Kissed by Fire (Book 5 of Wolves of Milano)

18.Bad dreams

Mateo stares at his reflexion in the bathroom mirror. He can’t sleep. Nothing he did today warranted his insomnia. It must be something else. His past haunts him every time he closes his eyes. He knows he should sleep. He’s been up for most of the last 48 hours. He has to do something to stop thinking all together. Joga used to help, but lately he’s been in a spiral. He can’t clear his mind enough. He is so tired he can’t think straight, but the thoughts are all jumbled up. His mind keeps jumping from the past to the present. From Lyana to his father. From his books to real murder. The wolf’s murder plans don’t help at all in his efort to not think. Sometimes, he thinks, his wolf does it deliberately. Just as he gets halfway to sleep, the wolf brings up another idea.

‘What? I have the best ideas when you sleep.’ The wolf scoffs.

‘But, do you have to share them right then? Can’t it wait till morning?’ Mateo inquires of his wolf. They have the same conversation time and time again.

‘I can forget till morning.’ The wolf shrugs.

‘Can we make a deal? I’ll let you out for a few hours tomorrow if you let me sleep one night.” Mateo tries to bribe his wolf.

‘Tempting. I can be quiet for one night.’ The wolf snickers. He likes the idea of a few hours of relative freedom. ‘But I’m not responsible for your dreams. Keep in mind that I have no influence on what you dream about.’

‘Fair warning. Can we go to sleep now?’ He asks. He’s having trouble standing, he’s so tired.

Since there is no answer from the wolf, he thinks he might try it. Just getting to the bed is a chore. He slips under the covers very carefully. He doesn’t want to wake Lyana. At least she can sleep normally. He is thinking if the nightmares will go away once he tells her everything. He told Elio about it. He’s sure his mother remembers the real event now. She hinted about it, but she hasn’t confronted him yet. Maybe she won’t? She hasn’t called him out on anything. But she made him paint the walls.

He closes his eyes and leans back against his pillow. The quiet breathing from his side is calming him. Lyana is still peacefully asleep. He can catch her rhythm and drift off. Blessed sleep is his last coherent thought.

He’s in wolf form, jumping all over his room. The attic is great for this. Nobody can see him here. He strolls to the window to look out. He wonders what the garden looks like through a wolf's eyes. There is a man down there. He’s arguing with his mother. The guy looks angry. He can’t make out the words. Wasn’t wolf hearing supposed to be better? Is the distance to blame? Should he go down there? What could he do anyway? Show support to his mother? He had two lessons in self defence till now, he’s practically useless.

‘As a human, yes.’ His wolf chuckles. The sound is unnerving. He had never heard his wolf talk before. He knows you can communicate with the animal part after your first shift, but he never asked how that works.

‘Suggestions?’ He asks. Not sure that this is a good idea. What does the wolf part know? He didn’t exist a few hours ago.

‘You really think that? And yes, I can hear your thoughts.’ The wolf responds.

‘I feel like that man down there is wrong. He shouldn’t be here.’ He says quietly.

‘You don’t have to whisper inside your own head. Nobody can hear it, but me.’ The wolf scoffs. ‘I know that man doesn’t belong. He’s not pack.’

‘We can creep down the stairs and through the kitchen. The latch on the back door is broken. That is a way out.’ He tells the wolf.

‘Mom is in danger.’ The wolf growls. That sound can be heard. It’s quiet though. The man outside probably didn’t hear it. The argument with his mother is loud.

He pads silently down the stairs and thanks God for the runner. His claws would make too much sound on the wood. The carpet in the hall saves him again. No sound. He crouches low and slides behind the kitchen island. The door is right there. The lock is unlocked and he knows he only needs to push it out and he’s in the garden. The man is shouting now. He’s angry and too close to his mother. She is calm and answers in a quiet tone. She doesn’t want to agitate the man. She even steps a bit to the side. Never back down to an angry wolf, but sideways motion is not considered backing down. His mom has been Luna since his grandmother died. Father will take over the Alpha position soon. Is this what the argument is all about? But the man is not from their pack.

The wolf lets out a silent growl. His canines are showing. He can see his own reflection in the glass of the back door. The dark red fur is magnificent, but the blood red eyes are a bit scary. He knows he’s looking at his own self, but the human part is slightly put off by the eyes. All wolves in their pack have golden eyes. Why doesn’t he? Maybe he should ask his mother later? He creeps a bit closer to the door. He doesn’t like how close the man got to his mother. Why doesn’t she shift and scare him off? She’s got more experience than he does. Why doesn’t she fight?

He can see her wobble slightly. What did the man do? Was he holding something? He can’t let him hurt his mother! The wolf jumps up and through the door like a bullet. He is a blur of red and teeth. He’s on the man in seconds. He can hear a muffled scream. The man can’t do much, because he tore his throat out on the first bite. The blood is splattered all over his fur. The human part feels disgust, but the wolf revels in it. He tilts his head slightly and watches the man die. Then he turns to his mother. She is standing there, frozen to the spot. He can’t smell fear, but she is in shock.

‘Let me deal with her.’ The wolf says.

‘What will you do? Don’t kill her!’ He shouts at the wolf. He struggles for control, but the wolf is too strong. The blood is all over. He can taste it… He can see it. It shines bright red in the sun.

Mateo shoots up in the bed. He gasps for air. He has the bitter, coppery taste of blood in his mouth. The dream is back! That damn dream that haunts his nights. The memory that creeps up on him during the day. The guilt he feels because he made his mother believe she did it. He glances at Lyana. She is still asleep. Her breathing hasn’t changed at all. He creeps to the bathroom before he starts making any noises. He has to brush his teeth to get rid of the taste. How come he still remembers it? It’s been close to fifteen years. Why can’t he leave this behind? Maybe he should go talk with mom about this? The unresolved thing between them is weighing him down.

He takes notice of the time. A slow smile creeps onto his face. He managed to sleep for five hours before the dream woke him up. A miracle for him. He might as well get some work done and then prepare breakfast for Lyana. He can even make her croissants from scratch instead of those frozen ones. He likes to bake simple pastries. He lacks the patience for the more complex creations, so he buys those from aunt Marra. He smiles at the thought that springs up. He saw that Kara is opening her own sweet shop in Switzerland. She made the separation from Rialto and created a name for herself. In a different country, but still. He’s happy for her.

“Did you sleep at all?” Lyana asks when she sees the croissants. “These smell homemade. And they look better.”

“Yes, nurse.” He chuckles. He likes to tease her when she gets all serious. “I slept for five hours. It’s a step up for me. So I decided to treat you to some homemade cooking for breakfast.”

“You are the best.” She smiles at him. “Have you thought about lunch on Sunday? I know Nina eats just about everything. But, what about cat shifters? They are the same as us, right? Human for the most part?”

“Yes. I was thinking of a nice roast and a few sides. Do we have to get lettuce for Nina? I’m cringing just thinking about it.” He tells her. Wolves have a natural born distaste for green vegetables. He’s no exception.

“Bleh… Don’t. For me. I bet she won’t miss it.” Lyana cringes. “Get radicchio or tomatoes. Anything, really. It’s all up to you. I have been telling her about your cooking skills. She is excited to see what you come up with.”

“I’ll do my best. I can go shopping later.” He winks at her. He knows she is relieved that he can help with the budget, but he also knows it’s not enough. He has to tell her more. Soon, he thinks. Her patience will run out eventually. He’s seen her determination about this matter. She is ready to break their hearts and leave.

“Oh, no!” She exclaims while looking at her phone.

“What happened?” Mateo leans closer to her. He doesn’t look at her phone. Reading private messages is just wrong.

“Nina wrote that her son is down with something. They might not make it.” She looks up at him. Is that disappointment he sees?

“How old is the kid? Can’t he stay alone for a few hours?” He wonders.

“Lan is turning sixteen in a week.” She answers. “Oh! You think his first shift is coming up? That would make him feel sick.”

“It’s possible. Tell her to bring him with. We can manage one leopard if he shifts here.” He answers. “She probably doesn’t realise it. Sixteen is nothing special in human terms, but it means a lot for shifters.”

“I will explain it to her later. If Davide doesn’t beat me to it.” Lyana smiles.

He’s got some thinking to do later. But first, he needs to honour his word and let the wolf out. The park around the mansion is his playground. He kisses Lyana before she leaves for work. Then he cleans the kitchen and drives over to the mansion. Giving Vito his breakfast is just a routine now. He stopped waiting around to see if he’ll eat it or not. He’s got other things to do. Like giving his wolf a few hours of freedom. He doesn’t need to keep a close watch on what the animal does. He can’t get out of the park.

‘I thought you trust me?’ The wolf whines.

‘Not one bit. I trust the fence.’ Mateo scoffs.

‘Will you trust me if I don’t go near the fence?’ The animal asks. He’s sniffing around the tools shed.

‘Maybe. We’ll see.’ Mateo answers. He wonders what the wolf’s game is.

‘I’m not playing at anything.’ His wolf tells him. ‘I just want to run.’

‘Sure. Go ahead.’ Mateo responds. He promised a few hours, so he’ll give his wolf that. He can think up a good menu for Sunday lunch. And maybe something to tell Lyana. He told her about the writing and his games. She asked about the wolf. Could he show her? How would she react? His wolf is different. Can he trust the wolf not to hurt her? He could make her stand outside the glass door in their kitchen. The double-paned glass is tough enough.

‘Yes. Do that. I want to see her with my own eyes.’ The wolf stops his running.

‘Can I trust you with her?’ He wonders.

‘She’s my mate. I would never hurt my mate.’ The wolf scoffs.

‘We’ll see.’ Mateo smiles in private. She might run. Or she might not. Lyana is full of surprises lately.