amber, do you need me to cover for you today?" Dina woke me all too happy to get up early this morning.

I had to think about it for a second but then groaned "Yes" I grumbled.

Today I was starving. I got out of bed and got dressed and headed to the hall for breakfast.

The Hall served breakfast starting at 7 am and the soccer practice started at 8:30 am. I never made an effort to get out of my bed earlier than 8:15 to try and have breakfast before heading to the field.

I have never eaten as much food as I was eating right now. A few people stared at me in disgust but they didn't go hungry for two days.

I headed to my room to catch up on some reading and to rest up for whatever 'activity' they would come up with.

--

"Filling in for Dina again?" the same girl from yesterday asked and I nodded reluctantly.

"Alright guys, today we are heading to the golf court to pick up the balls in the pond."

Okay, what kind of activity was this? It was like they were using these poor children. I don't know, but it sounded like someone should be getting paid to do this. And where did the golf course come from? This camp was really bigger than I thought.

We all walked a mile; it felt like, before we got to a huge golf course. When the kids got dressed into water suits, they wasted no time to jump into the water. It seems as if they were actually having fun collecting golf balls.

My job was to stand there and watch them while holding open the collection bag; that I could do. As the sun began to set and the night breeze began to pick up, I grew restless.

As I swayed my neck from side to side, I noticed a group of men and boys walking from one hole to another with their golf sticks.

Jesse immediately stood out to me. He was walking with an older man, taller than him. He looked similar in features and had the same curly hair and frame. As I continued to stare at him, his head turned in my direction before I could look away. As I turned my head away from them, trying hard to remain unseen, a short skinny boy threw a ball at me, trying to aim for the bag in my hand.

I ducked just in time, falling to the ground. The kids were laughing and having a good time, but I remained on the ground for good measure. If I stayed hidden long enough, maybe it will ensure Jesse didn't spot me.

"Amber?" His voice sounded worried as he helped me to my feet. "Are you okay?"

I held my head down as I pretended to examine my body and brush off dirt. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks" I mumbled as I turned around from him, not wanting to make eye contact. This was beyond embarrassing; first from Monday and now this.

"Are you hurt?" he wondered, his body touching mine from behind. My heart accelerated and my pulse quickened. My body was on fire, hotter than anything.

"I'm fine" I mumbled quietly. The kids were back to gathering the balls but the supervisors were watching our conversation. I couldn't engage in one right now; not that I was planning on ever talking to him again. I couldn't be rejected in front of all these people. I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn't say something mean or bad to me in front of them.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked as he touched my arm, guiding me a few feet away, not really giving me a choice.

I was grateful we were way from listening ears. He could say whatever he wanted to me in private; just as long as there were no witnesses to watch. The group he was with stood still a few feet away, clearly waiting for him so they could move on. They were watching closely as well, but if I kept a calm face when he said what he was going to say to me, no one would know it was anything bad if he didn't tell them.

I turned to him ready to take anything. My lips were pursed together, my eyes were wide and neutral and my hands were behind my back. I was ready physically, just not emotionally or mentally, but that would take years to prepare for.

His eyes searched mine desperately before he spoke "I'm sorry". He waited for me to say something but I just nodded my head, my posture solid.

When I didn't say anything, he continued. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that while you were with Matt. It was wrong and I apologize."

I nodded my head again without a word. "Say something" he begged.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, finally breaking my silence.

"What you're feeling." He prompted. He wanted to know my feelings? If he knew how I really felt he would run back to his father. I shook my head.

"Amber, talk to me. I have no idea how you feel about me. I have been completely honest with you but you have not said one thing to me."

"Can we not talk about this now?" I asked timidly as I watched everyone's eyes continue to be focused on us. I wanted to talk, but just not here!

"When would you like to talk about it?" he asked softly. He really wanted to talk this through. Just knowing this made me miss his hands on me. Knowing this made me feel like we were the only ones on the golf course.

I took his hands into mine and cautiously and slowly brought my lips to his. I gave him time to pull back but he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. It wasn't as sweet as it was in the woods; instead it felt rough and passionate.

I pulled away to catch my breath. "Tonight. My cabin."

"I'll be there" he promised before pressing his lips to mine gently, and then jogging off to his now stunned group. Realizing what I just did in front of all those eyes made my skin heat up. I needed Matt more than ever.