The Shadows in the Hills: Triple Threat

Chapter Twenty One

I stopped almost as soon as the door closed behind me. Staring at the bloody thing like it had magical powers to stop me from being so stupid. Every part of my body screamed at me to return to her. The feeling of her against me was like a drug that I would never be able to get enough of. That was the entire problem. I found it so hard to control myself around her. The idea that I had managed to hurt her within seconds made me want to scream. The anger was pounding through me and it took every bit of self-control to keep it contained.

I didn't even know what any of it meant. I wanted to believe it, but I didn't dare. If I started thinking of her as mine again and she pulled away again, I wouldn't survive the pain. If it hadn't been for that single hint that I had hurt her, I would have gotten lost in the moment. I couldn't trust myself not to lose control and hurt her again. I ached for her too badly to have any control over my actions. Everything inside me wanted to take her and force her to be mine again. To claim her. There wouldn't be an ounce of gentleness in my touch, and her body couldn't cope with that sort of conquest.

I started descending the stairs. If I wanted to avoid f*****g everything up again, I needed to put some distance between us and cool off. So many times I hesitated and had to force myself to keep walking away from her. I knew I was risking her thinking I was cold, but anything was better than the alternative. As soon as there was some distance to protect me from the intensity, I would explain myself. I felt like a completely different person advocating for conversation over action.

As I got out of the front door, I stopped in my tracks at the sound of raised voices. Planning to head in the opposite direction, but I couldn't stop myself from hearing the words. "... I love you. Why would you choose this?"

"It isn't a choice. I have no choice at all."

"Stay here. That's a choice, but not one you want to choose." Jackson was arguing with Mikkel and I realised exactly what Esme was trying to tell me upstairs. She was coming back to the camp and Jackson had decided to come too. It didn't surprise me. He had a loyalty to the camp that ran almost as deeply as mine. The surprise had been that he had left in the first place.

"I won't leave her." I couldn't stop myself from listening. My legs wouldn't let me walk away.

"She's not yours to leave."

"I don't expect you to understand, but she is mine. The pain in my chest at the mere idea of being away from her, I just can't do it."

"You're talking like you love her."

"I do love her. Don't mistake that for a single second. It isn't like it is with her and Brodie or like with me and you. If it was, maybe that would be easier. I feel like we were one person at some point and were forced into two separate people. Like she holds part of me inside of her and the pain of leaving her feels like I am ripping a piece of me out. I know I'm making no sense. I don't know how to make it make sense. Brodie and I are twins and yet our connection pales in comparison. I never thought I would choose anyone over Brodie, but now I know I would choose her every time."

"So what? I mean nothing to you?"

"That's not what I'm saying." He was making a real hash of it, but I actually understood what he meant. It wasn't a romantic connection, but the connection was there none the less. Jackson and Esme had been just as destined to find each other as me and Esme. It had never been which one of us her soul called for, but instead she called out to both of us. We might have both had completely different roles in her life, but we were both needed. We might have been older than her, but it was like we were made for her rather than the other way around.

Mikkel wouldn't stand a chance if he didn't come to understand the connection between the three of us, and fast. It had taken me too long to understand and come to terms with it. In the beginning, I had felt like I was being forced to share her with Jackson, but that wasn't true. My mother had believed that Esme had been left for her by the Goddess herself and I was starting to think she was right. There was something on the horizon, and the three of us had been brought together for whatever it was that was coming for us.

I couldn't explain it, but I felt like my future depended on her being at the camp with me. To start with, I thought it was because I loved her so much that I just couldn't live without her. That was all true, but there was something more. A sixth sense that something would be deadly wrong if we were apart. I sounded as daft as Jackson, trying to explain the feeling I had. Maybe that was why I understood Jackson's stance so well. Neither of us could explain it, but the truth of it was there within us, regardless. The truth was that Esme was the answer to everything.