Once Ice Grieves

TWO: S’d In The B

SURPRISINGLY, hindi ganoon ka-hectic ang unang araw ng pagbabalik ko sa opisina. My team had done most of the tasks I left for them and some of the split test campaigns we’ve been working on had been launched prior to my return. Ang naiwan na lang sa akin ngayon ay ang pagpa-polish ng presentation ng final output para sa campaign ng Project Cassiopeia. So far, that’s the last one of our big campaigns that is yet to run.

“Boss, si Sir Ruth hinahanap ka,” mayamaya’y anunsyo ng kakapasok lamang na si Valentin sa opisina.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin mula sa ginagawa’y nadatnan kong kasunod niya sa pagpasok sa sliding door ang boss ko. Cheerful greetings from Yi-Rim and Ariel made my boss stop from walking purposely towards me. Napangiti na lamang ako at sinarado na ang laptop ko para ihandang bitbitin palabas.

“Good morning, Ice!” bati ni Sir Ruth. I was amused at his energy today. I was hoping na magtuloy-tuloy iyon hanggang mamaya para sana’y makahirit kami ng kaunting incentive for a job well done these past few months. “Sorry na sa abala, Ice, gusto lang talaga muna nilang makita ‘yong final output ng personal bago ikasa, eh. May mga tanong din siguro sila. Eh alam mo naman, malaking proyekto ito.”

I kind of wondered why the clients wanted a presentation gayong ipinadala naman sa kanila iyong preview ng final output. Hindi rin naman bago sa akin ang ganoon. Noong consultant pa ako, may mga mas weird pang kliyente ang kung ano-anong hinahanap. I’m just glad all this one wanted was a presentation.

That’s doable.

Habang papunta kami sa conference room ay ikinukwento sa akin ni Sir Ruth ang tungkol sa naging acquisition sa kompanya. Apparently, Brand & Beyond was targeted by Kingsley Tech and was made as one of their subsidiary. It was a silent takeover. No one from the business world knew about it until it got finalized.

“… at saka hindi mo talaga makikita ro’n sa may-ari na may capability siyang gano’n. Wala sa mukha niyang maging tuso, parang anghel, eh!”

Natawa ako ng bahagya sa inabot ng usapan. “Eh baka naman kasi, Sir, magaling lang talaga ‘yong team niya.”

“May point. After all, he’s a King. He probably has a fountain of resources.”

Naestatwa ako nang marinig ang pagbanggit ni Sir Ruth ng apelyidong iyon. It couldn’t be…

Hindi ko alam kung may nangpa-prank ba sa akin nitong nakakaraang araw. But at that certain moment, the glass door opened and it revealed Griffin King dressed in a pristine navy blue suit with an open-buttoned blazer. May dalawa siyang kasunod na tao—one is a middle aged woman who shook my boss’s hand and moved to shake mine; and the other one was a blonde-haired guy who looked to be like the same age as him pero kaswal lang ang suot. I know the guy as July Conrad, siya ang alam kong kliyente namin na nagbigay ng proyektong ito.

I literally have no idea that Griffin is involved with the project.

“Salamat sa pagbibigay ng oras sa amin, Ruth,” wika noong babae habang nauupo. “This really means a lot, knowing you’re going for the extra mile here.”

Nang balingan ko si Sir Ruth ay kitang-kita ko ang tamis sa ngiti niya. Malamang ay pumapalakpak na ang tainga n’yan sa mga papuring natatanggap. “Wala sa amin ‘yon, Miss Piper. This is our job.”

Saglit na pumasok si Valentin para magbigay ng bottled water. Nginitian ko siya nang daanan niya ako at bumulong ng “Go, Ma’am!” ng palihim. Matapos niyon ay umalis din siya kaagad pero hindi bago iyong pagsenyas niya ng puso sa transparent floor-to-ceiling walls ng conference room.

“By the way, this is Lyselle Ocampo,” Sir Ruth gestured to my direction on the other end of the table where I was standing, waiting for his cue to start. “She led the team that created this masterpiece. She’s a former consultant and is frankly one of our best here.”

Ngumiti ako. Pinilit kong hindi tignan sa mga mata si Griffin, maybe just run my gaze past his forehead. But I still found myself being glued to his jet-black orbs. Even when he wasn’t smiling and he looks very ready to gobble me up if I so much as say something he wouldn’t like, I still can’t stop staring at him.

God, what’s happening?

Wala silang komento sa presentasyon. I thought that had been the end of it. But when I opened the floor for questions, noon umupo ng maayos si Griffin at nagsimulang magtanong.

“The game is just launching so there aren’t going to be a lot of data to base your targets from. How sure are you the campaign no longer needs to go through an A/B testing to determine whether or not any of your variables works on the target audience?”

Man, definitely don’t like business Griffin.

“Base sa research ng team namin, P.C. ran a Beta test all year round last year. We took the data recovered by your IT people and filtered those that landed on the website’s Page or installed the app on all devices and generated leads from that. We have enough to start from and we’ll recalibrate the audience size after the launch. Eventually, magiging cycle siya. The new visitors are going to be the source data to find a lookalike visitor with at least eighty percent probability of converting.”

“I like it!” bulalas ni July na tila hindi makapaghintay na tapusin ko ang sinasabi ko. “I mean… I’m very impressed, Miss Ocampo.”

Nginitian ko siya, may kaunting nerbyos pa rin na nararamdaman ngunit at least ay nabawasan nang dahil sa reaksyong iyon ni Mr. Conrad. “Thank you, Sir.”

May ilan pang mga naging katanungan sina Piper at July pero si Griffin ay tahimik na lamang na nakikinig. Ni minsan nga lang sa mga sumunod na sandaling iyon ay hindi ko siya nakitang nilubayan ako ng tingin. It made me so conscious that I even forgot to drop the laser pointer on the table nang tumayo silang tatlo at kamayan kami ni Sir Ruth.

When it was Griffin’s turn to shake my hand, an unexplainable tremor ran through me. His hand is warm, in contrast to mine which was freezing cold dahil sa magkahalong epekto ng aircon at kaba ko. Naalala ko tuloy ang biro ni Nyla ilang araw na ang nakakalipas. Na kapag hinawakan ako ni Griffin ay makukuryente ako.

Oh, dear God.

“I’ll see you at the party tonight.”

Kumunot ang noo ko, still very aware that he hasn’t let go of my hand yet. “Party?”

Hindi siya sumagot. Sa halip ay pinisil niya ang kamay ko sa huling pagkakataon saka tila wala lamang na bumitaw at bumaling kina Sir Ruth at July Conrad na magkausap. Hindi na niya ako pinansin magmula noon.

Half an hour after that ay saka lamang sila nagpaalam na aalis na. Sinundan ko sila ng tingin gamit ang transparent na pader ng conference room ngunit wala sa kanila ang lumingon maliban kay Griffin. He stopped walking just before my view of him from the glass wall ended and he looked back at me. And f**k me, but I saw something in his eyes that moment. Something very familiar.

Desire.

Hell no. No, no, no, no. God, no.

TURNS out, my team and a couple of bosses were invited to a party held to celebrate Kingsley Tech’s acquisitions over the previous quarter. Nang dumating ako sa bar, ingay at kasiyahan na ang nadatnan ko. The speech and all the formality must have started way earlier.

“Ma’am! Akala ko hindi ka na dadating!” si Yi-Rim na sumalubong sa akin at may dala-dalang isang kopita na nangangalahati na ang lamang pulang likido. “Ang saya rito, Ma’am, ang bongga ng bagong management!”

Ngumiti ako ng bahagya, iniwasang magkomento roon at baka kung anong masabi ko. I’m just glad these new changes makes somebody else happy.

I’ve spent hours on my phone earlier, browsing stuff about the Kings and Griffin. I learned that around the same time my family shipped me to America, Griffin started his own tech company. Nasa twenty-three years old lang siya noon. Ever since then, he’d accumulated a lot of assets and subsidiaries including the Kingsley Tower where I was working. The reason I didn’t know Griffin was behind Kingsley Tech was because I thought he’s still under King’s Inc—his family’s huge corporation. Bago ako umalis, doon pa siya nagtatrabaho. He was Vice-President then. I know because I used to eavesdrop on all his conversation with my grandfather as much as I can.

Guess I don’t have much to blame but my young and foolish self. I had no excuse except I was a teenager attracted to all superficial things.

Nagpasalamat ako sa bartender na nagsalin ng vodka sa baso ko. I had greeted my team and some of the bosses I managed to see under the dizzying combination of the LED lights and smoke.

I wished I took Nyla with me as a plus one. It would’ve been much better instead of sitting alone at the bar counter.

“I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”

Nanigas ang katawan ko sa kinauupuan nang marinig ang pamilyar na tinig na iyon mula sa likuran. I can feel his presence behind me. He didn’t even need to speak, I’m sure if he stood there long enough, I would’ve felt it.

Lumunok ako at cautious na bumaling kay Griffin. Sumenyas na siya sa bartender na kaagad nagbigay ng basong may lamang whiskey. “Hey…”

When he looked at me, there was an amused sparkle in his eye. “After all that, you can still say ‘Hey’?”

Kumunot ang noo ko at handang magmaang-maangan. “Hindi ko alam kung anong sinasabi mo. May atraso ba ako sa ‘yo?”

Hindi siya kaagad na sumagot. He took a swig of his drink before setting the glass down and looking back at me. “Hindi ka na bata, Lyselle. You know what this—” he casually gestured a hand between me and him. “is.”

I stilled my breath and stared, hoping I could somehow project my fake innocent look properly this time. “Still not following.”

Ngumisi siya. And to my utter surprise, he reached out a hand to tuck a stray curl beneath my left ear. “You were just like this when you were young, too. You had a real talent of pretending you know nothing of what was being said in a room full of businessmen grinding away with business talks.”

Pinigilan ko ang sarili na kumunot ang noo bilang reaksyon sa sinasabi niya. Hindi ako kahit kailan naging aware na pinagmamasdan niya ako noon, enough that he’d know that I was trying to downplay my intelligence for the sake of my grandfather’s whims.

“The thing is…” his velvet smooth voice continued crooning. “kahit kailan hindi umubra sa akin ‘to. Not then, Lyselle, not now. Not ever. So I’ll get straight to the point. I know you’re not sleeping with anyone—”

Sukat doon ay lumaki ang mata ko sa gulat. He just said that so nonchalantly na para lang siyang nagbabalita ng lagay ng panahon!

“Hindi ka involved sa kahit na kanino—” pagpapatuloy niya. “kaswal o seryoso man. With that out of the way… I want to know what it would take for you to stop denying you’re lusting after me so we can address that and we can proceed to f*****g each other’s brains out.”

My breath rushed out of me and my body froze. Hindi ko ma-imagine kung anong itsura ng mukha ko noong mga oras na iyon. Pero ang totoo’y hindi iyon ang naging prayoridad ko.

All the thoughts I’ve been suppressing came rushing to the surface. He wasn’t really wrong. I’ve been stopping myself from thinking about it: my reaction to him, my sudden want of a familiar intimacy that I thought I’d forgotten for years now, my erratic heartbeat and my ever present consciousness of his presence. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong isipin iyon simula nang makita ko siya ulit dahil ayokong i-acknowledge ang alam kong totoo. Out of sight, out of mind usually works very well for me.

Hindi ko lang naisama sa equation ang pagiging insighftul ni Griffin. I didn’t know either.

I was hot for him when I was young. Everyone is and I’m not an exemption. Mas may advantage lang ako kaysa sa iba dahil malapit siya sa pamilya ko. I used to ask him to help me with a few homeworks—ones that I’ve already completed and lessons that I’m already ahead of just to get a scrap of his attention. I thought he was nice enough to humor me because I was a kid. When I turned fifteen, everything was different. I am in a different world then so I didn’t have that much inclination to seeking him out whenever he’s visiting. I guess gusto ko pa rin siyang nakikita… tinitignan. There was a strange feeling of peace that envelopes me when I look at his face then or whenever I watch him secretly from the balcony windows of my childhood room. Noong nasa U.S. ako, na-realize kong isa iyon sa mga bagay na nagpapatahimik ng mga boses sa utak ko.

I tried replicating that through various means possible. For a long while, I used s*x as a way to shut off the nightmares. Kapag nararamdaman kong masyadong ma-trabaho iyon o ‘di kaya’y wala ako sa disposisyong ipamigay ang katawan ko ng basta-basta, I result to finding a random guy in a club and suck their c***s dry in the bathroom. Walang usap, walang foreplay. Anyone wouldn’t believe how the combination of tequila and the adrenaline of focusing on how to blow a man can numb your brain.

Isa iyon sa mga rason kung bakit ayokong i-entertain ang atraksyon ko kay Griffin. I can’t just f**k someone I had a history with and expect that I can walk out of that after na parang wala lang. My brain isn’t just wired to do that. If I let him bulldoze me into this, the years of therapy and the hardwork I’ve put into my recovery will go down the drain and I will be once again destroyed.

Only this time, I no longer have a wealthy family to prevent me from being kept in the basement of a mental facility.

I gritted my teeth and stood up from the chair. “Sorry, pero wala akong interes. Yes, I may be attracted to you. I imagine everyone in this room that has a v****a feels the same. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything about it. You’re just… not my type.”

Huli na nang ma-realize kong pagkakamali ang sinabi kong iyon. Amused, tumaas ang kilay niya ngunit unti-unting naging eerie ang ngising naiwan sa kanyang labi. “And to you, my type is…?”

“—a pretty boy. I don’t date pretty boys.”

Yep. There it was.

I saw the tick in his jaw and a shift in his accommodating eyes. It turned cool and he stopped grinning now. Umayos siya ng upo at may isinenyas sa bartender na hindi ko nakita. Mayamaya’y tumayo rin siya’t lumebel sa akin. “But I’ve never said anything about dating, princess.”

Gusto kong manahimik na lang at tumakbo. It was usually what I’m good at. Pero parang hindi nakikinig ang bibig ko sa utak ko.

“Fine then, allow me to rephrase: I don’t f**k pretty boys, Griffin.”

Holy hell, I think I’m screwed. Walk away, Ice. Please walk away.

Hindi ko alam kung paanong sumunod ang mga paa ko sa puntong iyon. I turned around and walked briskly towards the dance floor to get out the same way I came in. Pero ilang hakbang pa lamang ay nahigit ko na ang hininga ko’t naestatwa akong bigla nang maramdamang pumaikot ang braso niya sa baywang ko mula sa likuran.

I thought I was numb from that cold interaction but it turns out, my back can still feel the muscles under his polo shirt nang maidikit niya ang dibdib niya sa akin. Mas lalo pang naghurumentado ang puso ko nang maramdaman ang init ng kanyang hininga sa kaliwa kong tainga. “Let’s dance.”

And then gently, but with clear purpose, he whisked me away to the dancefloor.

Crap. I think I just became a challenge. At base sa marami ko nang experience, that was never a good thing when it comes to alpha males like Griffin King.

So, yes. I consider myself screwed in the butt from this moment on.