Reina of Hanneau (English)

HARD TO LET GO

The day of Mitsuei's departure finally came. 

Reina stands near the front door, clutching a tiny suitcase from Mitsuei's luggage. When she heard his footsteps outside her bedroom door, she swiftly followed behind him. She almost missed him leaving since she didn't notice the time.

Mitsuei was already standing at her door when she opened it. He did intend to bid her goodbye. 

She was glad when she saw him carrying two small pieces of luggage. It meant he would only be gone for a short time. But after seeing the carriage outside loaded with other luggage, she suddenly felt weak.

He did say that the duration is indefinite. Still, she cannot help but hope that he will be back right away. Days or weeks at most. 

However, seeing the number of belonging he is bringing crushed that certain hope of hers.

"I will be leaving then."

Reina snaps from her delusions and sees Mitsuei standing a few inches from her. He has the same melancholic smile on his face while he takes his bag off her grasps.

"Ah, yes," Reina responds with a reluctant smile.

She passes the suitcase to Mitsuei while biting her lower lip. She is desperate to prevent him from going. However, if she ever opposes his decision, she would be a hindrance. After all, before he married her, he had already sworn an oath.

"I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll make sure to write you letters. I trust Kayomi and the others will do their best to make this house feel like home even when I'm not around."

'No! Don't go.'

Reina badly wants to scream, not letting Mitsuei leave her side. Their family's side.

'I have to tell him. I want to tell him.'

She wants to inform him that Hanneau won't be much of a home without him. Aside from that, she's worried he won't be able to come back to them.

She heard that the chaos in the southern region is beyond repair. The people there are gradually killing each other because of their differences in belief. Half of the population wants to embrace the change, yet the remaining wanted the government to demolish the idea.

Mitsuei is about to turn his back when Reina gathers her courage to stop him. He stares back at her with a knot on his forehead. And Reina couldn't speak out. The only thing she sees is her fingers tugging on his sleeves.

"Is something the matter?" Mitsuei asks in hopes that Reina would oppose him from leaving.

Truth be told, he wishes for another storm to come. His desire to stay overrode his desire to fulfill his duties.

Reina, on the other hand, is overwhelmed by panic. She moved without giving it mu h thought. Now Mitsuei might think that she is a greedy and defiant wife.

She stumbles on her words, trying to come up with an answer to Mitsuei's inquiry. But words seem to have escaped her. 

Before she makes more mess of herself, she heard a soft cry from the distance.

Ritsu is awake.

"W--Won't you want to say goodbye to Ritsu and Kayomi?" Reina mutters with a half-smile, gradually letting go of the soft fabric of his clothes.

And just right in time to save her from humiliation, Kayomi walks with the crying Ritsu in her hands. 

"Are you leaving already, father?" Kayomi questions, still rubbing her eyes.

Mitsuei utters a sigh. He is disappointed as to how his conversation with Reina turned out. He knows that somewhere in her, she didn’t want to let him go. He can see it in her eyes. However, something must be stopping her. And he didn’t know what it is. 

“Yes, Kayomi. Make sure not to give Reina any troubles while I’m gone.” Mitsuei ruffles the little girl's hair before gently patting Ritsu on the head. “And the same goes for you little man.”

The baby coos like a pigeon while attempting to reach Mitsuei’s hand. Yet he failed. 

Mitsuei instantly takes his hands away from Ritsu, not wanting to make things more difficult for himself. He will lose all desire to depart once he embraces that boy in his arms.

Having no other choice, Mitsuei only smirks at his wife and children. The driver on the carriage has been waiting long, and if he stayed, he would be late for the designated meeting place. 

“Alright, then. I need to leave now. You all best take care, and I’ll make sure to write you letters. Or if there is some phone I could use, I’ll call you then.”

Reina manages to nod her head in response. She takes Ritsu from Kayomi while the little girl hugs her father. And she has been expecting he would do the same to her and Ritsu. But her thoughts didn’t happen.

Mitsuei only smiles at her as he caresses Ritsu’s small hands. And so, without any more words, he turns his back and walks towards the awaiting vehicle. 

Reina didn't have a choice but to say her goodbyes. She has a strong desire to yell at his slowly vanishing figure. But she was never able to do so. She lacks the confidence to act like a proper wife. She didn't know how to act in front of him.

Their relationship may have improved over time, but she didn’t know where she stood. 

But one thing is for sure, this is the start of the lonesome days for Reina. 

Bedtime comes on the same day, and Kayomi prepares for a good night's sleep. She notices Reina sitting in the outdoor hallway. She is looking intently at the dark, gloomy sky, seemingly lost in thought. 

It is rare for Ritsu to be asleep at this hour, so she thought Reina took advantage of it and jumped to bed already. Yet, here she is right now. Quiet and looking troubled. 

Kayomi heaves a deep breath. She most likely has an idea why her mother is acting like that. 

“Aren’t you going to bed yet, Reina?” Kayomi asks.

Reina jolts on her seat as she instantly swings around to look at Kayomi. 

“I am sorry. Did I wake you?” Reina mutters, looking genuinely apologetic. 

“I am getting ready for bed. But I saw you here as I walk by, so I figured you might need someone to talk to.”

Kayomi walks towards Reina, sitting a few inches away from her. She looks at the sky and sees the moon shining brightly. No wonder Reina got lost looking at the heavens. The sky is mesmerizing enough to capture anyone’s interest. 

“The house suddenly feels empty, doesn’t it?” Kayomi ponders, still gazing at the wide sheet-like sky. 

Reina lowers her head as she bites her lower lip. It does feel empty. Lonesome, too.

But Reina can’t voice out her troubles. She doesn’t want to sound selfish and demanding. After all, Mitsuei is doing this for the sake of the country and the empire. It will also benefit everyone, especially the people living in those areas. 

“I think we can manage with everyone’s help,” Reina casually replies. 

Kayomi, on the other hand, is not convinced. Reina's hesitation is visible in her eyes. She must be terrified and worried at the same time.

“Perhaps you need to sleep, Reina. You look like you badly needed the rest. And I didn’t want father to see you in your worst health when he returns.”

Reina looks away, giggling. She poorly showed that smile just now. It was obviously forced and unnatural. 

“The moon is just captivating I couldn’t take my eyes away. Have you not approached me, I would have not noticed the time,” Reina justifies. 

Kayomi purses her lips. Reina still couldn’t lie. 

Not maintaining eye contact. 

Biting her lips. 

Playing with her fingernails.

All are her habits when she is trying hard to hide something.

“If you say so.” Kayomi murmurs, still dubious. “I will go to my bedroom now.” 

“Have a goodnight, Kayomi. And sweet dreams,” Reina stares back at Kayomi with a slight grin. 

Kayomi nods her head before wishing Reina the same thing. However, before leaving Reina alone outdoors, she turns around once more. 

“Hey, Reina.”

“Hmm?”

“If you ever need to talk, I am here. Okay?”

Reina shows a bona fide smile at Kayomi for the first time today. 

“That is sweet of you. Of course, I will remember that.”

Kayomi immediately left for her room as soon as she made sure Reina was fine alone. And now she Reina is by herself, she begins drowning in her thoughts again. 

It's the first time Mitsuei has left the house to her since she's been in Hanneau. She isn't frightened that she couldn't handle their home and children, but she is anxious about the lodge.

She only worked briefly before giving birth, so she has no idea how to run it. So what if they encounter any problems while Mitsuei is away? She couldn’t handle that, considering she has little knowledge of the business. 

And that mere thought is enough to feel little of herself.

She must also keep an eye out for the children. Their health, food, and safety are all at risk. She hadn't given it much attention before because everything was prepared at the inn. However, now that I think about it, those should be her parental responsibilities.

She is convinced that Kiyoko and the other lodge workers will not abandon them if they ever require assistance. But she must demonstrate to people that she is capable of doing things on her own. Also, not to rely solely on others.

Yet, with all those thoughts in her mind, she is only truly concerned about one thing. 

Mitsuei’s return. 

Her mother had told her stories about peace discussions that didn't quite work out. Hundreds of people are still unable to accept outsiders' presence in their territories. And the government's efforts, along with those of some residents, went unrecognized.

And since civil war is breaking on that region, it only means more nightmares for Mitsuei. 

But the worse thing she didn’t want to think, is Mitsuei not returning to their home. 

After all, he will be walking on a war with an intent to stop it. 

She only prays that her husband will return to her safe and sound. 

‘Ahhh… I wish I had done better on stopping him.’