Never in a Million Years

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

James set about to unbox the new flat screen TV. Damn, he hated taking help from others, especially strangers. Kenji, must be Japanese or Chinese. He never could tell any of those people apart. He got the mounting on the wall, but the TV was too big for him to handle.

“Damn.”

He’d wanted a large TV for a long time and waited until he got his new place. “Damn.” He walked next door with slow steps, as though going to his own execution. He knocked.

Kenji opened the door. He clearly had been sleeping and wore just a pair of red sexy briefs. He should be more conservative answering the door.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, obviously I woke you, but I need help getting the TV on the wall.” He scrubbed his face with his hand and stole a quick look downward. “I’m sorry to ask, but—”

“Hey, James, no prob. I fell asleep in front of the TV. I wasn’t in bed, far too early for that. I just had a long day, but no prob, I’m happy to help.” Kenji looked down at himself. “Sorry, I forgot what I was wearing, or not wearing.” He giggled. He didn’t laugh. He giggled, almost like a girl. It annoyed James. The guy had to be gay. Only gays giggle.

Kenji said, “I’ll throw some sweats on and be right with you. Can you wait? Not sure I remember where you live.” He giggled again.

Stupid sense of humor. I wouldn’t date him in a million years.

“Sure, again, sorry to bother you, uh—”

“Kenji. I’m Kenji. Fourth-generation Japanese, but I speak it. No prob, James. That’s what neighbors are for.” Kenji hustled off.

When he came back, James asked, “You have your keys, right?”

Kenji patted his sweats. “Damn. No, thanks. You’re wise.” He got them and locked his door.

It took a while for the two of them to mount the TV. When it was over, James sighed.

“Crap, no way I could have gotten that up by myself. And the guy at the store said it would be easy.” He shook Kenji’s hand. “Sorry to bother you, but thanks for the help.”

Kenji left.

James sat on his new couch. He hated asking for help. He thought of Kenji.

Crap, what a stupid sense of humor, asking if I can wait because he might not recall where I live. And he almost locked himself out of his place. Good thing I asked about his keys. And the man has two earrings. Not just one, but two, and he keeps his hair in a ponytail. That’s for college kids.

He spent two more hours straightening up, putting things away, and vacuuming before collapsing into bed.

The next morning, James rose at four and rushed off to the fitness center. He did cardio and lifted weights before hitting a hot shower. Back at home, he made a four-egg omelet along with homemade hash browns. He hated the frozen kinds. He fresh-squeezed orange juice and made one cup of coffee.

He made it to work by eight and checked emails.

The congressman came in. “James, come into my office, please.” Solomon Francis Berttini was a first-term representative who was an idealist, wanting to please everyone. “Did you know the man we fired last month was a homosexual?”

James shook his head. “No, no idea. Was he? Why are you asking? It was a clean termination. Very legal.”

Sol sighed. “I got a call from someone in the news media wanting to know why we fired a gay man. Crap. I can’t have anyone saying this office discriminates. We don’t.”

Things like this were right up James’ alley, one reason he was hired as an advisor. He put out fires. “Sol, don’t worry. No problems here, okay? It was a clean termination. He was violating security and got caught. We warned him, and he kept it up. It’ll stand up in a labor court.”

Sol sighed again. “I hate to ask you, but would you meet with the press, do a press conference, and say all that and, well, I hate to ask, could you come out and say you’re gay? I hate to ask, I know you don’t like to broadcast that.”

It was James’ turn to sigh. “And, of course, if I do come out, it should put a close to this termination issue.” Sol nodded. “Sure. A lot of people know I’m gay, but I don’t like to flaunt it.”

“Thank you, James. I appreciate it. If I make president someday, I’m appoint you to a sweet position.” He smiled and laughed.

“Sol, don’t say things like that. I know you’re joking, but things like that are what come back to bite you on the ass, maybe in twenty years, maybe when you’re running for president. Hey, it could happen.”

“Crap. I hate the system we live in, but I think you’re right.”

“Sorry to rain on your parade. I’ll do the press conference today.”

“Thanks again. Seriously, I value your contributions to this office.”

* * * *

At seven P.M. that same day, James dressed in casual but upscale attire and gave himself a splash of his favorite cologne. Then he headed to the upscale restaurant, A Taste of Italy, that sat atop the bank building in downtown San Jose. From there, you could see to the south and west. Sunsets were awesome.

He waited in the lounge area and had a rum and coke drink, limiting himself to one, so he nursed it. He checked his watch. The man from the dating site he was supposed to meet was over thirty minutes late.

“Screw it. I’m here. Might as well have dinner.”

Two others scanned him with looks of wonder as to why he was talking to himself.

He went to his table and was barely sitting when the date arrived.

“Hey there, I hope there’s no prob I was a few minutes late.” The man smiled and offered his hand. James didn’t take it.

James stood. “Few minutes? More like forty. You could have called.” He scanned the man up and down. “You barely resemble your photograph. What is it, ten years old? And you’re at least fifty pounds heavier than you claimed.”

The man shuffled and gripped his own hands. “Well, you know, it’s the Internet. No one tells the truth.”

“I do.” He stared the man down with unblinking eye contact.

The man turned and walked out.

A server arrived. “What may I bring you, sir?”

“Rum and coke. Better make it two, and I’ll have the seafood lasagna, green salad with French dressing.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you.”

James ate, had a total of six rum and cokes, ate, and left. Not the first time he drove with too much booze in his system.

When he got home, he cursed because the garage door wouldn’t open despite constant pressing of the remote control’s button.

His neighbor walked up, what was his name? Began with a K.

“Hey, what’s up? Prob?”

Why can’t he speak regular English?

“No, no prob, but I do have a problem. Damned garage door won’t open, and the place is brand-new.”

The neighbor took the remote control, turned it around, pressed the button once, and the door opened. He said, “You smell like you’ve had far too much to drink to drive. I personally find that offensive. Americans have killed and maimed too many people over the last hundred years due to drunk driving. If I ever see you driving intoxicated, I’ll call the police or put you under citizen’s arrest. In fact, I might do that right now.”

James waved him off, drove into the garage, and closed the door. “f*****g punk. And that f*****g lying bastard. That’s the third time a dating site hookup failed. And I paid for the high-priced outfit. f**k!”