The Search

Chapter 4

The house had been visited by many news reporters, as well as polices, during Mom's funeral. The issue had been released in the entire country; it was a hot topic.

I was being interviewed at home. I wasn't used to facing cameras, so I told them not to show my face. During the interview, my whole body was shaking, and I was stuttering all the time. I'd been asked about my feelings and reaction when I knew about the incident. I told them my honest sides, but there was still something I hid— a very private emotion that only Mom could hear.

After the interview with the media, Psalm told me to take a rest since I was so exhausted. I did rest, but after some time, may mga pulis na namang dumating. I wasn't supposed to meet them, but for Mommy, I did. I got out of my room and greeted the cops.

"Ms. Sarbien, we're here for an interview regarding your Mom's case," one of the cops said. "Marami pa ho kasing kulang-kulang sa mga impormasyong nasagap namin, kaya nahihirapan kaming tukuyin ang pagkamatay ng inyong ina. So, we badly need your cooperation in this matter."

We have gathered altogether at the sala with Psalm, while Tita Danara was in charge of watching over Mom.

"Are you okay with this?" bulong sa akin ni Psalm, bago pa man ako magsalita. "Wala ka pang pahinga."

"No, it's alright," I answered before I turned my gaze to the cop who talked. "I'm ready, Sir. Anything I know that will help, I'll say."

"Good," the police smiled. "Starting of... the other day, you've told us that your Mom has no rival, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, how about you, Ms. Sarbien?"

I took a deep breath and spent some time thinking. "Wala po, Sir," pagdaka'y sagot ko. "Wala po talaga akong maisip na may kaaway ako, o kahit si Mommy. We're living a peaceful life here. Imposible po talagang dahil sa away ang pagkamatay ng ina ko."

"Noted. Since it's out of the options, let's go back again to robbery." The cop turned the pages of the record he was holding. "Nagpapatuloy pa rin kami sa pag-iimbestiga kung pagnanakaw ang pangunahing motibo rito, pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, walang sign na ninakawan kayo," he sighed. "But how 'bout you, Ms. Sarbien? May napansin ka bang nawawala?"

"Hindi pa po kasi ako masyadong nakakalibot sa bahay since kakauwi ko lang po, pero pansin ko pong wala talagang nawawala. Nothing has changed inside. Kung ano ang ayos ng mga gamit noong araw na pag-alis ko, 'yon din po ang ayos noong pagbalik ko. The only difference is just that of the tiles. Dahil nga po sa maraming dugong nakakalat, sobrang gulo na rin ng tingin ko sa sahig."

The cop thanked me for that information before he proceeded to another question. Nasundan pa iyon ng maraming follow-up questions bago kami tuluyang matapos.

"Thank you again for your participation, Ms. Sarbien," the police said. "We'll update you as soon as the case is closed."

"I'm looking forward to it, Sir. Please do everything for Mom's justice."

"We will."

Inihatid na ni Psalm ang mga police sa labas, samantalang ako'y nagpunta kay Tita Danara na nakaupo pa rin malapit sa coffin.

"How's the interview, Hija?" she asked.

"It was okay, Tita," I answered, "just a bit exhausting."

"Really, you've been so exhausted. Halos araw-araw ka yatang binibisita ng mga pulis na 'yan, at ng mga news reporters from different channels. Ni hindi ka na nakakatulog at nakakakilos nang maayos."

"It's okay, Tita. Kaya ko pa naman po. Besides, I'm doing this for Mommy. I wanna make sure she will rest in peace. Sa nangyayari po kasi ngayon, pakiramdam ko wala ring peace of mind si Mommy kahit nasa kabilang buhay na siya. The case isn't closed yet, Tita. Hangga't hindi pa natutukoy lahat, hindi rin ako malalagay sa kapayapaan."

"That's really hard for you, Hija, but I pray you'll get the justice as soon as possible. Sana gabayan tayo ni Liona dito. Sana nga mas mapabilis ang imbestigasyon. If ever I can make anything to make it faster, I will."

"Tita, don't make yourself worry too much about this. In fact, you've done so many things. You're supposed to be resting in your house, but you're here- watching over Mommy and taking care of the visitors. Hindi ko na nga po alam kung paano ko ipapakita sa inyo ang pasasalamat ko. I'm so grateful I have you and Psalm," I said. "Tita, kung wala kayo, hindi ko na po alam ang gagawin ko."

Tita touched my shoulder. "Ano ka ba, Margot," she sighed, "para ka nang pamilya sa amin at para na rin kitang anak. I told you, you don't have to thank us for doing this, it's normal. Marami ka na ring nagawa sa amin ng anak ko, and it's more than enough. We're just giving back to you your goodness."

I pouted as I hugged her. "Thank you so much, Tita. Thank you for being here right beside me," I cried. "I love you."

"Tita loves you, too."

She told me then to get back to my room since the cops had gone. Wala na ring ibang tao sa bahay kundi kami, kaya wala na ring dahilan para hindi ako makapagpahinga.

When I was left all alone at my room, I tried my best to sleep, pero sa bawat minutong dumaraan ay tila may gumugulo sa akin. I couldn't sleep even though I closed my eyes. Sa tuwing pumipikit kasi ako ay tumatakbo naman sa aking isipan si Mommy. Naaawa na ako sa kaniya dahil ilang araw na simula nang mawala siya, pero hindi pa rin natutukoy nang mabuti ang lahat ng ukol sa pagkamatay niya.

Sa medyo mahaba-habang pag-iisip, nakuha ko na rin ang tulog ko. When I opened my eyes again, it was dark already outside. I got out of my room to check on Tita Danara and Psalm, but when I arrived at the sala, I didn't see them. Wala ring nagbabantay kay Mommy.

"Tita? Psalm?" I called out, but no one was answering.

I went to the kitchen, hoping they were there, ngunit nang makarating ako roon ay hindi ko rin sila nakita. I went outside and called out for their names again, but I received no answer. Nasaan na kaya sila?

I stayed outside for a while, thinking they might just unwind. Habang naghihintay sa labas ng paparating ay tumalon ang aking puso nang may biglang humawak sa balikat ko.

"BFF."

I turned around and faced Psalm who just uttered that word. "Goodness," I released a deep sigh, "you scared me to death!"

"Oh, did I scare you?"

"Oo!" hampas ko sa kaniya. "Nakakainis ka, muntik na akong atakihin sa puso. Ba't ka naman kasi sumusulpot na lang nang bigla-bigla?"

"Well uhm, I was looking for you, and I found you here," he answered. "Saan ka ba nagpunta?"

"OMG, I should be the one who's asking you that," I glared. "I've been looking for you, pero hindi ko kayo mahanap ni Tita. Nagtawag pa ako ng mga pangalan n'yo nang ilang beses, pero hindi kayo sumasagot. Saan ba kayo nagpunta?"

"I was in the kitchen awhile ago, makin' my coffee. Tapos si Mommy naman ay nasa banyo, naliligo."

"Kitchen?" I puckered my eyebrows. "Nagpunta ako doon kanina, pero hindi kita nakita do'n."

"Baka noong umalis na ako eh, saka ka lang nagpunta ro'n?"

Napahawak na lamang ako sa mukha. "Ewan ko!"

"Baka this time eh, sobra ka na sa tulog?"

"Baka nga," sambit ko. "Balik na lang tayo sa loob. Anong oras na ba?"

"It's eight already."

My tummy roared as he said the time. Ilang oras din siguro akong nakatulog, kaya nagwawala na ang mga alaga ko.

"Gutom na?" tawa ni Psalm.

I nodded.

"Sakto, nakapagluto na si Mommy kanina. Tara na sa loob para makakain ka na rin."

We walked through the house and proceeded to the kitchen. Nang makarating kami roon ay hinainan agad ako ni Psalm ng pagkain. Since I was so hungry, I grabbed the food immediately and ate.

"Hinay-hinay lang, BFF," Psalm said. "Baka mabulunan ka niyan."

Nginuya ko muna ang nasa bunganga ko, saka uminom ng tubig bago ako nagsalita. "Si Tita, kumain na ba?" tanong ko.

"Yes, she's done eating, don't worry."

"Eh, ikaw?"

"Hindi pa, pero hindi pa rin ako nagugutom, so no worries."

"No worries, no worries ka diyan," I glared. "Basta kapag nagugutom ka, BFF, kain ka na, okay?"

He nodded.

"Siya nga pala, magpahinga na rin kayo ni Tita kasi ako naman ang magbabantay kay Mommy. I know you're tired, too."

"No, we're fine."

"Ah, basta, matulog na rin kayo. Ikaw rin, magpahinga ka rin! Ilang araw ka nang hindi pumapasok dahil dito. Paano kapag bumagsak ka?"

"I excused us to our profs, huwag kang mag-alala. Saka alam naman nila kung anong nangyari. They have no reason to fail us, as long as hahabol tayo sa activities."

"'Yon na nga, mahirap humabol. Kapag ikaw natambakan, ikaw rin ang mahihirapan. So if I were you, matulog ka na para makapasok ka na bukas."

"Ayoko namang iwanan ka ditto. Kung maghahabol ka, dapat maghahabol din ako," sambit niya. "Huwag lang sa maling tao."

I slapped him slightly on his arm. "Ang corny mo!"

"Joke lang!" he laughed. "Gusto ko lang mapatawa ang BFF kong maganda."

"Sus, nambola pa-"

"Seems like you two are having fun here, huh?"

Napatigil ako sa boses na iyon na nanggaling kay Tita Danara. I turned around to see her. "Tita," I said, "you're lookin' fresh."

"Kakatapos lang mag-shower, eh," sambit niya. "Anyways, what's with you two?"

"Nothing, Tita, just having fun, para kahit papaano naman po ay makalimot sa problema," I forced a smile. "Anyways, I told some Psalm that you must take a rest now, ako na po ang bahalang magbantay kay Mommy."

"You sure?"

"Yes po, Tita. Kagigising ko lang din po kasi, kaya hindi ko na rin po dama ang antok."

"If you say so, we'll then take a rest."

"Mom, you should stay at Margot's room, and I'll stay at the sala," Psalm said. "In case she needs help, I'm only one call away."

"Okay, well then, I'll go now."

Pumunta na nga siya sa itaas at dalawa na lamang kami ni Psalm ang naiwan sa kusina.

Tinapos ko nang kainin ang mga pagkain, saka ko inaya ang kaibigan ko na bumalik na sa sala para may magbantay na rin kay Mommy. "Matulog ka na," wika ko nang makarating kami roon.

"Okay ka na?" tanong niya.

Tumango lamang ako.

"Okay, sige, matutulog na ako. Basta kapag may kailangan ka, gisingin mo lang ako, okay?"

I nodded and thanked him.

Humiga na nga siya sa sofa, at mabilis ding nakatulog. When he was now totally asleep, I covered him with a sheet before I proceeded to Mom's coffin.

When everything was quiet already, I brought out my phone and opened my gallery to look for the picture of the drawn fang I saw on the tiles the night Mom was killed. Hindi pa rin ako naliliwanagan sa bagay na iyon. Only Mom could answer my questions, but how?

I yawned after some time of staring at the image, so I had decided to go to the kitchen to make a coffee. As I was stirring, a sound reached my ears. I turned around and saw my phone placed already on the ground. I picked it up and realized it was broken already. I tried opening it, but I failed.

I touched my forehead as I remembered where did I position my phone, but I was sure I placed it at the center of the table. There was no wind, and if ever there was, it would not easily make the phone drop. And how would it fall.... when no one was there with me?