You Broke Me

Chapter 3

Taylors POV

“I'm not interested. I didn't even want him to be my partner.” she looked shocked that I actually spoke to her. I saw Trinity give me a sad look. Almost like she felt sorry for me. Her eyes showed nothing but concern and sadness.

“Well, good. No one would want your ugly ass.”

Amanda snickered. “If no one wants her then why are you so concerned? Why corner her and warn her away from him? Maybe you should be talking to your man” I freaking love her. I agree with her though. Not like I would say it out loud.

Megan just rolled her eyes and walked away with her minions following behind.

“God, I hate them. Anyways let's get out of here, biotch.”

She dropped me off at the store and I started getting the things I needed. I looked at the list my dad had texted me and made sure to grab them. Lord help me if he doesn't get everything he wants.

As I'm walking through the aisles, I see an older man with 2 kids putting cereal in their basket. The way he looks at his kids with so much love. The way he interacts with them. I can't help but watch. I watch like it's a drug and I'm an addict and it hits me. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of a child that can't be more than 5 or so years old. I want that. I want a family that loves me. I want my father to love me.

I feel my eyes begin to water and I swipe furiously at them and head to the checkout line. The guy with the 2 kids steps into the line next to me and a woman joins him. I can't see her face because her back is to me. She has a lovely family. Her kids call for her and she turns and my earlier assumption of the gods hating me turns out to be true.

“Mom.” I whisper. No one hears me. At least, I think they don't. She left and got a whole new family. Why was I never good enough? Why didn't she take me with her? Why hasn't she at least contacted me? Megan's words from earlier rang through my head. She was right. No one would ever want me.

I felt a nudge on my shoulder and I looked up. The cashier was looking at me with a look I hate. I loathe when people pity me. He doesn't even know why he's pitying me. All he sees is a teenage girl with tears streaming down her face. He doesn't see the girl that was abandoned by her mother, her brother, beaten up daily by her father. He doesn't see anything.

“How are you paying?” he repeated.

“Oh uh here.” I held out my card. My mom's spine straightened. She must have heard my voice. After all a mother should never forget her child's voice. He swipes my card and hands me a receipt. I don't look at the total. I don't want to know how much my dad has taken from me.

My mom turns to look at me and I look away. I can't look into her eyes. If I do, I'll scream.

I snatch the bags off the counter and run out of the doors. I don't care if people look at me weird. I don't care if they think I'm weird for running out of the store. I needed to get out of there. I was starting to hyperventilate. I was starting to shake. I need to get home. I need to get out of here. Luckily this store is only a couple of blocks from the house.

Even though I ran 5 miles at school, I didn't stop running. The burn in my calves reaches up to my thighs. But this pain isn't the pain I feel. This isn't the pain I want to feel.

I get to the house and through the front door. The clock says it's five and I know dad won't be home till close to 8. I drop the bags and reach for my backpack. I shove my hand in the pocket searching for that metal tin. Searching for the item that can help with my pain. It can help with my thoughts.

My fingertips graze the old altoid tin and I clutch it for dear life. I look on the table next to my dad's recliner and see his lighter. I sterilize my razor with the flame and roll up my sleeve. Pressing the metal to my skin, I close my eyes and swipe.

I gasp at the pain. Eyeing the red river flowing from my skin. I didn't go too deep but it's enough to make the blood flow. I'm not satisfied though so I swipe again and again. By the time I'm done, I'm sobbing and I have 5 slashes on my forearm. I look down and see some of the blood hitting my jeans.

“Shit.” I mumble and run to the bathroom to take care of my wounds. After they are cleaned and wrapped, I strip out of my clothes and throw on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Not that I care about hiding the marks from my dad. He won't care. Hell hell probably encouraged me to do it more. He might even hold the blade for me. But I just want to hide myself from reality. I want to be invisible.

I want to disappear.

I got the groceries put away and I started working on dinner. The clock read 730, so I had plenty of time to whip something up. I decided to make him garlic chicken. It's one of the dishes I know I can make well. The better the dish the less chance I have of him taking his day out on me.

After it's done, I plate everything and hear the front door open and slam shut. s**t he doesn't seem like he's in a good mood.

I put his plate on the table and backed away to stand next to the counter. Looking at the floor, I wait for him to sit and start eating. He always says since he works and provides and pays the bills, he deserves to eat first. If his plate isn't clean, then I have to wait. He grunts in acknowledgement to me. He slams his fist down on the table.

“Get the f**k out of my sight. I've had a s**t day, and the last thing I want to see is your worthless ass.” he shouts. His words don't even affect me anymore. I know them to be true.

“Yes sir,” I whisper and leave the room. Before I got over the threshold, I yanked back and slammed against the wall. He growls out.

“Do you know what you did wrong?” he barks out. I shake my head. He brings me forward and slams me back again.

“Words, little s**t. Words.” I whimper out and mumble a soft no.

“Well, what you did wrong was you were born. You were never supposed to be born. You're the reason she f*****g left. You're the reason my life went down the drain. It's all your fault, Taylor. I didn't want you. I had my boy. A perfect son. But you drove him away too. No one wanted you. That's why they all left. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with you.” I don't say anything because what can I say? He's right, they all left because of me.

“You're not worthy of my love and praise. You're not worthy to carry my last name. Oh, stop those f*****g crocodile tears.” he says and sends a slap to my face. Hard enough to whip my head to the side. I try to hold everything in. If I make any noise, I know he wins. But I whimper anyway.

“You're so weak.” he laughs out. He still has his police uniform on and I see him reach for something. He grabs his stun gun and hits the button and it zaps a few times.

“It's quite sad, really. I have more love for this device than I do you. This device never lets me down.” and before I know it, he holds me by my neck and squeezes. There's so much pressure. He puts the prongs of the taser on my collar bone and shocks me! I scream out.

The feeling of the electricity running through my skin is unbearable. If this is my punishment for being born, then I don't want to be here. Just freaking take me now! As if he decides it's not enough, he brings the hunk of metal to my cheek and tases me again. I scream out as loud as I can until he covers my mouth.

“Shut the f**k up.” he released me and I collapsed to the floor gasping for air. I feel lightheaded. I feel like I'm going to pass out. He just looks at me like I'm trash and walks back to the table and sits to finish eating. As if nothing just happened. He's f*****g sick. He's evil.

I get up and run upstairs to my room. Empty stomach be damned. I look in my mirror and see my skin. It's raised, red and purple. It's got a bit of blood leaking out of both wounds. This is going to be hard to cover up. I decided to think about that tomorrow. I have no energy left.

I collapse on my bed and sob. I sob and pray that I can last. I pray that I can make it until graduation. If I can, then I will leave. I will run and never look back. I pass out mid thought and succumb to the darkness.