A Shade of Midnight

TWENTY-FOUR

"I took that chance to visit you, to check on you after I saw you were o badly wounded after the first trial. The bargain I made with you...it was a way for me to keep you alive. But part of it would always be to taunt Maxim, to get back at him, and to make him angry enough against Meredith. But mostly I was angry at him for having you. When we made that bargain, I couldn't forget the hatred in your eyes and I knew I did well in pretending.

"It pained me that you look at me that way. But I endured it. I made you dress like that so Meredith won't suspect, and made you drink the wine so you would not remember the nightly horror in that throne room. And that last night, when I found you and Maxim in the hall...I was jealous. I was jealous of him and pissed off at the same time that he used that one chance to f**k you and not to get you out of that hell. Meredith saw that jealousy in me. She saw me kissing you to hide that evidence but she saw why. She knew how I felt for you and she punished me that night. I had to service her. She kept me there longer than usual, trying to make me spill everything. But I gave her what she wanted to hear: that you were nothing. A garbage that I'd use and discard. 

"Afterward, I wanted to see you. One last time. Alone. So I sat in your prison cell and you were looking at me. For a sliver of a moment, I could have sworn you have seen through me and I thought about telling you everything. But you hated me so much and you have believed me to be this hateful monster. So I didn't tell you. 

"When your final trial came, and...when she started torturing you, I didn't care about the bombs strapped in the bodies of the people in the throne room. The whole world could explode for all I care. I didn't care. Something snapped in me. Seeing you bleeding and screaming undid me. It broke me. When I picked up that knife, I knew what you were to me. But you were in love with another man and it was hard watching you destroy yourself to save him. I didn't care about that. Noong panahong iyon naisip ko, kung mamamatay ka, mamamatay din ako. 

"But then she pierced that knife to you." 

Tears rolled down his face. 

"I thought you were going to die," he whispered. 

"That this beautiful, wonderful woman...was gone. But I saw you stood and I saw how driven you were when you drove that knife to her skull. And I watched as Maxim cradled you. I watched as he kissed you. And I stayed to make sure everything is fine. Azrael and Bryen was wondering why we weren't going home yet but they didn't ask any questions. 

"And when we talked in the veranda that day, I almost told you then, but...you were so sad, so tired. And for once, you looked at me...like I was worthy of something. The hatred was gone in your eyes. So I promised myself that the next time I saw you, I'd free you of the bargain. And just thinking about leaving...leaving you with Maxim, pained me that I was so tempted to take you with me but then I knew you would hate me forever if I did that.

"So I went to Varsis. For three months, I tried to convince myself that you were better off without me. I tried to convince myself that I should forget about you and that if you were happy with Maxim, then I shall learn to live with it. But I was selfish. I wanted to know how you were doing. Miranda is one of Maxim's handmaidens I had saved. She wanted to repay me and I told her to watch over you. To take care of you." 

I looked at him and he nodded, confirming my question. 

"She was the one who was telling me about how you were. She was the one who told me about the wedding before the news broke out in the whole of Sandovia. And I figured I should let you be happy because you deserved it. 

"The day of your wedding, I'd planned to get drunk with Bryen, who had no idea why. But then hours before the ceremony, Miranda had called me that you seem restless. That you haven't been getting enough sleep. She was panicking. Miranda cares for you and she knew something's wrong. So without any question, I went to the South Court. I interrupted your wedding and I barely remembered who I was supposed to be. What part I was supposed to play. Then I saw you in your hideous wedding dress, like a present for Maxim. You were too thin, so pale--and I wanted to kill Maxim for it. I saw the panic in your face. Not panic for me, but for the wedding that almost happened. And I knew that I had to get you out of there. I had to call in that bargain I wasn't planning on calling but it was the only way for me to save you. To see if you were all right."

Raven looked up at me. "It killed me, Delta, to send you back to that damned house. To his arms. To see you waste away, month by month. It killed me to know that he was sharing your bed. Because I knew...I knew that I was in love with you that moment I saw you in that alleyway. I realized I was in love with you when you called me right when I was about to walk away. 

"When you finally came here...I decided I wouldn't tell you any of it. Because I was scared, Delta. I was scared that you felt nothing for me, and that...you might feel something similar, and if I let myself love you, you would be taken from me. The way my family and friends were. So I didn't tell you. I watched as I faded away. Until that day when I received a call from Miranda saying that he'd lock you up. I was too far away. And I was lucky that Bryen and Aliana were on the border of the South Court and I immediately sent them to get you. 

"I watched you sleep and I couldn't stop thinking how he locked you up. I knew Maxim would wage war on my lands the moment he discovered you were gone and I was ready to face that battle if only to protect you. You had been through so much and I couldn't let him treat you like that when I was so ready to let you go and forget about my feelings just for you to be happy. I couldn't stop being around you, and loving you, and wanting you. Even as I convince myself to stop, I can't. I still can't stay away from you." 

He leaned back on his seat, losing a long breath. 

The soup was boiling and I ladled it into a bowl. He watched every step I took to the table, the steaming bowl in my hands. 

I stopped in front of him, staring down. 

Then I said, "You love me?" 

Raven nodded. And I wondered that perhaps love was too weak. A weak word to describe what he felt, what he'd done for me. And what I felt for him. 

Inilagay ko ang plato sa harapan niya. 

"Then eat." 

*** 

Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya habang kumakain siya. His eyes darted between me and the soup he was eating. Nang matapos siya ay tumingin siya sa gawi ko. 

"Aren't you going to say something?" he asked at last. 

"I was going to tell what I had decided the moment I saw you on the threshold." 

Raven shifted on his seat to face me. "And...now?" 

Hindi ko tinanggal ang mata ko sa kanya habang naglalakad ako sa direksyon niya. Aware of every breath, every movement, I sat in his lap. his hands braced on my hips and I studied his face. 

"And now I want you to know, Raven, that I love you. I want you to know..." I saw his lips tremble, and I brushed away the tear that escaped down his cheek. "I want you to know," I whispered, "that I was broken and now healing, but every piece of my heart belongs to you." 

Naramdaman ko ang mga braso niyang yumakap sa akin. He rested his forehead to my shoulder, his body shaking. I stroke hand through his silken hair. 

"I love you," I said again. "At kung mangyayari ulit anf nangyari noon, I would do it all again. I would endure it all over again if it means I could find you, I could see you, I could love you. And when this war comes, we'll face it. Together. Hindi ko sila hahayaang kunin nila ako sa iyo. At hindi rin ako papayag na kunin ka nila sa akin." 

Raven looked up, his face gleaming with tears. And I leaned in to kiss him. I felt him go utterly still. I kissed away one tear. Then the other. As he had once kissed away mine. And then I pulled back enough to see his eyes. 

"You're mine, Raven," I breathed. 

His body shuddered with what might have been a sob, but his lips captured mine. 

His kiss was gentle--soft. I slid my arms around his shoulders, opening my mouth to him, and his tongue slipped in, caressing my own. Mine. 

I felt him harden against me and the feeling of it made me groan in his mouth. 

And that sound snapped whatever leash he put on himself, and before I could do something else, Raven scooped me up in a swift and smooth movement before he laid me flat on the table--removing the plates and cutleries. We didn't care as the plates broke on the floor. All I cared about was his violet gaze as he looked at me as if I was the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. 

Then he leaned again and found my lips. He deepened the kiss and I wrapped my legs around his back, hooking him closer, feeling his hardness on me. He pulled away from the kiss only to drag his lips and tongue down my skin as his hands slid under my sweater and went up to cup my breasts. I shivered with his touch and I arched my back. With one swift motion, he peeled away my sweater. 

Raven pulled back far enough to survey me, my body naked from the waist up. My hair was still wet and all I could see was his face, his mouth, as it lowered to my breast and sucked, his tongue flicking against my n****e. 

I plunged my fingers into his hair, and he braced a hand beside my head, knocking the pot to the floor. He let out a low laugh that skittered along my bones. I watched, breathless, as his hand massaged my breast, tracing lazy circles on my n*****s. And then I let out a shuddering breath as his finger went down, and down until it reached the apex of my thighs. 

I groaned, a wordless order to stop teasing and he laughed again, his mouth finding my other breast. Then he ground his hips against me, teasing--teasing me so horribly that I had to touch him. I need to touch him, had to feel more of him. 

Hinawakan ko ang damit niya at hinubad iyon. I marveled at his body, his beautiful tattooed body. He must have seen the look on my face that his mouth crashed again into mine. His bare skin was warm against my own. Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa bewang ko at agad din iyong napunta sa paa ko habang tinatanggal niya ang suot kong medyas at ang suot kong leggings. 

Raven pulled back again, and I let out a bark of protest. But it was soon replaced with a gasp as he gripped my things and yanked me to the edge of the table. He hooked my legs over his shoulders to rest on either side and knelt before me. 

Knelt in front of me. The strongest High Lord of Sandovia--the one who would bow for no one and nothing--but me. He would bow for me. 

And the first lick of Raven's tongue set me on fire. I heard him moan in approval at my moan, my taste, and unleashed himself on me entirely. 

His hand pinned my hips on the table and he worked me in great sweeping strokes. At nang maramdaman ko ang dila niyang pumasok sa loob ko, agad akong napahawak sa gilid ng mesa na para bang nakasasalalay doon ang buhay ko. 

He licked and kissed his way to the apex of my thighs. At naramdaman ko ang daliri niyang pumalit kung saan galing ang dila niya kanina. He pumped inside me as he sucked, his teeth scraping ever so slightly--

I bowed off the table as my climax shattered through me, splintering my consciousness into a million pieces. Ngunit nagpatuloy siya sa ginagawa niya. He kept licking me, fingers still moving. 

"Raven," I rasped. 

I want him. I want him now. 

Ngunit nanatili siyang nakaluhod doon. He kept on feasting on me, his hand still pinning me on the table. 

And when I was so close to reaching my climax again, I was sobbing, I was trembling, limp with pleasure--Raven rose from the floor. He looked me over, naked, sweating, and I could see how he licked his lower lip, to the taste of me lingering on his mouth. He gave me a slow, satisfied smile. 

"You're mine," he said and carried me into his arms. 

I wanted the wall. I want him to just take me against the wall, but he carried me into the room and set me down the bed with heartbreaking gentleness. 

Naked, I watched as he unbuttoned his pants, his eyes never leaving mine. And then his length sprang free. My mouth went dry at the sight of him and I wanted every glorious inch of him in me.

Hindi siya nagsalita at agad siyang sumampa sa kama. His mouth find mine and my hands went down to touch ngunit agad niya akong napigilan. He pinned my hand on the bed and pulled away to look at me. 

"Play later." He pressed himself into me for emphasis.

Indeed. 

Hinayaan ko siyang angkinin ang mga labi ko. The kiss was open and deep, a clash of tongues. I locked my legs around his back. He nudged at my entrance and I paused.  

"Play later," I said into his mouth. 

Raven laughed and then he slid in. And in. And in. His length filling me so deeply. And I gasped as he finally settled and I could hardly breathe, hardly think beyond where our bodies were joined. 

He planted a soft kiss on my forehead as he said, "We have all the time to enjoy each other but for now..." He trusted and I let out a moan. 

"Let me have you." 

* * *