I am Leo (Book 3)

Chapter 27

Violet POV

Finally Christmas comes around, this year we’re doing it at my house. It’s too cold back home, so we decided to do it here. We decorated the patio with twinkling lights, fake snow and a massive Christmas tree was standing proudly in the living room. Jess is sitting on the edge of the pool, her bump is showing nicely by now, Duncan and Dean are chatting and I’m leaning against the post looking at all of them. The kids are splashing happily in the pool

“Hey” Killian says placing an arm around my shoulders

“Hey bro” I say smiling

“How are you doing?”

“I’m great. How are you doing?” I ask but he gives me a knowing look

“Oh well, you know. I miss them all terribly but luckily I still have you guys” I say and he smiles pulling me in for a hug

“Never change okay?”

“What and give you guys a break? Never!” I joke and he laughs

“So you made a turkey?”

“Pfft, no I’m not mom, I bought it. We made the side dishes though” I say smiling

“I. I made the side dishes” Jess chants from the pool and Killian laughs

“Hey, I was there. For moral support” I counter and she laughs

“That you were darlin’” she says winking turning her attention back to the kids

“I know you miss him badly, and to be honest so do I. I only knew him for a short while, but with all the conversations we had about him, he almost felt like family” Killian says and I sigh looking at the pool house. I refuse to go in there, I should I know but it hurts knowing he’s not there

“Hey do you have a PlayStation?” Killian asks and I frown

“No, why would I have that?”

“I forgot to pack Josh’s and he’s hooked on the thing. Did John have one?”

“I don’t know, maybe” I say shrugging

“Can you look? Please sis, for him” he says and I roll my eyes

“Urgh, I hate it when you use the kids as leverage” I groan walking inside to get the key. Stay calm, you have guests. I chant to myself walking up to the door, the others are occupied and I turn to the door inhaling deeply. You can do this. I slowly turn the key and step inside the dark place. It still smells like him, s**t I miss him. I switch on the light glancing around, it gets cleaned every week, but it’s still like he left it. I take another deep breath and walk over to the TV, opening the TV stand I freeze

“Are you stealing my stuff?” a voice speaks from behind me and I slowly turn around, my heart beating loudly in my chest, and my eyes fall on a pair of shiny black dress shoes, adorned with light blue trouser with red stripes on the sides and a dark blue coat with a white belt and a white cap.

“John” I breathe out and he smiles but I don’t move, fearful that this might be a dream or a hallucination. He moves slowly stepping out into the light still smiling holding out his hand to me

“Hey sweet cheeks, miss me?” he asks as I place my hand in his, the moment our hands touch I know this is real, he’s here and he’s alive. I jump into his arms wrapping my legs around his torso and my arms around his neck, he laughs hugging me close

“You asshole” I cry out squeezing him as tightly as I can

“I’m your asshole” he whispers into my hair and I nod, I refuse to let go. If I don’t he’ll stay right?

“You’re here” I say repeatedly and he nods still holding me so close I can feel his heartbeat

“I’m here babe” he reaffirms and I happy cry

“s**t I missed that” he says trying to pull away but I don’t want to let go

“It’s okay sweet cheeks, you can let go I won’t vanish” he says jokingly and I bury my face in the crook of his neck

“I know, I’m just scared” I whisper and he sits down, with his little ape friend still wrapped around him

“I know you were. I’m sorry I couldn’t call, we were on a special mission. They kept us all nice and snug” he says and I pull away, just enough to look at him

“How is it possible that you are more handsome after a tour in the damn desert?” I joke making him laugh

“Good genes I guess” he says and someone clears their throat. I glance back and blush seeing Dean standing there with an unreadable expression

“I guess I should let go now” I whisper and he nods dropping his arms and I stand up

“So you decided to come back” he says stepping inside and John rises to his full height

“I did”

“You think you’re special?”

“I know I am” John says as they step up standing toe to toe. Oh crap not this again, but then Dean smiles and grab John’s hand shaking it

“Welcome home” he says and my eyes nearly fall out of my head

“Thank you, and thanks for helping with this” John says and I narrow my eyes at Dean

“You knew?!” I bellow making him step back, smile wiped clean off his face

“Love, listen it’s not-“

“Violet” John’s voice commands and I snap my angry gaze to him

“I asked him to keep it quiet” I hear snickering and walk out finding the rest giggling like kids behind the wall

“You knew?” I ask and they all nod

“With friends like these” I say throwing my hands up in the air

“Oh Vi come on, it was worth it. You should’ve seen your face” Duncan says and I groan

“How long?” I ask glaring at all of them

“A week maybe” John says and I scowl at him

“When did you come back?” I ask and he shrugs

“6 weeks ago”

“And you didn’t think to call?”

“Vi it works a little differently there. We had debriefings and what not. We were under orders” he says and I nod looking at my feet

“I get it” I say softly

“I phoned as soon as I could, I really wanted to surprise you for Christmas” he says and I smile

“The best present ever” I say and he smiles knowing I’ve already forgiven him

“I love you too sweet cheeks” he says kissing my knuckles

“Well let’s eat” Duncan says rubbing his hands together licking his lips

“Hoover” Dean jokes as we take our seats. John takes a seat between the kids since they are now stuck to him like glue. Josh asks a million questions during dinner, bombarding poor John but he just smiles and answer them as best he can. Some of the questions might sound innocent, but the answers are not so simple

“So did you shoot anyone?” he asks and the table goes silent. John’s face hardens for a moment before he forces a smile

“That’s classified information private” he says and then he goes silent. Blaire keeps going on about the dollhouse she wants, John tells her that building one is better than buying one, slowly the tension is lifted but I can see he’s still tense. I don’t think I want to know what happened over there, wherever there was, but if he’s going to tell anyone it’ll probably be me. I actually hope he does, bottling it up is very unhealthy. I’m an expert

“That was wonderful thank you all for the lovely dinner” John says sitting back smiling, it doesn’t reach his eyes. No emotion reaches them it seems

“My pleasure” Killian says and I scoff

“You didn’t do anything, Jess did most of it” I say and he laughs

“Thank you Jess, it was really good” he says and she nods

“No problem hon, now it’s still early what should we do?” she asks glancing around the table

“I got a new game!” Josh pipes up but his father gives him a look

“I’ll play it alone” he says and we chuckle

“I’m actually going to turn in if you don’t mind. I have a comfortable bed with my name on it” John says collecting the plates before leaving into the kitchen. Duncan leans over and whispers to me

“He’ll be fine, they’re mostly like this when they come home for the first time” he says and I give him a nod and half smile

“Yeah, he’s fine I know he’s resilient” I try to convince myself, it’s not working

“They train for this darlin’. Give him a day or two and he’ll be right as rain” Jess says squeezing my hand. I hear them, I do, but I have a feeling this is not fine, he’s not okay.

“Well all cleaned up, good night everyone. See you in the morning” he says smiling hugging the kids before leaving for the pool house. He doesn’t look back, he barely made eye contact with me, he just strides to his place with his long steps, walking like he’s on a mission. Maybe he is, maybe he wants to get away from us. What happened to him? Where did my best friend go? The next day he’s sleeping for most of the day, I’m worried but let him be. By Christmas morning he seems more like his old self, he’s sitting on the floor with the kids laughing and chatting about the presents they got

“He’s better, I told you” Duncan says quietly and I smile

“Yeah”

“Oh let’s go try this out!” Josh says excitedly and they rush out the door with his new toy. Killian and John fiddle with the thing and place it on the ground. Dean is checking a massive remote thing and hands it to Josh. The thing starts up and starts to hover slightly, rising slowly off the ground and I’m not sure who’s more excited, the boy or the four men standing around him

“It’s Josh’s toy boys, don’t make me tell you again” I say and they all glance back smiling like goofballs

“We know” Dean says but I can see the little kids in them jumping up and down

“They never grow up” Jess says making us laugh. The moment we laugh John looks back, his smiling face hiding the hurt in his eyes well. The first time I’ve seen emotion in them and it’s this one. I give him a subtle thumbs up and he nods turning back to watch the drone move from side to side just above their heads. The rest of the day is spent with us relaxing enjoying each other’s company. Dean and John are back to bickering, and I must say it’s funny. After dinner Josh is playing his new game on his PlayStation, he packed it. John gets out of the pool and I see a scar on his lower back, one thick scar disappearing into the rim of his swimming trunks. Before I can recover his eyes meet mine, no doubt seeing the horror on my face, he quickly pulls on his shirt sauntering over to where Jess and I are sitting.

“Just a small gash, nothing serious” he says squeezing my shoulder and I nod smiling

“Peachy right?” I say and he flinches a bit but nods

“Hey you want something to drink?” he asks heading to the door and we nod. After a long while I glance back and see him standing with the drinks in hand, his eyes glued to the TV.

“John!” Killian calls out and he blinks silently moving placing our drinks down, but again his eyes are cold and distant. I look at the TV seeing the game Josh is playing is some type of war game. Oh no

“I’m uh tuckered out guys. Thanks for today, it was fun. See you in the morning” John says leaving and closing the door, leaving his drink on the side of the pool untouched.

“I don’t think he’s okay” Jess whispers and I shake my head

“Neither do I”

I can’t sleep, I’m too worried about him, he’s not okay. He’s scared, I saw it in his face earlier when he was looking at the game. Crap, this is what I was afraid of, that he might not recover, that he might get hurt and it seems all my fears have been realized. I sigh and quietly sneak out of the room, walking downstairs to do something, I don’t know what I just need to do something. I make myself a cup of tea and step outside looking at his door. I wonder if he’s sleeping? I quietly walk up to his door placing my ear to it listening but it’s deathly silent

“Vi?” his voice is soft but I heard it so I open the door. Stepping into the dark space I see his figure sitting on the couch, unmoving. I move around the couch and look at his figure

“Hey” I whisper but he doesn’t move or speak

“I know you’re not okay” I say sitting on the coffee table facing him

“No” he whispers and I lean forward to take his hand but he pulls away. That hurt

“You wanna talk about it?” I ask but he’s silent

“John, listen it’s okay if you don’t. We all deal in our own way” again only the sound of his steady breathing

“Okay, try and get some sleep. See you in the morning” I stand patting his shoulder when I place my hand on the doorknob he speaks

“I watched them die” he says softly and I squeeze my eyes shut taking a deep breath. Stay calm, he needs you now. Don’t cry, stay calm. I chant as I turn back and sit back down, I can’t see his face but maybe that’s a good thing, because if he cries I’m breaking down.

“The IED went off. It took me too long to figure out what happened” he says and I stay silent

“Contact. That word rang out in my ears as we were bombarded with gunfire” he leans forward resting his head in his hands

“The screams f**k Vi the screams won’t stop” he says and I place my hand on his shoulder and it tenses

“I tried… I tried getting them to safety, but they were too many. I tried Vi” he says again, I wipe at my tears but still I’m quiet. His shoulders tremble under my touch

“Eleven people. I only managed to get seven out. Four people didn’t” he says and I cringe. Okay stay strong. He needs this

“They uhm… They had families. I should’ve died” he says and falls to his knees placing his head in my lap, crying like I’ve never heard a man cry before. His tears are running down my legs like rainwater.

“Let it out honey” I soothe and he wraps his arms around my waist holding on to me like a Koala clinging to its mother. I run my fingers through his hair letting my tears fall silently

“It should’ve been me” he says over and over

“John please” I beg my heart breaking at his words

“I made it out. I have nothing, they did” he says and I take a shuddering breath trying my best not to react. I can’t react, it’s the worst thing I could do in this moment

“You have so much” I say and he lifts his head

“I have no-one” he says and right there in that moment my heart finally breaks, my emotions scramble and I succumb to the pain

“That’s not true”

“They had families”

“So do you”

“I’m an orphan”

“Might be, but you have us. We’re here, we’ve always been here and always will be” I state

“You’re not my family” he whispers making my anger flares. Oh no you don’t!