The Search

Chapter 5

Losing a favorite toy was my greatest fear when I was still innocent of everything. But when I got older — old enough to comprehend every situation — I had realized that losing a person was the scariest thing.

It was my mom's funeral day. It was a week already since she passed away, but I still couldn't get over it. There was no more tear left in me. I was getting so weak. My real strength was already in a grave, how could I be strong again?

"Sige, iiyak mo lang, Margot," Psalm said as he held my shoulder. Kami na lang dalawa ang naiwan dito dahil nauna na sa bahay si Tita Danara. "If crying will make you feel better, sige lang."

It was still afternoon, but the skies were getting somber. As I continued to cry, the soft and cold wind embraced me as if it was trying to comfort me and wipe my tears. And when the rain started to touch the ground, Psalm had decided to take me home, so that he would make sure I was safe. Nang makarating naman na kami sa bahay ay inabutan namin si Tita Danara na nag-aayos ng mga kalat.

"Tita, let me help," sambit ko, saka dali-daling kinuha ang tambo.

At first, she refused, but she let me help eventually since I insisted. Mayamaya'y tumulong na rin si Psalm sa paglilinis at pag-aayos ng bahay.

"Tita, hindi mo na sana ginawa 'to," I said while sweeping the floor. "You should've waited for me to come home para ako na po ang naglinis. Nahihiya na po ako masyado sa inyo."

She walked towards me and held my shoulder. "Margot, please promise me this would be the last time you'll tell me that, okay? I told you, you don't have to feel that way because you're like a daughter to me already. Kung ano ang problema mo, problema ko na rin. Kung ano ang kasiyahan mo, kasiyahan ko na rin."

"O-okay, Tita, sorry po."

"Basta simula ngayon, expect me to do things for you. Since wala na si Liona, ako na muna ang magsisilbi mong mommy. I want to help you."

I hugged her. "Thanks again, Tita Danara."

After cleaning, Tita went home already, while Psalm was left with me. He told me he would stay by my side until the case was closed. Hangga't hindi kasi natatapos ang kaso, nasa panganib pa rin ang buhay ko.

"I hope tomorrow morning, the cops would tell me the case is closed already, and that the killer was yet rotting in jail," I told Psalm, who was eating dinner with me.

"I'm hoping, too. It's one week already, pero parang walang nangyayari. Ang tagal umusad ng kaso, nakakainip. I'm telling you, BFF, kapag hindi pa 'to natapos, magrereklamo na ako sa kapulisan, kahit tambangan pa nila ako."

"Actually, I'm always calling them and asking for updates, pero iisa lang ang sagot nila: We are still conducting further investigation. Kahit ako naiinip na rin, nakakagalit. Kaya sana nga, sana nga bukas tapos na, kahit alam kong imposible."

"Are you going to the station tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Hihingi ako ng updates. Hindi rin ako mapapakali dito kapag nadi-disregard ang kaso ni Mommy."

"Kailan mo balak pumasok?"

"Kapag tapos na ang lahat ng ito," mariin kong sagot. "Eh, ikaw, kailan mo balak pumasok? O, may balak ka pa bang pumasok?"

"Siyempre naman meron," tugon niya. "But this time, gusto muna kitang tulungan."

I drank a glass of water before I talked again. "By the way, nasira 'yong phone ko," I said. "I'm worried, nandoon lahat ng contacts ko."

"WHAT? Kailan pa nasira?"

"Kagabi lang," I answered, letting out a sigh. "Nakakainis nga, eh, 'di ko pa man yata na-save sa sim ko 'yong numbers ng important contacts ko. Pati 'yong ibang laman ng phone ko eh hindi pa na-save sa SD card."

"Ano ba kasing nangyari?"

"I don't know if you'll gonna believe me, kasi kahit ako hindi makapaniwala sa pagkasira ng phone na 'yan," buntong hininga ko. "Ipinatong ko 'to sa mesa kagabi kasi nagtimpla ako ng kape. But then, it just fell off. Hindi ko alam kung paano 'yan nahulog."

"Baka naman sobrang gilid ng pagkakapatong mo?"

I shook my head. "I'm so sure I put it at the center. Hindi naman ako tanga at hindi pa masyadong buang para ipatong sa masyadong gilid ng mesa ang phone ko."

"So, are you saying na may multo dito?"

"No, I'm not. Besides, hindi rin ako naniniwala sa multo. I just don't know, siguro may scientific explanation dito."

"And what do you think it is?"

"I don't know. Tanong mo sa science kasi nga 'di ba scientific explanation? 'Di ko kayang sagutin 'yan."

"Nakita mo ba 'yong pagkahulog?"

"Nope. Nakatalikod kasi ako n'on kasi nga nagtitimpla ako ng kape."

He paused from eating and looked up as he held his chin. I didn't know what he was thinking, but after some time he turned his gaze back at me. "Baka naman nagpaparamdam si Tita?"

"Sira ka ba? Nagpaparamdam na nga si Mommy, sisirain niya pa phone ko?" I glared. "Ang pangit mo talagang mag-isip."

"Just my thoughts."

"Ang pangit nga ng thoughts mo."

"Oo nga, parang ikaw."

I gave him a sharp look. "Wala pa akong oras makipagbiruan sa'yo, Psalm Iverson. Maghanap ka ng ibang puwede mong inisin."

"Biro lang naman, 'to naman."

"Well, I don't have time for your annoying jokes. Umuwi ka na lang."

He didn't speak for a moment. Ilang segundo pa'y uminom siya ng tubig, saka tumayo sa kaniyang kinauupuan.

I puckered my eyebrows. "Where are you going?" I asked before he could even make a single step.

"I'm going home now."

"Bakit?"

"You told me to go home."

"Naniwala ka naman?"

He nodded. "Sabi mo wala kang oras makipagbiruan, so I didn't make it a joke. You're serious, aren't you?"

I didn't speak. I just gave him a glance saying: don't go, before I continued eating. Disappointment ruled over my face when he told me goodbye. Hindi man lang siya nakaramdam, at tuloy-tuloy nang lumabas sa pinto. I didn't stop him because I wasn't in the mood anyways. Mataas pa rin ang pride ko kahit na alam kong ako ang may kasalanan kung ba't siya nasaktan.

I finished up eating the food and washed the dishes before I went to my room. Humiga ako sa kama nang may dala-dalang bigat sa dibdib. Since the day Mom died, it seemed like there was always a demon hiding under my bed.

Paikut-ikot ako sa kama't hindi makatulog. Aside from Mom, I was also thinking about Psalm. I hurt his feelings, yet I didn't ask forgiveness. Ni hindi ko man lang siya pinigilan. I was so guilty.

I stood up and went to the window to feel the cold air breeze. I looked up the sky, but there were no stars; neither the moon was there.

"What a sad night again, Mom," I thought to myself.

Nagmuni-muni lamang ako sa bintana hanggang sa dalawin na ako ng antok. Since it was close to midnight, I laid down again on my bed and did my best to sleep.

Malapit ko nang makuha ang tulog ko nang may unti-unting humaplos sa aking paanan, na naging sanhi ng paggising ng diwa ko. My heart was pounding as I felt someone going closer to mine. But since it was too dark, I couldn't see his face. I was shaking with fear, but I managed to grab a pillow and punch him in the face.

"OUCH!"

"SINO KA? LUMAYO KA SA'KIN! GET OUT! GET OUT!" I said as I continued punching his face with the pillow.

"ARAY, MARGOT! STOP IT!"

I stopped when I recognized his voice. "Psalm?"

"Yes, it's me."

"f**k you, Psalm. What are you doin'?" I asked. "Will you please switch on the light so I could see you?"

"Okay, alright." He looked for the switch, and after some time the light was turned on yet. "Ayos ka na?"

"Paano ka nakapasok dito? Akala ko ba umuwi ka na?" naiinis kong tanong. "Ilang beses mo ba akong papatayin sa kaba?"

"Chill, hindi ako umuwi, at 'di ko naman gagawin 'yon. I won't leave you here. Sinubukan ko lang kung pipigilan mo ako, pero hinayaan mo lang ako. Awit."

"You're getting into my nerves, that's why. Tapos ngayon, pumasok ka nang hindi man lang nagsasabi."

"I thought you're asleep, so I didn't bother to wake you up. Besides, the door is opened, you can't blame me for that."

"Okay, fine. May nanalo na."

"Still mad?"

"What do you think, huh?"

"Still mad."

"Gonna sleep now," I said. "Matulog ka na rin." I laid my back down once more and covered my whole body with a sheet. "Please switch off the lights, ang sakit sa mata."

The light was turned off then. Sinilip ko nang bahagya si Psalm, ngunit wala na akong makitang anino niya. I assumed he went down already since I heard the door closed. Ipinikit ko na rin ulit ang mga mata ko, at wala pa ngang ilang minuto'y nakatulog na ako.

When the sun was up already, I immediately picked up my phone on the desk to check on my messages. "Hays, sira ka nga pala," I slapped my face. I went down then to ask Psalm a favor.

"Psalm, wake up," I said, shaking off his body.

"What?" he asked, still in a sleepy manner.

"Favor, please," I pouted. "Can I borrow your phone? Ilalagay ko lang sana 'yong sim ko saglit, baka kasi may message na galing sa station."

He didn't respond because he was trying to sleep again.

"PSALM! HIRAMIN KO 'YONG PHONE MO!" inis kong sabi.

"Inaantok pa kasi ako, eh," sambit niya, habang paulit-ulit na hinahaplos ang kaniyang mga mata.

"Saglit lang," I insisted.

He woke up, still wiping his eyes. "Okay, fine," he said, letting out a sigh as he took his phone in his pocket.

Mabilis kong tinanggap ang selpon nang iabot niya ito sa akin. I put on my sim card after I shut it down. Pagkatapos ay binuksan kong muli at dali-daling pumunta sa inbox. The phone was loading, so I was kinda irritated. Nang lumabas naman na ang messages, bumilis na rin ang t***k ng aking puso. I was expecting good news. Fortunately, there was a message from the station, so I opened it immediately.

"Good day, Mrs. Sarbien. This message is from the police department. We are glad to tell you that a man, saying that he is guilty of your mom's death, surrendered last night. We are looking forward to meeting you today about this important matter. Thank you!"

I grinned after reading the message. I was about to tell Psalm about this when a call from the police interrupted me. Before answering it, I prepared my heart for what I would hear further. Nonetheless, I was so happy that justice for Mom was coming now on the way.