forbidden desires

chapter 21

Ashley.

when I got back to my apartment was well past midnight but my shift was busy so thankfully it didn't drag. and I didn't have much time to let my mind wander to much, it did keep bringing a smile to my face every time I remembered chase was sleeping in my bed.

when I got home I went to the fridge for a quick snack and found a bowl of grapes with a note -eat me- I shook my head smiling as I grabbed s handful. it wasn't like I'd stopped eating all together just when I was in front of Jake I tried not to eat as much, or nights when I'd go to his place if I didn't remember to eat before hand I wouldn't eat that night because he wouldn't ever offer anything.

and breakfast well I finally figured out he drinks a smoothie in his office or something like that.

I walked quietly into my room and saw him sprawled out over my bed and shook my head I'm gonna have to squeeze in that's for sure.

I grabbed his shirt I seen on my small desk and went to take a quick shower so I didn't smell like beer anymore.

once I was done and crawling into bed he'd moved to give me a little space thankfully. but I was startled when his hand shot out and pulled me to him. as he placed small kisses along my shoulders .

" mmm how was work doll"

I relaxed a little in his arms, turning over I let my fingers trace his face while his eyes were still closed.

" it's was work. nothing crazy. go back to sleep"

he leaned in kissing my lips and I couldn't help but kiss back. as his tongue slipped in a clenched my legs together at the taste of his mouth. I'd missed this.

" you found the grapes."

I giggled and he smiled against my lips.

" mind if I have my snack?"

now I was confused it was literally two in the morning.

" you can eat whatever you want but you do realize it's two in the morning right?"

he rubbed his nose along mine as his hand went to my bottom squeezing it. he started leaving small kisses along my jaw. then small bites along my neck. before I knew it I was on my back as he hovered over me smirking.

" well my snack just got home so I'll just have to eat it whenever I get the chance "

oh my God he was talking about me? my eyes were wide as he pulled my tee up kissing my breast

" I absolutely love you in my tees"

he licked pasted my belly button and was face to face with my core. his kiss had already begun getting me wet and the excitement of his words hadn't helped much I knew there was no hiding it once he moved my panties.

he looked up at me asking permission and I took a deep breath nodding, this hadn't happened in so long. my body was buzzing. he pulled my panties all the way off groaning when he saw my bare core.

kissing up my legs biting my inner thighs making me call out softly.

his hand came in contact with me. he just let his fingers brush out my folds, spreading them, circling around my clit. then back down to my folds.

" already wet that's a good start"

I wasn't ready for it when his tongue touched me for the first time again. his fingers had me spread as he licked all around gathering my juices. making my hips jerk and gasp.

I looked down at him as he started eating me. his face buried between my legs and his eyes flicked to me. he reach up grabbing my breast tightly squeezing Massaging as he continued to eat me. my moans falling from my lips, I think my body was going to explode it'd forgotten what real pleasure felt like.

when I started to get close he sucked my clit rolling it in his mouth as be let two fingers pump inside me roughly. he moaned out as I called out his name.

" Chase"

it came out as a begging whisper I need my release it was so damn close and I was scared I wouldn't find it. but his eyes flicked to my as he thrust hard hooking his fingers inside me each time. my head feel back as my legs shook and I moaned out letting go.

I was breathing hard seeing stars once again as he licked around softly letting out a moan before he came back up kissing my lips gently.

" f**k I've definitely missed my snack. might have to have that daily"

I blushed shaking my head at his silliness.

I went to move to clean myself back up but he looked at me and I saw the hurt pass across his face as he got up and came back with a warm rag. he let it brush gently across me as he looked at me core. I hide my face in my blanket, had my core changed since I'd had s*x? could be tell someone else had been inside me? or was it the fact that I now had a small patch of hair on the top that I just kept neatly trimmed. once he was done he crawled back in beside me holding me close. so many questions running through my head now.

" doll I can literally feel you thinking talk to me"

I shook my head burying it in his chest

" it's really late"

he sighed lifting my chin

" I don't care doll. what is it? not what you expected? did I do something wrong?"

I bit my lip fighting the tears I didn't want to make him feel like he was the one in the wrong.

" I uh is it different now that I've had s*x? I mean feel different I guess? or is it the hair I've let grow in?"

he kissed my lips.

" your p***y is just as amazing as I remember it. still tight, wet and tastes so f*****g good. the hair is hot I think. don't worry so much this is your body and I wanted my snack and I wanted you to feel good"

I nodded breathing out

" I didn't help you "

he shook his head

" watching you fall apart was enough for me tonight ash."

I sighed burying my head back in his chest

" can I ask you something?"

I whispered out and he nodded

" always"

I had to know even if I was embarrassed to ask

" why do you do it? I mean if you aren't getting me ready for s*x as you call it. why do you go down on me?"

he pulled back looking my face over but my eyes were squeezed shut

" did he not eat you?"

I shook my head and he sighed out

" why do you enjoy sucking my c**k?"

my eyes flew open and he was smirking at me. I shrugged

" I don't know. you taste good, I like hearing your moans and I like the feeling of you in my throat"

he groaned squeezing my ass.

" same goes for me. I love the way you taste and I absolutely love bringing you pleasure whether we're f*****g or not."

I nodded as he held me close it felt nice to have someone hold me for a change. I fell asleep shortly after.

chase.

man having her under me moaning again it brought life back to me. the girl was mine always has been she just didn't know it.

it hurt me when she went to clean herself but I'm trying so hard not to let it show or get angry I have to remember this is what she has been used to lately and not me.

her questions made me upset and confused.

her body hadn't changed really, if she hadn't told me she'd had s*x I wouldn't have known. and the fact that he took her virginity and never went down on her I'm just so confused as to what their s*x life was. did he really just get it in and that was it?

I laid there thinking about things as she slept in my arms. I was going to show her what it was like to be with a real man, in and out of the bed room. and if I ever saw him face to face again I'd be having words with him over the way he treated my girl.

when I woke back up I held her for a little while just enjoying having her back in my arms. then I got up and made a brunch for us as I sat at her small bar top grading papers and drinking my coffee. when school started back up if she let me stay some nights I'd have to get up a little earlier but that was okay we'd get it figured out. I wasn't going to be spending to much time away from her. I knew our schedules were both crazy but I'd do long nights and early mornings until we got to where we both had Normal days.

I felt her sit beside me and I smiled at her

" I didn't wake you did i?"

she shook her head smiling at me. I leaned in kissing her head before grabbing her some coffee. setting down next to her again and pulling her chair closer to me.

" how'd you sleep?"

she whispered

" amazing. how about you"

she smiled up at me sipping her coffee

" great. are you grading fairly teach or just giving them all passing?"

I chuckled

" I wish I could. I've got a few that literally just circle s**t and I have no idea why. I mean I do word for word out of the book"

she laughed

" yes I know. very easy A"

I pinched her side and she giggled. I kissed her banter and her giggles

" there food if your hungry"

she looked at me side ways

" you do realize I didn't stop eating right? I just watched myself around him"

I nodded sighing

" I do but you've got to realize it's my job if I'm up first to take care of you also. and making sure you remain yourself around me is very important to me"

she nodded blushing as I got up and set her plate down.

she started eating and I went back to grading smiling as she ate beside me.

" I don't want it to become a chore any of it"

my head snapped to her

" doll being with you with never be a chore. being a gentleman in my own way will never become a chore. I'm just lucky to have you in my life you need to remember that"

she nodded going back to eating.

by the time she was done so was I so I slide my folder away from me stretching before I pulled her to stand between my legs placing my lips on hers.

" still on for our date"

she smiled big

" of course"

I smashed my lips back into hers. letting out tongues dance together as one hand held her face and my other slid up the back of her shirt finding her still naked. I groaned into the kiss as she dug her nails into my shoulder.

we were brought from our moment when there was a knock on her door. her eyes went wide and I knew she thought it maybe him. I'd thrown in my sweats before cooking so I kissed her forehead and went for the door

" chase"

she whispered out and I looked at her

" what if it's him?"

I shrugged

" then he will get the picture"

I pulled the door open but it was only a delivery guy with a bunch of red roses. he handed them to me and left.

I took them and set them on her counter and she pulled the note out. I waited to find out what it said. she rolled her eyes turning it to me - let's talk-

was all it said. he'd have to do way better than that.

she took the vase and the card throwing them away as I chuckled

" the flowers didn't do anything you know"

she shrugged

" I'm not really a fan of roses "

I nodded walking towards her

" I'll remember that now where were we?"

she smiled before pulling my face to hers kissing me.

we curled up on her small couch for a while and watched little TV. at one point she told me if I had things to do she understood. I don't think she completely understands that this is what I want to be doing. I just want to spend time with her. I few times she'd fallen asleep but woke back up apologizing. I didn't like her apologizing if something that didn't even bother me. she was tired whynt rest? she decided she was going to get ready to go bowling so while she did I got myself dressed also, just a long sleeve tee and jeans.

when she came out of her bathroom she had her hair and make up done and along sleeve fitted shirt with her right jeans. she looked absolutely amazing although she really didn't need the make up but if it made her happy I was happy to wait. she once again apologized for taking so long.

I'd really enjoyed our date and I think she did too.

we spent the rest of Thanksgiving break about the same just hanging out and getting to know each other again. we'd had our sleep overs but nothing more s****l happened. I didn't believe she was ready for that as much as I wanted to make her mine and have her I was just happy getting to hold her at the end of the night or when she came home from a shift.

after 3 days of being at her apartment I was now back home getting everything ready to go back to work in the morning, she has school and we both agreed we couldn't just jump into this. I knew I was ready but she wasn't and that was okay. as long as she'd have me around I was fine.

I'd enjoyed my time with her, but her constantly apologizing for small things was something we were working on. if she wanted to do something as simple as nap on the couch or she wanted to cook something for dinner that she didn't know if I'd like she was hesitant or would say sorry. I tried telling her to do whatever made her happy it was basically her world and I was just living in it. but I felt it was going to take some time. hell she still hadn't gotten used to the fact that I just enjoyed holding her, even went as far as to ask me late one night when she came in from work why I even wanted to.

it was crazy to me. this girl who once knew exactly who she was was now questioning everything.

and I feel I'm partly to blame, if I hadn't been so stupid and let her go maybe she wouldn't have ended up with such a jerk.

Ashley.

I'd enjoyed having chase around it was nice to have the company and I felt safe when he was around.

it did feel good to breath again when I got back into my classes and cheer practice. I didnt have to worry about being on time for a fancy date or being talked to like I didn't understand the importance of someone work. because I did understand that Jake worked hard and long hours but I also had other commitments he just didn't like that. he never out right said it but after two days of being back on my own time I realized now it was in the small things he'd say about my time spent after practice running or working out. how it cut into his time with me since I worked most nights. he never understood that I ran to free my mind not to actually work out. it was just something I'd always some and some where in the few months we were together I'd lost that side of me. I'd stopped running because he wanted my time.

chase. well chase has been great, we've talked on the phone and he had dinner delivered to me at work last night. I still couldn't seem to wrap my head around him just letting me be myself. it was hard. I'd gotten caught up running yesterday and missed his call. when I called back he was apparently coaching practice so when we finally got each other on the phone hed laughed it off saying I could probably run circles around his team this year. apparently they were giving him a hard time when it came to running and working out.

today after my run I went home and dove into my school work since I didn't have work tonight I needed to catch up. my phone chimed letting me know I had a message and I had to look through all my things just to find it.

chase- hope your day was better than mine. I swear these boys are just being stubborn to be stubborn. our game is Friday at 5 not sure if your working but let me know and I'll grab you a ticket if you wanna come. I plan on coming to see you cheer Saturday if that's okay.

I thought about it I didn't work until 10 Friday so I could catch him game then head into work. and our game was away this weekend and if I remember correctly it's an hour away so it didn't really make sense for him to come.

me- I think I can swing getting to see you coach, coach. I don't work till 10. but our game is an hour away this week so it really would be out of your way just to come watch me cheer.

chase- if you don't mind me coming I definitely don't mind the drive. haven't gotten to see you cheer in a while. if you need to rest before your shift it's not big deal if you can't make it this week. there will be more games.

I sighed. why is he so nice? why can't my brain accept that he's being nice and not just to sleep with me or try to control me in little ways.

me- I'll be there but you watching me cheer is completely up to you. I'll have to ride the bus back to the college so you really wouldn't get to see much of me.

chase- I'll be there doll.

I sighed shaking my head. I don't understand this man at all.

my phone chimes and this time it was Jake.

Jake - really hope your taking the time to actually think about what you're giving up here Ashley. I love you and just want to take care of you.

I threw my phone down ignoring his message and getting back to my school work. I have no idea if I'd see him Saturday or not but I hoped not. I know Bryan had told me yesterday he was happy I didn't get sucked to far into his crap, but that his brother and his parents were pretty upset I had broken up with him.

that night I went to sleep and tried to think of where it all went wrong with Jake. had he always just wanted to control me and me be his arm candy or was that his parents thinking?

I think it may just be who he is. but now how do I let myself actually be with Chase without being worried about every little thing I do because I did notice it hurt him every time I said sorry for something but I didn't want him to be unhappy either the way he thinks it's my world and he's just living in it doesn't make sense to me. could he really just be happy being with me just because I'm me? or would he want me to change things about myself later on down the road also.

I don't know the answers and I think that's what bothers me most. I don't want to feel less than again, I just want to be happy and finish school so I can open my bakery. maybe even a little coaching tumbling or cheer on the side.

....

it was Friday night and I was in my old highschool stadium with their colors on Cheering them on. I was definitely checking out the coach. he was fun to watch as he would get so into the game, throwing his hat at bad calls, flipping his hat around on his head backwards and getting down when tackles we're made so he could see things better. he was hyping the boys up after half time he was in their faces grabbing their face masks talking with them each like they all mattered to him, and I knew they did. I knew he really enjoyed his job. it brought a smile to my face. they were down by one touchdown and I was hoping they'd pull it off. when the boys went back on the field he looked into the stands his eyes landing on me and he sent me a wink making me blush.

it was a nail biter but the team held the other off and towards the end ended up with a touchdown and the extra point with a field goal taking the win. the crowd went wild and the team circled their coach raising their helmets as they cheered.

it was amazing to watch him like this. as the stadium started to thin out parents going to wait for their players. I watched him he helped them pick everything up and gave each of them pats on the back before heading into the locker room.

I looked at my phone seeing a had a message from him asking me to wait a few minutes then he'd be out. I walked down to the field looking around as they began to turn the lights off. it seems like forever ago I was on this field I couldn't believe I was actually cheering for a college now.

" there's my good luck charm"

I turned seeing him. it was a cold night but you could tell he'd worked up a sweat I smiled at his smiling face.

" that was a very good game coach. they respect you more than you know"

he slightly blushes shaking his head.

" I'm just proud of them they have worked hard. even if they are pains at practice."

I nodded and he walked me to my car.

" well this is me. I've gotta head into work."

he kissed my cheek

" thank you for coming. it means a lot to me just you being here"

I smiled biting my lip. holding myself back from jumping in his arms.

" you get to work safe okay. I may swing by for a drink since I do have something to celebrate "

I laughed it was late and I was sure he was tired.

" you get home safe."

he winked

" you call me tonight no matter the time and let me know you made it home"

I nodded getting into my car as he opened my door. he'd been asking me to call him after my shifts so he knew I was home. even at 2 in the morning he'd answer.

he did come in for his drink and we were busy but he stuck around till the end of my shift walking me to my car where he pulled me into him arms just holding me for a moment.

" I hope you know how much you mean to me"

he whispered into my hair

" I'm starting to understand I think"

he kissed the side of my head.

" get home safe. I'll text you when I make it back"

I once again held myself back from asking him just to stay with me. I knew we needed to be able to get through times like this because my schedule sucked so bad.