Numinous

Seven

Avery was back in the storage room, reorganizing cleaning supplies. Allen tasked her with the things no one else wanted to do for being late to work this morning. She would wish she was anywhere but the diner, but her wishes never exactly came true. Instead, she counted up the total amount of toilet paper rolls they had, and boxes of napkins, forks, spoons, knives and plates, before stacking them all neatly on the metal shelf on the back wall.

She then pivoted and did the same with the adjacent wall. She counted the bottles of bathroom cleaner, degreaser, dish soap, sanitizer, gloves, scrubbing pads and rags. She wondered if she could concoct a poison out of the ingredients in front of her and just end it all, but she then remembered how much worse it could be.

She liked this better than waiting tables.

Mostly because there were no eyes on her, there was no one breathing down her neck at the moment. She was sure when Allen returned from his meeting, he would pull her out, yell at her some more, and repeatedly ask her if she learned her lesson about being late to work.

She would nod and say yes, even though she didn't learn her lesson, because there was no lesson to learn. She had no life and lived across the street from the diner. If she had wanted to be on time for work, she would have been. She simply didn't want to be here in the first place, and showing up was an accomplishment in and of itself.

She had dreams last night filled with Benj’s smile and his soft voice, his kind eyes, his boyish dimples, and his contagious laugh. She had a hard time waking up this morning because of it. She had spent extra time in bed just to soak up one last look at him before she realized that she was running late. That didn’t make her rush, either. She took her time getting ready, even taking a long shower.

Sometimes it was hard to mask that she got fed up, even from Allen. All the worrying and stress she had somehow made her feel numb to everything. Sometimes she decided not to care about the consequences of her actions. At least not until they were upon her.

She tapped her clipboard with the pen she had in her hand as she worked, letting her mind wander to the last time she saw Benj. It was only a week ago, but she hadn't stopped thinking about him since. Avery knew how dumb it was, to think about a man who probably only wanted to hurt her, but she couldn't help the way her stomach erupted with butterflies whenever she replayed something he said to her in her head. Whenever she thought about the way he looked at her, his honey golden curls falling into his face, his charming smile, the way his hand pressed into her back and sent electricity down her spine.

Could someone really fake sounding and looking so genuine? Avery hoped not, even if it was false hope, she clung to it. She wasn’t the best judge of character and often time got screwed over when she decided to trust someone and let them in. But she couldn’t help her mind from wandering back to Benj whenever she had a free moment to herself.

She remembered every moment of their encounter, even though she had been drunk. It was like her brain soaked that night up like a sponge and refused to let any of it leak out. She remembered his laugh clearly, the color of his eyes, the way he looked at her, like he really wanted to know her. She remembered the way she shivered at the thought of him liking her for more than just her body.

It was by far the best night she had, possibly ever. Admittedly, Avery hadn't had a very good life.

Suddenly she was immersed in darkness, too distracted with her own thoughts to notice someone had slipped into the storage room with her, shutting the door behind them and killing the lights in the process.

Avery felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as fear crept down her spine.

"Hey, cut it out!" She said, voice shaking and tears entered her eyes without her permission. Her body froze up, waiting for the unwanted touch, waiting for whatever was going to happen to her to happen so she wouldn't be left hanging in suspense. She just wanted it to be over with already, if they were going to hurt her.

"Is someone scared?" A man's voice teased from the darkness. Avery jumped, letting out a terrified squeak, backing up into the rack holding the cleaning supplies, knocking bottles of cleaner over, cringing and jumping again as they hit the floor.

"P-please leave me a-alone," she whimpered. Her voice was tiny. She heard a laugh, then felt a large hand on her arm. She shrugged away from the touch, her brain registering it as pain, tears finally falling from her eyes. "I know what you do for Allen. I know you're damn good, too. So, here's what's going to happen; you're going to do that for me, too."

Avery found herself speechless, fear clouding her brain as she clutched the clipboard to her chest, as if that would ward him off or something. What scared her the most was she couldn’t place a face with the voice. She knew she had heard it before, she knew it was unpleasant, but she couldn’t, for the life of her, remember what he looked like. She could barely remember what any of her assailants looked like. They all blurred together and molded into this hideous monster that appeared inside her dreams at night.

"Please," she squeaked out. "Don't hurt me," he laughed then, the sudden loud noise enough to make her piss herself a little. He was in front of her, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. Enough to see his silhouette from the slit underneath the door that let in minimal light from outside the closet.

She felt him twirl a curl of her hair around his finger before yanking it, and then felt his hand glide up her arm, past her shoulder, and rest itself against her throat. Her heart was beating so fast she thought she might faint from it. She couldn’t tell if she knew him or not, it was too dark, and she was almost too afraid to focus on his features. She just wanted to run out of the room screaming, but she knew causing a scene would only get her hurt.

"I just wanna know what makes you scream," he whispered to her. Her knees felt like they would give out, and she held her breath, hoping that he would disappear, and knowing he wouldn't. His hand tightened around her neck while his other hand travelled her body, her chest first, then he felt up her back side, pressing her against him with his strength.

Avery was trembling, tears spilling from her eyes as he got to the bottom of her skirt, his fingers traveling their way down her thigh. “Please, no,” She cried.

And then his hands left her body and Avery's hands flew up to her throat involuntarily, clipboard crashing to the floor, letting out a choked sob. He suddenly flicked the light back on, laughing to himself as he took her in, standing, frightened in the corner, right where he left her, tears staining her cheeks as she tried to catch her breath in between sobs.

Avery recognized him as one of the line cooks. The one they were training to be a shift lead. Jason. He was always tall and brooding, always giving Avery looks that made her highly uncomfortable. How had he found out about Allen? She knew he didn't try to hide it; what he did to her, but she never figured one of the other men here would approve of what Allen was doing.

Much less want the same thing for themselves.

"I'm f*****g with you!" He assured her, but Avery knew that was a lie. He reached past her to grab a few scrubbing pads and a bottle of degreaser. "I'm in the middle of getting ready to de-lime the grill; bosses order. It'll be our little secret; what I know about you two. Hey, maybe someday we can work something mutually beneficial out." Avery finally caught a glimpse of his name tag and it reaffirmed his identity. He opened the door, looking back at her as if giving her a chance to respond before chuckling, shaking his head, and closing the door behind him.

She was left to cry alone in the closet, and for that she was grateful.

Avery let out a breath and sank to her butt on the floor, letting out another sob as she covered her face with her hands. She hated men. She hated every man in the world. They made her feel dirty and used and broken and afraid all the time, and it made Avery want to die.

She wrapped her arms around herself and began rocking back and forth as she cried.

***

"I've got some guy in my section asking for you," Lacey called out to Avery as she walked a stack of empty plates back into the dish pit.

"What? Who?" She questioned, fear entering her heart.

Lacey set the dishes in the soapy water in the sink and turned back around to face the other girl, hands on her hips. "I don't f*****g know, why don't you get your ass out there and, I don't know, see for yourself." It seemed as if something had crawled up Lacey's ass and died, with the way she was snapping at Avery for seemingly no reason at all. It had been unnecessary roughness all day with her.

"I'm on break," she scowled, looking up at the clock on the wall, ignoring Lacey's attitude completely. She was only pissed because it was busy in her section while Avery's was empty due to her being on break. She barely ever got to take her breaks and it seemed like every time she did take one, s**t always ended up happening. It was like the world knew she was tired and wanted to punish her for it.

"Just go out there and get rid of him. He sat down an hour ago and ordered two cups of coffee and that's it. It's almost lunch rush and he wants to lollygag and order f*****g coffee like he can't stay home and make shitty coffee his damn self? That table could be clean right now, dammit."

She hated the way her brain perked up at the way she described his order, butterflies finding their way to her tummy. Avery sighed nervously. She had just clocked off for a break and had planned on stealing a few fries to eat before she had to go back, so whoever was waiting for her out there better be worth it.

She stood and huffed, fixing her skirt and heading out onto the floor. Lacey's section wasn't very full, for all of her bitching. It was just before lunch rush and soon, it would be. Avery couldn't wait for Lacey's mouth then.

Avery's eyes landed on a curly headed man with a book in his hands and black headphones around his neck. He wore reading glasses on his face, a cell phone and cup of coffee sat on the table beside him, but he was engrossed in his book.

She slowly made her way to his table and slid into the booth opposite him. He looked up and broke out into a breathtaking smile. He set his book down, completely forgotten about, to give her his full undivided attention.

"Avery. Hi." He greeted her. She blushed and looked down at the table. "Hi, Benj," she responded. She thought she liked the way he said her name, his voice caressed it; wrapped around it and made it sound beautiful and ethereal.

"This is weird. You never sit over here." She said after a moment had passed and nothing was said.

Her skin felt like it was a livewire.

She looked back up at him and he was grinning as he nodded. "Yeah, I...felt weird coming in and making you serve me when I...when I like you, so I figured I'd sit over here and let the mean one take my order." Avery laughed at that, covering her mouth with a hand after realizing how loud it was.

Lacey was the mean one.

"I love your laugh. I'm sorry if that's weird, I just can't help but like you the more I talk to you, you know?" She didn't think it was weird. It was sweet, and she didn't think it was true, but she definitely didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary, at least not for him. Benj struck her as the type of guy to speak his mind without much thought. She actually liked that better than if he was calculated in his wording. It made him seem more honest.

Avery blushed once more. He liked her? How? "You like me?" She asked. He nodded. "I do. A lot. More than I probably should." She liked how honest he was. Or maybe it was all a big lie and he didn't actually like her. She got heavily intoxicated the first time they spoke to one another and told him she used him to get wasted. Was he entirely sure he remembered all of that?

"How much do you think you should like me?" She asked him.

Benj shrugged. He should at least be able to see her without freaking out and getting giddy like he just won a race. He should at least be able to keep his cool and not borderline stalk her. Or think about her nonstop all week and take the long way home from class just so he could drive by in hopes of catching a glimpse of her through the picture window.

"I think I should be cooler about all of this, about seeing you again, but I honestly don't want to be cool about it. I think you're perfect and I want to see more of you, and I know it's forthcoming, but I just want to get it all out on the table. I'm coming for you, Avery. Hard."

She couldn't help but hide her smile in her hands as her face burned. Somehow, hearing he wanted her didn't make her afraid of him. If any other person had said that, she would be terrified, but Benj was gentle, and kind, and warm, and nice. He was honest and good, and although she hadn't known him for long, she felt comfortable with him. At least enough to know he wouldn't try and take what he wanted from her.

She could tell he aimed to earn it.

"What are you doing here? I mean, besides for the lukewarm, watered down coffee?" She questioned.

"I was just thinking about when I'd see you again, and then I realized we had no idea how to reach each other, so here I am again—also, did you say you water down the coffee?"

"A great chef never reveals her secrets. Also, I thought you were joking about wanting to see me again. Or just drunk." He laughed at her. "I had half a beer. I wasn't drunk. If I had been drunk, I probably would have dragged you to a club or something to dance." Avery had never been to a club, and had never danced. She was starting to realize she never did a lot of things she ought to have done at least once in her lifetime. It made her unbearably sad for some strange reason.

"You like to dance when you're drunk?" She asked him. She hadn't thought of using alcohol to have fun. She always used it to black out and forget. He nodded sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I'm not a good dancer, so I only like to do it when I have no inhibitions." He was also cripplingly awkward and laden with anxiety, so that prevented him from being outgoing without liquid confidence coursing through his veins.

Avery always had inhibitions.

"That's good to know. I'll be sure to avoid you at all costs when you're drunk," she joked. He chuckled at that, his eyes bright. Avery thought it was cute how he smiled with his eyes. She thought it was cute how he smiled in general. Most men she knew didn’t smile at her—they leered, with hard, dark eyes.

He didn't have any cruel intentions when he did it, and his smiles were never followed by anything inappropriate, which didn't happen often. In just the day she had today, she could tell he was different from any man she had ever known. She found herself awestruck once again at how respectful he was of her, and he didn't even know her.

"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?" He asked her, suddenly, as if just remembering his purpose for coming there in the first place. "I promise I won't dance." He added. She smiled at him sweetly, dazed for a moment by his boyish charm and the way he just asked her to dinner. To have dinner with him. Like a date.

Avery had never been on a date.

"Sure."