Adira's Journey

Propositions

**Adira's POV**

"My brother, I love you but I am leaving. Tomorrow." 

The words left my mouth and it felt freeing. Everything I have been holding in laid out in the most simplest terms. I did not have to explain myself or tell him my reasons. I just turned eighteen and was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. 

Roman looked at me with shock and a hint of anger. I tried to have this conversation with him months ago but he shut it down before I could even get a word in. This time was going to be different. He was going to hear me, and whether he liked it or not, I was going to start living my life on my terms. 

"Why?" He grinded his teeth together. His eyes started to slowly darken and the red rim around the iris started to glow. Something that happened when his demon wolf was just below the surface. "Is this not a good home? Are you unhappy here with me? With family? What is it Adira that we lack that is not good enough for you?!" He stood up as he screamed at me. 

My brother and I did not agree on much, we hardly ever agreed at all. One thing was for certain though, we never disrespected each other or raised our voices like he just did. I felt Bedelia stir in my mind. Brother or not, King of werewolves or not, I did not deserve this. 

I took a few steps forward and leaned on his desk with my palms. My red eyes felt like they were burning with anger. Being a demon wolf the biggest emotion that was heightened was anger. "Listen here, Roman. I do not have to explain anything to you. You have a life here, a family, and I am happy for you, but you have been so wrapped up in being King and a family man that you have not noticed, no I'm sorry the better word is 'ignored' how I have been feeling." I didn't raise my voice or spit the truth at him. But I would get my point across. "I have been on my own since I was a child. Lived my life how I have chosen with no one daring to tell me otherwise. You are my brother, I love you, but it is time I do what make me happy."

Roman took a few deep breaths, leaned back in his chair, and closed his eyes. "You're not happy here? Happy with us?" His voice was no longer angry, but full of pain. Another emotion that was heightened. "What am I doing wrong?" 

I sighed and flopped into one of the guest chairs. "Brother you are not doing anything wrong. It's me. I don't think I am meant to settle in one place. I have been on the move since I was young. I felt free and alive. I am not saying this is a bad place, but I am saying that I feel like there is something else out there for me and I want to go and find it." He looked at me then, his face curious and held no emotion. "There are some things I do not wish to specify, but I do not feel like I am myself. I need to figure some things out for myself." 

We sat there for a few moments in silence. Neither one of us knowing where to go from here. I didn't want to have any strain in out relationship, my brother means everything to me, but I couldn't keep putting on a fake smile. It wasn't fair to me. Roman was happy, it was time I found what made m happy. 

"I have Zeke putting a team together. There are some alliance packs that are having trouble with some stray rogues. We're going to put a stop to it. Lead the team with Zeke and go out into the world." He suggested. I know that it was just some scheme to allow him to keep his eye on me and I didn't like that he thought I needed to be babysat. "I don't think you need a babysitter." He smiled. "I know your facial expressions. Adira, I know you have been on your own for a long time, but if I would have known about you I would have sought you out and protected you. I know you do not need protecting but you cannot blame me for trying. I love you, sister. I want to give you your space without losing my sanity questioning if you are alright."

"But how will I know you will not be mind linking everyone every five minutes checking on me? If this is going to be a team that I am going to be in charge of they have to respect me. How are they going to respect me or take me seriously with my big brother treating me like a child?" I raised my brow at him. He huffed in annoyance knowing I was right. My brother is great but he can be a bit too much at times. Especially with me. "I'll accept the role of running this team with Zeke as long as you promise not to interfere. Only Zeke and I will report to you, and you will not bombard me or him with questions that are not about the missions."

"Deal !" He jumped on it quickly. "The team starts training tomorrow. Just brushing up on tracking and fighting."

I had a feeling that this arrangement was not going to last long. He would be checking on me way too often and start to get overbearing and annoying. I will go along with it for now, but if I feel like I cannot do anything that I need to do, then he will just have to let me go. At least this way I can explore some more and have a bigger role in the pack. Maybe that is what I need. A purpose but still have a sense of freedom. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, brother. I need some rest if I am going to get these trainees whipped into shape." I smiled with an evil glint in my eyes. 

"Adiraaaaaa-" He warned, knowing that when I get excited to train in the wee hours of the morning that I will most likely make the wolves wish they were never born. 

"Oh come on, Roman. Don't take away the little fun I have with the fighters. They think they are so badass. They need to be humbled." Before he could say anything further I quickly darted out of the chair and to the door. "See you in the morning brother!" I yelled over my shoulder as I shut the door behind me and started to run home.

(This is what we need. To look beyond these perimeters. I have a feeling, Adira. That everything is about to be so different for us.)     You're just excited because we will be working even closer with Zeke.

(Look at him through my eyes and tell me you could not fall for him.)     I didn't say I couldn't fall for him. Its that I shouldn't. Zeke has a mate out there. It would be unfair to all of us if we were to get in the way of that.

(What if we are his mate? I mean I have felt a strong connection to him from the beginning. His wolf is smitten with me and I him. What if we are chosen mates instead of destined mates? Wouldn't that be stronger since we choose one another?)     But I do not choose him.

(Not yet.)

I rolled my eyes and came across Zeke on my way to my apartment. He smiled at me excitedly. "Hey Adi!" He ran immediately to my side and slung his heavy arm around my shoulders. "Your brother just mind linked me. We're going to be running the team together. Couldn't get enough of me could ya?" He winked and I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "There is actually something I need to talk to you about. Mind if I come in?" He gestured towards my building. 

Zeke has only ever asked me about 'us' once and when I made it clear I was not interested in him that way, he has never tried again. Thankfully it never got in the way of our friendship, but I do not know what will happen if I reject him again.

"Sure, but only for a little bit. I haven't gotten any rest from last night and you know how impossible I am when I do not sleep." I looked up at him with a knowing look and he flinched. 

"Yea, I'll never forget that. I have the mental scars to prove it." He chuckled awkwardly. 

Before Zeke and I first became friends, I had been still adjusting to living in a pack and was struggling to feel safe enough to sleep soundly. For almost a week I only took naps to keep me competent, but I was so crabby that I snapped at anyone for anything. My first victim was Zeke himself. He had made a wise ass comment during fight training one morning and I called him out on it. He was so full of himself at the time that he tried to intimidate me despite the numerous warnings from my brother and Amelia. Of course I challenged him, and of course already being on edge and him pissing me off, I took out my frustrations out on him and won. It wasn't even the physical fight that 'scarred' him. It was the visions that I had given him. I was able to mentally exhaust him while I physically kicked his ass. I didn't even know I could do that until that day and I haven't tried to do it again. 

I didn't even know I was doing it until he told me about it a few days after he got out of the pack hospital from healing from the physical injuries. He came to my apartment, and I had assumed it was to apologize, but instead he just hugged me. I was so confused that I pushed him off and he hit the wall hard. I'll never forget the first words he ever said to me directly. 

'How can someone go through so much pain, and still try her best everyday to not become a monster life has tried to change her into?'

Somehow when I fought him, while I channeled my anger I also tapped into my past to fuel me more. I had given him small peeks into my life without meaning to. In just a few moments, Zeke knew more about me than even my own brother. From that moment on we became inseparable. 

"Earth to Adira!" Zeke yelled in my ear. I jumped out of my skin and realized that we were just standing at my door. "You okay? You kind of just spaced out while we climbed the stairs.

I shook my head and tried to come back to my body. "Yea, sorry. Just remembering the first conversation we had."

Zeke smiled and looked to the floor embarrassed. "I still have nightmares about it." He admitted when I opened the door and we walked in. "A part of me feels guilty for not knowing you sooner so I could have protected you from all that. Even if I couldn't protect you from it, I wouldn't have let you go through it alone."

"Zeke-"

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." He interrupted me and plopped onto the couch directly in the middle so I would have no choice but to sit next to him. 

"I'm not going to like this am I?" I groaned and sat down next to him, crossing my legs and facing my whole body to him, and my back on the arm rest. 

(Shut up. I want to hear this.)

His nervous chuckle worried me, but it was too late to change my mind because he started to speak. "Adira, I have not been able to stop seeing those visions from your past. They haunt me. I don't regret seeing them, it's not that I hate seeing it, it's that I hate knowing what you went through and knowing you are bottling it up." He grabbed my hands in his and I would be lying if I didn't feel weird about it. Weird because it felt good and right but it also felt like I was about to lose something. "I want you to show me everything. I want to be the one person that you trust and can confide in. You need someone who can walk through hell's fires with you, to hold your hand when you are lost and guide you back home. I can see you fighting your inner battles alone and you shouldn't do it alone. Even though I know you made it clear the way you feel about me, I want you to give me a chance. Even if it takes years for you to trust me, I want to start right now earning that trust. Let me show you I can help you through it all. I can love you past your pain."

"Zeke." I pulled my hands from him. I immediately felt cold and wanted that small contact again. What was Bedelia doing! She was choosing him and in turn it was affecting me. "I can't. One day you'll find your mate and-"

"And I'll reject her. Adira I do believe that the Moon Goddess can make a mistake and her biggest one to date is not making you my mate. Destined mate or not, I am choosing you." He said aloud, starting a bond between us that would only grow the more time we spent together. "I will give you all the time in the world but I want you to choose me as well."

"Why are you doing this?" I started to cry. Never have I cried in front of someone, and I hated that I was doing it right now. I didn't do vulnerability, it was weak and foolish. I have had to stay strong my whole life and now I am becoming someone I do not recognize. "You're about to ruin everything, Zeke."

"How can me loving you ruin anything!" He almost yelled. "Do you think you have tarnished your soul so much that no one can love you?!"

"YES!" I yelled back and shoved my arm towards him. "LOOK! LOOK AT ALL THE LIVES I HAVE TAKEN. ALL THE PEOPLE THAT DIED BY MY HANDS! I CAN STILL TASTE THEIR BLOOD ON MY TONGUE, ZEKE! I DO NOT DESERVE A MATE AND ESPECIALLY DO NOT DESERVE SOMEONE TO CHOOSE ME AS THEIRS! I WOULD BE A CURSE ON YOU!!!!!"

Zeke did something he never has before. He ignored the boundaries I set and grabbed me by my waist, pulling me on top of his lap. He cradled my face in his hands and pulled me close so our foreheads were touching. He stared into my eyes and it made me feel so confused. No one could look into my red eyes the way he was. Like he was unafraid and didn't judge me. Like he loved me. 

"Then let me love you through all of that. Let me love you passed your pain, passed the trauma and all the ugliness. Let me help you heal and cope with it all." He whispered, his breath fanning my face. 

I've never been kissed. I've never even been touched like this before. Never been held or caressed so softly. My wolf was stirring in my mind, going wild with happiness and thrilled to have Zeke close like this. Her happiness seeped into me and I could feel the tingles and warmth across my skin where he touched. Slowly, my wolf was choosing him. Slowly, I was choosing him. 

"I need time, Zeke. This is a lot. With everything going on in my head, past, present, and the future, it is all just too much." I whispered, finally feeling a little bit more at ease. "I'll try to open up to you-" I started to pull away from his embrace. "but I need you to still respect my boundaries. You know my wolf is choosing your wolf and that is causing me to become confused. If we are going to try this, I need to do it with a clear head. Without my wolf influencing my emotions." I explained and he nodded. 

He looked sad as I climbed off his lap but he held onto my hand still. "I understand. All I want is a chance. A chance to show you that 'this' was meant to be. Moon Goddess or not." 

I sighed and leaned my back against the couch, my hand still in his. "You're exhausted." He commented and I simply nodded. Now I was not only physically tired, but I was also mentally and emotionally drained as well. "Come to bed. Let me hold you."

"Zeke. Boundaries." I reminded him. 

"Fine. At least lean against me here on the couch then like we do when we binge Netflix. When you fall asleep I'll tuck you in and I'll leave. I promise." 

"Okay." I whispered. 

Zeke scooted over to the far right side of the couch and opened his arms to me. I leaned into his embrace and rested my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me tight keeping me warm. We have laid this way a few times when we hung out as friends, but this time was different. This time it meant something more. It meant the beginning to something new. I sighed in contentment, not able to lie to myself about this feeling perfect. How I fit perfect in his arms. 

He kissed my temple lightly. "Sleep, my sweet Adira."