forbidden desires

chapter 16

Ashley.

I pulled in his garage he had open for me after I ran home and showered, changed and made myself look a little more presentable and grabbing a change of clothes. I just threw on some cut offs and a baggy long sleeve though my body cold from being in the sun for two days.

he opened the door leading to the garage and walked in shirtless in shorts looking oh so good as he opened my car door

" I thought maybe you'd changed your mind"

I took his outstretched hand getting out

" no just didn't want to come smelling like the lake"

he kissed my lips

" food should be here soon just ordered tacos I hope that's okay"

I nodded smiling as he closed the garage door and grabbed my bag then with his free hand grabbing mine leading me inside.

" so what are your plans? I'm not keeping you from working am I?"

he shook his head smiling

" I'll get it all done tomorrow. tonight I just want to spend time with you "

I blushed biting my lip.

" sounds good "

" make yourself at home, find anything you like on TV I'm gonna bring your bag up"

I smiled kissing him before he turned to walk away.

I made myself comfy on his couch and started flipping through the channels landing on the notebook. he came and sat beside me putting his hand behind me pulling me close but then he groaned

" you've got to be kidding me"

I giggled

" it's a very good movie "

he rolled his eyes running his hand down his face

" you better be glad you look so damn good"

I nudged him with my shoulder and he laughed.

we were cuddled up when the door bell rang

" that should be the food"

he says getting up

" there should be some cash in my wallet"

I call after him

" I've got this doll"

I roll my eyes.

once he gets back he sets the food out and I'm starved so I dig in as he chuckles at me

" what?"

he shakes his head.

" I've never met a woman who eats as much as you. not that I'm saying it's a bad thing"

I shrug I've always eaten without shame I won't start having shame now.

after eating he takes everything and throws it away and I'm surprised he's cleaning up. I thought gush were messy but maybe he is just doing it because I'm here.

we snuggled back on to the couch.

my head on his chest as his arm is around me.

" so Ellie is okay with this"

I say and he chuckles ." yeah I hear you'll pick her over me if things go sideways"

I nod

" yes because we don't even know what this is and she's like a sister to me. if she wasn't comfortable with this I would stop seeing you"

he holds me closer

" I know and that's one of the many things I like about you. I don't know what this is either but I do know I like you a lot"

I sit up looking at him

" are you not looking for a relationship?".he sighs rubbing his face.

chase.

I knew this would come up and it isn't like I don't want to be with her I just feel like she's got a life left to live and I plan on staying in this town at least for a while.

" what do you want us to be? I mean I'm enjoying where we are headed and I'm enjoying hanging out with you but when you graduate then what?"

she shrugs

" I don't know really since I'm not sure what my plans are. I mean things have always just sort of been up in the air and since I have options I don't want to just settle on one thing"

I nod

" exactly so if we put a lable on this and then you decide to stay in this small town because of it you'll have regrets and that'll be my fault "

she sits back shaking her head

" I never really had plans on leaving town I mean yeah maybe college but this will always be my home I think"

he takes my hand squeezing it.

" you think. doll I've lived the college life I know what's out there and you haven't gotten to do that yet"

she looks at me head c****d sideways

" so being a w***e you mean?"

i groan I don't want to fight with him

" I don't mean that I just mean college will be s whole new world for you and I don't want to be the one holding you back. your bright and funny and I don't want you to feel like you're stuck just because we took a few risks"

she nods thinking I can literally see the wheels turning

" so all of this it's just fun? you didn't ever really mean it when you said you wanted to get to know me and see where it went because you don't think it's going anywhere."

I shake my head

" no I meant it when I said I wanted to get to know you. I just"

I groan.

" f**k I don't know Ashley I've got a lot riding on this and I can't seem to stay away from you but then again I don't want to be the person that holds you back"

she shakes her head

" okay but why can't I experience life with you by my side if that's where things go?"

I take her hands and look into her eyes

" I do hope that's where this goes but neither of us knows if that'll actually happen."

she stands up

" you are literally so confusing why won't you just let me make decisions for myself instead of worrying about what next year will hold? I mean you already know I plan on maybe teaching or maybe opening a bakery I don't have plans on leaving town other than college which plan on driving back and forth since I already have a job. but every time we start getting some what closer you pull away"

I put my head in my hands shaking my head

" I've been done this road the road of not living up to the woman in my life expectations so I don't want to do that again and I know you can do great things with your life I know you still want to live it and be free how does that make me the bad guy?"

she scoffs

" one because you keep comparing me to your ex and two because I was thinking of having s*x with you because I thought you were serious about this but it sounds like you are just looking for excuses not to be with me."

I don't know how to make her understand she's still young and can still have so much more fun with out me holding her down.

" I believe you want to have s*x yes. I believe that the chemistry between us is amazing yes. and I also believe I could really have a future with you but I don't see how it's fair for me to not let you be able to live your life because I'm a jealous man I won't be standing around while you go to college parties next year while I'm at work. it wouldn't work out because you'd resent me and then what?"

she has tears in her eyes and I know she doesn't understand.

" when you decide to actually let me make decisions for myself let me know and maybe just maybe we can talk but you keep acting like I'm already out going to massive parties. you keep acting like I had big plans to go to college far sesh and you'd be holding me back. I wasn't asking you to run off and marry me I was just asking if you thought we were actually going some where other than the bed room and I guess I always knew that that was what this was between us but I don't think I can be that girl"

I stand up taking her hand but she pulls it away

" you aren't ready for what I'm ready for. I need to let you be able to find out what you want in life. I need you to be able to be stupid and have fun without me waiting around for a phone call and being upset because I know exactly how college is."

" well then I guess this is good bye chase. I won't be just some fling for you. I won't be on a time line and then when I graduate you break up with me"

she turns to walk away

" Ashley wait"

she turns looking at me tears falling now and it breaks my heart

" are your ready for just being boring? are you ready for me coming home and doing work and then eating dinner and going to bed because that's what I do. I've been wild I've been free. you need to have your turn "

she nods

" thank you for a lovely weekend "

and with that I let her walk away again kicking myself once again but I know I'm right I know that she needs to still grow up some because I don't want to be a regret.

Ashley.

I couldn't believe it. I mean yeah I understand that college is different and I understand that there will be parties but it isn't like I'm doing that now. I guess it was best that we had this talk now than later down the road because I already know in my heart I could've loved him or maybe I already did because I was ready. ready for s*x. ready for both of us coming home from my classes or work and him coming home from work and us just talking on the phone until bed or later on down the road living together. I know he thinks I need to be free but I feel like once I'm out of high school not a lot will change in my social life. I like to stay busy. I like to have a drink every now and then and I like being with my friends but I don't think I'm going to be into first parties. who knows though I guess. but either way I'm going to push through this and just be happy he was honest before I have him everything.

but I do hate that I will have to see him every time I see Ellie and every day at school but that's just another small problem I'll get over in life.

.....

chase.

it was hard seeing her everyday the rest of the year and it was hard not begging her back but she looked happy on the outside. I saw her at a few dinners with Ellie and I few times when I picked up my dinner from the restaurant and we were always polite to each other. Dalton thought I was absolute stupid for making the choices I did but I know I did the right thing.

I watched her walk across that stage at graduation and I knew she was going to do great things.

Ashley.

it was harder than I thought it would be. but I still enjoyed my senior year. I kept my same routine and I graduated high school. Alex went off to college in Oklahoma and Zack went to play baseball for the college in the city it was a great start for him and he hoped to be picked up after s year or two by some one bigger.

me well I traveled the summer after highschool. I kept in contact with Ellie and her and Timmy were officially dating and happy. we didn't even really talk about chase because it was easier for me.

I'm cheering for the college football team now . go sharks. and I'm taking business major classes so I can open my own bakery. I love to bake and I really think it's what I want to do in life.

I did get a new job, one at a bar in the city since I could rush there after cheer practice and it was easier plus better tips.I got myself an apartment on the outside of town and I still have Sunday dinners at me aunt's house when she's home.

we were in late September of my first year of college and our first game will be this weekend.

I went to a party last weekend with another girl from the cheer squad her name is Hayley, she's a sweet girl and I guess you could say we're friends.

the party wasn't any different than the ones from high school, drunk people dancing and running off to hook up. I left soon after going after being asked twice by two different guys if I wanted to go find a room. I mean at least offer me a drink first.

I was behind the bar taking orders and serving drinks for most of the night, my feet hurt and I was just ready to go home and crash. thankfully it was the weekend so I could catch up on some sleep before doing my school work

" hey gorgeous."

I look up from wiping the bar off and see a handsome guy, he's in a suit blue eyes sandy blonde clean cut hair. at least he was attractive I guess. but he definitely looked out of place in his suit.

" what can I get you?"

he smiled his perfect white teeth showing

" whiskeys please"

I nod pouring his drink

" I'm assuming you get hit on alot or I'd say something cute in this moment"

I rolled my eyes I'd even heard that line before.

" here you go. oh and heads up the suit is out of place in this bar so be careful before you end up with a college girl you can't shake"

he laughed leaning against the bar

" thanks for the heads up. I wasn't planning on coming out tonight but my brother over there can't seem to stay out of trouble"

he nods his head towards a group of guys and girls. mostly the football team and I laugh

" yeah well hate to break it to you I'm not sure which one yours is but they are in here most nights"

he laughs

" trust me I know that's why I'm trying to get him to go back to his dorm before he messes up his senior season. claims he still shows up to practice but I don't see how "

I nod

" well I think theyve all been present this week if that helps"

he raises a brow at me

" cheerleader "

he smirks nodding

" then why aren't you over there clued to the football team"

I shrug

" not really my thing "

he throws back his whiskey setting it back down as he takes seat and I raise a brow

" another please. Ashley"

he says looking at my name tag.

so I pour him another then go to deal with the rest.

as I make my way back he's still there glass still full

" everything okay?"

he smiles up at me

" yeah I guess it's just I know your name but you don't know mine"

I laugh shaking my head

" okay what's name?"

" jake"

he sticks his hand out and I take it shaking it

" nice to meet you. which one is your brother?"

he looks over and they are starting to get rowdy he shakes his head

" unfortunately Bryan"

I nod

" senior quarterback yeah he's been at practice or their coach would've flipped".

he chuckles taking his shot

" well then I guess I'll let him be I have work in the morning but maybe I'll come around here more you know just to check in on him".

I shake my head at his smiling face

" you do that if you want"

he just nods his head and walks away when I looked down bes written his name and number on the napkin leaving a good tip.

I shake my head taking the tip and throwing the number away I'd never hear or see from him again.

Jake.

I'd came over here after leaving the office to check in on Bryan I know he's been doing more partying than school and mom and dad is pissed but I don't know what she wants me to do it isn't like he listens to me.

I did the college thing but never got into partying I guess but I also wasn't into sports dad was pushing me to finish so I could help him at his company. I can't complain it's a great job and in a few years I'm sure he will retire and let me run it. I think he wangs Bryan and I to run it together but I can't force him to take life seriously.

I didn't expect to meet Ashley, she beautiful in a simple way. she wasn't flirting with everyone she was just polite and dressed in jeans and a bar t shirt. all the other girls had cut theirs into vnecks or simple tied them up but Ashely just wore hers the way it was supposed to go. I guess that's what caught my eye. that and her beautiful eyes behind her glasses, the way she kept pushing them up I could tell she didn't wear them all the time or maybe they were new I don't know she didn't really give me much to go on. I was surprised to find out she was a cheerleader, she must be new because I definitely hadn't heard of Bryan sleeping with her and I don't think he will get the chance.

I left my number before heading out hoping she'd call. I didn't need to stay here and babysit she said he's going to practice and I'll report that back to the parents and let them do what they want to with the information.

chase.

I'd worked summer school and a football camp through summer keeping busy, I knew Ellie was in contact with Ashley still because whenever I was around she'd give updated that I really didn't want to hear. from what I'd last heard she'd started college, made the cheer team and started working at a bar. Ellie told me her apartment isn't that far outside of town so she can still see her aunt and make it back and forth to college apparently she moved out because wanted to be independent. Ellie had had sleep overs at Ashley's place and couple times and I know that they still look at each other as sisters considering Ellie told me she went with her school clothes shopping. I was happy that even though I'd f****d up my chances with her that she was at least happy and still in Ellies life

I didn't like the fact she was working at a bar in the city but she wasn't mine to have an opinion so I just kept my mouth shut, I'm sure she was living her best life.

me well I'd gone on a few dates that didn't go so well. either way to much trying on their part or I was constantly comparing them to her. Macy had showed up twice but I turned her away every time. I may not be with the girl I want but I am ball here coaching and teaching.