The Search

Chapter 6

I was now at the station with Psalm after the cops called me. I was waiting for them to submit to me the devil who killed my mom. My eyes were burning already, how much more when I'd see him?

After waiting for how many minutes, the police finally showed up and introduced to me the culprit. Unang tingin ko pa lamang sa lalaking iyon ay nag-init na ang dugo ko. Halos sumabog na ang puso ko sa galit, kaya naman hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili kong paghahampasin ito.

"MAS MASAHOL KA PA KAY SATANAS, DEMONYO KA!" sigaw ko, habang patuloy pa rin siyang pinaghahampas. I was being stopped by the polices, pero hindi ako nagpapigil.

"Deserve 'yan ng mommy mo," the man smirked.

Halos magtaasan lahat ng balahibo ko. "Anong sinabi mo?" nagngangalit kong tanong.

"Ang sabi ko, deserve 'yan ng mommy mo." He was a devil smirking at me. His eyes like the lightning were telling me he was a dangerous man.

"NAPAKA-HAYOP MO!" muli kong hampas sa kaniya. I had no plans to stop, but Psalm took me away from him. "PSALM, LET GO OF ME!" I said.

Psalm looked at me. "Stay here."

Without my notice, Psalm punched the man on the face. The police tried stopping him, ngunit hindi siya nagpaawat. He was out of himself, too. Halos balutin na ng dugo ang kamay niyang paulit-ulit na pinagbubuhatan ang mukha ng lalaki.

"Psalm, stop it!" I said, trying to move him away from the man. "Tama na! Tama na!"

"You will surely suffer in hell. f**k you!" he said as he raised his middle finger.

This was the first time I saw Psalm being outrageous. Halos mapatay na niya ang lalaki sa dami at lakas ng suntok niya. Ilang beses niya na rin itong minura. He was out of his control. Para bang ibang tao ang nakita ko.

"Psalm, just stop," I cried.

"Ipasok n'yo na sa loob 'yang demonyong 'yan at baka mapatay ko pa 'yan," sambit niya sa mga pulis.

The cops did send the culprit again inside the jail. But before the man could even be lost from our sight, he gave us a middle finger and whispered: f**k you, too.

"Sorry," Psalm said, as he hugged me. "I was just mad at that demon. Wala siyang karapatang sabihin 'yon sa'yo."

I didn't say a word, I was just crying. Galit na galit ako sa lalaking iyon kaya hindi ko mapigilan ang mga luha ko sa pagpatak. Nonetheless, I was glad that he surrendered. Dahil sa pagsuko niya, kahit papaano'y nagkaroon ng kapayapaan ang isip ko.

"I'll take you home now," Psalm said.

"I still wanted to talk to him," I cried. "M-marami pa akong gustong tanungin sa kaniya."

"It's not the right time yet. Mainit pa ang ulo nating pareho, kaya hindi rin kita matutulungan. Balik na lang tayo ulit bukas."

He had the point, so I agreed with him to take me home. When we arrived at the house, he called Tita Danara immediately and informed her what had happened.

I switched on the television while Psalm is on call, saktong-sakto naman ang paglabas ng balita. Since Mom's death was still an issue, every update was being reported. Maging ang pag-surrender ng pumatay sa kaniya ay ibinalita rin.

"Ba't mo pinatay?" I asked Psalm when he turned off the television.

"Paano mababawasan ang stress mo kung patuloy mong ini-expose ang sarili mo sa mga ganyang balita?"

"Masama bang makibalita? It's about Mommy! Matitiis ko bang manahimik na lang dito at piliing magbawas ng stress?" tanong ko. "Oo nga pala, hindi nga kasi sa'yo nangyari 'to, kaya hindi mo ako naiintindihan."

"I just care about your mental health, is it bad?" he asked. "I'm doing my best to help you control your emotions. Kapag nagpadaig ka sa problema, hindi naman ako ang kawawa kundi ikaw. Can't you see, Margot? I'm doing everything for you, yet you can't appreciate it. Ako pa ang nagmumukhang masama para sa'yo."

I was speechless. Nang hindi ko na napigilan ay tumakbo ako papunta sa kuwarto at doon nagkulong. I leaned on the door and cried there the whole time. Kahit pa kumatok nang paulit-ulit si Psalm ay hindi ko siya pinagbuksan.

"Just leave me alone!" I shouted.

"If leaving you means giving you peace of mind, I'm going now," he said. "Sorry for bothering."

I heard his footsteps walking away from the door until it finally faded out. I didn't stop him because I had no plans to do so after all. Patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak hanggang sa makatulog na ako.

Malapit nang magdilim nang imulat kong muli ang aking mga mata. Dumiretso agad ako sa banyo upang maghilamos. My eyes were aching too much since I was crying all the time. When I was done washing my face, I went to the kitchen to cook food because my tummy was groaning again like a dinosaur. Hindi talaga ako nagluluto, pero dahil wala na si Mommy, I was learning how to cook. I was learning how to be independent. Lahat ng mga bagay na hindi ko magawa noon ay pinag-aaralan ko nang gawin.

It was my first night of being alone in the house, so I was kinda scared. Kahit sa pagkain ay nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. Hindi pa ako sanay mag-isa kaya sobrang lakas ng t***k ng puso ko sa bawat galaw na lamang na gagawin ko. Even though the killer surrendered already, there was still fear in me. Paano na lang kung may mga kasabwat pala ang lalaking iyon at gawin din nila sa akin ang ginawa nila kay Mommy?

I slapped my forehead for I was annoyed at myself for being negative, but I just couldn't avoid questioning things especially that they might be possible to happen. Hindi naman talaga malabo dahil hindi ko alam ang takbo ng isip ng criminal na iyon; hindi ko alam ang takbo ng mundo.

Habang ngumunguya ng pagkain ay napatingin ako sa orasan; it was already twenty-five to eight. Kaya naman binilisan ko na ang pagkain saka bumalik sa kuwarto upang magpalit ng damit. I'd planned to go to the city since I didn't have anything to do. Besides, I wanted to unwind.

Going to the town, I drove all by myself. When I arrived there, I noticed some malls and stores were still open, but the others were closed already. Nonetheless, there were still lots of people walking around and buying street foods.

After parking my car, I started walking going through my favorite coffee shop. Mabuti na lang pala at twenty-four-seven na bukas ito. While telling my order to the crew, a little smile formed in my lip, yet there was still sorrow behind it. For all my life, it was my first time wandering alone in the city at night. Hindi ko talaga alamang buhay sa bayan kapag madilim na. Noong buhay pa kasi si Mommy, never niya akong pinayagang gumala sa gabi, maliban na lamang kung kasama ko siya. She had been always telling me na delikado sa sentro ng siyudad dahil marami nang masamang tao. But staying here, I could say that it wasn't bad at all.

After my coffee had been served, I went outside to feel the cold air breeze. Sobrang lamig pala sa labas; it was bad I didn't take a jacket with me. In order to make my feeling a bit warm, I just brushed my hands together. At habang ginagawa iyon ay sandali akong napatigil nang may biglang magsalita sa likuran ko.

"Still up at this hour?" the voice said.