Never in a Million Years

Chapter 1 Kenji carried the last box into his brand-new condo and flopped on the couch. He was beyond tired, but happy. His first place, and he bought it all on his own. He hoped to pay off the mortgage early. He was frugal overall, and his old but reliable car had plenty left in it. He said goodbye to his three co-workers who helped him move. Mike, Robby, and Jim were all reliable guys. He shook their hands. “Thanks so much, guys. I owe you.” Jim, a perennial wise-ass, pulled Kenji close. “If you ever decide to go straight, my sister has a serious crush on you. She loves Japanese dudes.” “Thanks, Jim, I’ll keep her in mind. Is she rich?” They laughed. The guys left. Kenji drove the rental truck back and brought his car to his new home. He’d have to have a party to celebrate. Besides, his thirtieth birthday was weeks away. He parked in his garage, barely able to get the car in, but the condo association had rules that you had to park inside. There was another truck there with people unloading. An elderly couple, at least in their seventies, maybe eighties, seemed to argue. Kenji moved closer. The woman said, “I told you we needed more people for this frigging move.” “I’m sorry, dear. You’re right. I screwed up.” He scrunched his face. “You were being cheap. You just didn’t want to pay them.” The man shook his head and tried to pick up a box on the sidewalk, but couldn’t, in part because of the cane. Kenji rushed over. “Hey, looks like you can use some help, eh?” He squatted and easily lifted the box. “Where we going?” The woman, with better mobility, showed him. He helped finish unloading the truck, tired as he was, but he showed none of it. Their place was only two units from his in the same building. The small complex had four buildings. It took over an hour, but the job was done. The man and woman went to Kenji. She said, “We can’t thank you enough.” She poked her husband. “Pay him.” The man took out his wallet, but Kenji waved it off. “We’re neighbors. No big deal. I don’t mind helping. That’s why God made neighbors, right?” He held his hand out. “I’m Kenji. I just moved in today, too. I love these places. They look awesome. Mine has two master bedrooms.” The man said, “Oh, we must have the same floor plan. I’m Lew, and this is my wife, Dotty. We are so grateful for the help. We should have had more people here.” Kenji took out his wallet and handed his card over. “If you need anything, call. My new home landline is there along with my cell. Do you have family around? Are you newlyweds? From this planet?” He grinned. Dotty laughed and said, “We are from this planet. Yes, we’re newlyweds, just got married fifty-two years ago. We have a good bit of family about town, but they’re all so busy.” She brushed his cheek. “You look so young. Are you old enough to vote?” Kenji smiled and tipped his invisible hat. “Yes, ma’am, I’m about to turn thirty.” She smiled. “Oh, may I ask if you’re dating anyone? We have a granddaughter your age, and she always picks losers.” He said, “Sorry, I’m gay and not dating anyone.” She slapped her hands together as though trying to rub something off and screamed, “Lew, we need to go inside and wash. We have queer germs on us.” Then she pulled Kenji close and kissed his cheek. “We have a gay grandson, and he’s so sexy, too. He’s been with his husband almost five years. I hope no one ever bothers you, and I wish you well.” “Thank you. I appreciate it.” He was going inside when he spied another new neighbor, a tall man, struggling with an oversized box. He rushed over. “Can I help?” He didn’t wait for a response and grabbed the box. “Yes, thank you.” They took it into the unit immediately next to Kenji’s. At least he was getting to meet neighbors quickly. He was always a happy sort and enjoyed people. They set the box down in the living room. Kenji checked the guy out and decided he’d look sexier in tighter pants. He had a close-trimmed beard and mustache, very neatly done, and a short haircut. He seemed a bit of a tight ass, though. He was a bit over six feet tall and maybe one hundred eighty pounds, the type that enticed Kenji. The man stood stiff and said, “Thank you very much. I appreciate the help. He took out his wallet. “May I offer you something for your trouble?” Kenji spied the naked wedding ring on his left hand. “Geesh, no, dude. It took sixty seconds to bring the thing in, and we’re neighbors now, right? You own this place? That’s why God made neighbors, to help. I’m Kenji.” He reached out with his hand. The man gave a firm shake. “Uh, may I ask your name?” “I’m James. James Garatino. Not Jim or Jimmy. My name is James.” If the guy turns out to be gay, I wouldn’t date him. Not in a million years. “Oh, okay, I’ll try to remember that. If I mess up, just let me know. My brother’s name is James, and we all call him Jim.” He turned on his heels and headed to his place.