forbidden desires

chapter 18

Ashley.

over the next week i didn't let my mind wander to chase I couldn't do that to Jake it wasn't fair.

he was such a good guy and was always texting and asking how my day was if we were both extremely busy. we'd went out once this week and it ended up with him once again finishing and we'll me not so much. but I didn't know how to bring it up or even if I should.

we don't have a game tomorrow and I don't work tonight until late so I took off to my aunt's maybe chase is right about one thing I need to go get some fresh air and just let my mind be free, it's something I used to do all the time.

she wasn't home so I couldn't talk to her about my problems but I knew she wouldn't mind me going over.

as soon as I got there I hoped on the fourwheeler and took off Just letting the fresh air hit me. willing it to make me feel better.

after a few rounds I stopped at the creek getting off and finding a rock to sit on.

" I thought I heard someone back here"

I jumped screaming

" what the hell are you doing here chase?!"

he laughed at my reaction

" I was fixing the fence for your aunt"

trying to catch my breath I nodded. trying not to let my eyes wander over his sweaty body. thank God he had a shirt on

" what are you doing out here?"

I turned looking at the creek shrugging

" you were right about one thing I needed to clear my head some"

chase.

I was almost finished with this fence when I heard the sound of a fourwheeler and looked around seeing ash's hair flying behind her as she took off across the field. I smiled, she definitely needed to let some steam off.

I worked a little longer before grabbing some water out of my cooler and walking towards the creek I knew she'd be there.

I laughed at her reaction taking a seat beside her when she sat back down offering her a water and she took it.

" so my aunt has you working hard?"

I chuckled

" she has me working on odd things when she needs them no biggie really"

she nodded

" what are you up to besides clearing your head?"

she shrugged

" just needed out for a little while. I don't work till late so I figured why not"

I nodded

" how's working at a bar?"

she looked at me laughing

" has Ellie reported everything back to you"

I laughed shaking my head

" I honestly don't know she just gives me updates every now and then"

she nodded biting her lip as her eyes took me in I tried not to smirk

" I enjoy the bar, it's fast paced and good money. so I can't complain"

" I guess not since you even found yourself a boyfriend there"

I said playful and she pushes my shoulder

" oh shut up"

we shared a laugh

" so where is he today?"

she sighed

" work"

I nodded

" everything okay between you two?"

her head snapped to me and she had wide eyes

" yes everything is great"

I could tell by her tone it wasn't

" he isn't treating you bad is he ash? I will kick his ass I saw you didn't eat very much the other day and you seem down today you can talk to me"

she sighed shaking her head but didn't turn to look at me

" everything is fine chase. I didn't eat much well because I don't know I'm working on trying not to always eat like a caveman and I'm down today but that isn't any of your business. none of this is"

I sighed out I knew she was right but it didn't stop my worrying

" well I'm sorry. but I am always here if needed. even if it's just to listen. I'll let you enjoy your alone time "

she nodded but didn't look up at me. as long as she knew I was here I wouldn't push her.

Ashley.

I hated that he always seems to be around and I hated that he could still read me so easily but I'm probably just really easy to read. I left soon after he did and went to get ready for work. my relationship was none of his business considering he didn't want to be in one with me in the first place I don't know why he wants to butt his way into this one.

I was working the late shift and I didn't really want to be here when Jake showed up smiling

" hey pretty girl"

I looked up smiling at him

" hey you how was work"

I made my way around the bar to hug him and he squeezed me

" it was long. I just came in to see if you wanted to come over maybe have a little fun before I head out of town for a business meeting tomorrow"

I bit my lip thinking it over did I really want another night of disappointment? but then again I would be going to his place maybe things would be different.

" you know I'd love to Jake but I don't have any clothes for class in the morning and I have an early morning"

he sighed but never stopped smiling

" I'll rush you home in the morning, we will figure the rest out. stay the night with me Ashely"

I sighed shaking my head this is the first time he's actually asked me that.

" okay"

I whispered out and he smiled big before kissing my lips

" alright baby I will send you the address and I will see you in a few"

I nodded as he turned to leave. trying to wrap my head around what I just agreed too.

I was in my own world when his deep voice broke my thoughts

" sounds like a fun night"

my eyes shot up as chase was standing there glaring at me

" what do you want".

" vodka"

I scoffed at his reply and poured it slamming it down

" what are you doing hear listening to my conversations chase"

he shrugged taken his shot

" wasn't hard to hear as I was sitting here. why don't you look happy to be staying the night with your boyfriend"

I looked at him this time I was the one glaring

" I am happy I just haven't ever stayed at his place that's all"

he nodded

" you don't have to do anything you aren't ready for you know that right"

I leaned in close so I wouldn't be yelling but God I wanted to tell right now

" stay the hell out of my business you have no idea what I am ready for chase. you gave up your opportunity to have thoughts about how I live my life a long time ago"

he looked back at my jaw clenched and I knew he was pissed

" I may have ruined my chance with you ash but that doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy "

I slammed my hands on the bar top

" then do me a favor and stay the hell out of my way because you just make things more complicated for me"

he simply nodded throwing some cash down on the bar and turned to walk out but then turned around

" I care about you and even though you are pissed at me I'm here if you need me"

I just rolled my eyes at him gathering myself back up and going back to work. he wouldn't ruin this for me. no I wouldn't let him ruin my chance at being happy not again.

that night when. I showed up to Jake's place I felt out of place in my bar uniform.

but he did his best to make me feel at home he was in his PJs already and waiting for me.

I was starving but he'd apparently already eaten and didn't offer anything so I didn't ask.

" you can grab a shower if you want there's a shirt on my bed for you"

he after he gave me a tour of his big beautiful home.

I nodded biting my lip. okay this is it. I'm probably going to lose my virginity tonight at 19 and that's the reason I'm so nervous right?

I breathed out after finally figuring out how to use his shower and getting myself out I put his shirt on. I slowly came out and his eyes landed on me.

he smiled big

" I like that a lot but we will have to bring a few of your things here so you can always be more comfortable"

I sighed out smiling at him he wants me around after tonight so that's a good sign.

I walked slowly to his bed and climbed in I didn't know what to do with myself and he hadn't made a move to tell me what he wanted me to do.

after I was comfortable he smiled over at me

and leaned in kissing me

" I hope this is the start of many more sleep overs here with me"

I smiled at him nodding that sounded nice.

he began kissing me with hunger as his hands removed my shirt and he pulled back taken in my naked body

" are you ready to go all the way or just more play either way is fine baby now pressure"

I thought it over. f**k it I've got to know if it gets better.

" all the way"

I whispered out and like lightening he was naked in front of me as I took his body in. he was already ready which I guess was a good sign he wasn't as large as I'd expected but hey it isn't always about that I've heard.

he pulled me so I was laying down and he kissed me again letting out tongues slide together. I held on to his arms waiting for him to touch me to make me feel like I wanted to feel. but it never came he leaned over grabbing a condom and slipped it on

" are you sure"

he asked breathing hard and I wasn't really sure anymore I was exactly ready and this was my first real time.

" uh yeah just go slow I guess"

he nodded lining himself up

" I've got you"

he whispered against my lips and they made me feel s little better. he soon started entering me and it hurt. but thankfully the condom had some lube or something on it. I closed my eyes at the pain of him breaking away my virginity. and he continues to kiss me. his body on mine I knew he was all the way in and I knew I had tears falling down my face.

" are you okay"

he asked from above me and I nodded so he began to move slowly.

it felt nice and once the pain was gone I started to feel good but my body needed more I needed him to go faster

" faster baby" I moaned out but a few more slow thrust and be grunted that grunt and I knew it was over.

he rolled off of me breathing hard taking my hand kissing it

" that was amazing."

I didn't respond.

" hey baby are you okay?"

he asked sitting up looking at me and I nodded

" yeah uh just wrapping my head around it"

he smiled down at me kissing my lips

" I'll be right back"

I wanted to cry. I wanted to go home and be alone and take all of this back but I couldn't what would I say to him.

when he got back he handed me the shirt I had been wearing kissing my lips

" bathrooms all yours baby"

I nodded sitting up taking it. I went and cleaned up I'd bleed a little and just hoped there wasn't any on the bed. I then say there and cried. what had I just done? and he didn't even offer to take care of my after just basically told me to clean myself up.

I pulled myself together and went and crawled into bed with him. he was already asleep when I got in and I was thankful for that.

I didn't get much sleep as I laid there crying silently.

the next morning when the alarm went off I was alone and he was up already ready

" morning baby better hurry so I can drop you off to head to the airport"

I nodded pulling myself together and got my clothes back on.

our ride was pretty silent and when we pulled up be grabbed my hand kissing it.

" I know that last night was your first time but I hope you enjoyed it as much as me. I know things seem to be going fast but I love you Ashley"

my eyes went wide as he smiled at me

" don't say anything back I just needed you to know my feelings".

I nodded

" have a safe trip Jake"

he kissed my lips softly and I went into my apartment. I went straight to my shower to wash the shame from my body. this didn't how I wanted things to go. and I sure in hell wasn't ready to love him!

I had a freak out before I laid in my bed trying to sleep but more tears came.

I knew I had class soon so I pulled myself together and got ready realizing my car was at the bar still.

great. now what?

Ellie didn't answer. aunt still out of town. I broke down and called chase who told me he'd be right over. I hated myself for having to call him.

when he showed up I know I looked a mess opening the door as he looked me over worried

" Ashley what's wrong??"

he tried to come close to me but I put my hand up

" did he do something why didn't he bring you to your car?"

I shook my head I think that was an honest mistake we both clearly had our heads some where else.

" Ashely doll talk to me"

that broke me I got mad. mad at him. mad at me. mad at Jake for not knowing how to take care of me.

" just f*****g bring me to my car chase and leave I hated having to call you"

chase.

I knew something was wrong when she called her voice has no emotions but when I got here and saw her I was really worried.

" but you did call me and I won't take you any where untill you tell me why you look like your dog died"

I raised my voice back at her she threw something past my head

" your what's wrong or maybe it's me I don't know chase I have no f*****g clue! I have a sweet guy who says he loves me and I can see it in his eyes he wants me to love him back!"

I raised my hands

" okay and I am happy for you even if it hurts me ash really "

she scoffed throwing something else past my head crying

" no you don't get it! I'm broken you broke me for anyone else! f**k he can't seem to make my body feel the way you do so I f****d him"

my eyes went wide and my heart was racing in my chest. I always knew she wouldn't wait but hearing it hurt.

" I don't see what I've done here Ashley"

she laughed but it was full of anger as she fell on her couch

" I don't understand either. whatever you used to make me feel this is different I don't know if this is just because he's so nice about it or what but I just don't know"

I went on my knees in front of her making her look at me

" he's not getting you off?"

her eyes told me all I needed to know

" have you tried telling him what you need? your body is pretty easy to read doll."

she shook her head

" things aren't like that with him. he's not into alot of foreplay and I just thought it'd get better"

her tears were still falling down her face

as I grabbed it holding her eyes to look at me

" I know you want to be with him I understand that but don't force yourself into something. if he isn't pleasing you tell him. if he's a man he will understand. what happened to you? you've never had a problem speaking your mind to me? you used to tell me exactly what you needed with words and your body. you used to stand toe to toe arguing with me"

she pushed me away.

" yeah and look how that turned out"

she wipes her face as I looked her over

" please just bring me to my car I need to get to class."

I nodded sighing. on the way her stomach rumbles and she blushes looking out the window

" he didn't bother to feed you?"

I saw her roll her eyes out of the corner of my eyes. so I pulled into he drive thru

" what are you doing I'm gonna be late".

I didn't answer I just pulled to the window and ordered two burgers and fries with shakes. she had to of been starving considering she eats like 3 times as much as a normal person. I handed her her food and drove off.

" thank you" .she whispered

" you should've asked if you needed anything ash. he needs to take better care of you"

she sighed shaking her head but dug into her food.

" did he at least make it special? take care of you after you did it? hold you"

she wipes her face fast

" I'm not talking about this anymore"

that was the answer I needed

when I pulled into the bar she tried to get out quickly but I grabbed her hand

" Ashley if he isn't taking care of you then it isn't worth it. even to get back at me"

she pulled her hand from mine

" he had a long day and an early morning. and not everything has to do with you chase"

she slammed more door and left. I knew she was mad at me but at least I was being honest. Mr clean cut business man seems to not know how to please nor take care of a woman. it doesn't matter how tired you are you need to make them feel special if they aren't one night stands. and let's be honest Ashley would never be someone's one night stand she's to special.