CHAPTER #5: "Why Can't I Be Normal?"
2150 Words
LILLITH P.O.V.
Come the f**k on you bastards! I have to get the f**k out of here!
Two hours have passed since I've been awake. I have no idea how long I've been in the f*****g hospital. I have to get to my band. Finally, the doctor and nurse come into my room.
"Alright Lillith, when I say so I want you to take a deep breath and then blow really hard." The doctor pulls the nose tube out first. Those f*****g things never get any better. "Alright now, deep breath." He starts pulling the tube out of me. "Blow." It comes out fast, making me cough like crazy.
"f**k!" I manage to choke out. The nurse pours me some water and helps me drink some of it. "Thanks." I manage to say as I finally start to catch my breath. "Do you know how much longer I'm going to be here, doc? I really need to get out of here ASAP."
"Well, your labs have come back normal. No brain damage and your blood work looks good." He leans over on the railing looking at me. Honestly, it is kinda little too much in my personal bubble.
For as long as I can remember, I have always had this thing called my bubble. If I don't know you and/or I don't want you in my bubble, I have a tendency to freak out. Now the freak out depends on the level and exposure. Sometimes I will go off screaming at them or I start swinging my fist. Only a select few can enter my bubble.
"Before we let you go, I want to call down one of our therapists." Even though he can see that I'm uncomfortable with him being near me, he still wasn't moving. I roll my eyes.
"Look Doc, I wasn't trying to kill myself if that's where this is going?" I snap. "Now get me the f**k up and out of here or I swear I'll have my lawyer up in here quicker than a hooker on crack."
"Just talk to the psych and if they give you the okay to leave, then I'll sign the discharge papers. If they say to admit you, I want to get you up in psych until you are healed."
"f**k that." I start yanking off cords.
"It's either we do it the easy way or we can do it the hard way." The doc stands up, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You're a f*****g d**k, do you know that? Send your f*****g quack down here. When they say that I'm fine to leave, then I'm going to slap a lawsuit on this f*****g hospital and on your f*****g b***h ass! Also, I want the attending here!" I start yelling.
This dude wants to try and treat me like a b***h. He's going to find how much of a cunt I can really be.
"Ms. Cain, I ensure that we are doing everything for you ... "
"I SAID GET ME THE f*****g ATTENDING!" I scream at the doctor cutting him off.
Dude is not going to treat me like a b***h.
"NOW GOD DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR f*****g FACE ANYMORE! I WANT THE REAL f*****g DOCTOR IN MY ROOM WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES OR I'M CALLING MY LAWYER!"
I can't lose my band. It is the only thing I have left in my life right now. If I do lose the band, I lose everything.
The doctor leaves the room, but not for long. He enters back in with an older doctor. I can tell this new doctor was so not wanting to deal with my s**t. You can just see it in his eyes that he's already been through enough for his shift.
"How can I help you, Ms. Cain?" He asks me with that little subtle hint of him being an asshole.
"I want to get the f**k out of here! I have a very important gig to go to and this f*****g f**k is trying to get me to stay evening longer! I wasn't trying to kill myself! I have no intentions of trying to kill myself! It was a complete accident! If I miss this gig, they will kick me out of the band and there goes my job! Now will you please get me out of here!" The older doctor tries to stare me down but I wasn't backing down.
"Alright. If we see you in here again within the next month, you are going straight into psych. Do I make myself clear?" Relief washes over me.
"Yes."
"Ship her out. We need the bed for the next one."
Thank you!
After another hour goes by, they finally release me. I know they were trying to stall as long as possible for the psych doc.
Not going to happen today, peps.
They finally hand me my bookbag when they bring in my paperwork. Instantly, I pull it open, grabbing my phone and charger. I booked it out to the waiting room. My eyes scanning for any outlet. I spot one immediately and dash for it.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
My mind is racing like crazy. I cannot be late for this. Finally, the phone turns on. It's 8:39 A.M.
Oh, thank you stars. Rehearsals start in three hours. You are a f*****g i***t, you know that, Lillith. This was way too f*****g close. Sadly, you do realize that you lost two days of your life on a heroin binge with a chaser of Jack Daniels.
Only one of my friends is awake this early. Aaron. He's got a wife and a kid. He's got it made.
He met his wife, Kelly, back in high school. He started up the band in his senior year but put it on hold. Kelly's parents kicked her out because she got pregnant with their little girl, Zelda. So, Aaron got a full-time construction job making bank money through his uncle.
He got them a beautiful three-bedroom house in the suburbs and even put her through school to be a lawyer. Now she works for some huge ass CEO guy's company, pulling in six figures a year. So, she told him that since he had made her dreams possible, that it was her time to make his dreams possible. So, he took a pause on the construction and now is a full-time rocker.
I met Aaron through a bar called Boons. At sixteen, I had an unbelievable fake ID, plus it didn't help that I looked like I was twenty-one. It is one of those bars where people get noticed for their music. I've heard them play a few times there and they had some really good songs.
While they were playing one night, I managed to sneak out of my foster home and go. The crowd and I were all waiting to see them. So, I went into the alley to have a cigarette before the show started. While out there, I overheard them freaking out on each other. Their lead guitarist couldn't do the gig, and due to certain events in his life, he had to quit the band. They were about to accept defeat when I walked up to them.
I told them that I was a huge fan. That I knew all their songs. Told them if they had a guitar, I could play their songs as long as there weren't any new ones. From that night on, I've been playing as lead guitarist and backup vocals. Aaron is lead singer. Sky is on drums. Church plays the bass and song writer.
"What's up Lil?" Aaron answers.
Oh thank the stars above!
"Dude, I need a lift. Is there any way you can pick me up?" I plead. He chuckles.
"You are lucky. I just dropped Zelda off at school. Where are you at?"
Oh my f*****g God. Here we go.
"I'm at the hospital."
"WHAT THE f**k HAPPENED LILLITH?!" He screams at me so loudly that I had to pull the phone away from my head.
"Dude I'm fine. Just got sick. So can you come and get me?"
"I'll be there and when I do, we are going to sit down and talk this s**t out! Do you understand me, Lil?" I sigh.
"Yes Aaron." I hang up the phone groaning. I knew that was coming.
I gather up my s**t and head outside, waiting on the curb. I had to have a cigarette. Even though it's a menthol, it still burns like hell from that damn tube in my throat. I gotta get to the clinic to get my script. I can feel the withdrawal coming on. It sucks so bad. Cold sweats, shaking, puking your guts out, your body radiates with intense pain you could ever imagine.
"Would you mind if I could get one of those?" I jump when I hear this. A guy standing next to me was asking for a cigarette.
He's sexy as f**k. Blonde short hair, blue eyes, and built like a body builder.
"Ya sorry, you scared the s**t out of me." I hand him one and a light.
"Mind if I join you?"
"It's a free space. Who do you got in there?" I ask wanting to make a friendly conversation.
I can always do that, just talk to random people. There are a lot of people I know and talk to, but I only hold a few friends that truly know the real me.
"My grandmother. They say that she won't make it through the night." His sexy words are maddening.
I have no idea why but I feel something stirring inside me. I feel my cheeks blush as the thoughts of his lips touching mine race through my head, his hands touching every part of my bare skin, and him thrusting inside me.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she isn't in too much pain." His eyes are a deep ocean blue that I could swim in for days.
What is wrong with me? Remember, Lillith, that department doesn't work!
"No. They have her heavily sedated, thank God. Honestly, I just wish it would be over with, you know. I know that's harsh to say, but she's suffered so much. I just want it to stop for her." I smile understanding what he means. "So, what brings you here?"
"What do you mean?" I stare at him puzzled.
He taps my medical bracelet. I completely forgot I had the damn thing on. I laugh.
"I accidently overdosed." The look he gives me makes my stomach turn with embarrassment.
"I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you going to get help?" I turn back to him as a tear falls from my eyes.
"Nope. No point." I finish my cigarette and light up another.
"I'm sorry I never meant to make you cry. I just didn't know if you had to go get help like right now or maybe I could take you out for coffee sometime or catch a bite to eat?" I look up at him baffled.
I have never had a guy ask me out. Anyone who knows me says that I'm much too damage to be a girlfriend. Most guys that I randomly meet just want to f**k and I can't physically do that.
"Even after hearing that, you want to ask me out?" I had to make sure I was hearing him right.
Maybe the drugs they gave me this time is giving me a massive side effect or I am having a stroke.
"Yes. You seem kinda interesting and I wanna get to know you." His smile melts my heart.
"Are you like some serial killer or something?"
"Or something." We laugh. "So, what do you say? Can I get your number?" I bite my lip debating in my head on what I should do. My heart is racing as I can feel my cheeks turning red again.
"Ya it's ... " Suddenly a car horn goes off right beside me making us both jump.
"Come on girl! We got to get going to make it to rehearsals!" My heart jumps into my throat.
"God damn it Aaron! Scare the holy f**k out of me!"
"Time is money! Now let's get going! In the car!" I sigh.
This is for the best. Remember you are too damage.
"It was nice talking to ya, but I gotta go." I get up grabbing my stuff as he follows.
"What about that number though?"
"Dude, you are wasting your breath. She doesn't do any of that, no matter how much you try." Aaron says as I get into the car.
I watch as we drive off, as he stands there watching us. Silent tears fall down my face as we head towards the clinic.
Why can't I be normal? Why?
- Writer
