Make me fall in love

Seeking advice from Nonna

*Day 8 passed without any interaction between them as Jennifer was angry with Richard.*

**Day 9**

Richard's POV

I have the feeling that Jennifer might be mad at me? Sunday didn't end well, she left all day Monday. She left early in the morning for school, she didn't talk to me the whole day, she avoided me and when we finally left school, she didn't come home until 2am, I waited up all night just to know if she'd come home or not... and if she'd come alone or with someone. She came alone but she didn't come into my room or text me to go to hers. I didn't want her to do neither of those things. I think she was drunk anyways.

I should have done something, I should have told Ben not to get involved, the least I could have done was to say something but I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say, I am confused, defending the 'relationship' Jennifer and I have seemed a little bit too much. I should have said something, I should've but what can I say? Anything I could've said would've been a lie, I could've told Ben that this is serious which is a lie, I could've told him that I'm not planning on breaking up with Jennifer which is also a lie, I could've said so many things but all lies. I felt like s**t afterwards, she always stood up for me, she didn't have to but she still did, she always made me feel like Iam with her, I wasn't just one of her other guys, I am the one she is with and she didn't allow anyone to say s**t to me without her telling them off. She made me feel special. Jennifer Artadi Giamatti made me feel special. And I couldn't even tell Ben to stop commenting on how weird our relationship is.

Honestly, I understand why Jennifer is mad at me, I'd be mad at me too.

And then... I heard her little chat with ben. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do with the information I have. Does Jennifer like me? Does Jennifer feel anything for me? Did she always like me? It is so confusing and it has given me these strange feelings that I don't quite understand.

I want to break things off with her. I might have wanted to win this bet at first but now? Now I'm not so sure, I don't understand any of this but I do know that I don't want to hurt Jennifer. Not now anyways. I had no idea what to do, so I went for advice. I couldn't ask Ben because I'd be putting him in a uncomfortable position and I think it's pretty clear he doesn't want this to happen, so I went to the wiser person I know, my Nanny.

Right after school, I head towards her little house at the Italian neighbourhood. College was quite boring, I went through my classes with no sign of Jennifer today either, she didn't even show up at the cafeteria for lunch, I am still confused so I didn't text Jennifer and she didn't text me.

My Grandmother Cecilia always keeps a key under the rug for when we come visit her. Opening the front door I can already smell the seasoning and... meatballs?

"Nonna?" I call out in Italian, my grandmother understands and speaks English but she'd rather speak Italian, "It's me, Richard."

"I'm in the kitchen!" My grandma shouts in Italian, "How are you, darling?"

"I'm okay..." I sigh, she turns to me with a wood spoon with some tomato salsa in it.

"What's wrong, my mama said people sigh when in love, are you still with that British girl?" My grandma asked me, she knows and even met Hannah. "Set the table, I think I made more than enough for two! We can talk then."

"Alright." I set the table for two, she made rice with meatballs and a lot of tomato salsa, simple. We sat down and began eating, grandma was telling me about my parents and how they were doing, she knew better than to talk about Frederick though, Frederick is my brother. My grandma was the only one who stood by me when the whole problem with Frederick happened.

"Your mama wants to talk to you." Grandma said once again.

"Is she willing to apologise for going to court and lie for Frederick? For defending him when he had no defence? I don't think she is, grandma and until they are both ready to accept that they did wrong to me and Hannah, I will not accept to see them. I'm sorry but I just can't." I told her trying to shake the tears away.

"Hannah.." My grandma sighed, "Is she still the one for you?"

"I don't know." I answer honestly. "There's this person, this girl... She used to be different with me but then something happened and now she makes me feel some things that I don't understand, I didn't even think for a second that she could ever feel anything , let alone feel something for me. But then, I heard a conversation and I'm not sure how to feel about what I've heard, grandma, I'm scared of all these feelings because they're so different and so strong... I've been trying to ignore them and I keep telling myself that it's normal but I don't know anymore, I'm so confused. She's so nice to me, so different to how she used to be and she's been proving me that she can in fact be with me. I swore I wouldn't fall for her but now... I don't know what this is, I don't know if I'm falling, if I'm doubting myself or if I just miss Hannah. Add to that, Hannah's coming back next month and I'm confused . I feel so guilty for feeling like this while she's being punished for protecting me, I'm so confused, I don't know what to do Nonna, please help me?"

I sure did needed to vent out, I couldn't do it with Ben or my friends. My grandma on the other hand, she always knew what to do and she'd help me, she always has something to say.

"Oh, my little boy." My grandma sighed, she stayed quiet for a moment while I looked at her like she had all the answers in the world and I'm pretty sure she does. " Hannah was your first love, she taught you love, she helped you in a moment of need when not even your parents stood by you, she defended you from your own brother and she gave you a safe place, she protected you and in a way she saved you. Now she's away and you feel guilty because while she's there, you're here feeling something for someone other than her. First of all my love, you shouldn't feel guilty for falling in love, that isn't something you can control, maybe you're not even falling in love ,maybe you're confused and that's all. But if you are falling in love with this girl, you can't really do much about it, can you? You can't be with Hannah if you don't love her just because you think you owe her something. Darling, you're 22 years old, you can't expect things to stay the same for the rest of your life. Some times it just isn't meant to be and you have to let go of things so new and better times could come into your life. Some people are lucky and they fall once in their life but others are even luckier to fall more than just once. I had a boyfriend before your grandfather you know, Tevez, he was so handsome! Oh such a gentleman he was... I wanted to marry him, I was so in love with him but he left. It hurt at first, dear, I was so dramatic back then, I thought it was going to be the end of me... But then things got a little better and then I met your grandfather Guerrero and I knew a better love, a deeper and purer love. What I felt with Tevez was love but what I felt with Guerrero? it was different. With him, I found real love, the one that last forever. If it's meant to be ,it will be. Maybe it is time to let go of some old things to move onto new things."

I frown, "What if it doesn't work out with this girl?" I ask her, "What if my meant to be is Hannah?"

"If it doesn't work out, you move on. That's what we do, we live and enjoy it and when it ends, you move on, you remember the joy you felt and you move on. It's hard but that's what we do and the sooner you learn that, the better it will get for you. Hannah was a big part of you life, but perhaps that was all she was meant to be, a chapter in your life not in the whole book. Or maybe she is the whole book and maybe you will move pass this and you will be back with her but before you decide what to do, think to yourself, are you with Hannah because of what she did for you, because you think you owe her or because you truly feel that forever love?" It took be a minute and a half to come up with an answer, an answer that I still didn't like. I shrugged.

"Think about that, love, don't settle with someone just because you think you owe them for what she did for you. If you do stay with her because of the past, you will make both of you miserable living a lie. It won't be fair to neither of you, neither of you will have the chance to move on, instead you'll be stuck in place too afraid to move and see other things and by the time you realise you can't do it anymore or she does, it'll be too late and you won't know how to move. Because no matter how hard it is to believe, sometimes when we stay still for a long time, we get used to the stillness, we get used to it and when we need to start moving, we come to see that we've forgotten how to walk."

"Nonna that's not—"

"My darling you've been here for almost two hours and for the little chat we've just had I can already tell you feel guilty for thinking about someone else who isn't Hannah" My grandma interrupted me.

"I don't know what to do, Nonna." I sigh, shaking my head.

"Do you love Hannah?" She ask me, the question surprises me but I find myself thinking about her question, a year ago I would have answered straight away 'Yes, I love Hannah there would have been no doubt... but now? I know it isn't because of Jennifer  , even before that I was having this doubts but I always preferred to just. push them away.

I loved Hannah because she was my first love but in a year a lot of things changed. At first we spoke everyday and suddenly it felt forced, it felt weird to ask her about her day or for her to ask me about my day when we both knew it was pointless because we were asking just to be polite, just to make conversation so it didn't feel like we were missing out, so we didn't let time push us apart but time has drove us apart, last time I spoke with Julieta was about a month ago and before that it was two months and when we did spoke it was just her telling me she was coming back that was it. I remember feeling this heavy pressure on my chest when she said those words 'I'm coming out in two months, we can try again in two months.' she said and it was the first time in a year that I heard excitement in her voice, it was the first time in a year she was looking forward to something, she was happy and I couldn't ruin it because she's where she is because of me, because she was trying to protect me from my own brother.

"I—Oh Nonna, I have a lot of love for her but I don't know if I'm in love with her. I don't want to be the reason why she's miserable either." I sigh again.

"Well do you know what you feel for this other lady?" My grandma smiled, a knowing smile and I couldn't help but blush and try to hide a smile, my grandma stood up and brought a magazine with her, she put the magazine in front of my plate opened at the middle page, there was a big headline that said 'It looks like Love is in the air for Jennifer Artadi Giamatti' there was a picture of me and her, a full page with pictures of us when we were at the carnival, when she got tired of walking and I offered to carry her piggy-back style, we looked happy? I looked like I was laughing and so was Jennifer, I remember she said something about not believing I was actually carrying her and made a dumb joke that I found funny. There were a lot  of other pictures of that same day, a few more of us at the park and a few others of us with Kevin.

"Margarita came the other day screaming that my grandson was famous and popular, she handed me the magazine. I hadn't see you this happy in long time. Look at that beautiful smile, you look like me."

I smiled at the magazine. Jennifer was probably used to being on magazines. Her family was always in the entertainment business since her mother is a famous supermodel and Jennifer has quite a lot of famous 'friends', her life has always been on magazines, always about her partying, about her doing this and that. She doesn't read magazines and neither do I, so I doubt she has read this. It said a lot of things about us, including the fact that we left school early.

"I'm going to be completely honest, I hated her." I laughed as I close the magazine not interested in reading what it said, "Argh, she knew exactly how to push all my buttons, I couldn't stand her and most of the time I wanted to wrap my hands around her neck but at the same time, after what happened with Frederick ,my parents and Hannah. Jennifer is the only person who made me think about something other than what happened, even if it was to argue, she made me laugh with her stupid face expressions and her stupid comments. And even when we said things to each other that were supposed to be insulting, I don't think we ever meant to actually insult the other, to truly hurt the other. I thought I knew Jennifer, I thought she was what she showed and that made me angry because no matter how much I tried to deny it... I liked Jennifer from the day I met her. But then, this last two weeks with her, she's showing me someone I didn't know, she's showing me the Jennifer she is with the people she trust, when she doesn't have to pretend and I find myself so intrigued by her, I want to know more and more. I'm not in love with Jennifer, I know that but— I think, well I don't think, I know that Jennifer has the potential to make me fall for her and that scares me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not sure if I'm ready to feel something for someone who isn't Hannah? I don't know? Maybe because my life was a f*****g hell before I met Hannah because Frederick was violent person and on top of that a d**g addict who when was high would beat me senseless, for no reason at all. And nobody believed me, my parents didn't believe Frederick could do such thing and I was alone. But then Hannah came and she saw Frederick for what he was, she believed me and she stood with me. It was my fault that she got into that fight with him and my own parents decided to get her arrested for defending me. Because she did what they couldn't do . Even when my parents believed me, they still decided to stand with him, they took away the one person who stood with me, the one person who took care of me, she protected me and look where that got her, three  years in prison and what am I doing? I'm thinking about leaving her. When she will need me the most. How can I not feel guilty?"

"Richard, you didn't intentionally fall out of love." My grandma shakes her head but it doesn't matter what she says, I'm still going to feel guilty at the end of the day. "Who knows, maybe when Hannah comes out, you will fall in love with her again, maybe she will fall in love with you too. All over again."

"Can that actually happen?" I ask her with a hope.

"Of course." She smiles at me sweetly, "How many times do you think I fell in love with your grandfather? Everyday a little more, for 35 years."

I smiled and was about to say something to her when the front door opened and I heard the one voice I never wanted to hear again: