A Shade of Midnight

THIRTEEN

"Do you think you can send this to the West?" I said to Mel as she was busy flipping through the pages of her book. Tumingin siya sa akin at sa papel na hawak ko.

"If you're exchanging love letters with Matthew Guderian then I suggest you ask Raven to send it. I would love to see him getting pissed off."

Hindi na ako nagtanong kung bakit maiinis si Raven because I know it would become a debate.

"This isn't a love letter. This is my response to that letter he sent yesterday."

"You have mobile phones. Why are you sending letters? And to think that the West is the most innovative court in Sandovia, I am surprised that he is sending letters instead of just beeping your phone or perhaps appearing in front of you in a hologram."

May punto nga naman si Mel pero hindi naman alam ni Matthew kung paano ako kontakin sa telepono. And besides, I think the letter was a more formal approach.

"We don't know how to reach each other through mobile phones," I said. "Please? Al said you're the one who could do it."

Tumingin naman si Mel sa akin. Naalala ko pa ang una naming pagkikita. Mel is intimidating. She is a petite woman and yet she has incredible presence. Na para bang isang tingin nito sa iyo ay luluhod ka na. One could definitely tell at a glance that she isn't just an ordinary woman. 

"Why don't you ask Raven to do that for you?"

Iyon na nga ang plano ko kanina nang magising ako. But I woke up too late dahil matapos kong magpunta sa kwarto ni Raven ay nanatili akong gising hanggang mag alas tres na ng umaga. Hindi ko na siya naabutan kaninang umaga. 

I was bored and I couldn't sleep. But deep inside, I knew that I was just listening to the surroundings. Listening to Raven in case he has nightmares again. Because I had been like that. My nightmares would haunt me at least once every night and I could never get used to it. Nakaupo lang ako sa kama, anxiously crumpling Matthew's letter.

I remember the words that floated right into my mind as I saw him. Hindi ko namalayan na nagsusulat na ako sa papel na hawak. After Meredith, after what had happened, I found myself unable to write. It was once my passion. The one that kept me going. Ngunit sa isang iglap, nawala ang gana kong gawin ang bagay na iyon. But that night, I wrote the exact words and I was proud of what I had done. It was gradual but I was healing. I am healing.

"Raven was already gone when I woke up," I said. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan siya nagpunta. Ngunit may nakita akong note sa bedside table and judging from the elegant handwriting and the content, I knew it was from Raven.

Thank you—for last night.

Iyon ang nakasulat sa note na iniwan niya.

Narinig ko namang nagbuntong-hininga si Mel at saka niya inilahad ang kanyang kamay sa akin. "Give that to me," she said. Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang liham ngunit nagulat naman ako nang bigla niyang buksan iyon. Binasa niya ang laman ng liham. Nang matapos si Mel ay tumingin siya sa akin.

"Taking matters into your own hands?"

"Well, I was planning to tell Raven about it but I didn't see him and since you're his second then maybe you might want to tell me what you think."

She looked at me for a second longer before she grinned from ear to ear.

"Raven's cunningness has rubbed off on you. This is clever. I will send this right away."

"So you know about the letter that Matthew sent to Raven?"

"Yes."

"And he convinced you not to wipe the whole West court off the map?"

Mel's eyes flicked up. "He did no such thing. That convinced me not to start anything with the West." Itinuro niya ang kanyang table at doon ko nakita ang isang pamilyar na kwintas. It was ornated with diamonds and rubies. It was one of the necklaces inside the West's cove of treasures. Napakunot ang noo kong napatingin kay Mel.

"How...?" I don't want to think that Mel stole this from the cove but she did tell me once that the jewels in the Wests' cove were so pretty they would be enough reason for her to destroy the whole court and take all of them for herself.

Mel smiled to herself. "Adameon sent it to me. I guess it was his way of apology for what Matthew had decided."

I stared at the rubies on her table. I thought they would look good to be worn by a mighty female and I could think of no mightier female than the one in front of me.

"You and Adameon...?"

"He was tempting, but no. He couldn't even decide if he hates me or wants me."

"Why can't it be both?"

Mel let out a low chuckle. "Indeed."

I stared at her as she placed my letter in another envelope. Humarap siya sa akin. "Your letter shall be delivered."

***

It was afternoon and Raven is still nowhere to be found. Although sigurado akong may inasikaso siayng mahalagang bagay kaya naman kinuha ko ang cellphone ko.

What do the tattooed stars and castle on your knees mean?

Matagal siayng sumagot. Nakapagbihis na ako at nakakain ng tanghalian and I was about to lounge in the balcony when my phone beeped. Agad ko naman iyong binuksan.

That I will bow before no one and nothing but my crown.

I scoffed and then typed, So dramatic.

I could already imagine his laugh as he was reading our conversation.

So you have seen me naked last night. How can I be sure that you were just looking at my knees?

Napanganga ako habang binabasa ang sagot niya. Agad naman akong pinamulahan ng mukha. Because I did stop myself from looking down and I failed.

They got my attention more. I bit my lip as I hit the send button. My phone beeped again.

You've been challenging me these days. Iyon ang naging huli niyang sagot bago ko inilagay ang phone sa mesa at at nagsimula nalang magbasa.

Nang dumating ang gabi, nasa sala kami ni Al. Agad naman naming narinig ang malakas na tawa ni Bryen at alam kong sina Raven na ang paparating. Hindi naman ako nagkamali. Pumasok sina Raven, Az, at Bryen sa loob habang puno ng nyebe ang buhok.

"Gods above," Al exclaimed as he looked at the three Valyrian men. "Where have you been?"

Walang sumagot sa tatlo and Bryen and Az immediately removed their coats and lounged on the couch. Napatingin ako kay Raven who has his eyes on me. I gave him a smile.

Maya-maya pa ay bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Mel.

"Is there a dinner or what?" tanong ni Bry.

"Shut your mouth, Bryen," bungad naman ni Mel. Sinamaan lang ni Bryen ng tingin si Mel. Raven stood in front of them at napatinign naman kaming lahat sa kanya.

"Azrael have been successful on his task to talk to the three Queens," Raven started. Nakita ko namang napangiwi si Aliana.

"In this coming war, we will need every power we can get. The three Queens doesn't follow any clan so they will be hard to convince."

"We don't need them, Raven. Let them do things their own way and die this coming war." Mel did not even blink as she said it. Raven rolled his tongue inside his mouth.

"Besides, Delta has already convinced Matthew Guderian to join the alliance even without the other courts." Lumingon si Mel sa akin. "Right, Delta?"

Napalunok naman ako nang makitang nakatingin silang lahat sa akin. I suddenly felt anxious. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang ginawa ko ngunit sa nakikita ko sa ekspresyon ni Mel ay mukhang tama naman iyon. When I looked at Raven, he was looking at me curiously.

"He told me he wants to give me an island in the West and if I don't want it then I can ask for anything else. So I asked something that I think would be helpful."

Bryen tipped his head back and laughed and it was Al who said, "Normally, I would have complained how Raven's cunningness has rubbed off on you but then this time, this is different. Only Delta can bring High Lords to their knees." Tumingin si Al kay Raven and the latter just shook his head, a hint of a smile on his face. He then looked at me.

"Thank you, Delta."

"So we really don't need the three Queens, do we?" Al asked. Raven crossed his arms.

"Still, we have to go and honor the chance they gave us. If they want to fight with us then good. If they don't then they're all on their own." It was a cold statement but I know it as the truth.

"When is this Court planning to meet with the three Queens?" tanong ni Bryen.

"We will be going the next week. I have another task for Az to do and the rest of us is going there." Raven looked at us, waiting for any reaction or ay other suggestions ngunit tahimik ang lahat.

"Very well, then. Let's go out and eat."

***

Thus began a week of waiting. Waiting for the meeting with these Queens. Hidi ko alam kung ano ang bagay na pinapagawa ni Raven kay Az pero sinabi ni Al sa akin na maski sila ay hindi rin iyon alam. They trust Raven and Az enough to do what they needed to do. At dahil abala na si Az sa ibang bagay, alam kong nangangat na si Al na imbitahan si Az na uminom. It was their routine before. The three of them—Bry, Az, and Al. But getting Azrael to take any time or himself that didn't involve work or training was nearly impossible. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na masyadong overworked itong si Az. No one is telling him to overwork himself, of course. But Al said it had always been Azrael's nature.

Kaya naman nang makita koi sang gabi na papunta silang tatlo ni Bryen at Az sa bar na suki nila ay hindi ko mapigilang magtaka kung paano nakumbinsi ni Aliana si Azrael na magpunta roon. Al merely informed me that it took her years to get him to do that.

During mornings, I would visit Raven's other house kung saan natutulog sina Bry at Az. Mel, Aliana, and me have rooms there too but I prefer Raven's townhouse. Nang makarating ako sa bahay ay agad nagsimula ang training naming ni Bry. Bryen pointed out all the foods I should be eating to gain back my lost weight to become strong and swift again.

As days passed, we focused on physical defense to learning how to wield a Valyrian blade. The weapon was so fine and sharp that I almost wounded Bryen accidentally.

Ngunit pinag-aralan ko kung paano gamitin iyon. It was hard to use and I learned it slowly. Painfully. Matapos ang training, I've had small cuts and bruises on my skin which Bryen calls my trophies. That's what happens every morning.

Sa tanghali naman, if Raven was around, I would train with him. He would casually throw me history lessons about Sandovia and then he goes from the bigger picture to the smallest detail while I throw punches at him and he defends it. He tells me about the different High Lords and their courts. Nang matapos siya sa pagdidiscuss ay tinatanong niya ako tungkol sa mga sinabi niya. It was exhausting because I had to use my body and mind at the same time, racking my brain with his history lesson while I think of a way on how to take him down. He had infused each lesson with every bit of information he deemed necessary that I should know. I learned about the other court's politics and histories. Every day, my training with Raven was filled with that and every night, I am too exhausted that I would immediately tumble into a heavy sleep.

Even my nightmare was too tired to haunt me.

And on the days when Raven is called elsewhere, most of the time in the Court of Darkness, I would sit with Mel and read, or stroll with Aliana through Varsis. Mas gusto ko ang ginagawa namin ni Aliana and I couldn't help but be impressed at how she spends her money na para bang katapusan na ng mundo bukas. Sinabihan niya akong mamili ng gusto ko ngunit wala naman akong makita na gusto kong bilhin. And when I did found a leatherbound notebook, agad ko iyong pinulot. Raven told me that I am part of the list of people who are allowed to use the Lancel household credit. But I decided to use my own salary and that's when I saw my account. That's when I realized how Raven was grossly overpaying me.

I tried not to be disappointed on those afternoons that he was gone. I also denied to myself that I'd begun looking forward to our training and our banters. But even as he was gone, he would talk to me on the phone that has become our strange little secret.

Isang araw, habang nasa Valyrian camp siya ay nakatanggap ako ng mensahe mula sa kanya. He was there to monitor that Valyrian warriors and also to visit the temples and to discuss with the priestesses about the rebuilding of the temples destroyed by Liberian forces. Nang malaman ko ang tungkol sa mga priestess, naalala ko kaagad si Nereza but he said that none of the priestesses were like Nereza.

Tell me about that poem you wrote on that scratch paper.

I read his message. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. How did he know about it? And as if answering my question, I read his next message.

I read it ACCIDENTALLY on your table that morning after you saw me naked.

Namula naman ang mukha ko sa sinabi niya.

There's not much to say. I replied.

Tell me about it anyway.

Napaisip pa ako kung alam ba niya na siya ang tinutukoy ko doon. I sighed and then started typing my response.

It means you are a masterpiece, Raven. Despite the pain and the guilt and the broken pieces, you are beautiful. That's what it was all about.

It had taken him a long time to respond but then he said, And you said there's not much to say.

I bit my lip, trying to contain the smile on my lips.

Did you always want to be a High Lord?

Another lengthy pause. Yes. And no. I have seen how my father ruled and I knew that I needed to become a different High Lord. I want to protect my people, change the perception of the Valyrians and eliminate the corruption plaguing this land.

At hindi ko napigilang ikumpara silang dalawa ni Maxim. Maxim didn't want to become a High Lord. He was forced to become a High Lord. He resented it. At baka nga iyon ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ganoon nalang nag South Court. But Raven, with his will, desire, and passion, he built something. The trust of her people, and a family he can trust.

It was wat Raven had seen in Matthew. Matthew is another High Lord with a vision like him. Kaya siguro niya nasabing gusto niyang kaibiganin si Matthew.

I wrote back. At least you make up for your shameless flirting by being one hell of a High Lord.

Umuwi siya nang gabing iyon na nakangiti sa akin. I was washing the dishes in the kitchen. He leaned by the kitchen door and crossed his arms.

"One hell of a High Lord?" he said by way of greeting. I rolled my eyes and took a cup of water at saka iyon itinapon sa direksyon niya. Hindi man lang siya umilag. Instead, he walked in front of me and shook his wet hair like a dog spraying me until I yelped and darted away.

His laughter had chased me up the stairs.

* * *