The Shadows in the Hills: Triple Threat

Chapter Twenty

I held my breath as I waited for him to respond. I could tell he was mulling it over. Trying to process my decision and how he felt about it. Although that shouldn't have taken long, I already knew how he was going to take it, badly. I just wanted him to hurry up, to rip the bandaid off, so to speak. "I'll start getting everything packed up, but it will have to wait a little while, at least. It's a long distance to be traveling with three newborns." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He had completely changed his stance, and I had no idea what had prompted it. I might have been more comfortable with it if I had at least understood.

I might have been uncomfortable with his sudden change in stance, but it wasn't worth going through it all. We had time to discuss it further. Jackson was right that we wouldn't be able to travel straight away. Even if the babies had been up to the journey, arrangements needed to be made, regardless. I threw my arms around Jackson's neck. "Thank you. I'm glad we can be on the same page."

I had no idea how I was even going to tell Brodie. I already knew he wasn't listening. It meant something that he had the respect not to listen to what was being said between us. "I had best speak to Brodie then."

"I need to speak to Mikkel, too."

"What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing. We're just friends. I don't want to just disappear on him without saying anything to him." I knew he was lying. There might have been nothing official between them, but there was something. I wondered if Mikkel was the reason he was so reluctant to return to Scotland. If he was the reason, it pained me. Jackson deserved to be happy, and I didn't want to be the one standing in the way of that. Especially after everything he had done for me.

"Maybe you should stay here. See if there could be anything between you guys. I want you to be happy, and I don't think you will be if you come back with me." I had hold of his hands and I wouldn't be letting go until he had at least considered the possibility.

"I don't belong here, especially without you. I've been missing Milly, anyway. Wondering if she's been worried about where I am."

"You can't keep living your life for everyone else."

"I'm not arguing about this." It was like he thought he was destined to pick up where his mother left off. Looking after me, looking after his sister, always putting his own needs aside. Jackson was really no different to Brodie, they were both just trying to find their place in the world. Some form of meaning to make sense of everything.

I let go of his hands and gave him a little push towards the top of the stairs. "Go. Speak to him, but I want to know everything when you get back."

"There won't be anything to know. You have such a romanticised view of the world." He was right, but it was hard not to. I had fallen in love with a voice in the woods whispering to me. Life didn't get much more romantic than that. Then that voice had chosen me over every other person he knew. To run away with me into the wilderness. It might never have come to that, but Brodie would have done it. It made no sense to me that I could be so certain about him making that sacrifice, but not trust that he really wanted me. The two thoughts just didn't belong together.

I looked at the bedroom door, knowing he was right on the other side. I might have thought I wasn't sure I could trust him, but I was wrong. Everything he had done from the start proved he was putting me first. I couldn't believe I had ever doubted him. He killed one of his own to protect me. If that didn't prove that I was wrong about him, what would? He had been immature and abrasive, but he was going through a big change in his life. The sudden realisation that it was me who had let him down stung. I should have been by his side, remembering every time he had put me first and helped him through everything he was going through.

Instead, I walked out on him while he was struggling and trying to find his way.

I opened the door in a hurry, desperate to try to fix my mistakes. He was still standing exactly where I had left him. I had expected to find him spending time with the babies. I knew it was what he wanted. He didn't feel like he had the right to even interact with his own children, and the pain of what I had done gripped me firmer. Brodie's eyes met mine. There was no warmth spreading over me like there used to be. He was still holding back. He was trying too hard to keep his distance and respect my wishes.

I needed to tell him how I felt, but I knew he wouldn't have the capacity to believe me after everything. I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him towards me. The shock on his face would have been enough to make me laugh under different circumstances. He tried to look away, but I wouldn't let him. I wanted him to see it in my eyes, to see how sorry I was for everything that had happened. Looking at him so vulnerable like that, I couldn't understand how I had ever gotten it so wrong.

I lifted myself up on my tiptoes slowly, part of me expecting him to run from me. He was my prey, and I was trying not to startle him into fleeing from danger. Laying the softest of kisses on his lips. Letting my hand run into the back of his hair and pulling him back to me for a second time. Kissing him with more intensity until he yielded to me. He was slowly letting go of the firm control he had forced on himself. Finally, snapping and grabbing at my waist. Within a matter of seconds, his hunger and desperation were screaming from his actions.

When his hands lowered down to my backside and he hoisted me up, I happily wrapped my legs around him. Clinging on for dear life. There was no need for words between us. Our actions told each other everything we needed to know. I winced as he slammed me into the closed door and watched as the shutters came down again. He completely shut himself off from me again. All the passion in his touch disappeared in an instant.

He carried me to the bed and lowered me down with such care and tenderness. I might have known he had tried to distance himself mentally from me, but it was still a shock when he just left me there. Heading out of the door with more speed than was necessary. I had failed in my attempt to stop him from fleeing and was left feeling nothing but emptiness in his wake.