forbidden desires

chapter 20

chase.

I stood there waiting for her to talk but she didn't. I looked around and I grabbed her hand started for the creek

" where are we going?"

" your safe place"

she seemed to relax and just follow me our hand still connected. once we made it to the creek we sat down.

" talk to me ash. the good the bad, the crazy all of it I want to know"

she signed shaking her head

" I thought if I took the chance I'd get over you. and the first few dates were good. he listened while I talked but then after things got more s****l I never knew what was right and what was wrong. I'd already stopped eating like normal in front of him because of the way he'd look at me. but then at the same time he showed interest in actually being with me so I tried not to compare with him you because when I wanted things to work with you you wanted me to live my life. but he wanted to be with me and me live life. but then no If were honest he didn't take care of me in the bedroom and he didn't hold me after the first time or the few times after after I'd gotten up and cleaned myself he'd be sleeping but he also works alot so I didn't complain. but now his brother basically warned me I'd just be a pretty house wife if I stayed with him and I asked him about it and didn't say anything different basically that we'd have people working for the bakery I open. and that me working at the bar wasn't good for his image if we did get engaged.

but yes when I talked to him about s*x he said it was amazing and we left it at that because f**k chase what am I supposed to say oh the last guy who broke my heart made me see stars and I called him daddy before sucking him off which by the way I tried sucking him off but he didn't really enjoy it so I don't know if it's him or me. I don't know what to do anymore other than the fact that I'm so tired of being perfect I just want to be me but I already know he doesn't want that and I know that he won't let me go that easy. so what chase what is the big fix that you have for me?"

he sighed looked at me shaking his head taking my hands gently

" one I'd dump him. I would've dumped him the first time he looked at you funny for eating. watching you pig out used to be one of my favorite pass times even after I f****d up with you. you used to walk into class eating but I never said anything because it's who you are and if you don't eat it ruins your day. two if he isn't man enough to help you finish doll then why stay with him? when you called me daddy the first time I was blown away. had I never had some one do that no but damn did it sound good coming from you. and watching you come undone from me is one of my favorite things. f**k ash you have idea how beautiful you look when you do. I don't understand why you think he can make you happy if he doesn't take care of you. if you are telling me he took your virginity without making sure you had yours first then fell asleep after his then you need to let me go find him now"

he stood up and was pacing i knew he was pissed

" what do I need to do to get another shot? I've kept my distance I've let you live and it has killed me. I've gone on dates myself and I compared every single woman to you ash. what do you want me to do?"

I shook my head

" please calm down chase "

he looked at me

" leave him give me a shot. damn it I won't f**k it up this time. but no you are more than a beautiful house wife. do I want to go out with you on my arm f**k yeah but I also know you have dream I also know you have your own plans I would love to stand by your side and help you reach them. watch you get those things you want in life. hell I've been cheering you on from a distance I'd love a front row seat for it.and I thought I was doing right but letting you chase them being free of me holding you back."

I wiped my face

" and if we're only good in bed"

he looked at me before getting to his knees in front of me

" you want dates and flowers you've got it. you want me to tell the world your mine you got it. I know that we have chemistry in the bed room f**k your body still responds to me even now. the feelings I have for you there's no possible way this can only be chemistry in the bed. I know you've got to see that too or you wouldn't be here with me. but I won't make a move until you tell me you want me to. I want cross that line until you accept you are mine and im yours. you want to cheer. cheer. you want me to come watch you hell yeah I'll be there. you want me to just hold you because you've had a bad day you already know I will. you want s*x I will give you that but I will always and I mean always take care of you after. no matter what my day looked like you come first you need to understand that whether you pick me or him. you shouldn't come second to anything."

I looked in his eyes and I knew he was being honest

" and what would I tell him? that my feelings for you never left? "

he sighed

" no you tell him he is a shitty boyfriend and it isn't working out. you tell him you aren't happy hell blame it on me I don't care I'll stand toe to toe with him if it's what it takes but I won't stand by and let you put yourself through hell to be with him".

I sobbed and be pulled me in his arms. I felt like I was home like I could just relax.

" I need to talk to him".

he nodded I wouldn't expect anything different from you. I'll give you a minute. and even if you aren't ready to be with me I will wait I will be here when you are ready to give me another chance because I know In my heart your the one for me "

he kissed my cheek walking away and I took a long drink dialing Jake

Jake - hello?

me-hey Jake?

Jake - Ashley it's late why are you calling?

I sighed looking the dark sky I didn't even think of him being in bed

Jake - Ashley it's late did you need something

me-I'm sorry but this isn't working out

jake- excuse me?

me-I'm sorry

Jake - what do you mean? I've put a lot of time into this and my parents believe there will be a wedding soon

I sighed

me- Jake we've only been together a few months and it just isn't working out for me

jake-because of him

me - no because we want different things

Jake - like what? I said I support your bakery. I said we'd talk about this later this might be later but I meant a different day babe this has been a long day and I'm tired

me-I don't want to talk about it a different day I just want to say I'm sorry and we can't be together anymore

he laughs angry

Jake - I knew leaving you there was a mistake. look call me once you are thinking things right but I swear to you if you f**k your ex there will be hell to pay. goodnight Ashley

he hung up before I could say anything. and I just sat there looking at my phone wondering what to do now. my head was spinning and I just wanted to crawl in bed.

" how'd it go?"

chase sat back down Beside me and I sobbed

as he held me

" shh it can't be that bad"

I told him word for word what for said and I felt his anger.

" I'll be back"

he got up but I grabbed his hand

" please I just want to sleep"

he sighed nodded

" my place okay?"

I nodded going back to mine might not be smart because I know Jake will show up tomorrow like nothing happened.

no one said anything as we left together but I didn't really care at the moment I just needed to sleep and maybe I'd feel better

chase.

I heard the call on her end but hearing her tell me what he said word for word pissed me off. but she looked so broken when she told me she wanted to sleep so I took her to mine. when we got there I knew she was hesitant she hadn't been here In so long. I took her upstairs and sat her on the bed while I ran her a bath.

" aren't you tired I can do all this".

she whispered but I shook my head pulling her body into mine as I lead her to the bathroom.

sit relax I'm going to grab some leftovers then we will sleep."

she only nodded.

she didn't take long and I knew it was because she was worried about me falling asleep or being mad I didn't know which one. but I was there when she came out in my shirt I couldn't help but smile as I offered her food. she took it we are in silence until she was done then she curled up in bed

I took the dishes to the kitchen climbing in pulling her to me holding her

" I may have told him it's over but I'm not ready chase".

she whispered and my heart broke

" I'm just holding you. did he nerve hold you"

she shook her head and I heard the sob.

I held her tighter kissing her head

" I hope you never have to doubt things like this with me. I know you aren't ready for that and that okay. but just know I know I f****d up. but I'm here and I'm begging just to be given a second chance at having you the real you".

she didn't say anything she just relaxed in my arms as I held her thinking of ways to show her what she really meant to me and ways to kick his ass

in the morning I woke up and she was beside me looking at me

" mm good morning doll"

she blushed hiding her face

" I'm so sorry for my meltdown"

I pulled her into my chest

" stop. no more over thinking. you want to cry. cry. ill hold you. you want to scream. do it. I'll listen. but stop apologizing for having emtions."

she sighed

" what now?"

I kissed the top of her head

" what do you want?"

she giggled

" food"

I chuckled

" besides that doll"

" I want to be able to be happy but I don't think he will let me"

I held her closer

" will you let me deal with him and give me a chance to show you how sorry I am for messing up what we had before it even began fully"

she was quite but she nodded and that was all I needed.

" you stay here I'll bring food ".

she smiled up at me as I got up

I was going to win her heart if it was the last thing I did

Ashley.

I hadn't slept so good in so long. when he got up my phone was buzzing and I knew it'd be Jake as my stomach went to knots

me- hello?

Jake - are you ready to be an adult and talk

me - I already did this isn't working for me

Jake - and whynt because your ex says it isn't

I rolled my eyes

me - no because you don't like the real me. you don't like to take care of my needs and I realize I need that

Jake - what needs Ashley?

me-well honestly holding me. taking care of me after s*x. actually pleasing me. and honestly caring about my dreams not just your image

Jake - we have s*x. I'm sorry if you can't seem to handle that but it is what it is there and as for your dreams I told you we'd hire people for your little bakery.

I sighed

me- but I want to work on my bakery and I want a damn orgasm Jake

he scoffed

Jake - oh you've got to be kidding me. is he there is he making you say this

in that moment chase walked back in and lookt at me smiling. I found my confidence

me-no this is me finally telling you the truth and the truth is I want to work. I don't want to be the perfect wife. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy s*x so much that I crave it.

Jake - call me once you're done being used like a w***e.

chase heard this but by the time he grabbed the phone hed hung up.

" I'm calling him back"

I shook my head

"please don't it'll make things worse"

he sighed throwing my phone down and handing me a plate of bacon and eggs then a cup of coffee

I smiled as I took both.

we ate and I knew he had alot on his mind because I sure did.

" I'd like to take you out".

he finally spoke and I looked at him like he had two heads

" aren't we passed that?"

he laughed shaking his head

" we are never pasted dated give me the chance to show you what you mean to me. and after that if you want me to leave you alone okay. but if you want to give me a chance even after you decide it doesn't mean dates stop. they maybe take out and movies or just me hanging out at the bar but I will show you that you are worth all the time in the world ash. I will show you what I should've been all along and honestly if he was a smart man would've shown you knowing I was around"

I thought about it as i sipped my coffee.

" if I agreed to this no excuses. no waking up the morning after and deciding I still need to live".

he shook his head.

" scouts honor I was stupid once but if you give me a chance again I won't let you down again "

I bit my lip thinking.

it was to soon since I'd just broke up with Jake literally last night but then again it's always been chase hasn't it? he's always been in my mind. always by my side even when I pushed him away here he is not asking for anything but a chance.

I may end up broken again but hell I'm already broken so what could it hurt. he's always been the one that really gets me so maybe he would be the one by my side during this hard time and good times like he's saying.

I nodded and he smiled kissing my cheek

" I won't let you down again I promise".

I just nodded again I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

most of our day was spent the same, surprisingly he didn't even try to get me to have s*x just a few small kisses here and there. and the crazy thing is I wanted him to make the move, I wanted him to take me because if my memory is correct God I'd get what I'd been chasing. but I didn't say anything I didn't want to seem sleezy considering I'd just broken up with my boyfriend.

when it was almost time for work he brought me to my apartment but didn't leave, he just made himself comfortable on my bed looking at the ceiling as I got myself ready for work.

when I walked out of the bathroom he was looking at his phone but looked at me as soon as I walked out and he smiled. I'd just put on light make up with my hair up and my jeans and work shirt nothing special. I blushed as his eyes took me in

" much better"

he whispered out and I shook my head.

" so what are your plans while I work? I mean I guess I'm asking when I'll see you again?"

I was biting my lip I didn't want to seem needy but I needed to know that he wasn't going to disappear again. he got up coming to stand in front of me pulling my lip from my teeth.

" well I've thought about it and honestly I slept amazing last night so if it's okay with you I'm hoping I can run home grab some clothes and maybe have another sleep over. then tomorrow since neither of us has school I'd figured I'd take you out. maybe a little bowling."

I let out the breath I was holding smiling as I nodded

" sounds like a plan"

he kissed my lips gently

" have a great night at work and call if you need anything"

" I will and please don't wreck my apartment I actually like it "

he chuckled

" I like it too. seems like the perfect little hide away when we actually want to be alone since we both know everyone just pops up at my place "

I giggled

" hey j actually used to like everyone's surprise visits. how's Dalton did he ever get settled"

he smiled at me.

" he did. I'm sure he's probably back in town now, took his girl to visit her family out of state for Thanksgiving "

" he has a girl? what's she like?"

he laughed

" uh well she's very shy and seems sweet. I don't know we've only had a couple dinners together but he seems happy "

I smiled big

" aw! I'm so happy for him "

he grabbed my hips pulling me close. my heart rate sped up

" trust me not as happy as he will be knowing I'm getting another chance. I hear about my f**k up very often "

I shook my head

" well hopefully we don't have to keep living in the past and hopefully it won't repeat itself "

he places his lips on mine. then let his head rest against me

" I'm so happy to hear that. and only the good of the past will be repeated. because I've played a few things over in my head a time or two and I really hope to see them again "

his deep voice was a whisper making my core ache. how can he make my body respond so easily with only words and Jake couldn't do it with actually s*x? I sighed out.

" I'll see you after work "

he kissed my lips one one time

" yes you will "

I turned to walk out and he smacked my bottom and I sent him a glare but he just shrugged falling back on the bed with a smile. I smiled shaking my head.